


Know It Ain't Right

by loire, meeokie



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: A long af Final Fantasy fanfic from Hell, Angst, Commander Squall, Denial of Feelings, Dirty Talk, Here's your ticket for the Doomtrain straight to shipping Hell, Hot-and-still-looks-27 years old President Laguna, Laguna is a nerd, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Porn With Plot, Romance, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Squall being Squall, YOLO, elements of BDSM
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 22:03:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 125,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3545378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loire/pseuds/loire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/meeokie/pseuds/meeokie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hated feeling like this, hated that one touch could bring him spiraling back into his depression - that he didn't deserve someone else's attention. He loathed that he even craved attention and often ignored his own need, throwing himself into his work and pretending everything was fine, when it really was never. </p><p>So why did it matter now?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Closedown

**Author's Note:**

> ALL ABOARD THE DOOMTRAIN STRAIGHT TO SHIPPING HELL.
> 
> So here's a few things we needed to make a note of: this fanfic is a roleplay collab with Meeokie and IS NOT entirely canon compliant with FF8. We've used the universe and only parts of the game's storyline. Balamb is functioning, Squall is still Commander of Balamb Garden and Laguna is still president of Esthar. Squall's age has been bumped up to 21 for extra smolder and Laguna's is 40, however he still looks 27 (basically his Presidential appearance in Dissidia). We are also completely disregarding any implied paternity and using time compression as our excuse for them not being related/not knowing that they are related. Whichever you choose.
> 
> A multi-chapter fic in which Squall and Laguna explore feelings with lots of leather and gunmetal in-between.
> 
> Playlist: http://8tracks.com/xloire/know-it-ain-t-right
> 
> \---
> 
> I'm running out of time  
> I'm out of step and closing down  
> And never sleep for wanting hours  
> The empty hours of greed
> 
> And uselessly always the need  
> To feel again the real belief  
> Of something more than mockery  
> If only I could fill my heart with love

The sun was still burning over the horizon and across the translucent, crystal turquoise roofs and glassy streets of Esthar City. The pale tint of orange had just the right intensity of light and affluent color that it calmed him as he sat at the bar with both elbows propped onto the bar-top before him; one hand holding a glass of straight whiskey. Emerald hues gazed out of a window as the sunglow blazed through the lounge, his worn yet still youthful features settled and serene.

No thoughts seemed to linger in his mind as he took in the view from where he sat, of the city that was still so busy despite the winding hours. Although he had off most of the day thanks to the holiday, Laguna had only arrived less than an hour or so ago. Coming to the bar had not been a part of his plans, for more than conspicuous reasons, but for some reason... That was all he could think about it once he had gotten back to his quarters at the Presidential Palace. 

And so, here he was--but he hadn't left without  _telling anyone_  where he had gone to. No, Laguna was more sensible than that.

So he had set a hand-written note on his dresser letting anyone who might would attempt to check up on him know that he had gone into the city. If he had left it on his desk, that would have taken all the fun out of it for being left in such an obvious place.

Slowly, he exhaled as his eyes finally drifted closed and he turned his face back to the glass in his hand. Tipping his drink towards him, his lips met the crystal rim before he took another sip of the warm whiskey that soothed his throat more than anything. The flavor wasn't quite as familiar as he would have liked, yet for that he was also thankful.

He had done well to avoid any memories that would linger around a lounge like this despite the vast differences between both. The bar of the hotel had been very small with warm, muted colors of gold and red; a contrast to the prismatic, pastel and gold shades that made up the entirety of the large bar here. In fact, there was scarcely anything about Deling City that could be compared to Esthar City and both have something mutual to share.

So then, he wondered, why would he get the urge to come  _here_? He could have gone shopping; he could have simply wandered around a city he didn't really ever have much of a chance to visit, yet he had felt compelled to come to the bar instead. Laguna had to admit, it had its own sort of charm; or perhaps that was just him being use to the city's sundry array of lustrous and iridescent designs. Things here might have been flashy, but there was definitely a standard here that not a lot of cities could boast.

Streets so clean that the long robes of the national dress would never dirty? Glass, roofs and windows always so immaculate?

And truth be told, Laguna had tested all of that out himself  _just to make sure_ dirt or debris would never linger for too long.

It really was an incredible place.

"Would you care for another,  _Mr. President_?"

"Hm?"

Pulled away from staring blankly toward the window, Laguna's emerald eyes blinked quickly as he tried to fixate on who was speaking to him. When he lifted his face back up, he found the same bartender who had served him earlier standing on the other side of the bar with a small smile on his face. With that same blank stare, all that Laguna could do was gaze back at him for several silent, awkward moments before his features suddenly brightened with realization.

"-- _Oh!_ Yeah, sure!"

Eyes crinkled as they closed, a familiar, ever-there smile touching his lips as he held out his glass for the bartender to take. Of course, it wouldn't be re-utilized. Laguna would be given a new glass but full of the same whiskey as before. It wasn't just a show of respect to a title he never asked for; the people of Esthar City were just  _so clean_.

Sighing, Laguna crossed one arm in front of himself on top of the bar while the other raised as to allow one side of his face to nestle into the palm of a hand. With the bartender away preparing him another drink, his attention was now averted from the window and across the bar; it looked to have began filling up with patrons now that most were beginning to get off of work--if they hadn't had the day off as well. 

There was some music playing low in the background, the sound of chatter slowly overwhelming it. He didn't really focus on any one particular thing, instead allowing everything around him to numb his mind pleasantly for the time being while the warmth of alcohol continued to radiate throughout his entire core. The bar was pleasant and it was a welcome venture to leave the palace for once. But for others, their day would be--

_'Fuck.'_

Squall held his sigh and opted to run his left hand through his bangs, pushing them back and dropping his hand to his lap as the sound of the wheels releasing and locking into place filled his ears. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his heart, noticing the slight increase as he breathed in and out from his nose. He quietly cursed Quistis; why did she pick him of all people to go on such a meaningless mission? Any of the other senior students could have just as easily been in his place - information gathering wasn't exactly a risky operation. She had just given him her small smile and adjusted her glasses, pushing some of her golden hair behind an ear.

"You look like you need to get away anyway. I know I can count on you to complete this in a timely fashion."

_'Yeah, because I just love traveling.'_

It wasn't the fact that he was in the air that bothered him; it was the take off and landing that caused the uneasiness, the slight anxiety that something would go terribly wrong. It was the sounds, the pull as they took off, the way his stomach felt like it hit the back of the seat. The landing was only slightly better; the realization if they spontaneously caught fire at least it was somewhat close to the ground. Maybe the impact on land would kill him quick, verses the horrid thought of free falling in the air watching yourself come closer and closer unable to control your body until everything stopped.

The ship jerked and rattled as the wheels scraped against the asphalt and the pilot hit the breaks. Squall finally let his sigh out, not realizing he was holding it in the first place. Another day, another successful landing; the same responsibility to be alive and care about his well-being. He quickly released the belt at his lap, paying no attention to the blinking orange light above his gaze, only skimming the eyes of the shuttle attendant who was obviously not pleased with his attitude or demeanor. 

_'Whatever.'_

 At least they had put him in first class - God knows the 'school' made enough money from the never ending flow of dangerous missions it threw onto the student's backs. He would never complain; the money was sufficient and he had a cruel need to dance with death every now and again. In this particular case, the money happened to be double what was considered normal; whoever fucked up must have done a grand job if even a minimal amount of information on the past would be rewarded in bulk.

Popping the overhead compartment, he grabbed the small battered black leather satchel and swung it over one arm, standing in the isle waiting for the door to open and the glaring attendant to step out of the way so he could get the fuck out of the metal death trap and into some fresh air. Quistis had already briefed him on where he would be staying and assured that anything needed for the mission would be in the room long before he arrived in the city. 

Refusing to pay the attendant any attention at all, Squall brushed past her, looking only straight ahead grateful he was the first off. 

"Have a nice evening  _sir_ , I hope you enjoyed the flight and Horizon Airlines looks forward to having you again!"

_'Yeah, I'm sure.'_

His pace quickened as he walked through the small airport, if you could even call it that. It was more similar to a hotel reception desk flagged on both sides with a small cafe and area to pick up larger luggage. The landing area itself wasn't just for civilian planes and shuttles - anything that flew could technically land here with the proper permissions from the government. No security checkpoint existed here either, although the grand doors to the entrance held an eerie blue light that sufficiently scanned every single person leaving or entering the building. Guards also stood to each side of the doors, clad in full armor with machine guns at their waists, eyes forward looking towards nothing. 

He moved through the blue beam with ease, fully aware that his status with Balamb Garden would be carried over into whatever information system the airport had. No one would question the standard order gun in his satchel or emergency knife snuggly hidden in his right boot. A small frown formed on his lips; the perks of being a SeeD.

That frown was quickly erased however as his eyebrows furrowed slightly stepping away from the doors, finally outside. He raised his free had to his eyes, ineffectively shielding them from the blinding light caused by the setting sun.

Everything was so fucking blue - the sun doubled the annoyance reflecting off the tall skyscrapers and rammed it straight into his eyes.

_'Are you fucking kidding me, who made this shit city?'_

Perhaps on a different day, a different year, a decade from now....he would have stepped out of that building and looked fondly out at the breathtaking sight before him. Esthar City was truly like no other. Squall had been shipped around plenty during missions and had the honor of visiting many different towns and cities; none of them came close in size, technology, or architecture. However, today was today. He was tired and emotionally drained from being on edge the entire flight over. The city glared back at him for his foul mood, as if it was offended he refused to bow to the alluring curves and soothing color palette.

His gaze met the ground in front of him shoulders sagging slightly, a small puff of a sigh escaping his lips over the realization the streets mirrored the rest of the city, glaring blue.

_'I need to relax. I need a drink.'_

Raising up again, his blue eyes darted to an illuminated sight across the street, a few shops down to the right from where he was standing. He moved again, his stride slightly relaxed now as he no longer had to worry about where to go or getting lost in this new place; the liquor would loosen him up and he could just call for a cab to dump him in front of the hotel. Technically, the mission didn't start until tomorrow. Technically, a bar might be full of people that had free information as well. Technically, he didn't much care right now, stress was eating away at the spot between his shoulder blades and the only true thing to cure that was whiskey.

Squall's hand gripped the well worn handle, the door opening to a soothing looking interior, his eyes only surveying for a quick moment to take notice of the location and amount of people in the establishment. His boots softly clicked against the floor, zoning in on a free seat at the main bar. He sat down quietly, tugging his leather bag off his shoulder and letting it land on the floor between his legs as he raised his elbows to the bar top and folded his hands together in front of him, letting his head rest against well worn leather gloves. His brown locks fell forward slightly, hiding his face as he let out an audible sigh, trying to force himself to relax before trying to calculate how expensive each drink would be and how much he would need to consume to destress himself.

Warmth hit Laguna's palate with that smoky, earthy flavor he had become acquainted with in his short time here. He exhaled slowly as his eyes drifted closed again, allowing the liquor to flow down his throat to warm the entirety of his body from the depths of his chest. Something in the back of his mind told him that what he was use to was something much sweeter, but the smoldering taste reminded him of that dark bar full of laughter, cigarette smoke and a smooth perfume full of vetiver and red roses. And while that taste might have been foreign, it brought a pleasant ache to his heart that still managed to make him smile so sweetly; softly. Beryl-toned eyes slowly fell closed again as he raised the glass to his lips once more, carefully sipping on his whiskey with a little more gratitude than before. 

Perhaps coming to the bar had been the right decision after all.

It was certainly doing wonders to melt away the stress of the day; the week; the month;  _the year_.

So while Laguna was distracted with thoughts, he didn't immediately take notice of the youth clad in black leather who had strode right on in through the front door. The soft, luminous glow of neon blue that radiated from beneath the bar-top, across the walls, from the ceiling above; all contrasted by a warm glow from diffused tangerine-colored backdrop lights. The sun was still setting which gave the bar a darker appearance despite the luminosity of radiant lights and the occasional electrical circuit that faded in and out with an equally bright indigo shade. But at least in here, Squall couldn't complain about being blinded by refracted light shining off of crystal castles, towers, and skyscrapers. Instead, he could take solace and wind down in the calming hues of electric teals against smooth, cool silver.

The bar was packed by now with night drawing closer as the sun vanished over the edge of the city, yet the bar itself seemed rather unoccupied. Tables and booths on either the first and second levels of the lounge were filling up fast with groups of friends and acquaintances meeting up to celebrate a holiday that most actually toasted to their current president; all for helping to restore peace to their city. If it hadn't been for him, they wouldn't live such harmonious lives in a grand of a city as theirs. 

It was those cheers that brought Laguna right back to reality, dragging him out from the depths of his own mind that he had somehow gotten lost in. Dark eyebrows rose up high upon his forehead while a blank stare shot across the bar before him. The motion of a bartender moved into his line of sight and Laguna's gaze was soon fixated upon his form as the other male seemed to be moving down the bar to greet a new patron. Slowly, he settled his hand and glass back down onto the crystal bar-top that glittered with a million different white lights of various circular sizes beneath the pane of clear glass as he sat up a bit more straight in his own seat. What he saw soon had him lifting a brow once again.

' _This guy looks way too serious_.  _Who rolls into a bar dressed up in **all black**?_ '

Did it matter that he once walked into a bar--on numerous occasions--dressed entirely in his military uniform?

Not at all.

Laguna settled his face back into the palm of his hand as he continued to observe Squall, catty-cornered from where he was sitting.  _So much black_ ; and it looked like it was all leather, too. The fur trim had to be white but seemed to glow blue thanks to all the lighting. Carefully strumming two fingers against the glass of his whiskey, Laguna hummed softly to himself as he pressed his cheek farther into his hand as if attempting to break his own contact with Squall's form. But the guy just looked so... _miserable_. Really? Someone in Esthar City could be  _miserable_?

' _That's pretty interesting_.  _Must be a tourist_.'

But it wasn't really any of  _his_ business. At least for now; but curiosity truly was getting the better of him as he took one more glance towards the bartender and Squall, but couldn't really hear any sort of verbal exchange between the pair. The whiskey was lifted back up to his mouth for another small sip then settled back onto the bar again, eyes flickering back and forth between the other male at the bar and the bartender who had opted to serve the rather lackluster-looking youth.

And Squall could already feel the gaze of someone near drilling into the side of his head.

_'Perfect. Already?'_

Squall knew he didn't exactly fit in with the rest of the citizens, as to be expected. Most of them exhibited elaborate dress, both sexes, that somehow accented the city's aesthetic. Smooth pearlescent silks, golden accents with hints of blue and purple, all thrown together to look casual yet ceremonial. The people here must have plenty of Gil to spare dressed in such a way. That or the standard for fashion was just far more advanced than in Balamb, which was entirely possible considering it was essentially an island. He did notice a few other patrons peppered throughout the groups that did not dress in such a way, so he wasn't entirely out of place. One of them just so happened to be to the left of him at the bar, staring like he had never seen another male in his lifetime. 

His eyes still shut, forehead resting against his hands, Squall fumed over the mission and its specifics.

Headmaster Cid's son was missing, however that was not the issue. Cid Jr. had a knack for disappearing months at a time, only to return to the Garden as if nothing happened, sometimes with a new girlfriend, or boyfriend, attached to his young hand. The headmaster had reprimanded him the first few times these innocence journeys happened. Now he just expected and lived with them, since the kid always seemed to return. The headmaster would never cut off the money flow, or get rid of the cars and jets. He was too carefree, too accepting. Squall would have cut off the kid long ago, but that was none of his business.

_'Wait, does that guy have house slippers on in a bar?'_

This time he didn't return. To add to the dilemma, the Garden seemed to have a string of increasing missions coming directly from this continent, all surrounding Esthar City, but never directly within the city. They were all the same story: stolen goods, thugs prepositioning small shop owners to pay for protection, and money disappearing from banks. Normally the Garden council would not be so proactive on such a case, if it were not the fact that Cid Jr. happened to mention to one of his companions at the Garden that he planned to visit an old friend in Esthar City before he disappeared longer than normal. 

_'Those are for sure house slippers. I know what I saw when I walked in.'_

Quistis had been monumentally unhelpful with the mission details. "Look, no one has any solid information yet, this is too new. All I can give you to help is two names - Biggs and Wedge."

Squall had felt uneasy after that conversation. On most cases, SeeD's would get a full detail and history of any possible related information. This time, nothing other than the fact that similar missions kept coming in. Nothing useful to Squall anyway. He imagined himself walking up to every patron in the bar one after the other and inquiring, "Excuse me, have you seen Biggs and Wedge and/or a Cid Jr. lately?" A small smirk tiled his lips upward, no one able to see as his face was hidden in his hands.

_Useless._

"Good evening, sir... What may I get for you this evening? Or would you perhaps like a menu?"

He looked up, releasing his hand and shifting them down to the bar top, his blue eyes meeting the fixed look the bartender was giving him.

_'Are those fucking contacts? This city is bizarre. Not bad though...'_

The bartender looked entirely uninterested in his customer other than to get an order out of him so he could complete the task at hand. He was tall, built well, with a rather stylish white undercut and and simple, to the point, bartender attire. Squall admired his attitude; anyone that could look so blank and uncaring without actively trying....it was refreshing. Every day he would have to deal with people - people just being loud and obnoxious for no reason. Just get to the point, let me do my job, then I never see you again. The vibe the bartender gave off was exactly the same. Hell, he didn't even offer a name for Squall to later forget. 

Squall reached into his back pocket without breaking eye contact, pulling out his company issued SeeD credit card and slid it over to his new best friend.

"I need your strongest, cheapest whiskey." He paused, deciding to be more specific, "And open a tab, high probability I'll be needing more than one."

He watched the bartender nod once and turn around, punching some buttons on the clear glass screen across from the bar top and then start to prepare his drink. Squall felt that familiar drilling, and shifted his gaze to the left, meeting the eyes of Mr. Slippers, and raising an eyebrow in a clear opportunity of challenge, the fingers of his right hand softly drumming against the glass of the bar.

_'What the fuck is with the people in this city.'_

__'_ Oh--' _

It was inevitable. Despite surviving numerous battles, the uncharted wild, a near-death plunge into a fierce ocean, and somehow being made president of a vast city despite not really having the right credentials to so much as manage to write his own name sometimes, Laguna wasn't exactly the most  _observant_ person. So how long or how short his gaze had lingered upon the brunette youth went unnoticed and due to such, eventually caught Squall's glare that was pointed directly back at  _him_. It was the ice in the SeeD's own vision that shocked Laguna back into reality, a chill running down the length of his spine. 

' _That's a pretty intense glare! Geez... I wonder what's his problem?_ '

It couldn't be the fact that it might have been  _him._

Laguna jerked back ever so slightly and grunted, quickly averting his gaze to the side as he lifted his glass of whiskey in order to not only hide half of his face but occupy his mouth as well. The bartender seemed satisfied with Squall's order and business that now even his back was turned to the two of them, processing the order while opening up a tab per the brunette's request. As Laguna turned his face back towards the back of the bar itself, where bottles variously colored liquor lined crystal, amethyst shelves, he noticed the glint of Squall's credit card in the bartender's hand. It looked  _pretty nice,_ at least from the shine and shimmer when it caught the glow of low lights. Well; it seemed like this guy had a  _torrent_ of Gil. So then why would he--

"Hey!" Laguna chimed up, raising one hand up to catch the bartender's attention. But before allowing the server the chance to respond to his call, the Galbadian was swinging around from off the top of his barstool to step down onto the reflective, pristine floor. His  _slippers_ that he often argued were  _sandals_ patted gently against the cheval glass tiles as he made his way around the L-shaped bar with glass of whiskey in hand. Across his lips pulled an affable smile; free palm pushing down into an empty pocket at the front of his khaki pants.

"You can put this guy's first drink on  _my tab_ ," he finally finished once he had reached Squall's side; dog-tags jingling against his chest ever so slightly once he came to a halt. And, half-expecting Squall to protest, he only gave a shrug as his smile widened only another notch. "You look pretty worn-out. So just sit back and enjoy it, all right? Are you really going to complain about a  _free_ drink? Nothin's cheaper than somethin' free, right?"

_Gunsmoke_.

That was the first note he caught as Laguna turned his face ever so slightly closer into Squall's direction, while raising his glass back up to his lips for another sip of that smooth, earthy whiskey. Next came  _leather_  and damn if this kid wasn't wearing  _a lot_ of it. Wasn't it a little warm out for that much leather, much less  _black leather_? And what was with the fur trim? ... _Wait, when did he suddenly become some type of fashionista_?

It was clear, whoever this guy was he didn't seem to have much going on. No worries; no stress. And by all accounts, compared to the garb of most of the other denizens were wearing, Laguna looked like a tourist himself. And without even giving Squall much of a say in  _anything_ , he helped himself right onto the barstool next to the other. Straddling the seat for a moment, Laguna shifted to swing both legs forward to cross in front of himself; feet pressed against the bottom of the bar in front of him as he leaned forward with both elbows resting on the bar-top.

"So! What's a dreary-lookin' guy like you doin' in a place  _like this_?"


	2. Drunk In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been drinking, I've been drinking  
> I get filthy when that liquor get into me  
> I've been thinking, I've been thinking  
> Why can't I keep my fingers off it, baby?  
> I want you, na na  
> Why can't I keep my fingers off it, baby?  
> I want you, na na  
> Drunk in love

Oh yes; idle chit-chat. Squall's  _favorite_.

"This city's not exactly all gloom and doom, so what's with the funeral get-up?"

Squall's eyebrow dropped as he watched Laguna break eye contact, opting to instead become more of a nuisance and actually get out of his seat and start heading towards him.

_'Fucking great, they usually back down after being caught.'_

Squall shifted uncomfortably, his back straight against the seat, crossing one leather-clad leg over they other in a sad attempt to seem unconcerned with the other man's whereabouts or the fact that he was suddenly way too close to popping Squall's very finely built personal bubble. A small frown appeared on his lips as he listened to the exchange with the bartender and Mr. Slippers. He could pay for himself just fine. He made plenty of Gil as a SeeD, who in the right mind would just walk up to a complete stranger and start paying for things. Just who did he think.... Squall heard the familiar clink of metal on metal, his eyes darting to the side to catch dog tags glint for just a moment in the light of the bar. 

_'Military? But he seems too happy and carefree. Past military it is.'_

Maybe this man had information. Weird people often had plenty of weird things to blurt out when it was none of their business. Military employees often had information they were not supposed to share. They were both sharing a spot with plenty of social lubrication. Maybe he could do this. Maybe he could bare with it for an hour, try to get somewhere on this shit mission.

"... _Nothin's cheaper than something free, right?_ "

 Squall's frown deepened as he watched the other man take the seat directly next to his. The bartender returned at that moment with the strongest, cheapest whiskey fake Balamb Garden money could buy. He nodded to the bartender, grasping the cool glass and sliding it closer to himself, listening to the other man babble on as if they were perfectly normal friends that hadn't seen each other for a year. 

"... _so what's with the funeral get-up?_ "

He brought the glass to his lips, tipping his head slightly back as his eyelids slid closed, efficiently downing every last drop in a matter of seconds. Squall placed the glass back on the bar top, sliding it gently back towards the bartender to signal for another who was currently assisting a different citizen a few seats down. He carefully unbuttoned the clasps at his wrists, pulling off the well-worn leather gloves and placing them to his right. Next he shrugged off his jacket, letting it fall to rest along the back of the seat. Rolling his shoulders back once in an attempt both to relax and prepare himself mentally for an actual human conversation, Squall shifted his head towards the man, but did not look directly at him.

"One - nothing is every truly free in this world. Two - that was not coming out of my own pocket, you didn't need to do that. Three - business. Four - I just happen to like black leather. I'm assuming thats not illegal here, considering what _you_ chose to wear."

After taking one more small taste of his own whiskey, Laguna settled the glass back down onto the reflective surface of the bar-top as to free his hands. For a moment, his gaze remained lowered while waiting for Squall to reply to his onslaught of questions and only glanced back up when he heard the gentle tap of the bartender setting the brunette's drink down. Shifting emerald hues over towards the whiskey, Laguna lifted his chin with that same small smile touching his lips. Hands moved to set one light fist into the palm of his other hand, allowing a cheek to rest against the space where his palms met as he once again peered back over at Squall who had immediately swept the glass of whiskey up into his own grasp.

Raven eyebrows lifted as he watched the other male shoot back that cheap, rough alcohol. His own expression twisted ever so slightly;  _that couldn't be very smooth going down_. The point Squall was trying to make obviously went right over Laguna's head as his features smoothed back out once the brunette had finished and set the glass back down; pushing it towards the bartender who had left the pair of them in favor of tending to another patron farther down the bar. 

' _That couldn't have felt too good--but it doesn't look like it even fazed him! Jeez... Maybe talking to this guy wasn't really the best idea after all... But he doesn't look so tough--_ '

The sounds of buttons caught Laguna's attention and just like that, he had rolled his eyesight over to the source.  _Well_. It seemed Squall was making himself right at home as he seemed to be getting a little more comfortable. First, his gloves were removed and set down beside him on the bar with care. Next came his jacket, that heavy, fur trimmed thing that Laguna still couldn't quite understand. He felt  _hot_ just looking at it... Or maybe it was just the affects of his second drink. Or was this his third? He narrowed his eyes and looked off to the side for a moment, as if trying to recollect how many times the bartender had walked up to him.

No, this was his second drink.

Yes. Good.

"Hm?"

_"Nothing is ever truly free in this world_."

Was that so? Laguna couldn't help but chuckle to himself.

_"That was not coming out of my own pocket_."

Of course not; anyone who wasn't  _blind_ could have seen what kind of card it had been from the way it shimmered underneath the lights. That wasn't just someone's personal account and if it was, then  _damn_.

_"Business_."

Oh, that explained that depressing aura!

_"I just happen to like black leather. I'm assuming that's not illegal here, considering what you chose to wear_."

"Is what I have on really that bad?"

Squall let out a small puff of air from his nostrils, the impact of the cheap booze hitting him right to his core as he accepted the gentle yet fast crawling feeling of the warmth spreading to the rest of his body. He felt his arms and legs sink further into the seat, his chest flushed and his neck receiving the tingle of alcohol settling in. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, welcoming wherever the poison decided to attack. His body never seemed to reject booze, but drinking on an empty stomach...

' _Shit... Probably should have had dinner before this...oh well._ ' 

Squall knew he might be in a little trouble. The last time he did this him and Seifer...

He turned to face his new acquaintance, watching as the man examined himself.

Blue eyes swept over the form in front of him, not so much in caring of what the other wore, but paying closer attention to the form underneath. Laguna seemed well built from what he could tell; nothing about him screamed unfit or lacking in health. His clothes, although plain minus ridiculous slippers, hung off his body in a way that complimented his form, yet still appeared casual and light. It was refreshing, considering the outfits Squall had seen upon arriving in the eccentric city. Squall's gaze lifted, focusing on the man's face.  

Laguna frowned as he leaned back in his seat, pulling his hands apart as to spread open his arms and gave himself a quick look-over. A baby-blue button up, khaki slacks, sandals... Was he really dressed so poorly? Well, considering how _regal_ the national dress of Esthar City was, he looked as though he was strolling around town in pajamas. A soft chuckle fell from his mouth as the president of such a majestic metropolis leaned forward once more, elbows resting atop the bar. Arms crossed in front of himself as his ankles tucked together beneath the bottom of his seat; feet resting on the footrest there.

"I mean,  _for tourists_ , they can't really say much about how we dress, right? Only citizens of the city dress the way  _they_ do," Laguna murmured, tilting his head to the side as if to motion to a group of denizens chatting and laughing nearby. "But I couldn't help but ask. It's not very often I see anyone dressed in  _all black_ , you know!"

Dark, shiny hair, informally pulled back while shorter strands framed his face. A strong jawline, pleasant lips, a resolute nose, and determined brows. Ears...are those earrings? Hmm. However it was the eyes that Squall focused on the most. They were powerful, yet somehow caring. Squall shifted his focus back to the bar top, frowning to himself. He felt like he knew eyes like that before, somewhere. Eyes like those were too cheery on first glance, but if you took your time looking into them, you would find a painful past. He didn't want to think about something like that, not tonight. Too many memories.

Laguna's whiskey was soon lifted back up between his fingers, held in mid-air for only a moment when he chose to speak once more.

"I didn't  _need_ to buy you a drink, but you still accepted it." The edges of his mouth quirked up into a very faint smirk; almost triumphant, feeling  _so proud_ of himself for having such a  _sly_ rebuttal. "And let's just say, it's not coming out of _my pocket_ either."

Squall felt the booze kick at mind, a small smirk appearing on his lips. 

_'Ah. At least he has some bite to him.'_

Squall pondered over the meaning of the last sentence. This man must have some reserve of money, but military usually did not get a great pension plan, at least not anymore. So where else could he have his pockets located? He certainly didn't look like anyone of high rank or of any specific importance. Squall decided to pull that information out of him later, perhaps after a few more drinks. 

"I've seen worse, when it comes to fashion." His right hand came up to sweep back the bangs at his forehead, more out of habit than anything else, as they simply fell back into place right after. "Well, if neither of us are using our own pockets, I guess I have nothing to complain about."

He paused here, wondering if now was a good chance to start lying. 

_'No...you are still on a mission.'_

The taste of alcohol was smooth or maybe Laguna's throat was just getting use to the sensation now. His chest certainly felt warmer now as he had almost finished his second drink for the night and no doubt would be ordering a third. 

"So! You mentioned being here for business," he began before downing the rest of his drink. To the bar it went, pushed to the other edge to also signal a new glass of that smokey-flavored alcohol that burned oh so pleasantly. "Anything in particular? If you're here to discuss imports, you'll be here in the city for quite a while I'm afraid."

Turning his attention back to Laguna, Squall's head shifted slightly to the right, pondering how he would answer that question. He shrugged his shoulders, pushing his neck back to the left, and then the right, a rather satisfying crack echoed in his skull after each turn. He audibly sighed again, this time turning his face to meet the other instead of staring at the bar.

"No imports, unless you count people. Looking for a kid, Cid Kramer, Jr."

"Mmn..."

As Laguna leaned forward once again, elbows came to rest on the bar as fingertips laced together. His chin laid down upon the backs of his knuckles, allowing his chartreuse gaze to fall half-closed in contentment. Only when he heard Squall speak up did he ever turn his face ever so slightly to his right; and it was then that he  _finally_ noticed the most prominent feature of Squall's sharp face. A very long, very deep scar that seemed to run from the middle of his forehead, across the bridge of his nose, and down to his left cheek. Carved lips parted ever so slightly, eyebrows rising high in some surprise as he caught that quick look; just before the brunette's bangs could fall back into place. That was a  _pretty bad scar_... What would a guy who looked so young be doing with a scar  _like that_? There must have been some interesting story behind it and Laguna just  _itched_ with curiosity. But before he could even think about questioning it, Squall's line of sight had met his own and just like that--soothing emerald met sharpened ice blue.

Yet their locked gaze did not linger for two long as both seemed to sober up  _just enough_ to realize what they were doing; and as quickly as it had happened, it just as quickly ended. Squall and Laguna both turned away from one another, for very different reasons. One fell into some sort of inner reflection while the other had simply become embarrassed. That was the  _second_ time Squall had caught him staring and--

"Nnm!"

Suddenly, Laguna bit down onto his lower lip and slammed a fist down onto the bar-top as he bowed his head forward. His right leg convulsed; his entire body trembling for a moment as he resisted the need to reach down beneath the edge of the bar to grasp hold of his shin. A sharp grunt managed to pass his firmly sealed lips, his face turning away from Squall as his eyes closed tightly. He held his breath,  _hoping_ that the cramp would pass quickly and on its own... But the more he thought about it, the worse it seemed to get.

' _H-He's probably staring! Gah... What gives?!_ '

_'What the fuck. What the fuck was that?'_  

Squall had noticed his new friend's little episode, but decided against inquiring about it and continued to talk casually. He figured it must be related somehow to a military past or something worse. Squall himself was no stranger to unfortunate injury; he would not be so rude to bring up the past to someone he barely knew, or even someone he knew well. It wasn't his business, even if he was slightly curious. Maybe he got shot in the leg? Do injuries like that just act up whenever during the day? It's not like his scar burned every time he saw Seifer's ugly face, although that would be fantastic if it did - then he could finally successfully avoid the asshole. 

He struggled for a moment, wondering if he should somehow console the other male but unfortunately had no idea how to even attempt that.

Slowly, Laguna exhaled as he released the breath he had been holding while the pain radiated up and down his right leg; the muscles quivering before it seemed to pulse away into nothing. His hand lifted up to his head, burying his face into the palm of his hand as he continued to avert his gaze from Squall but clearly heard the other's quip regarding how he wasn't the  _worst_ thing he had seen in regards to fashion. Then what sounded like a half-joke regarding their money... Laguna raised his face back up and soon turned back to stare back at the brunette, his lips managing to lip up into a half-smile.

"I-Importin' people, huh? Sounds kind of  _borin'_. I mean, they--"

Wait, Cid? That name sounded pretty familiar... Laguna was distracted long enough to straighten his spine and sit back up straight, the pain no longer a thought in his mind. Cid, Cid,  _Cid_. He leaned back in his seat, laying one arm over the back behind him as his head tilted backwards; still lost in thought as his eyes darted across the numerous, star-like lights on the ceiling of the lounge. Nothing... Try as hard as he could, he couldn't think of anything. Or rather, nothing immediately came to mind.

"He your kid?" he finally asked, one eyebrow arching up as he gave Squall a quick look-over. 

Just then, the bartender appeared again, nodding once and then reaching out to collect both glasses. Squall turned, placing a hand on his pristine white shirt slowly. He still could not read him - either fast movements would give him a heart attack, or he would break Squall's arm. Squall opted to not take any chances. The bartenders abnormal blue eyes met Squalls, waiting for an order.

"Another of whatever he is drinking, another of whatever this is I just finished, and...4 shots. Surprise me, I'm sure you've already grasped my budget and taste for tonight." Squall moved his hand back to the bar top, watching the bartender curiously for any emotional reaction. Nothing.

_'He would be hot if he wasn't so fucking odd.'_

The bartender nodded again to Squall, then turned to Laguna, doing the same. He addressed both of them, bowing slightly and closing his eyes, "Understood." Then he turned away towards the back of the bar to prepare the order. 

" _Four shots_? Damn, are you tryin' to forget or just make sure you won't ever remember anything again? Take my glass when he comes back; sounds like you need what I've been drinking a helluva lot more than me," Laguna murmured.

Squall licked his lips quickly, his mouth suddenly dry at the lack of any liquid available. He glanced over to his left, noticing the other was now in a more casual position - his momentary pain no longer evident at all. His eyes fell on the mans arm; muscles well defined flexing over the seat back. 

_'Huh. Not bad....wait what was that?'_

"Do I really look old enough to have a kid?" he scoffed, shaking his head back and forth a bit in disbelief. "No, not mine. He's only a few years younger than I am. My bosses kid." 

Truth was;  _anyone_ could become a dad. It didn't really matter how old or how young you looked.  _Things happened_. Wasn't anythin' to be embarrassed about although, in all honesty, Squall didn't really look like the  _dad type_. Was there a type?... Yeah. Really, if there could be a 'motherly type' then there could be a 'dad type''--although that was probably just known as the more popular term of 'fatherly type'. 

Hey, what was else a type? Well... Blood. Blood was also a type. What kind of type was Laguna's? B... Yeah, it was totally B type. 

Blood.

_Man._

_Did his blood suddenly feel hot_.

No, it was more like his  _entire body_ felt a little flushed. Laguna breathed out and lifted a hand, sweeping his hair that hung in his face out of his eyes and tucked the loose strands behind a pierced ear. With the right side of his face now more exposed to Squall, the brunette could now clearly see the growing, rosy flush that had spread over his cheeks. It was still a faint hue right now, but that whiskey was definitely starting to kick in. Between his leg cramping up and the embarrassment of staring so much, it was no wonder that the alcohol seemed to have been settling into his system a little more quickly. The blood in his body was rushing from adrenaline on top of the content of the whiskey actually being  _pretty_ strong. Still; he sighed softly and settled the side of his face into the palm of a bare hand, elbow resting upon the top of the bar.

" _No_ , you don't really look like a father. But I couldn't help but ask--should've known from the way you spoke his name. And your boss's kid? Hmm..."

Raising both of his arms straight up, Squall stretched as far up as he could reach, interlacing his fingers together and bending at his elbows, dropping his arms still locked together behind himself, resting his open palms against the back of his head, right above the nape. He closed his eyes and allowed himself a small smile at the others comment.

"Yeah, four. I had hoped to share them with you, but I'm capable of taking them all on my own if needed. And lets just say a bit of both - I could stand to forget some things, wouldn't mind if I don't remember all of tonight either to be frank."

He looked over from his relaxed position, giving his companion a quick wink and turning back quickly to watch the bartender prepare the large drink order.

Lifting his face away from his hand, those spirited emerald eyes of Laguna's widened ever so slightly at the revelation that Squall had intended on sharing that order  _with_ him. Splitting shots? Two each? That didn't seem so bad but...  _W-Why was it so hot all of a sudden_?!

"Now how can I turn down an offer like that?!" His lips pulled back into a smile and he couldn't help but laugh, head tilting to the side. "I can't remember the last time I even  _had_ a shot... So, don't make fun of me if I'm a little weak, you know?!"

But that  _wink_ didn't slip past him. Neither did those words. Was Squall...? Was that...?  _No_. There was no way! Guys didn't just... Well, what kind of  _man_ would buy  _another man_ a drink, just out of the blue?

So this might have been all of  _Laguna's_ fault but  _Squall_ seemed just fine to continue with...whatever  _this_ was. Truth be told, the idea of it wasn't exactly... _bad_. Or maybe that was just the loneliness talking. If you were desperate, _anything_ would be good enough. But he wasn't. Laguna was the  _president of Esthar City_ and could have any woman on his arm that he damn well pleased. But instead, he had no one simply out of choice. But was it  _really_ out of choice or was it...? It was something that did often plague him at night when he would walk to that empty, cold bed that, while luxurious and more than he could have ever hoped to have ever been able to sleep in, with its plush mattress that enveloped his body and soft white sheets and pillows, could never compare to anything like the warmth of another body already there; waiting for him to join them in bed, even if it was nothing more than for a night's rest.

Work kept him busy and he was often distracted. Phone calls, emails, meetings, socials--anything and everything. Laguna was often disturbed in the middle of the night as well for emergencies that needed his immediate attention; approval, supervision. The thought of putting a companion through  _that_ as well would no doubt cause stress on any relationship.

So all in all, his position as president is truly what kept him from having a partner;  _a wife_. And while he was certainly a man with  _needs_ he couldn't bear the thought of... _services_. Not to mention the scandal that would come with something like that so, like the man he was, chose to do things himself. For himself.

Yet this  _body_ sitting beside him seemed to be accepting all the wrong signals that Laguna hadn't meant to send, if that's what the case was. Then again, he didn't know this guy's history just like Squall didn't know his own. Who was to say this wasn't something out of the normal for someone like Squall?

' _That certainly would explain all the leather... Pretty kinky, if you ask me._ '

Drawing in a breath, Laguna lifted his chin and...deciding to go with the flow, smirked ever so slightly as his eyelids fell half-closed.

"Well... If that doesn't sound like a  _challenge_ to me; guess I better make sure this is a night that you  _will_ remember."

For the time being, the bartender had his back turned to both patrons, carefully and efficiently preparing the pair of whiskeys, deciding that perhaps they would both rather drink what Laguna preferred. He did have a few free drink comps left for the night and the price difference between the top shelf Laguna preferred wasn't too much of a difference. That and, Mr. President always left a rather generous tip at the end of the night. Now...for the shots.

He stole a quick glance at the two from behind his back, surveying the condition of the duo. Both seemed to be freely conversing now, and neither looked angry, therefore they must be getting along. Neither of them seemed the type to order anything flashy, but the somber brunette did request a surprise. He nodded to himself, deciding the type of shots, making sure they were within a reasonable cost.

_'Oh...that is a lot of alcohol.'_

The bartender approached them both, a silver tray in one hand as he bowed slightly again. His long graceful fingers wrapped around each glass of whiskey first, placing them carefully in front of each of his customers. Then, one by one, he placed each shot in a row directly between them both, certain in his thoughts that the brunette had meant to share with the president. He brought his closed fist up to his mouth, clearing his throat quietly, gaining the attention of both in front of him.

"To my far right, closest to Mr. Loire, we have a Lemon Drop. Next in line is a Redheaded Slut, and then following that is a Snakebite. Finally, to my far left, closest to Mr. Leonhart, we have an Orgasm. Please enjoy." 

With that, the bartender stepped backwards, bowing slightly again and turning his attention to another customer at the opposite end of the bar.

Squall sat frozen in his relaxed position, although he was in fact very, very far from being relaxed at the moment, his eyes locked on the last shot, the name echoing in his head. Squall's mind, in a slow attempt to bring up any memory, struggling against the cheap whiskey, started grasping out to the far reaches of his recollection. He really did pride himself on his great ability to take in information quickly. In fact, Quistis had even praised him once, which was far more than she did for anyone else, stating that he never forgot an important detail during a mission. However, the same could not be said for his long term memory, minus those few painful past remembrances that never seemed to want to go away. It really wasn't his fault; a lot of people had one stronger than the other when it came to short and long term memory.

_'Hmm... Loire. Where have I heard that before?'_

Unfortunately, Laguna didn't hear the first one or two shot names simply out of shock that the bartender had uttered his last name.

Why did that bother him so much? Well--it was like his cover was totally blown! A small bead of sweat--barely noticeable--began to slide down his left temple as his slid his gaze back over towards Squall but as usual, the brunette looked unfazed. Did he not know his name? He guessed not; surely there would have been some sort of surprise on his face if he realized whose company he was in. Laguna sighed before swallowing hard, returning his attention to the bartender to catch the name of the third and  _fourth_ shot.

Both men were left there in stunned silence as the bartender bowed once again before leaving to tend to another patron. Neither Squall or Laguna seemed to move for an ample amount of seconds, but eventually the latter began to sit up a little more straight. His vision settled back onto Squall who seemed just as taken aback by the name of the last shot and there seemed to be some silent questioning being sent his way; would  _Squall_ take that... _Orgasm_? Or... Would it be up to Laguna to down it? Was this a decision they even had to make or...?

Without really thinking about it, he reached over to the four shots and grasp two of the short glasses--the first and third--and proceeded to...switch them. Then he did the same with the second and fourth. Then what would have been the first and second. Then the third and first again... The fourth and second. Laguna's brows knitted together as he concentrated on not spilling the alcohol, not so much paying attention as to what the original order of the drinks had been. Then, once he felt confident that the alcohol had been switched around enough to the point that neither of them could remember which shot had been what in their current, somewhat tipsy state, Laguna sat back and held out a hand.

"Pick your two," he spoke, eyebrows rising up; "And I'll drink the other two."

The whole while, Squall had continued to stare at the cream colored liquid being jostled around in it's shot glass as Mr. Loire made an attempt to shuffle the liquor, his eyes never leaving the dreaded  _Orgasm_ , he gave up trying to figure out where this man was from. Perhaps he had heard the last name on the news. Maybe he read it somewhere in the paper. It could have even been something as simple as it being a common last name on this continent. Somehow, he knew it was something more, but he just could not remember. 

_'Oh well, maybe it will come to me later.'_

His attention came back, his eyes on the two shots that sat in the middle of the four after the shuffle. He untangled his fingers from behind his head, aware that perhaps they had been there a little too long as he pretended to be unfazed by the absurd shot names and complete lack of emotion the bartender showed as he so casually recited each. Placing his hands in front of him on the bar top, palms and fingers down, he shifted his weight slightly towards the counter in an attempt to focus and remember which ones these were. His eye scrunched together lightly and his lips remained in a straight line, refusing to look at the other man until he could gather whatever half drunken composure left available.

_'I think...he is flirting with me. Yeah. Alright.'_

Squall reached out with his left hand, grabbing the second shot in the line up and downed the contents quickly, not so quietly banging the empty glass down onto the counter after.

_'Gross. Lemon.'_

He shook his head slightly, hunching his shoulders up, an obvious displeased look plastered on his face as a slight shiver ran down his back. Taking one large inhale through his nose, and then pushing it back out, he reached over again to the third shot lined up, bringing it up close to his lips and turning to face Mr. Loire, swirling the cream contents slightly.

_'A challenge huh? I'd like to test that out.'_

"I hope you don't mind that I finished before you, and that I just so happen to be lucky enough to get the Orgasm."

Squall tipped the contents of the small glass back, only breaking eye contact for a brief moment during his display, letting all the liquor travel down his throat. He placed the empty shot glass next to his other and grabbed his larger glass of whiskey, humming contently to himself as his eyes fell shut just for a moment, feeling his body warm further. That particular shot had left a pleasant aftertaste; he could go for a few more of those no problem. He remained turned towards Laguna, his fingers circling idly around the rim of the whiskey glass, the faint red flush of too much alcohol too fast evident across his cheeks. Wondering if he was reading the other man right, he allowed a small smile to grace his lips as his eyebrows raised slightly.

"Looks like it's your turn."


	3. Under the Milky Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when this place gets kind of empty  
> Sound of their breath fades with the light  
> I think about the loveless fascination  
> Under the Milky Way tonight
> 
> I wish I knew what you were looking for  
> I might have known what you would find  
> And it's something quite peculiar  
> Something that shimmering and white  
> Leads you here despite your destination  
> Under the Milky Way tonight  
> 

' _Oh... That must've been the Lemon Drop_.'

Squall didn't look at all satisfied with the taste of it; the expression on the youth's face only caused Laguna to smile in half apology. But, he had to hand it to the other, Squall had gone in with no hesitations. Almost calculated, he had gone in for his choice of shots. As the president continued to rest against the side of the bar, both arms crossed on the bar-top, Laguna watched him quietly but carefully... Observing the way he shot back the alcohol as if it wasn't anything at all. But didn't it  _burn_? Shots weren't exactly something that tasted... _good_. Just something to hit you quick. Yet, Squall did it like a pro.

 _No regrets_.

The second shot was taken, something creamy-looking in color. Laguna squinted his eyes as he tried to remember which one that had been but couldn't quite recall... His half-lidded eyes followed Squall's hand as the brunette lifted the shot glass up with the use of his slender fingers. Calloused, rough... Yet they still seemed to retain their youth and elasticity to them. One more glance over the other male had Laguna suddenly questioning what it was that this guy did for a living. Manual labor didn't seem like his type of thing; nah, Squall could definitely be considered a  _pretty boy_ even with that icy gaze and that deep scar. So what could he possibly do that earned him rough fingers and scarred knuckles?

"Oh?"

Lips parted as Laguna tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, those emerald colors rising back up to meet Squall's own cool vision. One single eyebrow arched higher upon his brow-bone, the edges of his mouth rising into a rather playful smirk. That subtle innuendo wasn't lost on him and it seemed he had been right in assuming the two shots the other had chosen--despite mixing them up--had been entirely calculated from the beginning. But if he hadn't done that... Would Squall have still gone out of his way to choose the Orgasm? 

"Heh... Finishing before  _me_ just shows your young age," he hummed as he reached out for one of the two remaining shots; both tinted red. "You rush into things way too quickly; you don't take the time to  _enjoy_  anything."

A shot, unfortunately,  _was_ something that Laguna had to down quickly.

So, lifting that first shot glass up, Laguna inspected it before sniffing the alcohol curiously. His expression narrowed as his brow furrowed, unable to mark the distinct scent of a liqueur that he could say with all honesty he had never experienced before. A glance was spared in Squall's direction before his gaze lifted to the ceiling as the rim of the glass touched his lips. Laguna leaned his head back and shot it back, forcing the alcohol that  _burned_ down his throat and into the depths of his chest. The fire that came from the mixture of whiskey, orange juice and almond liqueur wasn't exactly as  _pleasant_ as he had hoped. And the bartender thought they were the type that would like something like  _that_?! He set the shot glass back down with a sharp ' _clack!_ ' and cleared his throat a few times as he tried to push past the lingering taste upon his palate.

' _Damn..._ '

And he still had one more to go. He grimaced; eyes settled onto the last remaining shot that was his.

But he had to finish... He couldn't let Squall take up the slack. The other guy looked like he had already had a bit too much with the rosy hue now settling over his cheeks. And that small  _smile_ that seemed more relaxed than anything now. Well; that was good! No more gloom and doom for Mr. Funeral over here! Not to mention the airy flirts that they seemed to be firing off to one another also probably had something to do with his sudden change in demeanor as well... Well; a change in demeanor for  _both_ of them.

_Loose_.

_'Motherfucker.'_

Laguna had fired back an even better response, destroying Squall's chance to best the man and leaving him questioning his sarcasm. He had been caught off guard, the shots now adding a thick barrier to his mind and making it impossible to respond within a reasonable amount of time. Squall just watched him curiously, his vision starting to swim slightly as he let the alcohol do it's magic.

Squall's eyes followed the other man, the gentle curve of hiss neck, watching his head tilt back to take the first shot, he let a smirk pass, comfortable now to show a few open emotions. Obviously, on purpose, he had left the two reddish colored spirits to the other man, knowing full well that he hated both. He would much rather drink five Orgasms and openly joke about finishing fast if it meant he never had to taste another Snakebite. The last time he had the misfortune to experience that taste on his lips was not the most lionhearted night, not that he remembered a lot of it. Faint images of the cobbled road in Balamb, awful rough gloved hands on his lower back, and tears running down his superiors cheeks as she attempted to wipe them away, holding her glasses in one hand. Squall had downed three in under 5 minutes in Zell's favorite hole-in-the-wall bar and his stomach had not agreed with any of it. The energetic blonde was forced to carry him back to Balamb Garden as him and Quistis had simply walked into town. Quistis was laughing so hard that she ended up crying.

_Never again._

"I may be younger than you, but I make up for it in experience. You don't know me well enough to determine when and what I take time to enjoy." 

Squall murmured this reply, choosing to keep his eyes closed, but sure Laguna had heard him. His response was not one full of anger, it was him simply stating an important fact about himself. It might have even been the most sincere thing he had said tonight. Squall was not normally so open; even his close friends had learned his personality faster through actions than any words he had ever shared.

The second glass was brought to Laguna's mouth and the alcohol was shot back without another moment's hesitation. This one wasn't nearly as bad as the first but as Laguna smacked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and peered down into the now-empty shot glass, he couldn't quite decide if he  _liked_ it or not. The burning sensation had now mellowed out, leaving him with a healthy glow and a warmth that now radiated out to all of his limbs with a numbing tingle. He sighed and set the glass back down before smiling again, turning his face once again towards Squall's own as the brunette still stroked his glass of whiskey idly with the tips of those calloused fingers. Laguna hadn't touched his own quite yet; but he would.

"Mmn..." he murmured, settling the side of his flushed face back down into the palm of his head. "I can already feel that...  _Damn_. He must've used his strongest stuff, huh? What a jerk..."

Well, at least it wasn't wine. Wine  _always_ put him to sleep quickly. But this was something else, this pleasant warmth that seemed to set his mind at ease yet... Laguna didn't really put any consideration into what he said now. No worries meant no filter. And no filter meant  _anything_ could be said-- _or done_.

When Squall's attention turned back, Laguna had finished the second shot, the glass placed back onto the bar. Squall's smirk never left; he was unconcerned if he looked like an idiot now. The liquor in his system had evened out - he was left feeling pleasantly relaxed and warm. That second shot must not have hurt as bad as the first, gauging by Laguna's reaction. In his opinion, the Redheaded Slut wasn't a bad tasting shot, it just held a distinct taste that wasn't very appealing unless one craved it. Squall wasn't much into redheads anyway.....black hair however, seemed exceptionally alluring at the moment. 

His fingers stopped on the rim and slid down to grasp the cup, bringing it to his mouth and hesitating. This didn't smell like the same cheap whiskey he ordered the first time. Perhaps the bartender had overheard and given him Laguna's? He tentatively sipped on his, appreciating the taste. This one didn't burn on the way down like the other, it was just smooth and delightful. He would have to ask Laguna the brand later as he had never tasted anything like it. Perhaps it was a local company?

He placed the glass back down, sighing somewhat audibly, his free left hand reaching up to his own neck and sliding up to the back of his head, scratching lightly. It felt nice. Actually everything felt nice right now. He hadn't expected to meet anyone tonight, let alone someone that continued to attempt conversation with him. That alone was a great ordeal for anyone. 

Squall licked his bottom lip, the faint taste of the good whiskey still noticeable. 

"I don't think he's a jerk. I would have hit on him if he wasn't so fucking odd. Guy has less emotion than I do."

There was a low hum rattling Laguna's throat as the older male sat there, grasping his glass of whiskey within a bare hand in front of him. His hazy eyes fell half-closed as the rim of the crystal touched his lips, allowing him a few steady, long sips before he ever set the drink back down onto the bar-top. His narrow tongue slipped out of his mouth just long enough to catch the lingering taste on his top lip, seemingly satisfied to remain in drunken silence.

At the beginning of all of this, Laguna would have  _never_ thought Squall was anything like  _that_  but now, at least, it seemed his assumptions in reading Squall's body language and de-coding his words proved to be true. Tilting his head back ever so slightly, a playful yet smug smile began to lift the corners of his lips. Emerald hues remained half-closed as his eyebrows lifted high upon his forehead, gazing back at Squall as he brought his drink back to his lips.

This guy had to be a  _playboy_. Just lookin' at him, Laguna could tell; he was sure to have that  _thing_ that made all the ladies swoon and go crazy and by his apathetic attitude in the beginning of the evening, he probably liked to 'hit and run' as well. There was definitely some confidence in those icy blues, in the way he spoke, the way he moved. But slowly, all of that seemed to be unraveling into something a little warmer as the alcohol did its work in both of them. Rosy tints touched their cheeks and altered their vision. Laguna could still see straight; of course he could still see that scar hidden beneath dark brown bangs, or the way Squall smirked back at him.

Just then Squall felt a vibration coming from his back pocket. He slipped his left hand down from its place tangled in his locks and pulled his phone free from the confined leather. His phone was nothing flashy; simple and sleek, the color of gunmetal. On the back was a simple design in white, one that matched his necklace. The screen lit up as he unlocked it - 8:37 PM. It wasn't as late as he had thought, still plenty of the night left to work out the alcohol in his system before beginning the dreaded mission tomorrow. He squinted and bit his lower lip. Three missed texts from 'Boss Lady' - he was surprised Quistis hadn't already bust through the front door ready to behead him. 

_['How was the flight?' 5:01 PM]_

_['The hotel informed me you have not checked in.' 7:29 PM]_

_['Are you dead.' 8:16 PM]_

_'Fuck.'_

Squall glanced over at his escort quickly, worried the man would become offended over him checking his phone. It's not like she was his girlfriend or something stupid. If he asked, he would tell him, Why would he ask? That seems sort of rude.....but he was rude to answer his phone...those shots were not helping his rational thinking skills. He looked at the screen again, deciding to be honest.

_['Hi. Im alive. At bar. Don't worry about the hotel yuo kno me.' ]_

Send. 

_'Shit, typos. She will know I'm drunk.'_

"Everythin' all right?" Laguna asked, words only slightly slurred; lazy. "I'm not keepin' you from anythin', am I?"

The screen lit up again; she must have been waiting.

_['Ok. Don't fuck up tomorrow.' 8:40 PM]_

That symbol etched into the back of that cellphone...

_Oh_. This guy must've really liked that...whatever  _that_ was. It matched Squall's necklace. Probably just some sort of charm... Squall was  _young_ and he had confirmed that, so Laguna wouldn't have been surprised if it was some sort of mascot. But for being as masculine as Squall appeared somehow Laguna doubted the other would even like mascots like most children did. It just didn't seem... _fitting_. But he couldn't recognize it as a logo for anything either. Maybe he'd ask; but right now Squall looked a little concerned as his eyes flitted around as he read the words on the glaring, illuminated screen. Laguna tilted his head again before sipping on his whiskey again, one foot slipping from the rest at the bottom of his seat as to allow a leg to swing back and forth nonchalantly.

Squall grimaced and turned the phone off, pushing it onto the bar top and taking a long sip from his drink - it was already half gone. He turned his head to the left, placing his forearms crossed on the bar and hunching forward, his right cheek resting comfortably on top as his hair spilled sideways, eyes half lidded. 

"If you don't hurry up and drink that, I'll have to do it for you,  _Mr. Loire_."

When he had the brunette's regard, Laguna only smiled again and was half-way to taking another sip of his own drink when Squall decided to call him out on  _taking a little too long_ on finishing.

Was that his second rebuttal for that 'finishing too fast' comment? 

"Oh... Man, I'm  _sorry, Mr. Leonhart_ ," he sighed, finally bringing his right hand up to sweep his loose, long bangs from out of his face; tucking the raven strands behind a pierced ear and out of his face. But not once did that smile leave his face. "I guess I just needed a little more  _teasin' to help me finish_."

It wasn't something that Laguna would normally do, especially with any liquor as fine as this. In the back of his mind he knew this would probably be a bad idea as he raised his glass back up to his lips, now taking long, slow sips without breaking in order to down the rest of his last whiskey. Would whiskey put him to sleep or would he just get hit by the alcohol in another, more pleasant way? So far the latter seemed to be the case as he set the empty glass back down onto the bar and sighed, brushing a hand down his face before ever allowing his palm to cradle a cheek as he finally looked back at Squall with that same half-lidded gaze.

But he was still smiling; that flush on his cheeks just a tint darker now from both the sudden intake of such strong alcohol and the way he, once again, was caught by Squall's drunken attention.

Squall watched as the other man arranged his hair casually. He felt a sudden need to reach out and touch those strands; they looked so shiny and soft....men usually had coarse texture and short style , unfortunate hair cuts according to Squall. Laguna was different in that matter, well besides the whole slipper situation. His hair didn't strike Squall as girly or anything, it was just different. It wasn't gross and frizzy like that bastard Irvine's. He could tell it was a bit longer than what it looked like now, eyeing the hair band pulling most of it back. Squall imagined his fingers gliding through that hair, tugging the band out to free the rest.

_'Ok. Shit. This is getting out of hand.'_

"I don't think I have anythin' left in me for another one..."Laguna murmured, exhaling as he pushed himself up to sit a little more straight. "Been fun though; can't remember the last time I went drinkin' with anyone."

Laguna's features lifted back up into another smile as his eyes closed. Kiros and Ward were still with him, but other than dinners, they never seemed to really have the time to go out like they had before ever coming to Esthar City. He was sure if he was adamant about them going out and drinking like they did once upon a time they'd be up for it, but so much of everything just wasn't the same that...even the thought of doing that, Laguna knew it wouldn't quite be like the old days.

Kiros...

_Damn;_ Kiros would tear him a new one if he found out Laguna was getting wasted at a bar in public like this!

"Shit..." Laguna murmured under his breath, scratching at the back of his own head. Yeah; suddenly a  _lot_ of this was a bad idea. "I need to get out of here; I shouldn't have  _really_ been here to begin with."

Was panic causing him to sober up? Maybe; just a little.

Looking back at Squall with slightly clearer vision, Laguna raised a hand as to earn the bartender's attention; hailing him to come back down to their side of the bar. Unlike Squall, Laguna didn't bring his phone with him. Whether or not he had actually  _forgotten_ it or chose not to bring it was left up for discussion but at this point in time it didn't matter. It wasn't like anyone in the city  _didn't know who he was_ so managing to ask someone to contact the palace for him to send for a driver wouldn't be too much of an issue.

Squall frowned at that, eyes going back to what was left of his drink. The other seemed in need to quickly leave....was it Squall's fault? Was he being too forward with the man? He hadn't exactly meant to start hitting on him like this. Laguna  _did_  buy him a drink first...wasn't that a sign? His mood dropped a bit as he downed the remaining whiskey, the glass hitting the bar top a bit louder than he had meant to, wincing at the sound. Well, thats normal, nothing but bad luck for him. Another night alone, another two hours laying in bed attempting sleep, another disappointment.

"Are you stayin' in the city anywhere?" Laguna asked, his attention still directed at Squall. "You can hitch a ride with me if you want; I don't mind droppin' you off wherever you need to go."

Straightening his back, Squall reached behind himself and grabbed his leather jacket, his fingers lingering longer on the soft fur trim. Despite his new sour mood, everything still felt great. He wondered if the other's hair felt this soft, if it would feel even better between his fingers compared...

' _Stop it.'_

Shaking his head slightly to himself, Squall slipped the jacket on both arms at once, straightening it by the collar when it was set in place. It was too hot to have it on, but he sensed that Laguna was ready to leave, and he would not deny a free ride considering he had no idea where he was, or where this hotel happened to be - the one he was supposed to check in at hours ago. His hands rubbed against the leather on the side as they fell from the collar back down to his lap. He would never get tired of that feeling, nor that smell. He could care less what anyone else said about it; he accepted and fully embraced his fetish.

Squall was putting on his jacket? Completely unaware of the other's sudden disappointment and inner turmoil, Laguna only took this as a sign that the other was accepting his offer. Squall didn't really seem like one for too many words; and Laguna being the optimist that he was assumed nothing less than what he wanted. Just because he couldn't be  _here_ didn't mean that things had to  _end_ here. Wait--

Laguna glanced upwards and frowned partially to himself, eyes narrowing ever so slightly.  _Why was he even thinking like that_? They were flirting, that much was true and anyone in the bar who had been even paying half a moment's worth of attention could tell you that as well. Somehow this had all spiraled a bit out of control. From the get go, Laguna had meant absolutely nothing. Just buy a drink for a guy who looked alone, agitated, and completely out of place here. There was no way Squall had just been another tourist visiting the city and in the back of his head he could recall the other mentioning being here on business... Regarding some kid named Cid Kramer Jr. Okay; good, he could remember _that much_. Maybe in the morning,  _maybe,_ if they were still in contact, Laguna could see about helping this guy out as a means of repaying him for a good evening. But that was still hours away and that drunken fog was still over both of them pretty strong.

Realizing that the other was expecting an answer from him broke Squall out of his leather-induced haze. He grabbed his phone from the bar top, checking it once more before sliding it down into his back pocket and reaching over to grab his leather gloves. Squall decided against putting them back on due to the internal heat issue he was facing. Why had he even put the jacket back on? No other excuse other than drunken habit was the right answer.

He tugged the gloves into the inside pocket of his jacket and placed his hands heavily back on the bar top. He turned, ready to step back to the floor, moving his feet from underneath where they were tucked at the bottom rung of the bar stool. The left foot made it out perfectly fine. The right not so much.

_'Fuck.'_

Squall caught himself before he was able to face-plant right in front of the man he had been flirting with the whole night, but had unfortunately reached out to whatever he could find in order to correct himself and restore balance. The item he had chosen to swiftly grasp just so happened to be Laguna's shoulder. His eyes widened as he realized where his hand landed after both feet were firmly planted on the ground and he pulled his hand away briskly, as if touching the other had burned him. He felt his face flush slightly as he looked away, completely unsure of what to do next. Witty joke? Run away and pretend they never met? Reach his hand back and into that silky ebony hair and.... Ignore it like it didn't happen.

"Ah. Yeah that would be great. I've never actually been to this city, no idea where the Lunar Suites Hotel is....I just need to close my tab...." 

Squall was still avoiding eye contact, opting to examine the bar top as if he had never seen something like it before in his life, noticing the bartender was already on his way over to both of them, Squall's card in hand with a slip of paper and a pen.

Emerald eyes watched as Squall continued to shrug on his jacket; observed the way Squall took a moment to appreciate the feel of that cool leather wrapping itself around those chiseled biceps and toned forearms. From head to toe this guy was dressed in black leather which is still the same thing he had noticed about the brunette since he walked through the door. But now that Laguna was closer and now that Squall was getting up, he could see his boots; his pants; jacket; gloves; belts; practically everything about him was that sweet-smelling leather save for his white top. Aside from that was a  _lot_ of silver. Mesmerized by the chain hanging from Squall's neck when the youth turned to face him and step down from his seat, Laguna almost didn't really  _see_ Squall losing his balance. That drunken state made him feel like he was a million miles away from everyone else, recluse and only now able to observe without really partake in anything. But a part of him, the moment he saw Squall's own expression shift into panic, kicked himself right back into reality and without really thinking if his own right leg was well enough to support his weight--much less someone else's--swung it around from where it had been to press down onto the glassy marble floor beneath them and reached out with one arm.

He hooked his arm right around Squall's waist; about the time the brunette's own palm would have found his shoulder. Muscle met ribs, knuckles met lean bone. Laguna's hand curled into the back of Squall's jacket while Squall's palm squeezed hold of that baby blue button-up. Cologne permeated from either, a woodsy, sweet clove matching pure gunsmoke and cool steel. Squall's body felt  _hot_ as Laguna's face was now rather close to the other's chest, leaning forward half-way off of his seat to help hold the other up. Neither seemed to move from where they were for quite a few moments; until the younger of the two seemed to regain enough sense to pull away. As Squall withdrew, those soft, thick strands of raven brushed over the back of his bare knuckles. Lifting calm emerald hues upwards, Laguna held in a breath as that scent of gunmetal withdrew and felt his heart both pound hard against his chest as well as drop to the pit of his stomach. Goosebumps grew down his skin and he pulled his arm back, reaching for the seat behind him to busy the arm Squall had just stepped away from. 

Bless;  _bless_ the alcohol that was surely covering up that blush that had began to paint his cheeks. The rose hue was still on his face, effectively making anyone think he was drunk rather than embarrassed from the moment that had come and passed. 

Slowly, Laguna finally exhaled with some small amount of regret as he no longer had the other's scent trapped in his senses. Perhaps it was the loneliness that amplified his ability to notice something so simple, because no other man had ever smelled  _that good_. Or maybe it was the fragrance of gunsmoke that hit him so hard with nostalgia. Maybe it was the way someone had  _depended on him_ even for something as small as catching their balance. That leather that he had a fistful of just moments ago felt soft and cool as well, something familiar yet foreign to him. It wasn't rough; not uncomfortable. It had molded well against his forearm when Laguna had bent his elbow around Squall's waist and drew him close, helping to support his weight on his own booted feet.

Ah...

"The hotel?" he asked, almost a little too slow in response. Turning his vision away from Squall and to the bar instead, Laguna's eyes fell half-closed once more as he bit down gently upon his lower lip. His chest tightened again; his drunken state only amplifying that nostalgia, that leather that he now suddenly craved to feel brush up against his own skin a little more.

_Where did he think this was headed_?

Why did he feel disappointed?


	4. Fascination Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, it's opening time down on Fascination Street  
> So let's cut the conversation and get out for a bit  
> Because I feel it all fading and paling and I'm begging  
> To drag you down with me to kick the last nail in

_'Oh no. No. Shit. Fuck.'_

Squall was currently staring down at the small white slip placed in front of him, clearly stating what he owed the bar for the amount of liquid courage he had decided on for both of them. The lines were a bit hazy, he couldn't exactly see every part of the text, but it was not his vision that was worrying him at the moment. It was the feeling in the pit of his stomach that was driving him crazy with confusion and worry. What was this.....this regret? No longer did he care about being embarrassed over his mishap; it was something else. He reached toward his hand, the one that had graced across the other man's hair. His eye's closed, remembering they soft feeling. The feel of his shoulder against his ungloved hand - the way his arm had wrapped protectively around Squall....

_'He touched me. Why did he have to do that.'_

A distant memory flitted across his mind: Squall was young, it was raining hard. He sat under the eave of the orphanage, his small frame shivering slightly and the rain started to pour harder, the overwhelming clatter of rain drops echoing in his mind. Nothing was happening in this memory, but Squall felt that familiar loneliness. To just be alone, completely without any promise of future warmth, no security. Water dripped down his young cheeks, landing dully on his tattered shirt. He couldn't feel if it was the rain or his own tears; it didn't matter to him. Nothing mattered in that moment other than the void of debilitating isolation created by himself.

_'Please, not now.'_

He hated feeling like this, hated that one touch could bring him spiraling back into his depression - that he didn't deserve someone else's attention. He loathed that he even craved attention and often ignored his own need, throwing himself into his work and pretending everything was fine, when it really was never. So why did it matter now? He had been down this road, flirted with others, even had a few drunken hook ups....this was different. When he felt Laguna's grip at his ribs, his obvious concern, the way he smelled..... Squall didn't want whatever this was to end, but he didn't seem to have much of a say. Maybe when they arrived at the hotel he could muster up enough courage to ask for his number....

The bartender was soon approaching them and effectively caught Laguna's attention once again. The president raised a hand and pulled his ponytail over a shoulder, a bit nervously, as he pushed himself up to stand entirely. Squall's card was in the bartender's hand which meant the tab was now closed, payment awaiting a simple signature. Laguna was sure he'd need to sign  _something_ even though he had never presented a card to begin with. Everything should have been in the system but... 

The pen had somehow ended up in Squall's left hand; he watched himself write down an amount for the tip and sign his name at the bottom. How he had even managed that much in his drunken state was somewhat impressive. He squinted slightly at his signature. Oh well, at least you could make out the S and L - the rest of the letters were just a jumble of half attempted cursive. The pen dropped out of his grasp, he pushed it and the slip away from himself, shoving the card in his back pocket next to his phone, too upset and drunk to care fishing out his wallet from his black satchel still tucked underneath the bar by his feet.

As the card and receipt was pushed across the clean bar-top towards Squall, Laguna took the opportunity to lean forward and motion with one hand for the bartender to come closer. His bright emerald eyes widened only a portion, lips parting to whisper to the other as he almost seemed embarrassed to even ask the man such a thing.

"Hey, can you... _do me a favor_? Can you... _maybe_...call for me a ride? I forgot a map and I... Man,  _I'll be honest_ , I don't think I'll be able to get back to the..." Laguna paused for a moment before his eyebrows rose, his face nodding once, "...to the... _you know_..." His voice dropped a little lower. "...So do you think you could help me out?"

His blue gaze rose up from the bar top, noticing the bartender and Laguna were closely chatting together. He frowned at this, wishing he were in place of the server, or maybe just in between both of them....yeah, that could be nice. Sure, the white haired male was extremely strange but he was still hot. Maybe Mr. Loire would take Squall home to ...wherever home was if he could convince them of a two for one deal? Or maybe everyone could just come with him to the hotel? Squall felt like a shower would be nice right about now, imagining the hotel he had never seen to have a large, luxurious, enough to fit 3 full grown men in, walk in shower. He pictured the bartender running his smooth hands through Laguna's half-wet locks, the hair tie long gone as he leaned into the touch of the other. He frowned to himself, a pang of jealously running through his mind. Even in his drunken imagination Squall did not want to share. Why did they have to be so close like that anyway? What were they whispering about?

The bartender listened to Laguna fumble over his words, attempting to make some sort of easy request for a ride home, but hopelessly complicating everything. He waited for the president to finish. Nodding once, he pulled out a very small, very sleek phone from his breast-pocket holding it up in front for Laguna to see and simply tapped the corner of it with one long slender finger.

"Please do not think of this as rude or a breech of privacy," the bartenders voice dropped lower as he continued, "Mr. President...but I have already called your driver to retrieve yourself and Mr. Leonhart. They should be arriving any moment now." With that, he slid the phone back into his pocket and bowed once, his hand coming up to cross against his chest. "I wish you and your company a good night." His blue-crossed iris's shifting over once towards Squall's direction and then back to Laguna, "...although he does not look much different now compared to the moment he stepped in. I suggest you do something or all of your hard work tonight will be fruitless."

With that, the bartender bowed once more, his pure white hair shifting forward slightly until he shifted back standing straight and stepped away to assist other customers.

Rude or a breech of privacy?  _Nope!_ Damn, this guy really had his back, didn't he? Whether it was because the bartender was taking pity on Laguna's inability to really hold his liquor or the fact that he was the president--it didn't really matter. Letting out a sigh, Laguna's lips pulled up into a smile as a look of relief washed over his face as the bartender began to to slip the discreet phone back into his breast-pocket. But their conversation wouldn't end right there it seemed; before Laguna could lean away, the bartender had claimed his attention once again as that low, monotone voice spoke in his direction once more. His eyes widened only a fraction and as subtly as possible, stole a glance back in Squall's own direction... Which probably wouldn't do the brunette any favors, as both men were whispering to one another while they peered over at him. But as quickly as Laguna had caught a glimpse of the leather-clad youth, his eyes were returning once more to that illuminated gaze of the bartender's.

"Mm--" Suddenly, he felt himself tense up at the subtle advice. Was there something he saw that Laguna didn't? The accusation of  _all his hard work_ made him feel a little strange too; just what did he think he was working towards? Or for? Frowning, Laguna pushed himself back up to stand as he looked back in Squall's direction once again while playing the bartender's words over in his mind.

"Thanks..." he murmured before the bartender could leave, attention still fixated on the youth in front of him.

_'He does not look much different now compared to the moment he stepped in? I wonder what he means..._ '

But it was evident when he took a few solid moments to really  _pay attention_ to Squall, through as much of his own drunken haze as he could manage. There was no smirk there; nothing playful or amused. Just a solemn frown, a darkness that had overwhelmed that slight glimmer in icy blues once again. Laguna just stared, for as long as he could without being caught, before he pushed himself entirely away from the bar. There was no way that Squall could have already sobered up so... Had it been something he had said? He had mentioned needing to leave; maybe that was what had upset Squall? But then, why didn't he deny his offer for a ride back to the hotel? He should've explained himself...

"Hey," he finally spoke up to earn Squall's attention, his own lips lifting back up into a soft smile as his gaze relaxed. "Let's go wait outside... A car's gonna come pick us up."

Once they were out of the bar, if no one else was around, then he could talk. Explain himself; give some reason for why he suddenly felt smothered in a place like that. The guilt of knowing he had done something bad, the restrictions he lived with every day...

A curt nod was all the response Squall gave the other, watching as he and the bartender separated. Leaning down, bending at his knees, his hand reached under the bar and grasped his bag by both straps, pulling both over his right shoulder as he stood up once again. Glancing down at himself, Squall patted mindlessly at his thighs, wiping away dirt that was never there in a nervous tic. Hands shoved themselves into his khaki pockets as Laguna waited for Squall to grab his matching black bag from beneath his seat before turning to walk toward the pair of decorative doors.

A car waiting outside meant no common taxi; Squall's drunken reasoning concluded that perhaps the bartender and Laguna knew each other well enough to have something like that set up. He didn't for a second consider that car and taxi were interchangeable for the same meaning. Just great. His aura dipped further as he eyed the black hair swinging in front of him as if to tease him fruther . He envisioned his free hand reaching out, tugging the hair tie off and pulling the other's head back, his fingers tangled in the dark locks at the base of his neck as he would lean forward, his breath ghosting over the mans exposed neck. That would stop him in his tracks; maybe he would be less familiar with Mr. Emotionless behind the counter. Maybe he would like it even? Squall pondered his vision, walking in a somewhat straight line behind Laguna, who seemed to be strolling along through the bar at an agonizing speed.  Laguna's steps were a little slow either from the alcohol or to make it a point that he was in  _absolutely no rush_ to get out of here.

_'Hurry up, I need to get away from everyone.'_

One shoulder soon pressed into the door to push it open, allowing both himself and Squall from fresh air from the cool night that had fallen over the city. Laguna inhaled before sighing back out, a smile still settled upon his lips. Glancing back at the brunette, Laguna held the door open for him before stepping after him toward the sidewalk where they could wait for their ride.

The bar itself was full at this point of the night - everyone celebrating the end of the work day, others just trying to relax. Some citizens looked like they practically lived here, arms spilled over tables, lips nursing third, fourth, maybe even fifth drinks. He didn't realize the random bar he spotted right out of the airport would be so popular. Perhaps this was the spot to be on a weeknight? The city wasn't exactly small - there had to be other establishments to visit, ones that weren't so cramped and dim. At least no one else had tried to bother them...unlike another bar he frequented in Balamb....yeah, fuck that place..... Squall's mind was drifting on and off from the present, getting lost in his own circling thoughts. He barely noticed the other man holding the door for him; he walked right past the other as he stepped out onto the street, the fresh air hitting his face with a cool, welcoming breeze. 

The evening was busy, but not so much on their side of the street. Hover cars were passing them from either direction, some actually parked and lining the clean street. You could always tell who  _really_ had money as close quarters of the city, and the fact that there were so many other methods of transportation available, that permits to own and operate a personal hover car were required; and they didn't come cheap. Laguna stood there, hands still resting inside of his pockets, as he took a moment to look at the nightlife illuminated and glowing around them. It was awe-inspiring; it truly was. Esthar City was nothing that he could have ever imagined, especially when compared to everywhere he had visited or lived prior... His shoulders were still slumped at his side, his body still feeling warm, and Laguna closed his eyes as he remained standing somewhat close to the other.

Crossing his arms together, Squall hefted the bag on his shoulder so it wouldn't slide down, his weight shifted to his left leg as he looked out to the street. The city was a lot different now, without the glaring sun refracting off every surface in an attempt to blind people who happened to not bring sunglasses on awful missions that required shuttle flights. One could appreciate the buildings now, noticing how tiny shops scrunched themselves in between taller sky scrapers - the old mixed with the new, coming together in harmony with that same blue color scheme the entire city shared. Street lights were on now, shimmering against their glass enclosures, softly bouncing off other shiny surfaces, but not at all similar to the sun. He could get used to this place, if only it were always night. Squall felt that way about a lot of the places he visited; everything always seemed more alive past 6 PM. While someone else might find darkened streets dangerous, he preferred it over shoving past other residents on a cramped alleyway during lunch time. 

His eyes hit the street, fingers tightening against the leather of his sleeves; he felt like he should say something, anything, but he heard Laguna's voice.

"I have a friend," he started, "who's always yellin' at me to think before I do somethin'. But you know, that isn't really in me most of the time. I mean... That's how I ended up  _here_."

Here meaning...the bar? Or the city?

"I shouldn't've been here, at the bar... Tonight or any other night. He's probably goin' to chew me a new one if he hears that I did but you know, I'm really glad I did. Come here, I mean. Like I said--it's been a really long time since I've gotten the chance to go drinkin' with anyone or... _feel normal_."

Feel  _free_.

Laguna turned to peer back at Squall, noting now that they were both standing up that they were roughly the same height. An interesting thing, that.

"...I want to say thank you but I think that sounds kind of weird," Laguna went on to continue. "So I don't really know what else to say... I just..."

That nostalgic feeling was coming back; that overwhelming loneliness. Laguna could still feel the goosebumps on his body from where their touch had lingered upon one another for only a few short moments. Drawing in a breath, Laguna closed his eyes once more as the bartender's words came back to the front of his mind; as well as those flirts, those small teases. That smirk that he had managed to see settle upon Squall's lips, that playful look in otherwise frigid, apathetic eyes from when he had first arrived--before that first drink. They were about to part ways after what had been a rather interesting evening; and suddenly... His chest heaved as he turned his face away, a sudden sting hitting his dry eyes.

_'Oh.'_

Was the other man regretting tonight? Was this it? The parting message...was he thinking of leaving the brunette on his own to navigate to the hotel? No...Squall listened to the rest of his speech, remaining quiet, his eyes glancing over once when he heard the word 'thanks'. 

_'Someday you're bound to lose everything. Everybody around you will be gone. Then what are you left with? Nothing. Nobody ...It's so miserable. And inevitable. It's so hard to recover from something like that.;_

The memory flashed quickly in Squall's mind: him leaning against a lamppost near a bench a few feet away from the Garden front entrance. Him feeling sorry for himself, pushing others away at such a young age. He had just finished his SeeD exam to become a mercenary and he felt nothing. The others were happy - his classmates, Quistis; everyone was celebrating. Instead of joining in, he chose to sulk alone, assuring himself this was the only way; making connections with others would only lead to pain. 

It was normal... Life. Life would always find a way to pull people apart but it seemed that only Laguna understood that was no reason to avoid people. But that time would always come, whether you knew someone all your life, for years, for weeks, a few days, or even a few hours. And right now... Life was giving them both the opportunity to say good-bye to someone who they barely knew even after it never allowed them that opportunity for so many others. And now that Laguna was faced with it...  _He didn't want to_ . There was something else, beneath their drunken trance, that Laguna couldn't put his finger on.

People came and went. He met new acquaintances every day. Faces young and old, smiles and frowns, good and bad conversations... But this  _guy_. This guy was different.  _Squall_ was different.

It couldn't just be coincidence that they met... Right?

"Hey...  _Leonhart_..." Laguna began, finally turning his face back towards the other; his posture still relaxed, but his chest felt tight; his throat was constricted as if still fighting with himself on what he wanted to say. "... _Don't...go back to your hotel tonight_..."

Squall's awareness was drawn back to the present, hearing his last name out loud always caught him off guard. He waited, curious to why the other wanted his direct attention now. He never got an answer to that as a very fancy, very expensive looking car pulled up right next to them. A pair of headlights flashed to earn their attention. Laguna winced and narrowed his eyes. But once the headlights stayed on and the hover car pulled closer into view, it was easily identifiable as his own. Sleek and black, the Rolls Royce lowered itself onto the street to park just long enough to pick up its awaiting passengers. The flag of Esthar, whose emblem could also be found upon government buildings and the Presidential Palace, was located on either side of the front hood in smaller versions of the grand symbol most citizens knew. But the status of the hover car was something that would stand out to Squall loud and clear, even for being as drunk as he was. The driver, dressed in an official suit with a chauffeur's hat, stepped out of the vehicle, as did a guard from the front passenger side door. Laguna remained standing there quietly until the chauffeur had walked around the vehicle to reach the back door on their side of the street, a pristine, white gloved hand reaching for the black handle to pull it open and reveal the equally dark, onyx leather interior. 

Sapphire eyes widened in realization as Laguna did not back away, and two people emerged from the front doors, one clearly a chauffeur, the other looked like a guard of some sort. Squall glanced at the hood, noticing the small emblem he had seen once before somewhere on the interior of the airport. 

_'What the hell.'_

Finally, Laguna took a few steps forward as he walked past Squall and acted as if he was just going to climb inside and leave the brunette behind; but once he had reached the hover car, he stopped and raised one hand to rest upon the top of the opened door while his other palm remained inside of his pocket. Turning to look back at Squall, Laguna leaned his head back and offered him a playful but warm smile, a tipsy hue of rose still settled on his cheeks.

Military. Laguna had to be famous or important to this city some how? Maybe a political background? Neither of those occupations seemed to fit the man who had casually walked up to the open door as if the situation was not bizarre in any way. His last name....if only he could remember where he had heard it before. Squall was certainly not about the fish out his phone and demand Quistis to look up this man - that would certainly cause a scene. He was so busy trying to contain his calm panic that he almost missed what was spoken to him next--

"So..." Laguna started, pausing for only a moment; vibrant emerald hues meeting Squall's own. "... _Do you wanna come with me tonight_?"

Panic was no longer calm. In fact, the panic seemed to have frozen every part of his body, rendering Squall incapable of though or speech. He stood there, his eyes locked with emerald green, in a very slow attempt to process what had just been said.

' _Does....that mean a ride? To my hotel? Or?...'_

_Aw, shit._

His gaze broke away from the other, one inhale, one exhale. Keep it together. Plan it out. Be cautious. Don't look like you are about to pass out. Exhale again. Ok. His posture straightened, offering the other one nod before he moved forward with his fake confident stride. He paused at the door, head turning towards Laguna and leaned in just slightly, as if he were about to share a secret with the other. 

"It's Squall by the way. My name." 

He slid away again, not looking back at the other's face as he ducked his head slightly and crawled into the back of the car, settling himself to the far left and throwing his bag by his feet. He ran a palm across his face, his other was resting against his knee, legs spread slightly apart as he relaxed into the smooth leather of the expensive interior. It was nice. He of all people could appreciate a fine leather, and this automobile did not disappoint. 

_'Quistis is going to murder me.'_


	5. The Killing Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In starlit nights I saw you  
> So cruelly you kissed me  
> Your lips a magic world  
> Your sky all hung with jewels  
> The killing moon  
> Will come too soon
> 
> Fate  
> Up against your will  
> Through the thick and thin  
> He will wait until  
> You give yourself to him

It would have been a lie to say that Laguna's expression didn't brighten up or wash over with relief as soon as he saw the brunette nod, turning to the side to allow the other entry into the back of the vehicle. But he stopped when Squall paused next to him, turning his head towards the other male's own with curious emerald eyes. Laguna touched the side of the hover car once more, looking more curious than anything when Squall leaned in ever so slightly; the other's voice dropping down low, spoken just between the two of them. And before he could say anything in response, the SeeD was climbing into the backseat with the straps of his bag still clutched tightly within one hand. Slowly, Laguna smirked to himself before he leaned down and swung one leg inside and took a seat; his other leg lifting up from the ground to disappear into the back of the hover car. The chauffeur closed the door behind the president then began to walk around the front of the vehicle once again to return to the driver's side seat while the guard climbed back into the front passenger's seat. Laguna listened as both doors closed and sighed, closing his eyes as he raised a hand back up to sweep his fingers idly through his long, loose bangs.

" _Squall_?" he hummed to himself, reclining back against the seat. They had plenty of space but also privacy as it seemed the driver and passenger seats at the front of the hover car was currently closed off thanks to a lifted, solid black separator that reached the roof. Laguna stretched his right leg out in front of himself while his left tucked itself close to the side beneath him; left palm falling onto the seat between himself and Squall. "Well, it's nice to get onto a first name basis with you, Squall! I'm Laguna."

Kind of funny that they had crawled into the back of a car together without first offering up first names but... Well, here they were.

Squall offered no response to the other's name, hopeful that Laguna would understand his silence as a confirmation he had heard him. Squall wasn't one to needlessly talk or provide verbal agreement if something simple was expected to be understood. If he had issue with a topic, it would be well known, more often than not his response being physical instead of spoken. Perhaps he would have had a different reaction, if he could just remember where he had heard that name.

_'Laguna Loire, huh...'_

Repeating it to himself was doing absolutely nothing; all he could manage to grasp in his haze of whiskey and bad long term memory was the name carefully scrawled on some formal documents....a signature? He hadn't seen the other man sign anything at the bar, although he could have at many moments the brunette was occupied in his sour mood. Maybe he could have compared the text....too late for that. 

He shifted slightly, feeling the car raise up and begin to move, seamlessly merging with the rest of the busy nightlife traffic. Both hands rested against each knee, his back finally relaxing against the smooth leather of the seat. Blue eyes shifted to the left, looking out tinted windows as they passed by cars, people, and buildings. 

Laguna sighed once more as he reopened his eyes, peering out of the dark tinted window to his right to gaze out, pressing his shoulder against the door as an elbow propped onto the panel that held numerous buttons and the door's handle. Propping his chin into the palm of his hand, he opted to continue watch the nightlife pass them by; flashing lights, neon colors, a million stars and multi-colored crystal.

"So, what do you think of Esthar City so far, Squall?"

Small conversation; probably something the other didn't want right now.

Wouldn't that be  _funny_ if it was? How in the world did Squall manage to get himself into such a situation? Well... It wasn't really  _his_ fault. Laguna was the one who had started whatever  _this_ was. But sent here on business... Probably with some very clear, very precise directions. And instead, now Squall was in the back of the president's hover car. Turning to look back at the brunette who looked to almost blend in with the rest of the interior, Laguna smiled to himself before glancing down at the seat. He took a moment to feel over the leather in the space between them, smoothing his palm over the fabric; but just stealing another glance from Squall, he could tell it couldn't compare to the fine black leather that draped over the other's thighs or the jacket that wrapped itself around his biceps and shoulders. But Laguna could never remember paying too much attention to the leather interior before. He had commented that it was  _real nice_ and way better than anything found inside an APC or even his old pick-up. But other than that...

But what did _Squall_ think? Why would that matter? He was only assigned to be in the city for three days, the first and third including travel time. He didn't particularly have time to think about trivial things like that....a city was nothing more than a place to house bodies - hopefully ones that had information for him. Cities were too big, too loud, and unsafe. On the surface everything looked pleasant; couples walking hand-in-hand down clean blue sidewalks, stopping at little shops, sharing coffee and smiling. But he knew the truth to a place like this - every city was the same. Citizens weren't always pure-hearted, some only looked out for themselves. Some didn't care what the job was, as long as they got what they wanted. Squall was certain Cid was caught up in  _something_  and it had to do with this place.

"...It's unreasonably blue." he murmured, more caught up in the sights outside than wanting to engage in any form of conversation. A small nagging feeling was still pulling at the back of his mind; were they headed to the hotel or not? If not the hotel, then where? 

Laguna's body was still pleasantly humming with quite a deep buzz as he relaxed, one arm draped across his lap now as he tilted his head back. He felt a little sleepy... But nothing that made him think that he would fall asleep on the ride back 'home'. His free hand ran along the leather seat once again, towards the edge where his palm curled over it and gripped it ever so slightly when the hover car jerked. Blue eye flickered over to the small area between the seats for a moment before going back to the view, noticing the other man's hand casually running across the deep leather. Did he like leather? His drunk mind started to wander, picturing his right hand reaching over and grasping Laguna's, tugging him over and.....  street lamps and illuminated signs flashed through his vision; he was unable to make out any of the names due to a combination of too many shots and the speed at which the car was going. He would be unable to watch for the hotel's name even if he tried. He smiled slightly to himself, his eyes half lidded now deciding the outside view was no longer needed, content to just watch the mixtures of blues and bright lights pass by.

Hm? Reopening his eyes, Laguna arched an eyebrow and looked back up as he turned towards the window; flashing lights reflecting off of the nearby building walls. Was something going on?...

His emerald eyes widened when the vehicle suddenly tilted to the right, a shout from the front of the hover car barely audible as the chauffeur offered up apologies. Laguna slammed into the door beside him, a small grunt passing his lips, and almost didn't see Squall spiraling towards him as the brunette was forced out of his own seat to go falling towards Laguna on the right side of the car. Gasping out, his head tilted backwards as Squall's weight came bearing down onto him; pinning his back into the space between the seat and the door. His right foot pressed down onto the floorboard while his left leg was spread from his right thigh to press to the back of the seat. Laguna's right hand remained tightly gripping the panel of the door where he grasped the mock-handle used for support--his left instinctively wrapping back around Squall's waist to grasp the back of his jacket for the second time that night.

Before anything else, Squall felt Laguna's grip tighten at the space between them, the rest of his senses slowly joining in as his head turned towards the other, seeing car headlights dimly through the right side window. He managed to catch the man's green eyes widen in surprise before he felt his own body moving without his consent. 

_'...What the fuck?'_

Eyes closed, arms out slightly in front of him in an attempt to brace against impact, Squall felt the right side of his body crash into Laguna and uttered a pained grunt. He knew it was not intelligent to close his eyes at that exact moment, but he had become unfortunately head shy after a certain someone decided pointing a gunblade straight at his head was a wonderful misunderstanding of a fair spar. The fingers on his right hand curled into a fist, his forearm resting heavily on the right side panel near the door, behind Laguna's head. His left hand had made contact with the door panel below the tinted window, fingers splayed out flat against the cool leather interior. His legs had no where in particular to be, the brunette not realizing yet what had happened, he simply attempted to lessen his weight that was undoubtedly causing Laguna some discomfort. His arms carried some of the burden, but as he went to push away from the other, he noticed Laguna's grip on his leather jacket.

_'I...Oh.'_

The hover car remained tilted on its side for what felt like an eternity as it maneuvered past an accident spot. Laguna's cheeks were burning and if the alcohol in his system had lulled him back into some state of calm relaxation, those hard drinks were now making his head spin, his thoughts no longer straight and he swore his vision wasn't clear yet--Squall's face was  _right there_. Laguna drew in a sharp breath as his heart rattled, a shot of adrenaline entering his bloodstream as he was pinned between the vehicle door and Squall himself. That scent of gunsmoke was back, filling his senses, a lingering note of alcohol meshed between them. Laguna's lips parted in sheer reaction, his breath caught in his own throat as he continued to stare back up at the other who remained posed over him; their weight combined against the locked door. His fingers curled further into the back of Squall's black leather jacket although it wasn't so much a gesture made to pull him away as it was just to keep a grip on him in case the vehicle fixed itself back into its former position.

_He was so close... He was so close to him._

Squall's gaze shifted down in an attempt to look anywhere but into the other's eyes, feeling his entire face heat up in embarrassment. They were so close, and it was so quick....and he didn't have a choice in any of it. Squall was no stranger to being close like this with other people; this wasn't even the first male he had been close to in this way. But this....this  _situation_  he was faced with now, was far more difficult and daunting of a reality than the actual mission he had come here for in the first place. He didn't favor unplanned events - every time he had been intimate it had been a calculated measure that he confirmed within himself before pursuing the other. He hadn't had a free moment to begin strategizing a plan of attack with Laguna, and now he was pressed firmly against him; he could feel the heat from his body and it was making him uncomfortably hot.  

Breathing through his nose unsteadily, Squall's eyes were fixated on the chain around Laguna's neck, the dog tags pressing gently across the soft blue shirt. He couldn't bring himself to look at him, although he could feel eyes watching him. He could feel his shaky exhale, his grip on the back of his leather tighten, the faint smell of expensive whiskey and a cologne he couldn't put his finger on. His mind was a jumbled mess; he felt uncertain, self-conscious, and surprised. On the other hand he also felt unbearably hot, slightly desperate, and way too high-strung from all the teasing earlier at the bar. 

_'Why am I so nervous. It's never like this.'_

Laguna was too stunned to think, to stunned to know what to say; joking about how this was the  _second_ time Squall had ended up in his arms seemed like a fun thing to do, but he couldn't even manage  _that_. But... Did he  _need_ to think of anything? Did he  _need_ to say anything? Right now, in a drunken haze and panicked blur, with Squall's face so close to his own, with that scent of gunsmoke and woods, with that same disappointing thought of Squall leaving him for the night; forever; there was only one thing that could come to mind and--

Pressing his foot against the floorboard again to better brace himself, Laguna's left leg extended outwards to do the same against the seat. His shoulders pressed into the back of the black leather seat and the side of the door, allowing his right hand to pull free from the panel in order to rise up and grasp hold of the side of Squall's face. There wasn't much thought put into his motions, other than being driven almost off of instinct that may or may not have had anything to do with the drunken haze he was still under.  _A need_ he didn't quite understand, but it still seemed to tie back to not wanting to relinquish the other to the night; to his hotel; out of sight, perhaps never to be seen again.

And despite having no answers, despite this sort of thing never happening before, this scenario, this  _need_...

Drawing Squall's face forward, Laguna tilted his own upwards as those panicked emerald eyes relaxed before closing entirely. His lips parted ever so slightly before capturing Squall's own, his fingers now pushing into a brunette hairline while cradling the other's face as his other hand remained curled into soft, black leather.

_His chest hurt_.

Squall felt Laguna shift beneath him, his leg releasing from the cramped position. He felt the soft touch on his face, his eyes finally looking up to meet the other's, unable to sense any uncertainty in them. He felt the hand tugging his face forward gently, the fingers sliding into his hair, and finally lips on his own. He leaned in, returning the kiss gently as his eyes slipped close after watching Laguna's first. His right forearm remained on the side panel of the car near Laguna's head, his fist clenching in response to the intimate action he did not initiate. His other hand left the door panel in favor of grasping the side of Laguna's face, fingers trailing gently over the man's right ear, gliding through soft ebony locks and continuing down over his neck. He traced along the chain of his necklace, moving slowly, his tongue flicking gently across the other's bottom lip.

_A punch. A kick. A shove. Anything._

Laguna had expected almost anything else but what had actually happened. Although his move had been bold and made with little to no rational thought, he had fully expected some sort of violent response out of Squall. Instead, what he received was a pair of warm lips pressing back against his very own. His bare fingers curled further into Squall's hairline as a heavy breath fell past his nose, his heart pounding hard against his chest which sent the alcohol in his blood burning further through his veins. He remained where he was, pinned and posed between the door and Squall himself; his body quivering once or twice from sheer nerves. To say that Laguna had been brave in making the first move--drunk or otherwise--would have been a argument to simply say he lucked out by getting a positive response to his sheer stupidity. But either way, here they were, with neither of them disputing their current circumstance.

' _Oh--A-Ahh...--_ '

All thoughts were suddenly dismissed when Laguna felt a bare hand take hold of the side of his face, his heart nearly jumping to his throat in mild panic. He still half-expected Squall to rip his head away, to break out of his own current daze to realize what was going on, but instead the brunette's fingers only traced around the lobe of a pierced ear which sent a pleasant shiver down his warm body. A soft hiss managed to pass his lips, face turning ever so slightly away for only a moment as Squall's fingertips pushed into the mane of his rich, onyx hair and as the other would find it was indeed  _quite soft_ and well taken care of. Locks began to fall from its hair tie as Squall kept his hand on the nape of his neck, only for his touch to fall farther into the collar of his shirt to make contact with the hot metal chain laying on his skin. His breathing hitched when he felt the other's tongue graze over his lower lip; effectively causing his lips to part in response. Emerald hues, dazed, opened only a fraction to stare up at the face that still hovered over his own as he drew his hand on Squall's back farther up towards the other's shoulders. His other palm remained on the side of his face, thumb sweeping along a cheekbone as he took those precious seconds to stare up at the blushing face that remained so close to his own. Flushed features, a dark scar, tightly closed eyes, parted lips...

Squall let out a soft sigh against lips, feeling himself finally relaxing, the tension and uncertainty vanishing from his body being replaced by a warm need. The alcohol had to have had some part in this, but neither of the men seemed to care much about that anymore. The car shifted again, returning to it's original correct position, continuing down the busy road as if nothing had happened. He felt his body weight shift back to the leather seat and off of Laguna, however Squall did not move from his spot between the other's legs. Eyes still closed tightly, he ran his left hand back up the side of Laguna's neck, fingers reaching into the hair at the back. His fist closed gently around those locks as he brought his lips back against Laguna's, leaning his body softly towards him, leather brushing close to khaki. 

Laguna heard Squall sigh and brushed his thumb against the brunette's cheek once more before pushing his fingers back into the other's hairline, curving around to the back of his head before stopping when the hover car suddenly shifted. Both men rocked together as the vehicle leveled back evenly onto the street, forcing Squall's weight off of Laguna but the former didn't seem to have any intention of letting go of the latter. Squall's Griever emblem fell from its own resting place, coming to hover close to Laguna's chest so silver could kiss silver; Squall's trinket against his ID tags. His dog tags clinked together as his own form swayed from the motion but they soon laid flat against the exposed portion of his bare chest when Squall leaned right back over him again; one leather-clad leg brushing further up a khaki-covered thigh. No sound left his mouth but Squall could feel the rhythmic purr from deep within Laguna's throat when he felt the other's bare hand scale the length of his neck, ascending to the back of his head once more to touch at his hairline. Once more, the brunette's fingers seemed to tangle within those raven strands he had been itching to touch all evening; threads of silk wrapping themselves around every digit, every knuckle, when Squall formed a small fist within his mane. More hair spilled out from his hair tie, caught in the other's grasp, which gently tugged on the back of his head to force Laguna's face up.

' _He keeps grabbin' my hair..._ '

It didn't bother him; it only surprised him. The fact that Squall had formed a fist within the locks was what caught him off guard the most, but he was gentle in his hold. He sighed again, raising his hand further up along Squall's back as he dared to brush his nails delicately along that soft leather. His palm flattened back out when he found the brunette's shoulder blades, pulling Squall closer to himself when their lips managed to crash together again. His eyes drifted closed and he moaned softly. The need was there, nearly desperate but controlled despite being under such a drunken influence. It had Laguna on edge; something as gentle and airy as  _this_ didn't really seem to suit his company. Maybe it was irony that a guy who dressed in all black and leather belts would have a  _tender_ side but he couldn't help but feel on edge... As if he were trapped in a cage with an animal just  _waiting_ to snap. But for now, Laguna would enjoy this... Whatever  _this_ was. 

Their lips broke away from one another's again, only for Squall's face to dip back down and nip at the side of his lower lip unexpectedly. Squall bit down on the side of Laguna's bottom lip, eliciting a soft gasp from the other as Squall smirked against him, excitement and energy thrumming through his body as he reveled in his control, forcibly parting lips to dip his tongue into the other's mouth, fingers tightening and tugging at Laguna's hair at the nape. There was no battle here, no fight as he felt the man sink against him, taking whatever Squall chose to give him. Laguna gasped in surprise at the feel of  _teeth_ against his lip and tilted his face further upwards, the arch in his spine mimicking this gesture as it lifted off from the seat beneath them just slightly; his mouth left partially open as he drew in another sharp inhale, his body trembling as his fingers curled into short, dusky locks. Squall seemed to take full advantage of this as he conquered Laguna's mouth with his own, hot tongue slipping past reddened lips to invade the space of another's. His hold on Squall tightened as his hair was pulled, twisted further into a tighter fist, and sent a stunning, unexpected shock of both slight pain and excitement rushing down his spine. It certainly kept his head from pulling away, his mouth entirely locked onto his company's so that they could explore each other's drunken palate.

Squall broke the kiss once again, his breathing uneven and heavy, lips still hovering where they had previously attacked. Laguna fell back against the seat. His chest finally rose and fell hard with his own shaky breaths, silver dog tags glimmering from the passing lights each time he inhaled. For a few moments, he was content to simply lay there listening to their own breathing as they tried to recover from whatever had just transpired. Nothing really...  _Nothing really_. That was a lie. His flesh was on fire and was growing hotter by the second; with every little touch to his skin, with every little tug on his hair. Slowly, his eyes rolled open again as his vision cleared only enough to not only be able to  _feel_ Squall's face still so close to his own but to be able to see it as well.

"This is your fault, you know." he whispered, his grasp on Laguna's hair loosening and releasing, stretching his fingers between the soft locks instead.

Wet lips pulled up into a smile as a chuckle broke past the surface of his mouth, his hand falling from Squall's hair to scale down to a shoulder.

"Yeah, it is," he whispered in reply, head tilting to one side. "Not like I'm feelin' too guilty about that though."

The loosened touch in his hair was still nice as Laguna purred once again, the faint rake of Squall's nails over his scalp sending yet another pleasurable shiver down the length of his spine. It relaxed him more than anything, eyes slowly fluttering closed as he hand idly began to rise and fall along Squall's back; rubbing against his own spine and causing friction between his palm and the black leather that still adorned the other's body.

But as Squall was about to in for another assault, imagining the sounds he could force out of the other dragging his bites lower, he noticed the car didn't seem to be moving, and he could no longer hear the heavy sound of traffic filling the white noise around them. Could they already.....

"Fuck." 

They had arrived at the Presidential Palace.


	6. Where Is My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With your feet on the air  
> And your head on the ground  
> Try this trick and spin it, yeah  
> Your head'll collapse  
> If there's nothing in it  
> And then you'll ask yourself
> 
> Where is my mind?  
> Where is my mind?  
> Where is my mind?
> 
> Way out in the water  
> See it swimmin'

It was only when Squall cursed did Laguna return to his senses. He reopened his eyes and looked back up, finding a look of alarm written clear across the other's face. Pulling himself out of his current, relaxed haze, Laguna pushed himself up to sit as he kept one hand on the brunette's shoulder. His hair spilled entirely out from his hair tie, falling loose around his own shoulders as he looked towards one tinted window and then another. The neon glow of lime and azure was familiar and he frowned, eyebrows pulling together as he looked behind him for the hair tie that had fallen into the seat behind him. He quickly worked with Squall to pull himself away from the other, licking at his lips as he pulled his hair back into a ponytail behind him.

" _Well damn_ , any other time it would've been a more leisurely ride, ya know?" he joked, rubbing along his jawline as he looked back at the dark tinted window. "Well, either way, guess we're here now..."

But hot damn,  _what a ride that had been_.

Laguna listened as the two front doors opened so that both the chauffeur and guard could exit the hover car, leaving both the president and SeeD mercenary inside. Both feet shifted across the floorboard as he pushed himself to the edge of the seat, hands gripping the leather as he made the first move to leave; but paused as he glanced back over his shoulder. His eyes flickered back up to Squall's face, the expression on it making his lips curl up with a rather amused smirk. It soon softened into a smile as he leaned over, one hand rising up from the dark leather to grasp hold of Squall's chin to pull the other's face forward towards his own.

"Hey, wipe that look off your face," he hummed, "or else they'll think we were up to something."

He managed to sneak one more kiss in; a small nip to Squall's own lower lip this time; before Laguna pulled himself away as soon as the door began to open.

What look? Squall had entirely no idea what he looked like at that moment, although he felt like a hot mess. His hand flexed a few times as he rolled his shoulders back, feeling suddenly stiff after feeling so relaxed. His eyes lingered on Laguna as he had adjusted himself in the back seat, straightening out his shirt and tying that pretty hair back. Was Squall frowning? ...Why did he have to put his hair back...it looked a lot better down. It must have been a frown, considering the look Laguna was giving him. Or perhaps he was smirking? For the life of him he could not figure that one out; not a single thought was being processed in his mind. He was about to reply, however a pair of lip met his again, feeling a soft sting as the other pulled away. 

_'Did he just....'_

His tongue slid over the area that was assaulted, eyeing the back of Laguna's body as it disappeared into the street. So that's how it is huh?

Laguna's watch and bracelet on his left hand jingled together as he reached out for the doorframe, extending one leg out and then the other as he pulled himself from the back of the hover car. Sighing, he smoothed his hair down once more and then began to pull down his shirt, fixing his attire with a quick glance over himself. 

"My utmost apologies, Mr. Pre--"

"It's all right," Laguna spoke, quickly cutting the driver off as he raised a hand. "Could've used a warnin' but it's nothin' to fuss over."

"Of course," the chauffeur responded as he bowed his head. "If I had known of the accident prior to us leaving, I would have navigated a different route."

"Ah well!"

Laguna stretched his arms behind himself as he waited for Squall to join him. 

"We're here now!"

Ignoring the now dull sparks the body was sending to mind, Squall reached across the leather interior, locating his bag shoved somehow in the corner, checking to make sure all the contents had remained after the car incident. Running a hand through bangs once more, he tossed the bag to his shoulder, mentally preparing himself for whatever was coming next. Judging by Laguna's words and actions, they most definitely had not arrived at a hotel. Squall could hear the other's muffled words with the chauffeur, but his attention was not on any of what they said. There would be no reason for him to step out of the car if the plan was to deliver Squall to the hotel...so that meant.

_'Fuck it.'_

Ducking, he placed both leather clad legs out of the car where Laguna had exited, his well-worn boots hitting the pavement hard as he somewhat misjudged his weight how near the ground had actually been. The familiar tilt of a little too much to drink filled his vision as he looked up, still sitting on the leather edge of the car seat, both hands grasping the smooth metal frame of the car. Yup, still drunk. 

Arms and legs worked together, lifting his weight up and out of the car, his gaze finding Laguna's as the other smiled and turned, starting to walk toward what Squall assumed was 'home'. Shuffling forward a few steps, his hold on the car door separated as he flung it closed, eyes finally facing fully forward as he took in the view displayed widely in front of him.

_'...Are you fucking kidding me.'_

The Presidential Palace. It sure was no hotel; almost a city inside of a city, which Squall would soon find as soon as they walked past massive glass doors and into a very ornate and complex lobby.

A massive structure stood before him, gleaming brightly in the night sky with a soft yet loud shine; the left wing illuminated in orange, the right in blue. Squall was not sure what he was seeing; he was only partially use to the city's unique architecture and this structure took his breath away. How could Laguna afford a place like this? Aside from the massive skyscrapers, this was the largest construction seen so far. Was this the result of military or political wealth? Why would anyone need that much space for themselves? It could have served the purpose of a high-scale shopping mall; standing this close barely allowed one to see one fourth the size. Leaning his head back slightly and to the right, he could tell the structure went on and on, a series of pod-like formations separated by what he could only assume to be some sort of hallway, maybe even a road, blocked the full gaze of his attempt to see some sort of end. Perhaps these were some type of apartments or condos? Maybe Laguna just occupied one of the pods? Squall considered that more realistic possibility as he moved quickly with a slight jog, attempting to catch up with Laguna and the guard walking close to his right side. The chauffeur remained by the car, politely watching as the rest of the party entered through a pair of spotless glass doors that towered overhead.

It had been a relatively uneventful expedition into the Presidential Palace, if Laguna did say so himself. He was surprised that he had even managed to walk half as well as he had with all the bright lights practically blinding his intoxicated vision; but somehow he had pulled himself together enough to save face. Once or twice he had glanced over to his left to steal a glimpse of his company who still looked overwhelmed at the sight of the Presidential Palace. He couldn't help but smile a bit slyly; it was true, this place was  _colossal_. But it did serve a purpose other than holding his home... Or rather, what had  _become_ his home. A venue like this wasn't exactly the kind of place he had ever envisioned himself living. In fact, if things had gone differently... Well, who was to say he wouldn't be living in a more comfortable townhouse in Deling City? Or a cozy cottage riddled with bullets in Winhill?

_No_.

Laguna raised a hand up to touch his temple, closing his eyes for a moment as he stepped past the tall glass doors that parted open for himself, Squall, and the guard to pass through. He forced the thoughts from his mind once they walked into the lobby, where he then proceeded to stroll right on up to the front desk as nonchalant as possible. In fact, the desk attendant hardly seemed perturbed by Laguna's antics as the man laid one arm across the desk while his other hand found its way into a khaki pocket. He smiled and made some light conversation even if the attendant wasn't having any of it while checking him and  _his guest_ into the building. It was all for tracking's sake. This truly was a place of business, both political and military, and there was no reason for anyone who didn't have any purpose in being here to roam around and potentially get lost in the luminous labyrinth of circuitry and glass. 

A sigh escaped from Squall's lips, glad to finally be contained in a controlled area; looking up at the outside of the building had him feeling uneasy and jittery as if he were strapped into a roller coaster. His stride ceased, flanking Laguna on his left side as the entire party arrived at a sleek looking front lobby desk, complete with an extremely bored looking night shift guard. Turning his attention to the left side, Squall took in the sight around him as Laguna spoke with the desk attendant. The guard they had arrived with quietly continued walking past on the right, waving a palm in front of the blue panel, the door seamlessly sliding to the side within itself as he passed through, a quiet clack echoing after as the door closed.

Everything in the lobby seemed exaggerated in some way. Massive cream colored pillars lined the space, perfectly symmetric and seamless in their bend. Gleaming floors adored with plush deep red carpets - the familiar flag emblem pattern repeated at doorways and the front desk. Pristine white walls that appeared a soft cobalt, illuminated by lighting hidden above. He squinted lightly in an attempt to make out a faint pattern in the walls - it almost looked like circuitry, but it was too hard to tell if it was real or not. Blue eyes shifted back to the desk, noting the top shimmered in the lighting, tiny speckles of what seemed like fine glass embedded between smooth white. A glow from behind the desk indicated some sort of security system - he watched the guard tap on a holographic screen, nodding once towards Laguna's direction.

"You're all set, sir, have a good night."

Patting the desktop for a moment, Laguna thanked the attendant and wished him and the guard both a good night as well. He pulled his arm from off of the furniture and turned to head towards an archway that would lead them to a hallway, but paused when he noticed Squall's attention was still transfixed on the scenery around him. Smiling, he reached out to tap onto a shoulder; soon motioning with both the tilt of his head and his thumb to follow him into the corridor. Laguna took a few steps backwards, which was a magnificent feat given his inebriated state of mind, before turning to continue taking the lead in luring Squall deeper into the palace. 

Squall was still entranced, attempting to take in all the sights around him that he barely noticed the small tap to his right shoulder. His awareness returned, blue eyes meeting green as Laguna threw him that curious smile again, his thumb pointing to the right as he called for Squall to follow him down the hallway. It appeared that no guard was needed to accompany them any longer; Squall walked along with the other man, still to his left. Calloused fingers wrapped around the straps of his bag, tugging them off his left shoulder in favor of carrying it at his side. He remained silent, continuing to look around the long hallway.

The corridor looked similar to the lobby; same walls and flooring. However, orange framed doors appeared seemingly at random, small bronze placards stating the purpose to each. Meeting Room 103, Surveillance Area #2, Stock Capacity 004. What in the world was this place? His observation drifted to the ceiling, noticing a clear magenta tube structure running the entirely of the hallway and continuing to where he couldn't see. What could that possibly be? Structural? A decoration? Squall was lost in his own thought, attempting to wrap his mind around all of it. He was used to hi-tech places - the Garden itself was considered years ahead of some of the other locations missions had taken him on. But this....this wasn't on a different level...it was entirely on a separate plane. 

Lost in his own thought, still confused as to just  _where_  they were, Squall almost continued walking down the passage past Laguna, who had stopped in front of a door that looked unlike the others they passed up. Feet stumbled slightly at the quick stop, his drunken gaze now facing forward, stealing a quick glance at the man next to him. Laguna looked...pleased with himself. He didn't at all seem nervous as he reached out and tapped a small indent to the left of the frosted blue doors, a faint tan circuitry motif snaking it's way in no clear pattern etched across. 

The elevator stood out quite a bit from the other orange framed double doors that had lined the hallway; it was set  _inside_ of the wall, behind a gunmetal gray archway with slowly pulsing, incandescent blue lights. Laguna motioned for Squall to stay there, near the steps leading up to the elevator doors as he walked off to the side of the arch to reach a holographic screen nearly similar to that Squall had seen at the front desk in the lobby. One hand still in his pocket, his right palm lifted up to begin tapping a short code into the luminescent screen that reflected light onto Laguna's own skin and hair. That same sly smile was still on his face although by now it was beginning to pull up into a rather satisfied grin. He looked happy for  _whatever_ reason, especially when the pearly, circuit-covered ash doors parted open. 

The door split open in front of them, both panels sliding into the pockets to each side, displaying the rich interior of what was obviously an elevator. The internal colors matched the doors - all soft varying blues, with slight indents of the flag along the walls, accented with a bronzed railing. A small chandelier hung above, its chunky rectangular angles contrasting with the blue; soft orange hues spilled out, dancing along the floor which was made of the same material as the lobby desk. 

Quickly hopping around from where the panel had been, Laguna hurried inside of the elevator that--much like the rest of the palace so far--only seemed to leave Squall in awe. Quite use to the decor that he was accustomed to seeing day in and day out, Laguna paid no mind to any of it as he stood in front of a new board that looked very much like the one just outside the elevator doors. Nestled inside the actual wall, he took to entering a series of short codes before pressing his hand against the screen that scanned his entire hand before approving the codes entered as well as both his hand and fingerprints. He had little idea of Squall eyeing his hair that was still pulled back, contained with that hair tie that had become the brunette's enemy for the night; but did well to expose the nape of his neck just above that baby blue collar.

Squall followed the raven-haired man, his attention back on those silky strands. He pictured once again reaching towards them, tugging the offending hair tie away. A smirk came to his lips as he relaxed against the wall opposite of the doors, arms crossed in front of his chest, weight leaning on his left leg as he sunk slightly, his back resting against the wall. His attention was solely on Laguna now, watching with curious eyes as he punched in some code at the panel within the elevator on the right side walls. The doors closed seamlessly, a faint puff of air the only sound emerging from the seal.

"So...are we done with this maze yet? I'm getting tired of following behind you."

Once the doors closed, Laguna sighed almost in time with the seal forming before turning to peer right back over at Squall. It didn't take long for him to start smiling all over again, rolling sideways along the wall so that his back pressed against it and simply stared back at the brunette as his head leaned to the side.

"Almost," he hummed.

Pushing himself from the wall, he began to make his way over; crossing the distance between them as he came to stand in front of the other once the elevator had shifted and began to rise, nice and smooth. Both hands removed themselves from his pocket so that he could reach out in front of him, taking a moment to allow his palms to settle onto Squall's biceps that were flexed due their currently crossed position. The leather felt tight over what he could only assume to be chiseled muscle beneath the constricted fabric, hands giving a squeeze along the tendons just to ensure his suspicions were correct. Slowly, his right palm curved around the brunette's left bicep as he leaned in; eyelids dropping half-way as his lips barely grazed the surface of Squall's own as he began to speak.

"Gettin' tired of  _followin' me_ , huh?" Laguna breathed, voice dropping a tone or two. "You  _wanna take the lead_ then?"

Arms tensed as he felt the other's hands rest on his biceps, squeezing lightly. Ah, well. What was Laguna looking for? Squall was in no particular rush to undress, although he did not mind the contact; he would be doing the same soon, hopefully with the baby-blue button up somewhere forgotten on the floor. His breath stilled as the other leaned in, Squall's head positioned against the back wall of the elevator. He could feel the soft vibrations of it inching upward towards their destination, a soft click as it passed what he thought must be the first floor. Those sharp-witted lips were close to his own again. An eyebrow raised up a touch to the comment.

_Oh, really now?_

 The fingers of his left hand unclenched, his black bag hitting the floor with a soft thud. Unwrapping his crossed arms, Squall moved each to Laguna's sides, hands tightening roughly as he slid his lips away from the other's, only to move leisurely to his right. Lips pulled close to a pierced ear, he let out a soft chuckle.

 "Are you sure you want to give me that kind of control?"

He left no time for the man to reply, placing his weight evenly distributed in his feet, his forearms strained as he pushed to the left, rotating gracefully out of the way as Laguna landed where Squall had previously been occupying. However he was facing the wall. The brunette made sure to not push too hard; he didn't want anyone to end up with blood dripping down their forehead. The hands at his sides had disappeared only for a moment, now back in their rightful place they dipped lower, resting assertively on shocked hips. A few steps forward and leather met khaki again; pushing his weight against Laguna, effectively pinning him against the elevator wall. Fingers pressed down into the material underneath as Squall leaned further, his chest now flush against his captive's back, his face hovering close to Laguna's left cheek.

"Maybe in the future, be more careful? You don't always know what you're getting into."

Did something happen? Was he moving? Laguna  _felt_ like he was moving; this came  _after_ feeling calloused hands take hold of his slender waist. It was a touch he could have cursed himself for leaning into a little too much, entranced by soft words that were breathed along the shell of his ear. His palms ran down the length of Squall's biceps and--that's all he could remember. The next thing he knew, he had been whipped around the brunette himself and, without much effort on Squall's part, had found that the two of them had seemingly switched positions. Confused, Laguna looked up at the ornate ceiling with its lavish chandelier before turning his head; craning his neck to try and look behind him before a sharp gasp fell from his parted lips in surprise when his body was suddenly pressed up against the elevator wall with the other's own form quickly following suit. Emerald eyes widened considerably when he felt his frame pinned between the wall covered in circuits and Squall's anatomy. Leather grazed against khaki again; the mercenary's face dipped back in; his touch was first on his waist but slowly dragged downward to grasp his narrow hips. 

Smooth cheeks were soon illuminating with a vibrant hue of scarlet, his eyes still wide as Squall's chest pressed into the space of his back.

' _N-No way--what just--?!_ '

Was he in danger? His gut didn't seem to be telling him anything was wrong, yet his heart was beating even more rapidly than before. Palms were pushing up against the wall, his form hardly given any room between that and Squall's body that still pressed square up against him. 

" _Heh_ ," he suddenly chuckled at Squall's warning, despite the panic clearly seen in the flush of his cheeks. "Not like I've  _never_ heard that before."

Which was true. Absolutely, totally, one hundred percent true. Kiros and Ward were  _always_ yelling at him, ever since he could remember. Think before you act! Don't just rush into things without a plan! Don't be so impulsive! And one would think that after years of scorn and being constantly reprimanded Laguna would learn; yet here he was bringing a stranger up to his personal quarters. Someone he didn't know a damn thing about except for his name and the fact that he loved black leather  _maybe a little too much_.

Squall inhaled, catching that deep cologne at Laguna's neck, fingers twitching in anticipation still held tightly on hips. His exhale brought his face closer, the tip of his nose barely noticeable as he traveled down that enticing path of skin, settling finally at the spot that met neck and shoulder. Laguna heard Squall draw in his scent through his nose; his cologne. That sweet, woodsy tone completely satisfying the brunette's senses as the other seemed to want to seek out the source. Of course you put perfumes on your pulse points, which Squall  _found_ but seemed to...disregard that in favor of dipping his face in even lower, past his collar. Goosebumps rose along his fair, sand-colored skin at the feel of Squall's breath ghosting down the length of his neck and almost instinctively, tilted his head ever so slightly to the side. Laguna was relaxing... Slowly, slowly, eyes drifting closed as a faint moan attempted to leave the depths of his throat when Squall's hands squeezed their hold even more tightly around his hips.  

Squall licked at the spot between neck and shoulder only once, mostly as an inadequate warning, right before lips spread and teeth sunk down, biting gently at first, unknowing of Laguna's pain tolerance. It took more self control than he was willing to admit to not rock his own hips directly into that wonderful body pinned beneath him when he heard a sharp exhale.

Lips pressed against his heated flesh, burning Squall upon contact; a hot tongue caressed his skin; Laguna shivered again, fingers curling forward to form small fists against the elevator wall.

Laguna's form jerked, eyes flying wide open as he was caught in the jaws of a very lethal lion, a fist reeling back just enough to slam back up against the wall. His mouth parted open, a shrill, unique noise not quite a moan but not quite a cry lifting up into the air as his head leaned back then turned towards Squall's and allowed his temple to rest against the side of the brunette's head. His shoulder lifted in instinctual response, lips still separated as he inhaled shakily, uneven, and quickly moved one arm behind him to try and grasp the back of Squall's head. Fingers tugged onto the dusky strands as his voice fell short of a whimper, eyes closing tightly before he bit down onto his lower lip and pushed his face further into the top of the mercenary's own who still remained latched onto that space between neck and shoulder. Breathing was a struggle; Squall's teeth seemed to slowly be sinking down further and further into his lit skin, the pain radiating out in every direction but slowly that pain was being overcome with a pleasant sensitivity. Laguna's breathing hitched, catching in his throat time and again as a moan managed to press into Squall's hair as he all but succumbed to the other's hold; frozen where he was.

This is how Squall liked it. This is what he always craved. There weren't many things in life that could make that awful lonely hole in his chest where a heart should have been feel full for a moment. Squall never had much of a preference to who would be causing the pain and who took it, as long as it made him feel  _something_. He basked in the feeling of this particular excitement, his heart rate accelerated, his need kicking itself to the forefront of his mind. In fact, he got a similar high when pursuing someone on a mission, although it wasn't ever sexual like this. Either way, someone was bound to be held underneath his grip, gasping out in pain or pleasure; if he had any say in the matter it would be both. 

The pain drove itself down Laguna's arm, down his core and seemed to jump-start his typical reaction under stressful or nervous situations. His right leg tensed up, shocks of what felt like electrical-like stings radiating up and down from thigh to calf muscle. Laguna's weight pushed back against Squall's chest and onto his left leg, unable to pull away from the latter to tend to the paroxysm still taking firm hold of his muscles. The sensitivity of it all still had a vice-like grip on the older male, his fingers squeezing harder into Squall's hair until the other seemed satisfied to finally let him go. 

Squall released his hold, tongue darting out once to swipe against the angry bite mark. At least he had controlled himself; he managed to not break the skin. _inally_ , Laguna could breathe. Lips moved up from the assaulted spot, offering gentle kisses until he reached an ear lobe, sucking gently at the spot right above Laguna's earring. Laguna turned his face away, biting down onto his lower lip again as his eyebrows pulled together and his eyes remained tightly shut. His cheeks still had that bright shade of crimson, burning with embarrassment and  _need_. Lips only parted again to gasp out a half-moan when he felt Squall's small kisses lift up to his ear, where he then proceeded to suckle. Squall's fingers flexed, freeing his hold on hips, quietly stepping back, creating a small amount of space between their bodies. It was getting too hot in the elevator; Squall felt like he was about to overheat. 

A soft 'ding' came from the front of the elevator, indicating they were about to arrive on the correct floor. Squall noticed no movement from Laguna, a satisfied smile graced his lips. He brought a hand to that blue shirt, sliding slowly up until he reached the hair tie, a finger tugging gently but not attempting to remove it.

"This needs to go, by the way."

It was only when Squall pulled away completely did Laguna collapse into a heap on the floor. He fell almost instantly, his knees giving out beneath him as he leaned forward to press his bitten shoulder up against the wall. His left hand came to clasp over his mouth and nose, head bowing forward as his body shivered once or twice while his right hand instantly reached down to cradle his right leg that was still riddled with cramps. Even from where Squall stood, a few steps away, he could see that blush now reaching the tips of Laguna's ears that now burned a bright red.

_What the Hell had just happened anyway_?!

Too much, all at once. Squall's mouth had completely assaulted him and Laguna hadn't been prepared for it, which was  _exactly_ what the brunette seemed to have wanted. Catching him off guard had resulted in a rather surprising reaction or perhaps revealed a  _little too much_ about Laguna; such as how damn easy it was to rile him up with something as simple as a small bite.

Squall offered no other explanation for any of his actions while the elevator crept up slowly to their destination. Instead he reached down quickly, retrieving his bag from the floor and turned, flinging it over one shoulder again, waiting for the circuited doors to open. Once they were clear of his path, Squall stepped out, paying no attention to Laguna or what state he was currently in. Eyes roamed, taking in the new location.

It was similar to the main front lobby, but much smaller and compact in every detail. The walls and floor were the same, but the lobby desk was replaced with a long side table, similar in material. He noted a set of large doors to the right, set in a short hallway. One guard stood to the right of these doors, no indication that Squall was even there was granted. Two additional differences made themselves known, blue eyes darting between each before he could fully grasp what he was seeing. 

An elaborate gold sign hung near the top of the ceiling, directly above the table. Thick, detailed letters were indented in the gold, the text sharp and precise - you could easily read it from standing inside the elevator. 

**PRESIDENTIAL SUITE**.

Directly below the sign sat a well sized picture frame - in it stood Laguna in formal Estharian garb, shaking the hand of some old man, smiling at the camera. Underneath, etched in the frame read ' _President Laguna Loire of Esthar'_. Squall froze, standing dumbly in the middle of the lobby, his mind racing faster than his pulse.

' _Oh no. Oh shit.'_

His hand ran through his bangs again, a pained sigh escaping along with his confidence. He didn't even turn around to see where Laguna was, or even offer to speak directly at him. He spoke into the empty air, to no one in particular, the hand at his hair now dragging slowly down his face.

"You're the president of Esthar."

That precious time that Squall took to stand and stare and slowly realize the situation he had somehow managed to get himself into was all the time Laguna seemed to need to calm himself, only faintly having heard the brunette's last words regarding his hair tie. As the elevator doors began to close, he stuck out arm out to stop it and shakily wandered out into the lobby. He looked slightly disheveled and his cheeks were still alight, but at least the color had subsided into that drunken flush again. His hands shoved themselves back down into his pockets as he stepped up behind Squall, his emerald eyes softened again yet there was now a burning look to them; nothing menacing in the least. The guards meant  _nothing_ to him as Laguna would have been satisfied to drag Squall down to the ground right then and there but as luck would have it, he was distracted.

"Huh?"

Blinking, Laguna rolled his vision over to follow Squall's line of sight as he stepped up to the man's right side. He wasn't quite sure what exactly he was looking at until the obvious seemed to make itself known; that damned portrait. His lips pulled into a smile as he relaxed, shoulders leaning back a bit as he tilted his head to one side.

"Oh... Yeah, I am," he responded, exhaling. Laguna lifted a hand from a pocket, sweeping his bangs from out of his face as he tried to continue to cool down from the elevator ride up. "You still wanna stay though, right?"

' _She can never find out. I'll be dead.'_

Squall was of course thinking of Quistis. Short blurry memories were returning to him: the signature in sloppy cursive, underneath it clearly printed  _President of Esthar_  on some unimportant mission document, the small smirk that graced her lips when she mentioned Mr. Loire, her keen eyes glued to the screen during a speech. How could he have missed all of that? Not even recognized his face? It was true that Squall didn't live on the continent but, presidents were still important, especially in his line of work. What was worse - his superior most certainly had a  _thing_  for Laguna. He imagined her adjusting her glasses, a short tempered sigh escaping right before her fist pulled back to slam unceremoniously into Squall's skull. _He had just bit the president_ , after casually making out with him in an expensive car, and now here he stood, about to partake in some questionable activities. 

_'Why does this shit have to happen to me...'_

The internal struggle continued within his mind. What could he possibly do now? Wave goodnight and stand by the elevator door until it came back up after the guards? Tell Laguna his stomach hurt and he didn't want to throw up in the president's condo? If there had been any other hallways, he probably would have attempted to just run - he would find an exit to this ridiculous building eventually.  _No_. Everything would be lost if he left now. Yes....he was the president but, that didn't mean that everything that happened so far would be erased. Laguna didn't seem to care about his status - he wasn't even cocky about it. It meant nothing, at least not in the case of tonight - not with where they were planning to go...

_'Fuck.'_

Taking a few steps away, Laguna only paused to glance over his shoulder once as he proceeded to make his way over to a pair of grand double doors beaming with gold against that familiar grey, electrical motif. He only gave a wave to either of the guards, acknowledging their presence and motioned with a thumb that Squall was with him; not that any explanation was really needed.

"Hey, you two, you can be relieved of your duties here for the night!" Laguna beamed, holding up both arms. "So... Go on! It's Presidents Day! Go have a drink or two!"

Both guards glanced at one another, eyebrows lifting from beneath their helmets at their leader's antics. His words sounded just fine and dandy but...  _Was it really okay just to abandon their post_?

"Mr. President, with all due respect--"

"I'm tellin' you to leave and you don't wanna leave?  _That's commitment_. Look, my friend here passed all the security clearances and we'll be fine. It's not like anyone else can get up here anyway. So go on! Go have some fun!  _Go_! And if anyone gives you any trouble then you tell 'em to take it up with me,  _got it_?"

Either guard were left speechless as Laguna motioned for them to head towards the elevator with a series of animated, swinging gestures of his arms. 

"Right there, both of you," Laguna spoke, "to the elevator,  _go_!"

"Yes, Mr. President," they said in unison, saluting the man. They truly couldn't argue with Laguna as orders from  _the president himself_ were orders they couldn't go against. As strange as it was, they were both rather happy to have a break--especially  _for the night off_. Hopefully they'd still get paid for their full shift... Looking past their veiled lenses to Squall, they seemed to size him up as they walked past the youth in leather toward the elevator where they would ultimately disappear behind those frosted blue doors.

Squall had not been paying attention to any of the voices occupying the lobby; he had been lost in his own thoughts again. Regaining his composure, he caught the eye of both guards as they passed him, heading for the elevator. What was their problem? He pursed his lips together, throwing his chin up slightly, his free hand extending from where it was hovering near hips, palm and fingers stretched out in a gesture that clearly meant ' _what the fuck are you looking at?'_. Eyes darted from his cruel gaze, both guards hurrying towards their destination.

Laguna waved good-bye to them with that same dumb smile on his face before he heard the 'ding' of the elevator leaving. He glanced back at Squall curiously before turning around, hurrying forward to the grand double doors of pearl and crystal and grasped hold of one door-handle to pull it open. He peered over his shoulder once, slipping halfway inside.

"You comin'?"

 


	7. Flashing Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wood floors in the new apartment,  
> couture from the store's department  
> You more like L'eau de Stardee shit,  
> I'm more of the, trips to Florida  
> Order the h'orderves, views of the water  
> Straight from the page of your favorite author
> 
> And the weather so breezy,  
> Man, why can't life always be this easy

An eyebrow raised as he strode towards the president, clearly amused at the choice of words. Squall was on a mission now - not the original one he had arrived at Esthar for. Laguna seemed unfazed about what had just happened, meaning the fact that his 'secret' was out, not the elevator ride. Squall had plenty of data from that little test, and he planned to use it to his advantage. He was still unsure about two facts however: one - he had no idea how old Laguna was and two - he could not tell if he had ever been with any men. At the bar he seemed maybe ten years tops Squall's senior, and he flirted flawlessly, matching anything the brunette chose to throw at him. But now.....given Squall's age and the fact that he was a president...it was most likely over ten years. That didn't bother him, age never mattered - life was too short to care about trivial things like that, especially with those alluring ebony locks teasing him endlessly. If he had been with men or not before.....still a mystery, one that Squall was planning on solving tonight. 

The fingers of his left hand latched onto the door frame, stepping half way in as Laguna continued on once he was sure Squall was following.

"That's the plan, or at least...that's my plan for tonight."

"Great!" Laguna beamed as he turned away, opening the door a little more so that he could continue to enter the foyer. "I was getting a little nervous for a second. Thought I might've lost you."

That was  _twice now_ that Laguna had become rather nervous to see a smile fall from Squall's face and be replaced with something... A little more serious, a little more  _withdrawn_. The first time it had happened, the bartender gave him a warning that he better  _do something_ before the other patron fell too far back into his former attitude. Now, Laguna seemed to have managed to tug Squall back out of his uncertainty as the brunette was now hurrying to the door behind him to enter the condo. 

That smirk crossed Squall's lips again, at last feeling a bit more de-stressed now that they were back to shameless flirting and he was finally stepping foot somewhere with a known purpose. The front door clicked quietly behind him as he followed Laguna down a short hallway that looked just like the rest of the buildings motif, watching his host wave a hand on a small blue panel sunk into the wall, lights slowly flickering on further down, illuminating the space before them. The motif still pulsed with electricity, much as any other part of the palace thus far, and a blue holographic panel was set into the wall and out of the way. It was dull in color, but soon brightened and became much more illuminated when Laguna ran his palm across it. Fingertips only tapped two buttons in order for the lights of the rooms lingering past the short hallway to begin turning on; revealing everything to Squall that Laguna was already well-acquainted with.

Squall's head peaked left over Laguna's.

_'Goddamn.'_

He never was one to care much about housing situations, considering where he had grown up. Squall was grateful for the living quarters he was given as a SeeD; graduating students that became staff or high level soldiers were granted live in mini apartments for free at the Garden. They weren't much of an upgrade from the dorm rooms however they did have private bathrooms and a small kitchenette attached to the equally small 'living room'. It never much mattered to him - he rarely used the space for anything other than sleeping and showering, grabbing all his meals from the school cafe....it was just easier. But right now.....he was feeling something that he usually didn't: a mixture of genuine awe tied with a tinge of jealousy.

This place was enormous; the view inside almost beyond belief.

From his view behind Laguna, Squall could not even see how far down directly in front of him the space went. He had greatly misjudged the size of these pod-like structures from the outside; there was no way this was one pod - it must have just been the very top, judging by the smooth curve of blue tinted windows to his left. The windows themselves covered the entire left side of where he could see, continuing on down past a wall blocking his line of sight. The right side actually had a wall instead of windows: perhaps this was only one fourth of the very top of the pod?

A sparkle caught his attention back to the left; the wall that blocked his sight was actually the back of a bar. Cool blue lights similar to the lobby's shined softly down from the bottom of deep, dark wooden cabinets. The same azure light poured out from a single slit that sat right under the bar top. What had caught his eye was a small stack of martini glasses settled in the middle of the bar; as he looked closer he realized the bar top was actually an island and cabinets lined across the wall directly behind it, blue domed windows to the left. A large screen sat directly in the middle of the expensive wood. Squall imagined the president leaning over that glittering bar top, watching world news, sipping on some whiskey. Why had Laguna even gone to a public bar when he had a nicer one sitting at home?

He tried to crane his neck all the way to the left, but the hallway they were in slightly blocked seeing further into the far back left hand side. All he could make out was the very end of a sleek cream geometric looking couch. Towards the end of the bar near the middle of Squalls vision was a metal staircase half encased in clear glass that snaked around until it met a door sitting at the very top. Directly beyond the staircase the hallway continued - it was too dark to see what that opened up to be. Turning right, his eyes widened in surprise at the stark contrast of rich wood tones met soft white accented with that same blue under-lighting; the entire open kitchen was this pristine color minus the very large rectangular island. The top of this was a deep grey, almost gunmetal with shimmering flecks of natural stone bouncing off three large cobalt geometric lighting fixtures which hung down on thick poles, the same metal as the staircase. Soft blue echoed from underneath white cabinets, the same deep material matching all the counter-tops surrounding the island.

Whether or not Laguna intended on giving Squall a full tour wasn't clear as the man turned away from the panel. He released a long sigh and raised a hand to rub at the back of his neck, finally taking a few steps forward. He only paused when Squall seemed satisfied to stride on ahead of him and dip right on into the kitchen. Squall had taken the opportunity to pass up the president, stepping to his right and chucking his bag on top of the kitchen island. Fingers glided along the smooth surface, it was cool to the touch. He guessed that it must have been natural stone. Such a big slab must have cost a fortune. In fact, this entire place must have been too costly, and he had only seen a small portion. The kitchen and bar area were obviously not the only rooms to his domain. Laguna shoved both hands back down into his pockets as he took on that relaxed posture again, lips still held in a soft smile as he continued to step deeper into the kitchen to go walking around the island to meet with where Squall currently stood.

Squall turned, facing Laguna as his lower back rested against the cool stone, fingers gently gripping at the lip, each hand near a thigh, knees slightly bent as his form relaxed against the surface. Looking up, his blue eyes met green quickly before he looked off to the side.

"Listen. I'm sorry I didn't realize who you were.....I'm not really into politics."

' _Ugh. That sounded really lame.'_

He frowned to himself, trying to think of a different, more eloquent way of saying what he had just uttered out loud. Teeth clamped down lightly on his lower lip, fingers flexing against stone. Self doubt started to cloud his mind. He felt rather nervous and out of place again, now trapped in someone else's territory; somewhere along the way he had lost the lead and it was uncomfortable to sit in limbo. It didn't feel right yet to take control; it wasn't his place to...not yet....not until they were... This wasn't normal for him, he didn't like second guessing his confidence, but the whole president situation had thrown him off track and he couldn't seem to shake it. He wanted that drunken conviction back, those brazen comebacks, that intense heat they shared in the car and elevator. He hoped Laguna still wanted this....whatever this was. 

"Hey," Laguna began, "I don't really care for politicals either."

Wait... Laguna's brow furrowed for a moment before smoothing back out. Squall could see the confusion on the other's own face as the man's thoughts were nearly on full display thanks to his facial features. But Laguna seemed fine to just go back to smiling soon after.

"You want anything else to drink?"

' _...What?'_

How could someone be a president and have no interest in politics? The concept of that went against basic logic, and Squall was left trying to grasp just who this man could be. How had he become the president if he was never interested in any of...well, that. He imagined there must be a large amount of tedious boring work to go through daily as a president, not to mention endless useless paperwork. How someone like Laguna had landed a job that didn't seem to match his personality.....Squall could try to ask, but from the sound of it, Laguna himself probably didn't know how to answer. At least he was friendly? The brunette was not fond of people caring or worrying over him, but Laguna seemed genuine in his worry for people's well-being; that passion obviously pulled over into his job. The people of Esthar must like him for different reasons than being fully engaged in politics. Perhaps Laguna had workers or friends that helped; in most cases, one president never made up a government for an entire continent.

Squall himself couldn't exactly explain why he was employed where he was. Most people didn't want to be involved with the underground life, or kill others, or chase after criminals. The work was dirty, the secrets rain deep through generations, and most of it was a grim existence. But he was good at what he did, and it kept him engaged. Squall could not imagine what else he could possibly do in life; he threw himself into the school system at the Garden and never looked back. He was paid well, he had somewhere to sleep, and he was busy enough that he didn't often sick back into debilitating depression. Well, not fully anyways. There was always something in the back of his mind, whispering sweetly that he wasn't good enough, that someone was better than he, someone else deserving of attention and love.  

Making his way over to a cabinet, Laguna reached up for the stark white cabinet door to pull down two glasses and then wandered over to the fridge for some ice.

"I  _guess_  you can count military as bein' some form of politics. Still not really my style though."

Laguna was sure he sounded all sorts of confusing. How could someone be in as high of his position  _and be successful_ if he didn't care  _at all_ about his own line of work? Politics--or rather,  _politicals_ \--was a massive part of his title. Yet here he was, acting so nonchalant of apathetic about it. If it wasn't his  _style_ then what was he doing in his position? Evidently, that attitude must have been a key role in him securing this top status as President of Esthar. Nothing about Laguna could ever come across as cold, however. He was always kind-hearted, always excited and thrilled about something, always in the middle of everything. But it  _was_ exhausting and most of the time, a very heavy burden to carry on his shoulders. But even if fatigue and weariness were written on his face, Laguna would never turn someone down or decline to help them or not offer them a gentle smile.

Squall's ears perked up upon hearing Laguna mention something about the military. That explained the dog tags then. He denied himself of questioning the other however; most people who went through something like that didn't want to dredge up those memories - most of them weren't pleasant. He would never step over that line unless Laguna wanted to tell him. 

"It's all right, you know," Laguna spoke up again as he walked around the corner of the island, holding a glass of ice water to Squall. "I kinda wondered, but you said you only came here to get some information on that guy. Actually, it was a relief that you _didn't_ know. Made me feel... Mmm... Maybe not  _normal_ but, ya know, somethin' like that."

Sure, even in Esthar City there was bound to be some type of corruption. Laguna wasn't exactly  _blind_ to people trying to take advantage of him and his kindness--or his status--but he sure did act like it. Kiros and Ward were always his eyes and ears if he was too wrapped up in something to take notice of it himself. If Squall had known who Laguna was, who knew if the brunette's intentions would have been something a little more greedy. Not that the mercenary didn't have the chance to still take advantage of this situation.  _Oh jeez_ , he could already see the tabloid headlines getting thrown at him with a firm scolding from Kiros.

_President of Esthar found in bed with another man!_

But he didn't get that vibe from Squall. And as if to make sure his gut was telling him the right thing, Laguna took a moment to overlook the other entirely, from his facial expression to his posture.

Squall's right hand reached out, accepting the water, the ice already chilling the glass as it cooled the inside of his hand, only nodding to the other, continuing to listen to him speak. Cold water poured down Squall's throat, eyes sliding shut as he downed half of the contents. It felt good; he needed that more than he had thought. His voice had started to put the brunette at ease, freely talking and waking around comfortably was soothing his mind, however his body remained on edge, still unable to break out of left over shock and doubt. Squall still crowded himself on the side of the island, eyes rolling over Laguna's form only when he was not looking back at him.

"Come on, cheer up! Don't look so gloomy!  _You didn't know_. I didn't expect you to know! I'm not offended in the least. I'd rather you just talk to me not knowin' who I am than to only talk to me  _because_ of who I am. But..." Laguna paused, tilting his head to the side as his eyebrows pulled together again; a diminished smile still lingering, "...if it really bothers you so much...  _I understand_. I should've just told you from the beginning... But I was really enjoyin' your company and maybe I should've just stopped and let you go to your hotel but  _I_ wanted to be a little selfish for once. I mean, I didn't know where any of this was headed but it sure has been one helluva ride in just a few hours and... I still don't feel like gettin' off of it."

Pausing, Laguna stood there watching Squall while feeling suddenly out of place in  _his own home_. Shifting his weight nervously from one foot to the other while Squall remained standing there in front of him in silence, he soon turned to face the kitchen island where he set his glass down; his free hand rising to rub at the back of his neck again.

"I'll be honest... I've never really done this sort of thing before," he continued, voice dropping in level a notch or two. "I don't get to go out often. I definitely don't get the chance to just  _talk_ to people often either. And you were just sittin' there, all troubled and bleak. So... I'm  _really glad_ that you did talk to me and that I was even able to cheer you up  _even a little bit_. But now, if I've upset you  _even worse_ than before... I'm sorry. I didn't tell you."

Attention was still on Laguna, listening to the dark hair man attempt to explain himself. He didn't need to.....Squall understood fully. Status got in the way of life, people always bothering you, wanting something, giving nothing in return. To have that completely lifted, to just talk to someone else like a normal human, or even just sit in silence together....people took such things for granted. He couldn't begin to imagine the types of stress that came along with being a president; he might even be getting into trouble for just stepping out to a bar for a few hours. Squall felt bad for him - being a SeeD had many restrictions but Laguna was practically a bird stuck in a cage, even if that cage was expensive and pretty. Maybe he couldn't free him completely, but he would try for one night. 

Slowly, Laguna mustered up another smile and lifted his face back up; emerald eyes falling back onto Squall as he peered back at him, "But I'm still  _really happy_ that you even came back here with me. And... So... I hope that you  _don't_ wanna leave now."

Squall frowned, setting the half empty glass down next to himself on the sleek countertop. Well, that explained  _that_  part, nevertheless he wasn't exactly surprised. These types of relationships still weren't...welcome in the public eye for high profile people. If Laguna had never done this, he still could have fooled Squall; he was daring enough to steal a kiss first. His frown was not for that topic however, it was the rest of what he had said that bothered him.

_'He's so worried I'm about to bail... Is that what I look like right now?'_

Squall glanced down; he never was the best at body language - rather he was  _great_  at it, meaning if anything was bothering him, it was all over the place. Other Seed soldiers assigned to mission with him physically avoided him when he was angry. Quistis knew better to say anything if he was in a sour mood; she could tell just by a quick glance to leave him alone. Right now he looked.....simply overcome. This wouldn't do at all. He wasn't here to make Laguna's life even more of a burden and cause him to worry. 

_'Damnit.'_

Sighing, Squall pushed is weight off from the counter edge, his feet just a bit unsteady as the alcohol attempted to even itself out. He wasn't carrying the same buzz he had acquired by the last sip at the bar, but he was still well off. It was a good thing Laguna offered him water; the possibility of a bad hangover loomed in the near future. 

He closed the distance between himself and Laguna, standing in front of him, hands reaching up cautiously to cup the others face in his palms. He was hot against Squall's touch - or maybe that ice water had just cooled him down a bit. 

Whatever it was Laguna had been mentally preparing himself for, it certainly wasn't  _that_. A part of him, deep down, needed to realize that while this place was now an every day part of his life he could still recall and understand how overwhelming the metropolis could be. Squall had never visited Esthar City, had he? And so now, not only had he been here for less than a day, but he had been whisked away in the back of an incredibly luxurious hover car to the Presidential Palace. So, mentally he had been entirely prepared for Squall to announce that he was having second thoughts and wanted to leave. Maybe his status as president was too overpowering for the other and he didn't want to get caught in a possible scandal. But emotionally... Well, Laguna would just blame that on the alcohol.

So, instead of pushing himself away from the bar and grabbing his bag and heading out the door, Squall had instead turned towards him. Out of the corner of his eye, Laguna had caught the motion of black shifting against a stark white background and turned his face to look back at the other in curiosity. Viridian hues widened as his body was pushed back away from the kitchen island, just enough until he was facing Squall entirely. Bare, cool hands came to cradle either side of his flushed face while Squall stood there in front of him; just a  _little too close_. Laguna was stunned into silence after all of his rambling, unable to even move for a moment in his own surprise, before he slowly raised his palms upwards to settle loosely on top of the brunette's forearms.

"Look at me."

Laguna's gaze flitted quickly around Squall's face, noting his long lashes, that deep scar, his chiseled lips pulled into a small frown, groomed eyebrows currently knitted together with concern... It wasn't until Squall  _spoke_ , commanding the president himself to look at him, that Laguna's eyes finally locked back onto a pair of cool, sapphire colors. His mouth fell open only slightly as his hold on Squall's arms tightened ever so slightly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other again until he stilled. Squall had his total and absolute undivided attention; and once the brunette seemed sure that Laguna wouldn't look away again, blue eyes under worried eyebrows met emerald while Squall's hands sunk lower until they rested gently at the other's neck. There, the mercenary was sure to feel the other's rapidly beating pulse, nervous from the conversation and his own assumptions.

"I'm not upset...I just....nevermind that. I'm not upset, and for the record, I don't do this kind of thing often...or ever really. So...don't feel weird about it." His gaze darted to the side for a moment, slowly returning to Laguna's. "I don't want to leave, as long as you want me to stay."

It was uncharacteristic of Laguna to stay quiet for so long, especially when they had been firing off innuendos and flirts at one another left and right. But the evening had taken a strangely serious turn and it had left them both feeling unsure,  _uncertain_ of how the other felt once reality came crashing back down upon them. But Squall's words put him and his mind at ease as the brunette could soon feel Laguna relaxing beneath his touch. 

So... Squall didn't do this--whatever  _this_  was--often? Or  _ever really_? Laguna's lips lifted into another gentle smile as his gaze relaxed. So, they were  _both_ new to this? Well. None of that really mattered. What mattered was the  _now_ and not the past. There was always room for new experiences, new adventures.

"I don't want you to leave..." Laguna whispered, head leaning to one side as he tried to capture Squall's gaze once again. His smile widened slightly once sapphire met emerald and raised a hand of his own up towards the brunette's face. He ran his fingertips down the length of a cheek, down towards a jawline, before his palm smoothed back out along the side of Squall's face to sweep back up into messy, long bangs. "Just stay with me tonight, ok? Whatever happens, happens. If you wanna run away in the morning, then run away in the morning. Just not right now..."

Squall felt fingertips against his his face, running along and then up into his hair, bangs sweeping back down to frame around his ears. It felt nice...no, it felt _wonderful_ ; the stress and uncertainty from moments past melted away. His eyes slid shut as he listened to Laguna encourage him to stay, even just for one night, even if they could never find another moment to repeat whatever was going on.

_'You don't deserve this.'_

He felt himself slipping into a frown and quickly corrected it, hoping the other would not notice - that reaction wasn't because of Laguna. He struggled against his own inner demons; why did that thought need to come up now? Was he so shaken up by the possibility of one night not feeling lonely that he had to remind himself this wasn't for him. This wasn't for real, it was just for now - and what was happening tonight, he didn't deserve even that. Laguna should have been touching someone else more justified, someone he could actually love, someone he could be in public with. Someone who was not Squall. He hated this, wished such thoughts would just leave him alone, let him enjoy something just once.

Gentle fingers behind his head pushed him back to the present. Eyes still closed, soft cautious lips met his own and negative thoughts simply dispersed, all of Squall's focus redirected back to the person who had started this. Hands tensed around that soft neck when Laguna pulled away momentarily, only to come back for more. He felt his breath, his teasing tongue, the way his kisses started softly but now they came faster, more sure of himself sharing the fact that they both indeed did want each other. It revitalized him fully, his lips hurried to return these kisses, his hands traveling down to soft but defined collarbones, thumbs rubbing idly over each.

' _Yes I do.'_

They remained there in the kitchen, with so much open area surrounding them yet they were pinned to one another so closely that if Squall had chilled down from his glass of water he'd soon feel his body temperature rising back up from Laguna's own. But soon all thoughts were dismissed as Laguna's palm slowly curved around to the back of the brunette's head, to lure him back in toward his face so that lips could slant over his own. Slowly, viridian eyes fell shut as long black lashes kissed the top of his cheeks while his mouth remained pressed to Squall's. His free hand remained on the brunette's forearm, squeezing there a little more firmly, as he held the kiss before easing back just enough to be able to go in for seconds. Warm, soft lips took the opportunity to drag across the other's, feeling the foreign touch meld against his own as they teased tastes in parting motions. A flick of a tongue here and there, a slow attempt to wander back into how the evening had once been. 

The moment was delicate and even Laguna knew that, so taking a chance like this had even himself on edge. But Squall's response was pleasant and so he felt like he had done the right thing as his head leaned to the side, mouth pressing further into Squall's own as he took a half a step forward. His palm resting on the brunette's arm lifted, reaching back behind him as he moaned faintly against the other's lips; fingers soon finding the hair tie that Squall had tugged on in the elevator, to pull it down the length of those raven locks to allow the strands to spill down around his shoulders. The hair tie was soon discarded, tossed absent-minded onto the kitchen island, and his arm lifted to wrap loosely around a pair of broad, fur-lined shoulders.

"We can move...someplace a little more comfortable...if you want," Laguna whispered, speaking in between gestures of kissing, "...unless...you wanna just..."

Laguna's words trailed off with a low chuckle, not needing to verbally insinuate anything more. Instead, he stepped backwards, his hold on Squall becoming a little more firm, as he turned the two of them so that the small of his back was pressed into the edge of the island with Squall standing in front of him; pinning him there with their legs tangling due to their close proximity.

Squall felt Laguna shift closer, mouth still pressed into his own. His eyes slid open as his fuzzy vision allowed him to see a hand disappear behind the other and then that dreaded hair tie flung somewhere past his own head. Finally. Squall felt himself smirking against the assault of kisses, Laguna's broken sentence and low laugh evaporating any last stress and doubt that could have been left in the brunette's mind. He moved against the man, letting himself be guided into position as Laguna effectively pinned himself between the counter top and Squall. Attention shifted, his smug confidence was sliding back, along with that burning need as he considered the man before him.

Rough hands swept into raven locks, fingers curling through the hair behind Laguna's ears as Squall leaned forward, his lips ghosting over the shell of a right ear. His own hips met against the ones before him, not needy, just gently and slow, wanting to be able to feel any movement he might happen to pull out of Laguna. His fists never tightened, fingers lazily scratching at the back of the neck, thumbs lightly running circles along smooth skin. His voice was low and rough as he murmured against a smooth neck.

There Squall went again, straight for his ears. Laguna tried to resist a soft moan that attempted to rise when Squall's breath hit the shell of his ear, heightened sensitivity causing a shudder to roll down his form. His arm around the brunette's shoulders curled around the shape even more firmly as fingers lifted to push up into the bottom of the other's hairline, drawing Squall closer to himself as his own head tilted away; sucking in a sharp breath past his teeth. The close proximity of their hips suddenly became a whole lot closer when leather pushed itself in between khaki, one fabric obviously much tighter than the other. A deeper tinge of scarlet fell across his cheeks when their hips settled in together, his skin lit up even further as he turned his face away from Squall's once again. His lips parted, as if to protest, a hand lowering to smooth out across the brunette's chest beneath where the bottom of Griever's emblem hung from its silver chain.

Was Laguna embarrassed? There wasn't much friction in that space below, yet he was already... Well; could he be  _blamed_ for being a  _little too sensitive_? A  _little too eager_? He wasn't even really half-aroused, but he was sure Squall could feel _anything and everything_ pressed up against the front of his tight, black leather pants. Fingers curled into short dusky locks at the back of Squall's head, eyes drifting closed again as his head tilted back into the palm of the other's hand. He felt nails idly scratch at his scalp then down the nape of his neck; lips soon joining that touch, which sent a low rumble trembling down the length of his neck, the tremors gently kissing against Squall's adventurous mouth. But the ragged tone of the brunette's voice made Laguna inhale again, sending another shiver down his body.

"Don't want me to leave? Is that an order Mr. President? Normally I require a signed contract for my work, but perhaps tonight I'll let it slide..."

"A signed contract?" Laguna whispered out, emerald eyes; even more vibrant now; parted open just a fraction, " _Get me a pen_..." 

His hand on Squall's chest slowly began to make its descent, fingertips pressing into the white cloth of his top to feel for abs that were surely lying beneath the fabric. Laguna turned his face toward Squall's own, eyes falling closed once again as his lips pulled up into another smile; playful and teasing. His lips nibbled at the top of the brunette's ear, humming softly to himself. One hand crept higher onto the back of Squall's head as the other continued to sink down the length of the other's torso, until his fingers could run across the top of a smooth, flat belt buckle with a diamond etched into the middle of it; the heart of which pressed to the front of his own hips, Laguna's hand now pressed between their heat.

" _I don't mind leaving my signature all over your body._ "

Squall's hand grabbed at those silky locks again, firmly but not enough to cause any pain as he tilted Laguna's head away, exposing a smooth path of neck - the other side he had not attacked in the elevator. Gently, his lips closed around pale skin, no teeth, just light kisses all around until settling on one area, sucking gently. His other hand had dropped earlier; his palm now snaking up a thigh until it rested on a hip bone, fingers rubbing as Squall fought the urge to move his hips, looking to elevate a new building stress. His mind wandered as he moved his mouth to a different spot, careful to not leave any marks that would last longer than a night...well, or at least attempting that. 

A sharp gasp sounded as Squall suddenly curled his fingers into Laguna's long, silken, straight locks of onyx and tugged his head back and away. It didn't hurt in the least, but the pull on his scalp was enough to jerk Laguna back into reality after his little quip. His lips still remained pulled up into a smile, laughter rising up from him as his eyes remained closed. He only settled back down when Squall went in for a taste, lips latching onto his pulse; laughter soon turning into a gentle moan as Laguna kept his head turned away to allow more room for Squall to explore. He was content, just to feel those kisses peppered along the length of his neck and allowed his hand to lift up from between the two of them to curve around Squall's waist; behind his jacket, allowing his fingers to curl into the back of his white top up between his shoulder-blades. The need to nuzzle the brunette's head was nearly overwhelming when he was being administered so many gentle, affectionate gestures but Squall's hold on his hair kept his head in place. The kisses soon turned into small, light suckles, marking flushed points across Laguna's neck that had no exact design whatsoever. Lips split apart again, a half-moan falling past his mouth as his hand ran down the back of Squall's neck, then right back up to twist fingers into short, tawny hair.

Squall imagined releasing his hold on Laguna, shifting him roughly in place as he forced his chest against that cool countertop, one hand planted firmly at the small of his back, the other reaching over to tug roughly at unfettered hair. His hips would rock gently at first against Laguna, then pick up speed as he envisioned slamming into him roughly, moans and whimpers only adding to his intense need.

' _Shit. Control yourself.'_

Lips lifted off from where they had been resting, perhaps a bit too long, as Squall noticed the area a little more red than it should have been. Hist temple dropped to rest in the crook of Laguna's neck, breathe uneven as he attempted to calm down. His hand released from its hold behind his neck, shifting down to rest against the other hipbone, squeezing roughly as he attempted to calm down, only vaguely aware that he might have been grinding his own hips against the ones pinned to him. Leather was not a forgiving material. He remained calm only by reminding himself that these pants would be coming off soon, hopefully. Both hands shifted up from their resting spots, dipping underneath the hem of baby blue, gliding along smooth but defined abs and shifting outward, resting on ribs. Laguna was surprisingly fit for...whatever age he was, and having a job that didn't require one to be well-built. It must have been his military past? Maybe he still worked out? Squall himself wasn't the most muscled man but...he obviously stayed in shape, and that was due to his career choice.

Baby blue fabric was pushed away, to uncover sharp hipbones that Squall did not hesitate in grasping hold of. Laguna turned his face back towards his company's, eyes lazily parting open for only a moment; they soon drifted closed again, locks of dusky brown tickling his nose and filling his senses with a scent he had come to memorize in the short amount of time spent together. His form shivered again, gunsmoke, flint, and cool steel--such familiar fragrances that lulled Laguna's own mind to a place he longed to return to. 

' _It's way too familiar..._ '

Squall sighed, finally regaining some self control and tilted his head towards Laguna, leaving it resting at the spot between his shoulder and neck.

Laguna's eyes closed a little more tightly, nuzzling his face into the top of Squall's head as his breathing hitched at the feel of thumbs grazing over his hipbones with no hesitation. Narrow hips rolled forward involuntarily, a small buck into Squall's own in reaction; abs quivered and tightened, flesh sensitive to a foreign touch when he felt the intrusion of warm hands gliding up over his skin beneath his own top. Ribs were tickled when Squall caressed them; the mercenary seemed satisfied to rest there for a moment, his face still pressed into the spot between his neck and shoulder and their hips gently rocking into one another's without much force behind them.

"We could stay here....but I'm close to losing it. I highly suggest we move somewhere...softer, before that happens," Squall murmured against warm skin. 

Laguna probably felt the smirk against his skin right before Squall moved, hands pulling out from under his shirt and hips separating; his forehead was last to remove itself. Once he was free, he turned, back facing Laguna as he wandered over the counter opposite from their position, shaking his jacket down over built shoulders, shoving arms through in a hurried fashion before he threw the whole thing to land rather ungracefully on top.

Back still to Laguna, his head turned only slightly so the other could hear him, one hand resting against a leather-clad hip.

"Heh..." Laguna snickered, eyes drifting closed again as he raised one hand up towards his long bangs. Fingers pushed up into his hairline, then backwards to sweep the dark veil out of his face entirely as he pushed himself away from the end of the kitchen island.

One step, two; shaky at first, but Laguna soon managed to press onward. A hand reached out, grasping hold of Squall's free hand as he stepped by, and tugged on the brunette's palm to incite him into following. Just one glance was offered over his shoulder, that flirtatious smile from before reappearing on flushed features as he led Squall out of the kitchen and back into the living room--toward a spiral, metal staircase that led up to  _who knew where_.

"Then I know _just the place_ we can go _._ "

 

 


	8. Ready To Blow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Static in my head  
> Lines blur red  
> Got my mind made up  
> And my trigger finger ready to blow  
> Finger on the trigger I'm a barrel of a gun  
> Ready to blow

The light touch of another hand meeting his shocked Squall. For a split second he felt that automatic response kick in - to want to pull away as if something painful had struck him. Once he realized it was just Laguna's touch, he let the older man lead him, looking down curiously at their linked palms. How long had it been since he let another be this intimate? Sex was one thing - he could easily separate his base needs and wanting to fulfill them with another human. However, handholding, hugs, kisses that meant more than foreplay....that was a territory completely unfamiliar to him. He wasn't sure how to feel emotionally, but physically he could sense a blush creeping along his cheeks and nose. No shyness came to him while he made the other moan and runt against him, basking in the pleasure that he could cause such a thing, but it certainly was kicking in now from such an innocent hold.

Steps weren't exactly hurried, but they certainly moved a bit faster than Laguna's leisurely pace he had displayed on the way out of the bar earlier in the evening. At some point, he let go of Squall's palm when he was sure that the other would be walking behind him as the pair made their way from out of the open kitchen and back into the dark living room. The cream-colored geometric couch from before was still there, but now that they were headed toward the stairs Squall would be able to see what had been hidden behind the hallway wall.

Relief hit him when Laguna let go in favor of ascending the metal stairs. He followed behind, eyes glued carefully to each step; booze and depth perception were not the best combination for him. The blush erased from his skin, Squall purposely scanning his face mentally in an attempt to remove anything that could give away what he was feeling.

As the pair of them reached the glass staircase, Laguna reached out with one hand to grasp hold of the metal banister and began to ascend one step at a time. The chilled metal railing against Squall's palm helped, as well as the nice view given above when he decided he could function enough to look somewhere else. He wondered what that ass would look like sans khakis - he would make it a point to find out a soon as they stopped spiraling upwards to wherever it was Laguna had decided was better than a kitchen island. As they curved around, Squall could then spot the little alcove that made up the rest of the lounge. Across from that couch Squall had spotted when they first arrived was somewhat of a nook, another sofa much longer than the other in the shape of an L with matching fabric but charcoal in color. On the cream couch laid onyx pillows while on the charcoal couch were ivory pillows. The same dark wood flooring contrasted against both, a soft grey sheepskin rug between both sets of seating. A small round coffee table was near each, with a tray on one that held a bottle of wine and a glass that had clearly been used within the past day or so. A book was nearby, on one of the cushions, set down but not put away as it seemed Laguna had been in the middle of reading when something must have happened to distract him. 

Behind the charcoal sofa, however, the wall from top to bottom was dark black shelving that glowed with that same, soft blue under-lighting as the rest of the first level of the home. But the shelves were full of books, a few small vases of various shapes but almost all colored in white, and other nick-knacks--most of which appeared to be  _windmills_. Laguna really didn't pay much mind to his surroundings as he was a man on a mission to lead them up to the second level, where a pair of double-doors concealed something  _good_ , as well as a loft area with another door that contained another room; the contents of which would not be seen tonight.

Just past half-way up, however, Laguna stopped as he grasped the banister a little more tightly and turned his form to peer down at Squall who was still climbing the stairs behind him. That same smile of his remained in place as he chuckled, reaching out with one hand to grasp hold of the brunette's own free palm as he leaned forward.

Blue eyes widened minimally as the president suddenly stopped and turned back to Squall, that hand reaching out to grasp his own once more. 

"You still look  _so serious_..." he murmured, eyes drifting closed for a moment as he nipped playfully at Squall's bottom lip; face soon dipping down to nuzzle into a warm neck as he took one step up. " _Come on_ , I wanna see that smile again!"

Squall looked away, his whole face shifting left and down, hair spilling forward, eyes attempting to fall on anything other than the form in front of him as he bit his lower lip. He felt that damn blush creep back again, stronger than the last time. More than anything he didn't want Laguna to see; this was embarrassing. His grasp on the other's hand grew tighter.

_'Why.'_

Tugging the other upwards, Laguna took a few more steps to the second level as his teasing and lighthearted antics continued. He only tripped once, which was a miracle in and of itself, but he fell into Squall as the pair of them leaned into one of the walls that made up the upper level's flooring.

Squall turned back, feeling the other nuzzle and tease at his lips. Perhaps Laguna wouldn't notice the internal dilemma he was currently fighting. Squall relaxed once more, realizing that the president's balance was not that great either. Not wanting to end up with a broken neck, he shuffled Laguna up the rest of the staircase, sharing sloppy kisses along the way and making sure he wasn't about to tip over those metal stairs as well. That would be a rather unfortunate end to the night for both of them and not at all what he had come here for.

Fingers laced together once more; now pulling on Squall's arm to guide him up to the pair of double doors as Laguna's back pressed up against one of them.

"Hope you're all right with somethin' not all black..."

A hand on the doorknob twisted as Laguna pushed back, forcing the door to open to reveal the master bedroom inside. Ah, yes... Squall's focus was now back on his  _secret mission_  as he watched the other push open one side of the elaborate doors in front of them. They were so close now....his mind started to shift gears, quickly calculating what he could do, what he wanted to do.....maybe he would even ask Laguna what he liked. 

Squall strode in, stopping only a steps past the doorway before freezing. Whatever smirk that had started to form from his inner thoughts dropped.

_'Well, fuck.'_

Squall would be quite a dark contrast compared to the bedroom inside which was practically entirely  _white_   _and pearl_. A reflective ivory floor, alabaster walls and ceiling, but the windows seemed to remain the same color as the windows downstairs; crystal clear which showed off an equally spectacular view of the massive metropolis that was Esthar City. Squall would be treated to a nighttime view, the entire city lit up with neon lights and nightlife. Laguna smiled as he remained pressed up against the door, allowing the brunette to step inside first to have a look around if he so wished and tilted his head to the side.

As they stepped into the room, they would be greeted first by a small living space with a small alabaster couch and matching chair, both identical to the contemporary, geometrical shapes as the furniture downstairs in the living room. A modest white table with a clear glass surface sat between both seating with another grey rug that also matched the one downstairs nestled beneath it all. A square lamp with two silver legs stretched apart to balance the lighting was in the corner of the room, already illuminated as if half-expecting their arrival. The walls, the ceiling, all of it had that same soft blue under-lighting; including  _the bed_.

_That_ was in the center of the room, in the middle of the wall facing both Laguna and Squall. It was a modern, canopy-like shape with a silver, reflective block attached to the ceiling that connected to another block along the wall with an indention inside to store oddities and a control panel like the ones Squall had seen throughout the building, with a third that laid on the floor. The mattress,  _quite spacious_ and much too big for Laguna alone, sunk into the middle of the block on the floor which allowed the lower block to wrap around the mattress and offer seating around the edge, level with the bed itself; the under-lighting glowing beneath it onto the ground while the top block glittered the same blue shade up against the ceiling. The bed itself was soft and incredibly luxurious, the best money could afford and was dressed in pure ivory white sheets, duvet, and pillows. Four small ambiance lights attached to the block that hovered overhead were also lit up, a bright white that beamed down onto the bed itself.

Across from the illuminated bed was a wide, tall dresser with a large television screen stored into the wall. The dresser itself was just as white as anything else, matching the alabaster shade of the couch. The handles were as silver as the bed, small and rectangular in shape. It was fairly obvious what it would contain, but on its flat top there were just a few random items here and there, the most obvious of which were a laptop and cellphone with a note attached beneath the phone itself. Laguna had left it earlier in the evening and the fact that it was still there meant that no one must have come up to check on him. Other nick-knacks littered the dresser, such as another tiny windmill or two, some vases, and a shirt he had changed out of at some point over the past day or two. 

On the other side of the room was a long table that was attached from one wall to the other. The windows wrapped around the entire room, giving a view of Esthar City no matter where you looked unless you were facing the wall with the door leading to the loft and downstairs, the dresser, and another door that would lead into a bathroom. A small bookcase made up one end of the table entirely, filled with less books, a candle, some odd trinkets and another small windmill. A swivel chair with a black back, legs and wheels, a silver edge and white seating was pushed into the table. There were some papers sprawled out over the place, a pen or two here, some folders stacked up and a desk lamp. Surely Laguna didn't do any office work in his own bedroom... Right?

Well, work carried itself home. But he did do most of it in the loft which held both a lounge and office-like atmosphere. Laguna did have an actual, official office somewhere in the palace but where it was they wouldn't be finding tonight. So needless to say, he had work and paper all over the place but the looks of which here in his room seemed to be more personal than anything official.

Next to that little spot that took up that entire wall were a few tall plants that promoted healthy air quality in vases that matched the environment of the modern bedroom sat in the corner between the bed and desk. It also helped to offer a little more color with its bright green leaves, but no flowers seemed to linger on any of them. But across from that was another doorway that led into a bathroom, the door to which was currently partially closed.

"..."

Not a word came out of Squall's mouth as eyes scanned across the room once quickly, taking in all the spacial facts before he went back to gaze at each area. Spotless....well, not completely spotless. He noticed a few personal items here and there, as to be expected in anyone's bedroom, as well as the lack of circuitry motif. Eyes lingered on the bed; for a moment Squall considered calling this little dance off and simply suggesting they promptly go to sleep, it looked that comfortable. Squall' own bedroom at the Garden was nothing compared to this; he was lucky enough that they had upgraded him from a twin to a full. The room itself looked just like every other dorm - grey, white, and boring. Nothing existed in that room to even signify that someone occupied it, all of Squall's belongings were stored away in the closet. His desk, and office chair had no personality - not even his laptop stuck out. The bed....the bed functioned a something better to sleep on than the floor and that was about it.

So, to walk into a room like this, after walking through a kitchen and bar like  _that_....compared to what he had grown up in, and where he lived now. The feelings swimming around in his head were not anything to do with jealousy. He felt grateful that he could be here right now; no doubt that this would be far beyond what the hotel would have to offer. He decided Laguna must be so relaxed and care-free because of that bed - it was the only logical answer. His eyes darted back to the couch area, firmly deciding his plan of attack. The bed was too obvious; he wanted much more from the president than boring missionary sex.....even if that was technically Squall's career choice.

Laguna remained up against the single closed door, its mate still wide open from where they had entered, watching Squall curiously with that same smile settled upon his features; wondering what it was that was going through the brunette's mind, or if a place like this would be satisfactory. He tilted his face up ever so slightly while his eyes fell half-closed while pressing his head further back against the panel of the door, lips quirked up into that same soft smile. His arms were crossed behind him, one leg crossed in front of the other, as he remained reclined there rather relaxed while watching Squall's expression drop that smirk; only for his features to be replaced with awe at the room he was now staring into. Truly, Laguna wasn't one for flashy, expensive things. A small bed in a cozy bedroom would have suited him just fine. Warm walls; creaking floorboards, handmade blankets and jersey sheets, the scent of wood and stone. It was all so much more snug than the reflective, electric walls of his current home. But all in all, he didn't mind and was actually very grateful. It was a luxury that many people would no doubt  _kill_ to have or even sell their soul for. And judging by Squall's current expression, this was something that he seemed to have  _never_ encountered before.

' _Heh..._ '

Squall turned back to Laguna, noticing him lingering on the inside of the door - the one they hadn't come through. Squall licked his lips, walking towards the other as his hand reached out to the elegant knob of the door that was open, promptly shutting it with a soft click. His left hand dragged over the surface, stopping close to those ebony locks that were resting near the door, his palm pushing flat as he came to stand in front of Laguna, crowding him up against the door, his right hand coming up to shove lightly at his chest, making sure his back was flush against the surface. 

Lifting his eyes up to meet Squall's own, Laguna stared back up at the brunette in bewilderment while the other male covered Laguna's body with his own. One of Squall's arms was pressed into the door above him as the mercenary's other palm settled against his chest, pressing him further up into the door while Laguna's crossed arms remained pinned between his back and the door; unable to pull his arms free from behind himself as Squall pressed up against his torso. Face still tilted upwards, those viridian eyes of his watching as his company seemed to relax. He felt that hand on his chest slowly snake up toward a shoulder, then his neck, and finally to his jawline where coarse fingers grasped hold of his chin rather sharply so that Squall could jerk his face forward toward his own.

Satisfied with his position, Squall pushed tighter, his left forearm now closer, almost in contact with the door by Laguna's head as his right hand came up to grasp the other's chin, smooth skin held roughly against his calloused fingers. Serious blue eyes met emerald; he wanted to make sure Laguna was paying full attention. Laguna's visage suddenly became more clear, serious. Confusion was replaced with undiluted concentration as Squall clearly wanted his attention. Once Squall was sure Laguna's focus was on him, fingers were removed from his chin, choosing instead to gently grasp at the hips, blue eyes sliding closed as Squall rested his forehead against Laguna's own. A content sigh escaped.

Laguna's eyes widened a notch or so more, clearly stunned by the gesture as he remained peering up into closed eyes. A tint of scarlet touched his cheeks again, fingers twitching against the door while his arms remained crossed and pinned behind him. His face was freed, but Squall's hold lowered to wrap a hand around a narrow hip. 

The former soldier remained at full attention, studying as much of the other's face as he could manage as he waited for orders. But Squall said nothing at first, only a soft sigh, until those chiseled lips finally parted to utter gentle words. Whatever he had been expecting... Laguna remained quiet, eyes still roaming across Squall's face while he listened intently to the words being spoken to him. A promise that Squall wished to hear him make and from the sound of it, it wasn't anything to be taken lightly either. This was  _serious_ and the tender tone and actions being taken right now made Laguna think the other vulnerable for the moment. There was  _care_ behind the confession being made, as if Squall was truly worried that whatever happened, he didn't want Laguna to get hurt. Eyelids dropped to half-mast, a small frown touching his lips for the moment before his vision fell shut entirely; tilting his face upwards, closer to Squall's, as their foreheads remained pressed together.

"I want you to promise you'll tell me if you don't like something. Sometimes I can....it can be too much for the other person. So if you don't like it, I will stop, as long as you say to," Squall exhaled softly.

He frowned. Squall normally didn't partake in explaining himself but....he wasn't sure Laguna had ever been with a man, let alone someone with Squall's  _particular_  interests, and he didn't want to hurt him...not that kind of hurt.

"...I promise," Laguna breathed, partially nuzzling his face into the other's. "I've never... _done this_ before, so I'm kinda new to this sort of thing but... If I become uncomfortable with anything, I'll tell you...  _I promise_."

Squall sighed again, his forehead removing from Laguna's, a small smirk present on his lips now done with his little speech. An eyebrow lifted playfully as his hand removed from his hold below, his thumbs gliding slowly along Laguna's lower lip.

"Also...I don't carry condoms on missions and I'm probably too drunk to even attempt to make that pleasurable so...you'll have to deal with something else."

Satisfied with his answer, Squall seemed to pull away. Laguna's eyes re-opened slowly to watch that smirk return, which had his own smile lifting back up onto his features. A thumb swept along his bottom lip as Squall began to speak again, the words of which actually making him blush further.  _Condoms_. Right. He didn't have any here  _at all._ There was no reason for him to have any simply because... Well... What was the point? Obviously bringing someone back here was unexpected and who was to say it couldn't have ever happened or would happen or that it possibly could have been a woman. It was just one aspect of his life that he completely disregarded and never went out on the look for... So Laguna had never been worried.

Squall's left hand removed itself from the door, sliding down the baby-blue material and continuing further, palm finally meeting a wrist as he wrapped fingers around the smooth skin there, tugging Laguna from the door as he turned, confidently walking toward the bigger couch. His free hand reached down, patting at the back pocket until locating his phone and credit card, dragging them both out from tight leather and chucking them at the couch, both landing on the far end near the arm rest with a small thump. No thought came to even check the time, he didn't care. The burning need from the car, the elevator, the kitchen island....hit him even stronger now as he realized just how close they were to actually doing this. If Laguna chickened out now Squall would deal with getting himself off in wherever the bathroom was located - he couldn't wait much longer.

Wrist in Squall's hand, Laguna stumbled at first until he was able to walk correctly behind the other. He watched the back of the brunette's head as they made the short stride to the pristine, white couch where Squall began to pull everything from out of his pockets; tossing them to one side where they hit an accent pillow. Standing there, he remained silent while he watched his company discard his wallet and cellphone until the brunette turned around to face him. Laguna irked; that blush returning to his cheeks as his eyes widened again in surprise.

Squall stopped facing the middle of the couch as he turned around, Laguna's bewildered expression right in front of him. Was he nervous? Excited? That was definitely a blush.... Squall sunk down to the couch, arms coming forward, his fingers and thumbs pressing lightly against sharp hips directly in front of his face. Laguna wasn't sure what was about to take place and he wouldn't have the time to ask, as Squall made himself comfortable in the middle of the couch before leaning forward to grasp hold of his hips. A small gasp fell from his mouth and he reached out, taking hold of Squall's shoulders as he stared down at the other; locks of onyx falling past his own shoulders to form a veil around his face. Squall's thighs were spread apart, khaki legs stuck between. He fought the small urge to shove his own face forward - surely that would catch Laguna off guard...then again, whatever was wrong with his right leg would probably act up...better to not chance it.

At the feel of a downward tug at those narrow hips of his, Laguna appeared to look confused; unsure if Squall even knew what he did. Maybe he meant forward but...went down? Maybe he wanted Laguna to step back? Squall tugged down at those hips again gently, eyes coming up to peer at Laguna, wondering if he understood. Maybe it was better to not leave him guessing... Laguna's expression twisted in embarrassment, mostly for not understanding, but luckily Squall caught onto that rather quickly and decided to improvise--

"On your knees." His voice strong and commanding, hands still guiding down before he let go, watching Laguna sink down after a few moments had passed in realization. 

' _Shit.'_

Viridian eyes widened as Laguna's jaw went slack, breath catching in his throat. Squall's tone of voice was so  _firm_ , those once soft eyes now a sharp, icy sapphire color. His grip on the other's shoulders tightened once or twice, trying to pull himself back from that reeling feeling.

_But an order was an order_.

So calmly, gentle eyes still settled upon Squall's own, Laguna took a half a step back began lowering himself to his knees; the President of Esthar himself soon kneeling before the SeeD mercenary and Commander of Balamb Garden.

Laguna's vision only broke away from Squall's own to glance down, his hands pulling away from the brunette's shoulders in order to settle onto the male's knees so his palms could resume their squeezing, tightening motions. Laguna tilted his head to one side, now allowing his gaze to sweep up along one long, leather-clad thigh to the front of Squall's hips. That blush burned a little more brightly when he was faced with a very obvious  _need_ , struggling behind that tight fabric that hardly hid anything. The view alone was getting to Squall, hands balled up into tight fists resting on top of his own thighs. He leaned back, the backs of his shoulders hitting the sofa, eyes flickering between focusing on those sweet lips and shifting ebony hair as Laguna adjusted himself in front of Squall. His pants were now uncomfortably tight, leather concealing everything still, although he was sure Laguna could see his excitement...he didn't care. He could become overly shy from holding this man's hand, but he was far from it right now, eyes gleaming in anticipation.

Hands shifted out of their clench as Squall moved, blue eyes still locked with his captor, fingers guiding themselves to the belts settled around his waist. He moved slowly, unlatching each, the sound of metal against metal the only sound in the room. An eyebrow raised as the second belt dropped; he left them on the couch curled around his hips - no need to move them now. Eyes darted back down as he reached for the one belt that was actually holding up his pants, fingers working quickly to undo the hold. Once the work was done, his gaze fell back on Laguna. He had left the belt within its loops, opting to only undo it as if to invite the president - he would leave the rest to him.

When Squall began to move again, the brunette's own hands lifting in order to take hold of one belt buckle, Laguna's gaze rose to find blue-gray colors burning back into his own emerald hues. Fingers drifted upward to his own face, touching his long, silky raven hair to tuck strands behind a pierced ear before he switched his view back down to where Squall's hands busied themselves.

One belt, then two, pushed away to fall back onto the couch but it was the third that really had Laguna's attention. Squall had unhooked the buckle but had intentionally left the belt within his pants loops; button and zipper still closed but obviously straining against the brunette's very prominent arousal.

Squall's arms swept up to the edge of the sofa where his shoulders were relaxing, extending each along the edge and shifting his hips forward a bit, just in case  _someone_  was still unsure of what was about to happen.

"Well, _are you going to make we wait all night_?" A smirk punctuated his sentence, watching Laguna intently.

 


	9. The Only Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear  
> I just found everything I need  
> The sweat in your eyes, the blood in your veins are listening to me  
> Well I want to wrap it up and swim in it until I drown  
> My moral standing is lying down
> 
> Nothing quite like the feel of something new  
> Maybe I'm all messed up  
> Maybe I'm all messed up  
> Maybe I'm all messed up in you  
> Maybe I'm all messed up
> 
> This is the only time I really feel alive

Laguna swallowed as he caught Squall's gaze once again, that smirk, that relaxed posture. He shifted his position in front of the brunette while he squeezed onto one of Squall's knees, then snaked his hand upwards along a thigh. His focus soon turned back down to the front of his company's hips, where he was now expected to take over. It didn't really take much for him to figure out  _what was about to go down_ and while he had felt nervous before he couldn't...really say that it was any sort of anxiety that could be compared quite to what he was feeling  _now_. His nimble fingers at least knew how to pull a belt from out of the loops, jerking it away from Squall's hips perhaps with a bit more force than needed, but once he had his leather prize he tossed it behind him where it went soaring through the air; only to collide with the ground with a sharp ' _clack!_ '.

_'He hasn’t ever done this before.'_

Cobalt eyes lingered on the form in front of Squall, watching intently as Laguna fumbled through his minstrations. Well, that certainly explained a few things. The declaration before about never doing this, being new to it all - he hadn’t meant just a one night stand. Squall’s hunch about him never being with another man was correct; even shy males he had been with were not this cautious. Perhaps he should take it easy on him now, it was far too simple to just go at it. It would be more of a challenge if Squall attempted to control himself. He decided to see where Laguna would take this without any instruction - these types of situations called for at least some level of instinct. It was rather obvious from his view against the sofa exactly what the topic of interest was, clearly outlined beneath the tight leather.

An eyebrow raised as the other jerked his belt from the loops, eyes followed a thick line of well-worn leather soon sailing in the air, it’s landing echoing in the room. Perhaps he wouldn’t have to help him that much; at least the enthusiasm shined. Fingers twitched against the sofa back, curling into the soft fabric top as his eyes burned down, watching cautious fingers on the cool metal buttons concealing his issue. 

' _Ok, Laguna..._ ' Emerald colors narrowed as Laguna leaned forward, biting down onto his lower lip as his fingers ran around the hem of Squall's pants before fingers pushed behind the band to curl behind it. One thumb pressed up against the button, the other behind it, then started to shift the button past the hole it was currently latched through. ' _It's not like you've never seen one of **these** before, so just... It's gonna be fine! Just... Focus, Laguna, focus!_ '

The mental pep-talk was absolutely needed. Not once had Laguna ever even come  _close_ to ever being in a situation such of this, from either end. Not once had he ever  _looked_ at another man the way he did now, not once had he ever _imagined_ being where he was or doing what he was about to do now. But with that came some sense of...how incredibly  _dirty_ this was right now; how it was wrong yet it felt so right, natural despite the embarrassment both of them shared. He was a bit unnerved, yes, but at the same time he was also excited. He would have never imagined ever doing this and what exactly made Squall that exception to  _everything_ , from coming back home with him, to forcing their tongues to tie, to now unbuttoning the front of his pants, was all beyond him.

' _Maybe it's better not to question it..._ '

It was the same anxiety that Laguna could remember from years ago, and  _just like_ from years ago, he  _didn't want to mess up_. He tried to imagine, in that short amount of time as he unbuttoned the front of those leather slacks, what this could feel like or even what to do. Just because Laguna had no company at night didn't mean that he didn't know how to  _touch himself_. He knew which areas felt good, how much pressure to use, but... When it came to using his  _mouth_?

' _Oh--oh shit--_ '

_'Fuck.'_

When was the last time Squall had been here? Eight…ten months, possibly a year ago? Squall had been so caught up in work the past quarter with all the new recruits that he barely had time to eat and sleep, all his focus dragging into training young teenagers on how to not kill themselves so quickly. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had simply taken care of himself in the shower.  _Shit._  There was no way he could last very long. Months of no attention paired with hours of teasing were causing him to put half his effort in simply not shoving that pretty head down his length, no regard for Laguna’s comfort. No, he wouldn’t be that mean…he didn’t want that in the end. He wanted something more, something deeper than just getting off.

Laguna's eyes lit up when Squall freed himself on his own, his malehood springing forward and out from the confines of black leather. He leaned his head back just a bit, his expression smoothing out with obvious allure. Sure, he had been a soldier. He had saw men naked, even in their worst states. But nothing could be compared to anything he recalled; nothing like  _this_. It was one thing to see another guy's dick, it was another to see it  _completely and totally erect_. 

' _I-I can't do this--! Just look at it--!_ '

Squall felt the cool air hit him, finally free of that hot leather - it looked so right on him but sometimes he cursed how tight it could be, and random erections in awkward places was an unfortunate issue, no way of hiding that from the public eye. But none of the mattered right now, he was watching Laguna’s reaction, his lips sealed tightly, fingers flexing at their spot around the couch attempting to not let the soft chuckle pass that was threatening in his throat.

_'So that’s what an internal crisis looks like.'_

Squall almost felt bad. Almost.

He could barely recall his first time with another male; blurry memories of him on his knees behind some inadequate bar, dirt covering his hands and his back pressed up against grimy stone. They didn’t card all the time at the door, Squall had been no where near twenty-one. His throat had burned, tears from exhaustion dripped down from eyelids squeezed shut as a rough hand held him in place by his disheveled hair. He was given minimal warning right before feeling hot fluid shoot down his throat, coughing afterwards as he attempted to swallow. The man hadn’t even returned the favor. Squall thought he would feel empty and used and angry, but all he wanted was more, and for someone else to touch him, even just for a fleeting moment. 

Squall wouldn’t do that to Laguna. He would give him more, give him what he deserved in fair exchange.

Laguna's mouth was suddenly dry as he lifted his face ever so slightly, fingers almost trembling, eyes completely locked in on that sight before him.  _Didn't it hurt_? Squall was so damn  _hard_ and  _how long had he been like this_?! Laguna carefully, tentatively, raised a hand to allow the tips of his fingers to glide along the side of that erect shaft; feeling the smooth, soft skin that practically pulsed in anticipation. Slowly, his touch swept up to a very swollen cockhead that he only continued to explore, curving his finger around near the top of Squall's entire erection just long enough to brush his thumb along its edge. Laguna's gaze quickly lifted up for a moment, looking for any sort of signal from Squall to proceed or to stop, but he sincerely doubted it would be the latter when the other was already so riled up. He himself was only half-way, the bulge pressed against the front of his loose khakis which actually did well to conceal any sorts of his arousal... Unlike how Squall's slacks, which had failed him.

' _How did he deal with this for so long?! There's no way he got this hard this fast... S-Shit... Ok, Laguna, you have to do this! You did this to him, ya know! You can't just let the poor guy suffer!'_

An audible sigh escaped, eye lids closing slightly as Squall felt careful hands on him. It was always so much better with someone else; touching himself had always just been to get rid of that need so he could go back to focusing on what mattered. Touching someone else like this….sharing, well it was pure indulgence. He was sure the other would at least be able to do this much - there was no way that he  _never_  touched himself. 

Laguna paused; he drew in a deep breath, eyes falling shut as he tried to concentrate.

' _I can do this. This isn't just some one night stand... I might never get to see him again and he might not ever see me again... So, really give him somethin' he'll remember!_ '

Fingers curled further until Squall's pants, grasping the parting in the leather to yank them forward and then dragged them down just enough to give him more space to work. Laguna reopened his eyes to stare back down, a hand soon gliding up beneath the fabric of Squall's white shirt; he came into contact with washboard abs, which he could appreciate with that exploratory hand of his. His other palm remained lowered, still folding down leather. Only when both fabrics were out of his way did he lean back, withdrawing both hands to reach for his hair. The silken strands were caught, pulled up into both hands until he began to twist the locks around to pull over one shoulder; framing one side of his face before he tucked the hair back behind a pierced ear again. His expression was full of concentration, eyebrows knitted together as he kept his gaze down and low; almost purposefully averting Squall's own.

And after a quick, new set-up,  _Laguna went for it_.

Cobalt eyes snapped back open as Squall felt quick hands tugging down his pants as well as shoving up the hem of his shirt. Well then, apparently Laguna was planning to go all the way with this. A hand job would have been acceptable, especially if he sensed the president start to panic, or if he had voiced his concern to Squall. Hell, he could probably get himself off just watching Laguna watch his own hand stroke up and down heated skin, his free hand running through those ebony locks, intoxicating green eyes meeting his own. His gaze was currently focused on that hair in fact, watching as it was placed carefully to one side and tucked behind an ear. Fingers twitched in anticipation - no, not yet, let him try by himself first.

One of Laguna's hands settled at the base, fingers sweeping over a plain of soft, smooth, short dark hair before fingers curled around the thick length. His thumb lowered, sweeping down the front of a sack before drawing back to brush his thumbnail up along the sensitive underbelly of the shaft he was about to take for himself. His lips parted, his tongue lolling out for a moment while his face hovered above that throbbing arousal that stared right back at him; angry and painful. Just a heavy drop of saliva fell, hitting Squall's cockhead near square in the middle, to mix with the pre that was now forming in anticipation. Squall's bottom lip slid in-between teeth, all concentration directed on that pretty mouth hovering above his length. Laguna finally dipped his face in, eyes closing, to drag his tongue over the slit, until his mouth split open even further to suddenly drawn Squall into his mouth past those smooth lips of his. Wetness hit first, soon after a hot tongue, and finally a soft moan from below. Eyebrows knit together as cobalt eyelids shut, the sensations overwhelming Squall far too quickly. Laguna moaned softly around the mercenary's swollen cock, body rolling forward as an arm stretched out in front of himself.

It curled around Squall's hips, moving between the brunette and the couch and up beneath his risen shirt, to scratch his nails into the other's spine while hugging onto him. His other hand remained there at the front of his partner's hips, fingers soon beginning to methodically massage around the base and even lower while keeping a grasp on the shaft itself. Laguna suckled experimentally around that swollen tip, how it seemingly mushroomed out farther than the rest of the pillar that supported it, exploring both around it and the sweetened slit with the tip of his tongue. He breathed out heavy through his nose as he pushed himself further in between Squall's thighs, face now dipping lower as he drew the brunette farther into his mouth. The heat enveloped the mercenary inch by inch, the girth spreading his lips apart even more widely, as he focused on the sensation of what was in his mouth while being exceptionally careful of his teeth.

“A-Ahh... _Fuck_.”

A rough whisper was all Squall could manage, forcing himself to still hips that wanted to buck forward into that wonderful new heat. Fingernails at his back only added to his growing want, feeling his muscles flex and spine arch just a little, tiny sparks of pain running through his body.

_'Harder.'_

Lips sliding further down, slender fingers at his base... Squall was losing it. The brunette’s lips parted finally, a breath he was unaware he had been holding escaping roughly through clenched teeth, deep blue eyes watching on under heavy lids. He could feel his heart rate increasing, fingers now balled into fists along the back edge of the couch. He knew Laguna wasn’t teasing him, he knew he was giving his all in attempt to please but… This was almost as torturous as the the accumulated earlier hours of the night. Squall had actively been trying to be careful but, everyone slips up. Hips reacted on their own, shoving off the lower cushion and deeper into that hot mouth, hitting the back of the president’s throat.

_'Fuck, yes.'_

Laguna's cheeks remained darkly flushed; he couldn't believe he was doing this, yet he was surprisingly fine with it as he swallowed Squall deeper and deeper into his mouth, to the back of his throat. He only flinched when the tip suddenly rammed into the back of his throat unexpectedly, which caused his chest to jump and a small panic to flutter through his system. Laguna pulled back quickly with a soft ' _pop!_ ', a string of saliva connecting his lips to the tip of Squall's erection, as he drew in a hard breath or two; one emerald eye opening partially. 

Squall felt Laguna pull back, sliding fully away from his length, cool air replacing the previous warmth. Laguna licked around his lips as he forced himself not to throw up, his gag reflex having nearly been put to use. All right so, let's not do that! Or at least, expect it! He could relax...  _Maybe_. Blue eyes widened in worry as his left hand released from the back of the couch, prepared to reach out to his partner, but before he could he felt a hand wrap back around him, this time running along the length with more certainty. His hand dropped, resting against the bottom cushion now. Laguna's hand resumed where his mouth had stopped, using the coating his mouth had left as lubricant as he grasped the other's member to begin pumping it. Forming a fist around the muscle, he stroked it up then down, from the base at his hips to the bottom of that flourished cockhead, while he cleared his throat and prepared himself to go back in.

Squall knew the feeling well - that panic right before your stomach sent an alert to your brain; it wasn’t exactly a fun thing to experience, but he was happy that Laguna had pushed through it. Squall relaxed once more, watching the other dip his head back down, lips more sure as they wrapped around his aching cock.

Laguna's eyes fell closed again, tilting his head as he leaned his face down, lips spreading apart to allow his tongue to roll back out; pressing hotly against the underbelly of Squall's cock to glide upwards. The feel of sensitive veins pushed right back into his tongue, which Laguna was just fine to lick back over again until he reached the tip top. Back into his mouth Squall went, now better prepared to swallow him even more whole.

He hugged onto the other's hips as he leaned forward, hair spilling from his shoulder and into Squall's lap. Laguna's breath hitched and he suddenly sucked hard, mouth latching on around the brunette's cock when calloused fingers tangled themselves into his loose hair. The strands were tugged, but Laguna pressed on, pushing his face in closer to Squall's hips as he suckled him farther, farther, farther, until he was forced to draw his head back. But he stopped before his mouth could break away, instead dipping his head back in, until he had completely and totally explored both length, size, and shape to adequately continue. Laguna's head began to bob in the other's lap, nails raking down Squall's spine again, as he suckled and licked; head bobbing up and down as he sucked to force pressure around that sensitive member and licks to retain heat. He moaned every so often, gentle vibrations forcing themselves down the pillar, especially if Squall had thrusted into the back of his throat just in time for Laguna to sound his own pleasure. 

Squall's forearm reached, no longer able to deny the want to touch that pretty hair now gracefully pouring over his lap. Fingers sunk deep, purposely tangling in between ebony strands and he tugged down lightly, breath escaping from open lips quicker now as he watched Laguna’s head sink further down, only to come back up slightly and then repeat the motion. Those nails again, against his spine….he wanted to demand more, wanted it harder, wanted those small shocks of dull pain to come deeper, longer…but he remained silent. It was too much to demand right now, especially after Laguna had finally found his rhythm.

' _...A-Am I doin' this right? Jeez..._ '

Just go for it. As long as he was doing  _something_ Laguna supposed that anything would be fine; going as hard as he could, adoring and laving Squall's arousal to ensure it would receive the proper attention that it required being his only thought of action. Any pre that shot into his mouth was swallowed, the taste something foreign and bitter... But all he could say was that it tasted like  _Squall_. Laguna had nothing else he could compare it to as his head bobbed back and forth, relaxing his neck to help himself swallow as much of the other as possible with each thrust the brunette seemed to now be making in time to when his head came down to his hips as opposed to when it pulled back.

Control was slowly drifting away however; the president had become more sure in his movement, now a steady pace was set as he began to take more of Squall into his mouth. Hips began to snap up, careful not to react too harsh as he didn’t want to gag him once more, only meet gently in the middle to join the rhythm. Fingers curled into a half fist within those locks, pushing down harder as hips pushed up. He wanted more, he wanted this faster. Squall envisioned himself pulling out roughly, all of Laguna’s efforts paying off as he came against a blushing cheek, careful to not get any in his adored hair.

_'No. Fuck. Not yet.'_

Laguna could feel Squall's hand still in his hair, twisting, tugging at his hair in reaction, pushing Laguna's face deeper into his hips as rough fingers curved around the back of his head. Laguna's hold on Squall's hips tightened more, hugging onto him even more close, as his mouth worked on the length before him; the pain he had caused with all of his teasing, with all of his words, since the beginning of the evening. He almost felt apologetic and perhaps words would do better than what he was currently doing right now, but until Squall told him to stop then he'd simply continue.

Squall's fist tightened again, this time pulling up instead of forcing down, cold blue eyes looking beneath at abused lips, short gasps of breath coming from both of them. Laguna's face was forced away from Squall's hips to rip his mouth off of his cock. Laguna inhaled sharply, face flushed dark red, as his lips remained parted with a gasp or two. His emerald eyes rolled open, trying to focus on whatever was in front of him, before rising up to try and find sapphire eyes. Was he doing it wrong? Did it not feel good? Maybe he was being too rough; was he sucking too hard? Maybe he wasn't able to fit all of him into his mouth... He had tried to not let his teeth touch him, he had tried to use his tongue to massage that thick member...

"S-Squall...?"

Breaths were drawn in quickly, gasping, as Laguna took the opportunity to breathe in fresh air. His hand drew away from the spot between Squall's legs in favor of grasping hold to one of the brunette's thighs, palm squeezing the muscle there in concern as he continued to gaze up at the face above him. His lips were flushed dark red by now, an even deeper tint that the color on his cheeks, swollen and wet with both his own saliva and Squall's pre-cum. But as he observed his partner with a worried expression, mentally still filing through a multitude of questions regarding his performance, Laguna relaxed only when he noticed that nothing about Squall indicated that he was uncomfortable. 

Blue raked up, meeting glassy green, Squall’s stare became more intense as he looked over his features… Laguna looked concerned. Vaguely he heard his voice being called out.

_'Fuck, you’re beautiful right now.'_

Squall's body leaned forward as he closed the gap of distance between them, his own need pushed aside for the moment; he could use a short break as it was. The hand fisted in Laguna’s hair dropped, cupping his cheek lightly, drawing his face towards his own as Squall bent closer, lips hovering just above his captor’s.

“You did so well.”

Laguna inhaled sharply as emerald hues widened. Soft words fell between them; gentle praise that had Laguna's heart rising right back up into his throat. Was this pity? Squall had told him that he had done well; yet the brunette clearly hadn't finished. His touch on the other's thigh squeezed again, eyebrows drawing together as he went to ask if he could be given a second chance--another opportunity to try and help him reach his climax. 

But he hadn't been praised out of pity.

Lips slid together aggressively, Squall’s tongue already pushing through, overwhelming the other’s mouth completely. His right hand had left the sofa back, now placed on the below cushion, fingers tightening in a harsh clasp as he moaned against the hot mouth below him. He could taste himself on Laguna, and it was driving him even further, that deep burn now settling uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. He loved that taste, he relished in the thought that he could mark someone like that, to know that if anyone decided to kiss Laguna now, they would know, sense that he belonged to someone.

Emerald eyes flew back open when he felt Squall's mouth slant up against his own, roughly and forced; an invasive tongue entering his mouth without any hesitation. Laguna was  _stunned_ and for a moment or two, was unable to even move, until his instincts began to kick right back in. His hand on Squall's back removed itself from the base of his spine in order to drape across the brunette's shoulders, luring the other down closer to himself as he rose up higher upon his knees. His gaze slowly fell closed, lips pressing harder into Squall's as his mouth parted to allow that tongue opposite his more room to explore. Both wet muscles tied together, that mixed taste laving across Squall's palate. Laguna tilted his head to the side, long, disarranged hair still spilling down over his shoulders, as his partner continued to explore every inch of his mouth that he had entered only moments before.

This wasn't normal, was it? Laguna thought... Well, he had  _heard_ plenty of guys--other soldiers at the time--reminiscence about their promiscuity or former relationships. One of the biggest jokes they ever seemed to have a laugh about was this very scenario; how their woman would never understand why they would never be kissed immediately after performing oral sex. The men all laughed and some made faces, all discussing about why they could never bring themselves to do it. It was  _dirty_ ; it was  _nasty_. Their dick had literally just been in another's mouth and to kiss them would mean they'd get a taste of themselves--they wouldn’t touch a mouth after shoving their own dicks down it. Not for Squall. If it was  _dirty_  then so be it; he would bask proudly in whatever they considered to be filth.

There was way too much purpose in the way Squall drove his tongue deeper into the depths of his mouth, the way he moaned against those soft, swollen lips, to make Laguna think that Squall _cared_ about how dirty this was. So Laguna returned that affection with everything he had in him, tastes mixing even further between them, as he felt his heart pounding against his chest. 

Squall pulled away reluctantly, a soft nip at Laguna’s swollen lips as his fingers slid back up into ebony locks, which were currently rather disheveled and not at all helping the throbbing between his legs. Laguna moaned softly at the soft nip that tugged at his lower lip while turning his face closer toward Squall's palm, feeling those calloused fingers rising back up into his tousled raven hair. Soon both vibrant, emerald eyes reopened to stare back up at the other with a soft smile creeping up on those lips that Squall had assaulted, hand rising from the brunette's lap to clasped over the back of Squall's own against the side of his head.

“I won’t last…just hang on a little longer.” He demanded attention again, desperate blue eyes locking onto green.

“Don’t move your head, try to relax and don’t fight against it - it will be much easier.” A soft smirk lifted on his lips, still playful and teasing throughout the whole ordeal.

That serious tone was back and with it another warning. Laguna listened intently, nodding only once which forced those silken strands to sweep through the other's touch in his hair. 

"Got it," he exhaled, that smile of his still lingering.

Laguna took the single moment that he had to make himself more comfortable on his knees. Thank God for this rug; he couldn't imagine being able to last this long if he was kneeling on the actual floor. There was no way he would've been able to take it... That had to hurt, right? A tug on his hair pulled Laguna right back into reality and he lifted his eyes up to meet with Squall's for a fraction of a second, before his head could be pushed back down in-between the brunette's thighs.

Fist firmly back in it’s rightful place, Squall grabbed at a handful of hair above Laguna’s right ear, tugging his head slowly closer as his shoulder-blades hit the top of the sofa, positioning himself in a more reclined position than he had previously been. He bit at his lower lip as he placed Laguna’s head directly above his cock, still erect and ready for any type of action. Thighs tightened as he widened his semi-laying stance, boots firmly planted into the ground. Laguna came face-to-face with that beautifully arched cock again, aroused tip weeping in anticipation. Squall's right hand shifted from the spot on the couch, reaching for his own length, gripping tightly at the base as he lifted it towards those swollen lips once again, only releasing once his swollen cock had made it a few inches past lips, sure that it wouldn’t pop out. Laguna inhaled through his mouth, lips parting when Squall thrusted upwards while pushing down on the back of his head; driving his shaft into that now-familiar depth once again. It happened a little quicker than Laguna would have preferred, but he braced himself for it nonetheless. Squall kept his hold on his hair, long strands of black now the perfect reigns for him to control Laguna. The blush along the presidents cheeks was deep and Squall could hear him breathing heavily through his nose. 

For a short moment Squall wished his phone was closer within reach; he would kill for a picture of this but…it was too far away, and probably not a good idea. If he ever happened to fall during a mission, and someone  _somehow_ cracked all the firewalls and protection the Garden placed on it’s electronics…well Laguna certainly would have to answer to the press. He would just have to remember this moment, promise himself that it would carve a permanent spot in his memory.

Arms outstretched to wrap back around the brunette's waist, with Laguna's hands diving up under a white shirt to smooth back out across the small of Squall's back. Laguna's eyes fell closed as his cheeks burned brightly, feeling Squall settle in his mouth. It made him nervous, but he tried to swallow his fear down; as long as he didn't worry about it, maybe he could suppress his gag reflex... Swallowing actually seemed to help, so Laguna opted to keep that up as often as he could. But while Squall remained there, seemingly settled, Laguna took the opportunity to massage that sensitive underbelly with his tongue; forcing the muscle to rise and rub, straight down the middle and across as much of it as possible. He breathed out hotly, hard while he suckled on that remaining swollen tip, hair splayed all around him, as his face still glowing with a crimson color.

The palm of his right hand flattened against the bottom cushion as Squall's forearm and thigh muscles worked together, hips pushing off slowly from their location and sliding closer to Laguna’s face, the president's own form bent over Squall’s lap, kneeling between spread thighs. His cock slowly disappeared into that pretty mouth, not too far, not too fast, and then reappeared once more, hips hitting cushion again, his hold on the other’s head never leaving.

_'Shit. This isn’t going to last long.'_

Squall withdrew himself, hips carefully lowering back down into the seat of the couch but not once did Laguna's head move. Lips remained wrapped around the brunette's girth, laving the member with the use of his tongue, until Squall was satisfied to thrust in again. A moan lifted from Laguna as the shaft delved into the back of his oral cavity, but did not reach his throat just yet. A heavy sigh fell past his nose, his throat contracting with a swallow as more pre-cum flooded into his mouth, enticing Laguna further with that bitter flavor. His fingers curled into Squall's back, clean, manicured nails pressing into the brunette's soft skin. 

The second thrust came faster, went slightly deeper, he felt and heard a moan around his length, his own eyebrows knitting together in building exhaustion, unaware at how hard he was breathing. Fuck. It felt too good, his mouth was too good. Laguna remained still, taking Squall’s advice as the SeeD sunk back down again. He was shaking, he could see it in his thighs, feel it in his fingers against dark strands. 

“Goddamn...”

The tip rammed into the back of his throat and Laguna moaned again, quickly swallowing to help him deal with the pressure pressing up against a sensitive reflex. His nails pressed even further into smooth flesh, grasping onto whatever he could as he tried desperately not to allow his body to react violently. It took everything within him not to cough, but it took  _even more not to bite_. Squall quickly pulled back and gave himself several moments to recollect, catch his breath while in turn allowing Laguna to do the very same. The president between his thighs trembled, his touch on Squall's spine letting up and relaxing, as he breathed hard through his nose. His heart was pounding; all he could hear was his own heartbeat and Squall panting for air. He couldn't bring himself to open his eyes, not yet, but he could feel a sting rising up to his lashes.

' _Damn--I can't--_ '

The third thrust came with no warning, Squall’s gaze ripped away from his perfect view, head leaning back against the soft sofa top as he felt his length hit the back of Laguna’s throat. He held his hips there, thighs supporting his lift as he heard Laguna struggle slightly against him. A small strand of sweat trickled down from his hairline, a broken moan escaping right before he sunk back down, slightly out of breath. That was too close. 

He stayed still, lips still lightly wrapped around the head of his length, letting himself and Laguna catch their breath for a quick moment. He was trying, very hard, to hold on just a little longer. Part of him didn’t want to let go, his wish not exactly that Laguna would be latched onto his cock for hours but just…sharing this had become something far more than he had even aimed for. This time was different, whatever this was held a spark, and he didn’t want to lose that.

One more long breath in, and then out, Squall tightened his grasp against Laguna’s head in a warning. Hips shot up again, quicker this time, shoving down almost instantly but not all the way back to the sofa. Again, harder this time, feeling the back of the other’s throat, as he let out a low moan, then back down half way. Laguna cried out around Squall's throbbing member, the tip slamming into the very back of his throat finally and without much hesitation. Laguna's throat flexed, swallowing again as his head tried to instinctively pull away but Squall's grip on his hair only tightened; pulling from the scalp while at the same time pushing his head back down to keep it still and level. Shaking hips set the pace, without much rhyme or reason to how soon he would pull back or how fast he would thrust in. Squall's right forearm struggled to help hold his lower half up, a steady string of moans and swears escaping from the brunette's mouth. He could hear Laguna’s struggled breath and desperate moans mixed in with his. Just a little longer… Squall was moving now with no pace, hips sputtering and shaking, no coherent thought left in his mind other than how amazing he felt, that tight heat in his core spreading everywhere now, he was so close…

' _I'm gonna choke! I-It's too much--'_

Laguna's lashes soon glistened, tears of exertion rising up to his eyes and seeping out closed lids to grasp onto those long, black lashes that kissed the top of his flushed cheeks. He moaned again, nails pushing further into Squall's flesh as he grasped hold of his back again; his breath caught in his throat as he tried to hold out for as long as it took for Squall to reach that perfect ending. He had to; and so far he was managing, able to withhold his own body's natural reaction to reject whatever was trying to forcefully shove itself down his throat.

The muscle in his mouth throbbed, quicker and quicker, and Squall's hips began to move even more sporadically. And just as Laguna's numb mind had began to try and prepare himself for what he would assume would cause him to choke and  _possibly drown_ , his head was being ripped away. Squall tugged harshly at dark locks, pulling Laguna off as his hips slammed back down to the sofa, his right hand reaching and grasping his cock, his fist dragging with fervor up and down. His left hand removed itself from behind the president, hastily tugging his undershirt up to his chest. Blue eyes swimming with ecstasy met emerald once more, before Squall shut them completely, eyebrows furrowing together as his head leaned back and suddenly grasped hold of his own cock that was still dripping wet with saliva. Opening hazy eyes, a small tear or two rolled down his cheeks as Laguna remained kneeling there, staring up at Squall while his arms continued to encircle the other's waist. With some clarity, he was able to actually take in the sight before him which simply took his breath away; a vision Laguna wasn't sure he could ever truly allow himself to forget.

' _D-Damn..._ '

Is that was it looked like? No; probably not. Laguna wasn't sure he could make such an alluring expression while getting himself off, even if he tried. Swallowing hard, he gazed up at the brunette from between Squall's thighs as to watch the mercenary himself pull up his shirt to reveal washboard abs and chiseled pecs. Hands on his back could still be felt, tugging on him, keeping Laguna close to the other even when their eyes met for that split-second. Squall was pleasuring himself, continuing where he had forced Laguna stop, with such beautiful intensity and desperation. But soon Squall was tossing his head back, spine arching further forward as Laguna's hold on him drew him closer, while he reveled in those last few seconds of a long, pent-up evening.

_'FUCK.'_

A low moan broke from his mouth, desperate and full of relief as he emptied himself along flexing abs and stomach, his fist moving erratically until it stilled altogether. His entire body slumped heavily against the sofa, breath still coming in short bursts as he ran the hand that had pushed his shirt out of the way through his sweaty bangs. One eye peaked open lazily, looking towards Laguna as he smirked, fully relaxed.

Squall came so suddenly and so hard that even Laguna was surprised, having been too caught up in watching the sight before him to really pay attention to the subtle warnings. His mouth fell open as he stared, eyebrows rising, as his eyes widened a notch or so more in absolute awe. One tear finally dripped down from his jaw and onto Squall's thigh, eyes blinking slowly as the man before him raised one hand to sweep through sweat-kissed bangs. Then a single sapphire hue appeared, peering right back down at him, while a smirk rose up on satisfied features.

“So…do you have any tissues or… I don’t want to use my shirt…” Squall chuckled, a small smile appearing against his lips.

It was a lot to take in, but Squall's question didn't fall upon deaf ears. Laguna might have been a bit starstruck at the wonder in which he had helped create, now a beautiful sight upon flexing, heaving abs, but he was still able to come back to his senses long enough to process what he had just heard. The request was accepted, but for now, Laguna had other things in mind. What he had tasted had been bitter, but it had only been a precursor to what was to actually _come_. Now it was displayed in all of its magnificence across the mercenary's abdomen, glistening and still hot. That blush on Laguna's face returned, almost instantly, but he turned his face away to raise one hand up as to allow fingers to sweep into long onyx locks in order to push his disheveled hair from out of his vision.

Slowly, Laguna turned back towards Squall and acted as if he were above to push himself up to stand. Both hands reached up to grasp hold of either side of Squall's waist, and with the other's form now dead, pleased weight upon the couch, used the brunette's body as an anchor to help lift himself forward. Emerald eyes fell closed again, long black lashes kissing the tops of his cheeks once more, as his tongue lolled out from past his wet, assaulted lips. Starting near the bottom where the beginning display of spilled semen began, Laguna's hot tongue made contact with Squall's spasming abs. Pulling his partner forward while lifting himself up at the same time, Laguna dragged his tongue upward to collect his reward; fingers curling to rake his nails gratingly down Squall's sides. Cum gathered in his mouth as he made that single stride, tongue pulling away to lick across his top lip once he had reached the bottom of a flat, smooth chest.

_'Fuck me. Are you serious…'_

Azure eyes remained fixed on Laguna’s black locks and face as he felt a hot, wet tongue against his torso, slowly dragging up to collect a large portion of their hard earned team-work. Squall’s cock twitched in response, not fully calmed down from previous happenings, fingers tightening into fists as a sharp inhale was taken. He bit his lower lip, stifling a moan that wanted to escape. Squall been with men before, but _none of them_ ever attempted _that_. Most made their preferences well known - more often than not opting to _not_ want the mercenary to finish inside  _anything_. That was part of the reason Squall pulled Laguna off him; better to be safe than sorry. That and also the fact that he was fairly sure the president had never done anything close to what just happened so…better to not completely overwhelm someone all at once.

Laguna swallowed down his prize with a soft, pleased sound, the taste savored for all it was worth; something that surprised Laguna the most, the fact that the flavor was neither entirely sweet nor entirely bitter. It was thick, but he was still able to swallow it down without much trouble. He didn't make a face at it, instead, only smiling as he tilted his head to the side and licked over his lips again; gaze shy as he purposely averted Squall's own now. This was surprising still; Squall’s eyes never moving off of Laguna, watching possessively as he swallowed.

_'Hmm…'_

Squall would revisit the thoughts swirling around in his mind at another time; most of them seeming useless anyway, since they probably wouldn’t meet again after tonight. Still…..

"...I-I'll get you some tissues..." Laguna whispered, his voice shaking, wavering with nerves that could still be felt trembling down from his core.

Pushing himself up, Laguna could feel that blush falling across his entire body. Maybe that hadn't been the best thing to do, but damn,  _he wanted to taste it_. He had never even experienced his own flavor, mostly because doing such a thing was never on his to-try list. But hey--if he was going to go all out tonight, do something different, with a stranger he didn't know, then he was going to experience everything. And so far, it had been nothing but wonderful. Squall was... Well...

Laguna shakily stood to his own two feet when he felt a rather uncomfortable shift in his own pants. It wasn't so much the strain, which he was becoming acutely aware of now after ignoring his own rising need, but the obvious sensation of wet fabric; he must've really gotten excited either doing all of that or watching Squall for so much pre-cum to have already began accumulating at the front of his boxers. But he opted to continue ignoring it in favor of getting Squall what he had asked for, not having to go far to find a box of tissues on his dresser. Grabbing the box, he retreated back to where Squall had remained sitting on the couch, falling down beside him as he withdrew a tissue or two to fold. Leaning forward, he pressed his hand to Squall's torso, sweeping up with the tissue in hand to begin cleaning up the spill; eyes still cast down with a soft, delicate hue of rose settled over his cheeks.

Laguna continued to help clean Squall up, even going as far as to reach back down and sweep a clean tissue up and over the other's cock before he grabbed all of the dirtied vellum. Laguna seemed shy to Squall; the brunette had said nothing as he gazed at the other the whole time, even while he felt careful hands wiping against his abs and chest. He could see the obvious blush, whispered words barely making it to his ears. What could he possibly be shy about? Squall was the one currently half naked and exposed sitting on a president’s couch in the middle of some ridiculous building he hadn’t even had the time to wrap his mind around. If anyone, it should be Squall; he was the one totally out of place here. It wouldn’t be strange for Laguna to be naked in his own bedroom.

Another attempt to stand was made, but Laguna could only get as far as to reach the edge of the couch before stopping to tremble; he inhaled sharply past his teeth, hands grasping the edge of the sofa as he bowed his head forward; hair forming a veil over his blushing face while hips involuntarily rocked forward.

A rough palm landed on Laguna’s shoulder, Squall pushing him back down to the couch in a seated position. He had seen the other’s attempt to get up; had seen that shudder, hands grasping wherever they could reach. He knew what was going on. His other hand reached to Laguna’s, body arched over as he retrieved the used tissue, wadding it up together and then tossing it to the table near where they were both sitting.

"Ah--"

Bright emerald eyes flew open as Laguna turned his face toward Squall, feeling that strong hand push back against a slender shoulder. He was effectively pressed up against the back of the couch; Squall's palm remained clasped around his shoulder while Laguna was stunned into further silent. His jaw went slack and his eyes widened a notch or so more when the brunette began to lean across him, instinctively forcing Laguna to lay back against the back of the pristine white sofa further. But Squall didn't seem interested in climbing on top of him, rather he appeared to be after the bundle of tissues in his right hand. Laguna didn't put up a fight when Squall took them from him; eyes turned away from a pair of gentle blue eyes to watch the ball of tissues go sailing through the sky to bounce onto the coffee table then onto the floor. Inhaling, his eyesight soon returned to the face that was still hovering close to his own. Lips pursed together as that blush returned, Laguna daring to look away almost in time for Squall to begin pulling himself away in order to rise up to his own feet.

Turning away, giving the president a moment to cool down, Squall shifted his hips, shimmying tight leather pants back up just enough to conceal himself. He flexed his feet within hard leather boots, testing to see if anything happened to be asleep. Confirming he was good to go, Squall pushed up off the couch, arms reaching overhead as his back faced Laguna, letting out a pleased sigh before turning back around. 

Laguna was satisfied to remain sitting there like that while he calmed down--if he  _could_ calm down--until he heard Squall shuffling around. Turning his face back to the brunette, Laguna gazed up at him while Squall faced him; lips parted while his eyes followed the other's movements.

Relaxed cobalt hues considered the other; Laguna didn’t seem overly shy or embarrassed at the moment but…there was obvious _need_. The brunette of course didn’t feel at all bad for requesting to go first, but he would have to make up for the generosity. Heavy boots resonated against the floor; he stopped a foot or so away from Laguna, right in front of him.

A smirk, a raised eyebrow, playful blue eyes catching those pretty greens.

“You know, if I had known you wanted to do  _that_ , I would have never pulled your mouth away.”

 


	10. Can't Get Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you want  
> And I'll do it somehow  
> We don't need no emotions  
> Block them out
> 
> If you don't want my love  
> Then that's all right with me  
> But if you wanna have some fun  
> Then let's get under the sheets  
> And I don't wanna talk all night  
> There's a place we gotta be
> 
> I can't get enough, get enough  
> Baby, I can't just stop  
> Can't get enough

"I-I was prepared to..." Laguna murmured, almost embarrassed to even admit it. "I didn't think you were gonna...ya know... _pull out_..."

Hands shifted down now, once Squall was sure he had the other’s attention again, grabbing at the hem of his own shirt as he tugged it up and over his head, brown locks disheveled and partially sweaty. The Griever necklace remained in place; the SeeD rarely took it off, not even in the shower. Slowly, Laguna relaxed while watching Squall's touch drift down along himself, grasping the edge of his white shirt to begin tugging it upward; higher and higher until he pulled it from off of his shoulders and then over his head. The medallion bounced against Squall's bare chest before glittering, the silver catching the hint of blue in the ambient lighting that filled the room. And while that was certainly a beautiful piece of jewelry, it was what Griever seemed to draw awareness  _to_  that had Laguna  _really_ paying attention.

' _Oh wow..._ '

Squall let the shirt drop to the rug, uncaring at the moment about wrinkles or what he would look like tomorrow.

_Scars_.

The mercenary's full torso was finally revealed, soft lines of past scars strewn all across, most of them located along shoulders and chest, his back facing the other direction so the president would be unable to see the worst of them. Some dipped down further, a rather large jagged one located on his side near ribs.

' _What has he been through to have all of these? Jeez... I just thought the one on his face was bad enough..._ '

Laguna's eyes quickly roamed Squall's frame with care, eyeing the serrated, healed wounds that littered across the brunette's flesh. Some thin, some deeper; some were clean cuts while others were more dangerous, unpredictable edges carved into fair flesh. They each stood out for the most part; older scars seemed to have faded away, leaving only a faint mark in its wake. Laguna's right hand moved down from the arm rest to touch at his own right thigh, fingers curling forward ever so slightly into the fabric of his khaki pants as if out of some instinct. Laguna lifted his face, his emerald hues still studying Squall's physique with all the regard in the world. One scar in particular caught Laguna's interest, however, near Squall's ribs--an ugly-looking marking, deeply inset and darker than most others in color. 

' _That had to have hurt... Is this guy military...? Shit--_ '

_FUCK._

Squall broke eye contact for a moment, bending at the knees and dropping down to untie tight leather boots, carefully plucking at the laces as if they were more important than something you scuff up constantly day after day. He had no particular reason for caring so much; blame it on the leather.

Laguna's heart began to sink at the realization of what he was potentially facing. He watched Squall lower himself to his knees to begin unlacing his leather boots, a frown touching those pretty lips Squall seemed to have adored caressing over the hours of the evening. There was  _no way_ just  _anyone_ outside of the city could come traipsing in and Laguna had a hard time believing anyone with any sort of military background in Esthar would wander around here in the city dressed the way Squall had. The brunette was either  _really fucking good_ at acting clueless or he wasn't from any part of Esthar  _at all_. Not a single person could enter Esthar City without giving up background information and credentials--and not just  _anyone_ was allowed entry. Unless you had business here, there was no real reason for you to  _be here_. So that meant... Whatever business Squall had mentioned earlier was apparently deemed high enough that he could enter the city limits, unless proper protocol was not being followed.

' _No... No... Don't think about it..._ '

_Politicals_ , he had said, he wasn't interested in. And yet here he was, his evening suddenly going down the drain just at the thought of their security having become so laxed that it had apparently created an opportunity for _anyone_ to enter the city.

...But Squall wasn't a threat. Nothing about him was as threatening to Laguna as the brunette probably would have preferred. Maybe it was just the alcohol having taken the edge off of the mercenary or maybe Squall really had come to the city looking for information with no other ulterior motive. Was Squall being vulnerable and honest with him or was he just really good at playing a part to swoon and sway the President of Esthar off of his feet? 

Both boots now removed and kicked to the side out of the way, Squall stood back up, fingers finally reaching for the top loop of his slacks. He glanced down, carefully peeling the tight leather fabric apart from a pair of thin black boxer-briefs hidden underneath. Laguna of course had not noticed - they often remained stuck to the leather and were not entirely useful. In fact, Squall often didn’t wear any, but missions were the exception; no one ever wanted to get caught in a life or death situation with no underwear on. He was grateful for them now too - it was best that Laguna not see him completely naked; the focus should be on him and not Squall. Finally satisfied with the separation, he glanced back up to the other as thumbs dragged under the top hem, slowing pulling the material down until gravity took over somewhere after his upper thighs. He stepped gracefully of the them pooled around his feet, using one foot to kick them off in the direction of wherever his shirt happened to land.

Laguna's eyebrows pinned together as he continued to stare down at the other from between his legs until Squall rose up to begin peeling the tight leather from off of his flesh. His thoughts were distracted only long enough when a pair of black boxer-briefs appeared-- _had those been there before_? The other's cock had shot up from the confines of Squall's pants that Laguna hadn't really considered whether or not his partner wore underwear... But it was nice to know that he did.

Squall only hesitated for a split second; he felt Laguna’s eyes on his form. It wasn’t that he didn’t… _like_ that it was just that... Confidence came in short, random bursts for the brunette and he had never exactly felt anything particular for his own body, other than a slight jealousy toward Seifer’s slightly bigger build. He obviously knew that Laguna at least agreed with his form, especially after everything they had just shared, but being stared at was always unnerving for Squall. Laguna still peered back at Squall; eyes locked onto one another's. The serious expression that still lingered upon the president's face did not fit Laguna  _at all_ , his thoughts once again swimming with all sorts of things; ideas that he was desperately trying to push out of his mind. He spent all of his time, every single day, worried and concerned despite seeming so carefree and carried a burden he never asked for... 

_Once, just once_ , Laguna wanted to try and be selfish.

And somehow he had managed that, up until this point but it was still forever a vicious circle and unforgiving reminder. His title still wormed its way into existence, a quick slap to the face to remind Laguna that he wasn't just a Galbadian soldier or a simple journalist or some no-name at a bar.

_He was the President of Esthar_.

Soft footsteps closed the gap, Squall now directly in front of Laguna as he leaned down, hands coming to rest near the middle of his thighs, squeezing lightly. 

' _Why does he have to look at me like that? Doesn't it bother him?... Doesn't any of this bother him? Why did he even let me bring him back here?_ '

Strong hands fell across Laguna's thighs and Squall inhaled again, hands grasping onto the couch.

“Well, you’ve waited nicely. I suppose it’s your turn.”

Laguna faintly heard Squall's words, to which he responded with a soft sigh; emerald eyes rising back up to follow Squall's motions as the brunette moved forward; his partner now nearly naked, save for those black boxer-briefs that still clung to his lean form. 

Without another thought, Squall stood back up only to land both knees one at a time carefully next to Laguna’s hips, his form sinking down to meet his lap, straddling the president on his own couch. Laguna tilted his head to stare back up at Squall, his gaze relaxing into that more familiar shape rather than the narrowed appearance they had taken on. His breath was caught, pressing back against the couch once again, until Squall began to lower himself down into his lap entirely. Squall made no effort to stop his ass from making contact with the rigid form concealed in khakis underneath him; shifting slightly, on purpose, as fingers came up to rest on the collar of that baby blue shirt, his gaze slightly above Laguna’s due to their positions. Fingers slowly dropped down to the front buttons, pulling the first near shining dog-tags out from it’s clasp, revealing more of that smooth chest he had been wanting to see. Lower now, another button undone, Squall leaned forward more, his lips again just hovering over Laguna’s own.

“I want you to tell me exactly what you want."

"Mmn--"

Laguna suddenly breathed out, eyes closing tightly when Squall pushed himself down against him, a renewing spark sending the overly-sensitive president almost back over the edge. A twitch could be felt beneath the khaki fabric, pressure heating up between them as emerald eyes rolled back open to peer up at the body that hovered above him. The buttons of his shirt were slowly popped open, revealing that fair-sand flesh of his; as much of it as Squall wished to see. But much of his own battle-scars were still hidden, although the appearance of  _bullet wounds_  could clearly be seen near his shoulders and right side of his chest. Faint scars from shallow cuts were here and there, of course, from blades and barbed wire and who knew what else but nothing as drastic as Squall's. Leaning his head to the side, Laguna watched as Squall leaned in closer; bringing their faces in together once again and for a moment, the president remained silent.

' _Don't let anythin' ruin this for you, Laguna... You've got all the time in the world, but with him, you've only got tonight_.'

Another mental speech, one he needed to hear; especially from himself.

' _If he was going to do somethin', I'm sure he would've done somethin' by now... He wouldn't be so gentle, he wouldn't act so worried. And he definitely wouldn't be offerin' to return the favor... He didn't even know who I was; there's no way he's here on malicious terms. I believe him..._ '

Raising both hands, Laguna grasped either side of Squall's torso and gently began to rub his palms up and down, soon curving his touch around to graze down the length of Squall's exposed back. His expression shifted into one of surprise as fingertips found other scars; deeper and greater than anything he could see on his chest. Emerald eyes drifted back to meet Squall's sapphire pair, still remaining silent as the brunette remained seated in his lap. When did he become all right with any of this? Laguna had  _never_ looked at another man at any point in his life; not even when all he was surrounded with  _was_ men, not even when the thought of ever seeing a woman again was so far-fetched that he was certain he had a better chance of getting struck by lightning on a clear day. So what was it that made him suddenly desire the figure in front of him to the point of bringing him home, to the point of being  _so worried_ that he was going to leave him without so much as a ' _good-bye, it was nice to meet you_ '? Hands continued to roam the body in front of him, feeling the foreign warmth of Squall's flesh against his own skin that delighted him in more ways than he could ever possibly hope to verbalize. 

Tearing his gaze away from Squall's for only a moment, Laguna tilted his head up to press his lips to a bare shoulder; tongue dragging along a small spot for only a moment as his arms wrapped back around the other. His fingers continued to idly trace around any scars that he managed to find while his lips pressed chaste kisses along any his mouth may have come into contact with.

Perhaps it was loneliness, of having not been with anyone for  _years_ ; perhaps it was the thrill of knowing this wasn't right, being with another man like this; perhaps it was being able to enjoy a fraction of freedom, when he hardly had much to enjoy to himself; perhaps it was just  _something_ about Squall that he still couldn't put his finger on, this handsome stranger who had managed to captivate Laguna entirely.

' _Exactly what do I want?_ '

Laguna's hips bucked up only once, slowly, holding himself up against Squall before he lowered himself back down into his seat as his feet pressed against the floor for leverage. 

" _I wanna know_...what  _it_ feels like..." Laguna breathed out, the edges of his mouth quirking up into a soft smile; the gesture pressed into Squall's skin. "I haven't been this  _intimate_ with  _anyone_ in years but even then I... I've never came close to  _anythin' like this_ before..."

_'Years?'_

That couldn’t be right… After everything they had explored together tonight, after sharing kisses and confused confessions and just rushing to press bodies as close as they could get. How could it have been years? How many years exactly? Not that Squall talked much about his own history, whatever of that which existed, which wasn’t a whole lot but…it hadn’t been  _years_ , maybe one year tops? And Laguna was older than him, at least by ten years if his guess was correct. To add to that, he was the president. He could no doubt get many lovers just by title; Squall knew plenty of women and men even that would want to just for that very reason.

So why?

Why choose that complete loneliness over at least chance nights to share a warm bed…even if they meant nothing the next morning?

Squall knew what lonely was; he knew the difference between self-inflicted loneliness and the normal kind - to just miss the presence of other people. This had to have been the very kind that the brunette wallowed in so often. Laguna… He didn’t strike Squall as someone to do that, especially with how laid back and cheery he seemed on the outside. But maybe that was just _it_ ; a cover-up for how he really felt. While Squall could never hide his worst emotions - they were always easily plastered all over his face, Laguna chose to not show them at all. Squall felt himself frowning, even in the provocative position they were in, but quickly corrected his look when he felt the other pull back to look up at him.

Laguna was smiling again, but was it real? Laguna's features had relaxed, smoothing out into an expression a little more familiar and carefree, like his playful attitude from the evening. His hands lifted up, arms still hooked beneath Squall's own as his hands settled across the brunette's back.

"...I want you to make me forget  _everythin'_ until morning... I want to feel what it's like to just... _let go_  for once. To not worry about anythin', whether it's right or wrong or who's watchin' or what's expected of me. So...Can I be selfish enough to ask for you to do for me, what I just did for you?"

Laguna's touch rose upward; hands coming to rest on either side of Squall's face as he drew the other's head down. Laguna lifted his own so that they could meet, foreheads touching again as well as those pretty emerald green eyes as they sought out Squall's glassy pair of azure. His fingers pushed up into those sweaty, dusky locks while his nails grazed over Squall's scalp. Squall felt himself being tugged forward once more, not fighting any of it, his forehead meeting against Laguna’s. He met his eyes before his own closed, feeling fingers in his hair, shoulders dropping slightly, releasing stress he was unaware of. 

Why was Laguna asking permission for such things? Did he not know that lovers equally exchanged, satisfying each other’s own selfish needs, tangling desires together until both parties were finished? Well, that was how it was supposed to go… It didn’t always happen that way, especially with some of the people Squall had chosen to be with but…not Laguna. Sure, Squall had been about ready to burst ever since the car incident, but it wasn’t just about him. He wanted what he deserved, but Laguna deserved exactly the same thing and Squall wanted to give it to him.

Did he think he would not get it?

"I don't wanna be the president tonight..." Laguna exhaled quietly, surrendering, "I don't wanna think about contracts or meetings or Esthar's security measures; I just wanna think about how I can make  _you feel good_. I know that we can't do much and I know that we don't have a lot of time, but I wanna make the most of it. We probably won't ever get the chance to see each other ever again. But I wanna at least...be able to look back at tonight and feel  _not only grateful, but so happy_ that I got to share a night like this with  _you_. For once, I wanna be able to enjoy feelin' someone else next to me in my own bed. I wanna know what it's like to be  _touched_. I wanna revel in every single little kiss or bite or mark you leave on my skin. You've already given me so much tonight but I just... I wanna be...just  _a little more selfish_ and ask you...to just show me what it all feels like." 

Squall listened to the president’s speech, mixed emotions cropping up in his mind as he chose to stay exactly where Laguna had placed him. In every sentence he could feel that loneliness trying to break through, attempting to make itself heard without it being obvious. But he heard it, he heard all of it, and knew that this was most likely hard for the other to say. Still, it was romantic, if Squall could even admit to knowing what that felt or sounded like; he preferred less words, harder touches, no strings attached. Yet…what Laguna was saying didn’t hold any strings; quite the opposite actually.

He just wanted tonight, that’s all he asked for.

Tonight, together.

He could easily grant that.

Squall's own lips slid together, preparing to respond, remaining tight against the other.

“You… I don’t care if you are the president, that has nothing to do with what we are tonight - it never did. Don’t ever feel bad for being selfish…especially in our lines of work where selflessness is always first. You _aren’t_ selfish enough; that causes stress and…unfortunate solitude. And you shouldn’t worry about how _you_ can make _me_ feel good; I already feel good - this is _your_ turn. Be selfish with me.”

A familiar ache was starting to envelope within Squall's chest; his own familiar forced isolation fighting against the burning want to have someone belong to him, even just for a little while. Laguna’s confession had hit home, even if they had different reasons and different lives.

Vivid emerald eyes suddenly widened at the sound of Squall's voice. The colorful hues wavered with unspoken emotion as Laguna sat there in stunned silence, both of his hands still tangled within Squall's dark brunette hair. His fingers curled forward, catching further locks of thick hair within his grasp as his hold trembled. A sharp, stinging sensation rose up to his long, dark lashes which caused emerald pigments to glisten--but not for long as his eyes quickly fell closed, tightly. It hurt... It all  _hurt_.

So Squall did the only thing he knew how to get rid of the hurt. Lips shoved forward, crashing to abused one’s below, desperate and too fast and full of  _something_  - something he couldn’t bring himself to admit.

_'Why? Why does it have to feel like this? Every other time before…nothing. But now?'_

His tongue forced past those pretty lips, the faint taste of Squall’s own seed still lingering, not bothering him one bit. In fact, it just made Squall more wild; he would give Laguna everything he wanted and then more. It was not often Squall offered himself up entirely, but tonight was going to be an exception. He could tell the other needed it, and perhaps Squall needed this as well. Laguna only had half a second to draw in a breath before Squall was arching over him, overwhelming his mouth entirely. He gently tugged on dusky strands, arching his own spine as the former soldier lifted himself up to press harder into the kiss. An elated moan pressed into their meshed mouths, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side as Squall slanted carved lips back over his own. Coaxing Laguna's mouth open would not take much force from Squall as the president willingly parted his lips to allow entry where his own tongue waited to greet his partner.

Tastes once more blended together, flavors swapped with one another; sweat and salt and bitter seed, only the faintest hint of alcohol still clinging to either of their palates. Squall's appetite seemed insatiable as he drilled his tongue deeper into Laguna's mouth, forcing this president's head to tip back as he moaned again; completely overpowered by the other's ravenous kiss. Withdrawing his hands from either side of the brunette's head as soon as he felt calloused hands grasping the front of that baby blue shirt to begin ripping at the white buttons. Laguna's own touch fell to bare shoulders and naked biceps; his nails raked downwards, curving around scarred muscles as his shoulders rolled back, slipping each one from out of the smooth fabric that was being cleaved clean off of his own blemished body.  Squall's fingers ripped impatiently at the remaining buttons, tugging and pulling while he assaulted the other with his mouth until finally that dreaded shirt was open, rough fingers and palms immediately dipping underneath to the exposed skin there, trailing over every curve and edge and…scars? And…something else. Could that be?...

_'Bullet wounds. Damn.'_

Splotchy scars met with Squall's foreign touch, physical examples of what happened when a living body met with shrapnel or a hot bullet shot within close proximity. 

Although Squall’s own form was riddled with knife cuts and other jagged pieces of metal that happened to always get lodged into him, he didn’t have anything resembling what a bullet could do to the body; the closest he had got was a scrape from one that had grazed a shoulder. SeeD mercenaries were trained differently and many of the encounters along missions had different threats - ones more dangerous that man-made guns. If Laguna knew about such things, he might be able to pick out damage along his torso from other types of attacks - fire, thunder, even ice.

Laguna's head was spinning; his lungs burned;  _he couldn't breathe_. Their lips pulled apart, only to smash back together without another thought while their faces tilted this way and that. Laguna struggled with Squall to peel the shirt from off of his body, sweat clinging to his fair-sand flesh which seemed to make the whole ordeal a little more difficult for the pair of fanatical men who were muchtoo anxious to wait any longer. Skin needed to touch skin--Laguna  _wanted_ their scars to brush against each other's, familiar markings of pain, altruism and endurance meeting one another in mutual understanding. Squall soon had the shirt ripped open, baring Laguna's chest, abs and shoulders which the brunette took to hungrily caressing. Rough fingers grazed over sensitive imperfections which caused Laguna's skin to shiver in reaction while he inhaled sharply through his nose. His arms dropped down from Squall's arms to pull behind him, fingers curling inside a rolled up sleeve to tug it down over his elbow and down to his wrist.

' _Damn_.'

Squall pulled away, forcing lips to part, removing his forehead as well as he attempted to calm down, tugging at the shoulders of the blue shirt until it fell past, leaving Laguna to maneuver out of each sleeve on his own. Both of them panted when they broke away from their kiss for good.  Laguna's cheeks were stained a pure, dark crimson color as his eyes remained even more vibrant, burnished with both need and excitement. His hair was beginning to stick to various spots along his neck, the edges of his face and upper shoulders from the glaze of perspiration coating his form. Abs flexed as he moved forward and backward, struggling to free himself from the confines of his shirt but after a few more moments of difficulty managed to pull the second sleeve from off of his other arm. Squall was too busy staring down at the well defined chest in front of him to help, those silver dog tags hanging gently in the middle - he wanted to touch them; turn them over in his hands - perhaps they said something. He knew better however; that information wasn’t for him unless Laguna wanted to share and he wouldn’t pry. Laguna could  _feel_ Squall's gaze on him, taking in every inch of flesh he possibly could look upon; noting every lean muscle, every scar, the way it looked glowing with sweat and fervor. But daring to meet the other's blazing pair of desirous cobalt eyes, Laguna's lips quirked back up into another smile.

Squall looked like a starved lion in that very moment, staring down at his submissive prey.

_'What it feels like, huh?'_

A raised eyebrow was all the president was allowed for a warning before pushing at Laguna’s shoulders in an attempt to get him to turn to Squall’s left, aiming to land his neck and head on the arm rest. Laguna was promptly shoved back up against the couch then to the side, which the president gave into immediately. Squall's touch was not something to be reckoned with as the mercenary was now a man on a mission, hastily situating them differently on the white sofa. The brunette moved as well, his left leg shifting back, a foot touching the floor as he allowed space for the other to move, his right leg now wedged between Laguna’s thigh and the back of the couch. Laguna swung his left leg up onto the furniture, pressing the side of it against the back of the couch while he laid back along the seat, the back of his neck arching over the arm rest he had been leaning against only moments ago. He inhaled sharply, skin flowing over visible ribs in the moment it took to draw in sweet, precious oxygen, while his eyes roamed over Squall's own form. Squall loomed over Laguna for a second, hands placed on the arm rest holding his form up, one at each side of the other’s head.

“You’ve waited much longer than I have; I know you aren’t going to last long, so just enjoy it - don’t think about what I want, just what you need.”

"I might not  _last at all_ ," Laguna groaned as his hips bucked up, playfully; rolling his  _need_ upwards, the side of a very prominent bulge rubbing up against Squall's bare, inner thigh. A soft whine fell past his swollen, red lips in need as his body lifted back off of the couch again; " _It hurts_ , get 'em off--"

With that declaration, Squall shifted again, thighs hovering over Laguna’s own as fingers trailed down the powerful chest in front of him, crossing over abs, finger lingering on scars he found just a little longer, until the came to the hem of those cursed khakis, making quick work of the top button there, unzipping the remaining in a hasty fashion, not concerned with much foreplay at this point - he just wanted to get to his assignment. Rogue fingers could feel Laguna's heart racing against his chest, thumping  _hard_ as adrenaline continued to siphon through his veins which burned his flesh red hot. Still on his back, Laguna raised one hand up to push up into his own sweaty strands of hair to sweep the veil from out of his face.

Laguna's other hand grasped the edge of the couch; he laughed when Squall opted to unbutton and unzip his pants before jerking his pants down with enough force to lift Laguna from off of the couch. Squall tugged down khaki fabric with effort, exposing a pair of emerald green boxers.

_'He probably does that on purpose.'_

Laguna fell back down after only a moment of suspension, hips wriggling as he let out a relieved sigh. His cock twitched beneath the soft fabric of matching emerald, a prominent wet spot near the top hem of his boxers where pre-cum had been gathering at the fibers for quite some time now. And although they were a nice pair of boxers, Squall did not hesitate to drag those down a well, effectively pulling them out from under Laguna’s back side and down past his knees, all while Squall hovered over him, one leg still planted firmly on the ground at the couch’s edge. He didn’t look yet, turning his gaze behind them to the offending pants, reaching behind and tugging roughly to get them down further, managing to get them and the boxers only over Laguna’s right foot - that would have to do - Squall only needed enough room to get himself between those legs. All of Squall's hard work ultimately ended with both khaki and emerald colors bundling around the president's right ankle which both of them seemed to be fine with. 

"H-Holy shit--"

Squall's gaze came back to the front, locking his cobalt eyes to Laguna’s once more, as he slid his right leg from its trapped location to sit on the inside of the others left leg, pushing gently at the his knee to get Laguna to move it up just a little, allowing Squall more room.

Laguna laughed again as he rolled his body upwards as soon as he felt Squall's rugged fingers push past the band of his boxers to drag them down smooth skin, his voice catching in his throat when the cool air finally hit his freed arousal. A groan attempted to catch Squall's attention as Laguna moved his legs, pulling them away from the brunette's reach. His left leg pressed back up against the back of the sofa while his right foot swung back down to touch the floor; both feet bare of those horrendous sandals. As Laguna parted open his thighs and rolled his hips upwards, Squall was satisfied to situate himself farther up onto the couch in between those sculpted legs to continue on with his new mission. Squall's right hand reached up to the sofa back, grasping tightly as he lifted the weight of his left leg to meet his right, now caught in between Laguna’s exposed legs. Eyes darted down finally, landing all his attention to the matter at hand.

_'Oh. Well, fuck.'_

The president was…well, larger for sure, than Squall, that much he could tell. Probably overall…both in length and width. It was by far one of the nicer cocks the SeeD had ever seen, appreciating the other’s attention to detail to  _actually groom_  down there; to be frank, that made oral sex a lot easier to handle. Not that he preferred his men completely hairless…just, clean it up a little, is all he asked. Laguna delivered on that - it was surprising he would care so much to do something like that if it had been  _years_  since his last time. That just mean that he appreciated being well-kempt and clean - both things very high on Squall’s ‘must-have’ list, even if he never got close enough to anyone to actually compare the list with.

For as long as his hair was, Laguna wasn't exactly blessed with it anywhere else. It made trimming easy as soft, fine pubic strands were not harsh to the touch. Stubble wouldn't cause any undesired friction as it simply did not exist for the most part; same for bare legs that slid oh so easily against Squall's own or arms that desired nothing more than to wrap back around the mercenary's naked, scarred back. His chest and abs were just as smooth and mostly hairless, save for a very faint trail that started from the bottom of his navel and traveled southward to meet a delicate patch of soft black color. 

That damn blush had started to creep back over Squall's cheeks and nose; now that he was actually faced with the reality… Well he wasn’t embarrassed just… _fuck._  He had already had his turn, but this…this was making him ache all over again. It wasn’t that annoying burn of wanting to get off - this one was different - the overwhelming burn of wanting to please. It was consuming him now; nothing else mattered in this moment other than the president’s… _no,_ Laguna’s glorious cock. Squall wasn’t sure which god he could have possibly pleased but he was not about to waste the good karma. He knew exactly what needed to be done.

" _It hurts_ ," Laguna crooned again, one hand still tangled up in his hair to keep it out of his face as his other palm lowered. He suddenly grasped hold of himself as Squall seemed entranced at the sight of his cock arched over abs he had been admiring only moments prior. Pre-cum dripped down onto muscles as Laguna stroked himself once, twice. He breathed hard out past his nose, his gaze still staring up at his partner who was now blushing and trying to collect himself long enough to prepare himself for what throbbed in anticipation of him. 

A slow inhale through Squall's mouth, a longer exhale out his nose, mischievous blue eyes met emerald once more as he lowered himself lower, carefully shifting back to align his face to the heat between Laguna’s legs. His right hand dropped from the couch top, sliding down the other’s left leg as his opposite palm did the same on the other side, gently kneading into the tense thigh muscles there. 

Laguna withdrew his own touch, instead coming back to the edge of the sofa as his right foot pressed down into the floor while his left pushed against the other arm rest.

"Nn--"

Oh, God, Squall's hand on his  _right thigh_... The muscles were obviously spasming, but they didn't seem to be hurting Laguna as before. In fact, his leg hadn't really acted up very much since the car ride... Or at least, it didn't seem like it did. But Squall could  _feel_ it and his touch, that slow massage with the way he squeezed and wrapped his palm around as much of the muscle as possible, made Laguna groan low in relief. Compared to his left leg, his right was in worse shape. Whatever Squall had thought at the bar seemed to have been correct, as healed bullet-wounds riddled his thigh and down the outer side of his lower leg. Only a few splotchy spots matched on one side as it did on the other; where bullets had passed clean through.

Squall wasted no more time, his right palm reaching forward to tilt that thick cock to his lips, the left palm still gently pressing into the other’s right thigh, nails dragging gently across the flesh there between squeezing.

' _Holy shit, holy SHIT, HERE HE GOES--'_

Not once did Squall break eye contact in this moment, licking his lips once before resting them against the head, slowly pushing down until the entire length had disappeared, feeling Laguna all the way at the back of his throat, eye finally squeezing shut and eyebrows furrowed slightly. 

"Hhn! Squall-- _S-SQUALL--"_

_In he went_.

Laguna inhaled shakily as his spine arched upward as soon as Squall wrapped his hand around his cock, pulling that beautifully arched erection upwards to lead a swollen cockhead up to his own lips. He released his breath with a low moan, bucking up once involuntarily as Squall's tongue met with him; blazing emerald eyes staring down at wicked cobalt before Laguna's eyes fell closed completely as he turned his face away. The president bit down onto his lower lip to try and suppress another noise of delight, fingernails scratching into the white leather beneath him while Squall's own raked down his scarred, quivering thigh.

This was going to be a challenge; Squall could not recall a time he had ever fit someone this large down his throat; his gag reflex screaming to kick in but the brunette fought it, shoulders tensing slightly. He stilled, collecting himself, right hand now free to move - he let it rest on a sharp hip, bare skin smooth under his fingers. 

' _Do it. He wants this… You want this.'_

Laguna's left leg fell over Squall's shoulder, foot pressing against the arm rest again to help give him more leverage to raise himself off of the couch. He threw his head back all the way and he lost all hope of being able to conceal any noise as his left arm draped over his tightly closed eyes. Right hand continued to grasp the edge of the leather couch and he was completely unable to simply  _lay still_. Squall's mouth encased him  _completely_ and he cried out when his sensitive cockhead pressed into the back of his partner's throat when Squall managed to swallow him entirely. His cock throbbed harder, shooting pre-cum unsteadily into the depths of the brunette's throat, coating wet walls with a thick, sweet taste. Laguna sang out again with a hard moan, his own throat burning as his lower belly began to pool with fire and a building pressure. He breathed heavily, his hips rolling hard as he lost any and all consideration on whether or not Squall was all right with Laguna moving all on his own.

Squall's head lifted, eyes still closed tightly, left hand now firmly clasped to Laguna’s right upper thigh as he set a fast pace, shoving himself down to the very base each time, groomed hairs there just barely reaching his nose. Each time he came up lips remained encased at the top, sucking hard as his tongue circled around. It was intoxicating; not just the heavy smell of sex, or the steady stream of sounds coming from Laguna, or even the taste of pre-cum that was so generously leaking into his own mouth - he wanted this, he _wanted_ Laguna to use him.

That burn again, similar but so different to when Squall was descending over someone else, demanding his need be met, directing them to what he wanted. This was far different - wanting to feel Laguna’s hands pushing his face down further, making it hard for him to breath, making him swallow everything he could give. Squall didn’t care  _which_ burn engulfed him; he just knew he needed it. _Fuck._  He was getting hard again. 

_'No, this is about him.'_

Squall pushed his need away once again, basking in the feeling of his mouth and throat being abused, even if he was doing it to himself. 

To buy himself a little more time and to catch his breath, Squall released Laguna from his mouth. Laguna's cock dripped with saliva and another shot of pre-cum, splashing over the president's abs again and shivered when the air hit him again; but Squall didn't leave him out for long. While the brunette remained licking and suckling while recollecting himself to go again, a strong hand grasped hold of him to give the erection several solid, firm strokes. Subtle warnings of impending release continued to spill, now running down over the mercenary's palm if it managed to drip out of Squall's mouth. Squall released the intruding length quickly, letting it fall back to Laguna’s hips, instead running his tongue along the underside, pushing down as he went from the base to top, repeating the motion in the opposite direction. He did the same along each side, his right hand finally releasing it’s grip on the other’s hip, grasping the thick member, tilting it back to his own lips as he sucked hard on the head once more, hand wrapping around the shaft and pumping fast and with purpose. His hand remained down at the base as Squall once again took it all in, palm shifting away to the side once he was sure again that he could handle it all. 

Exhaustion was starting to fall over him - hands trembled slightly and his legs ached from holding himself up in a half-way laying possession. Squall could feel a thin sheen of sweat forming along his shoulders and upper back, but he ignored it all, the corners of his eyes starting to well up just slightly. He needed more, and he wanted Laguna to be selfish like he said he would.

Squall’s left palm removed from his grasp on Laguna’s right thigh, reaching up shakily to grasp his right hand, shoving it down to his own sweaty brown locks. His hand squeezed once against Laguna’s hoping he would understand what he wanted, dripping blue eyes looking up only once to meet desperate emerald, his mouth still on that now throbbing length.

_'Come on. I know you want to.'_

Laguna's eyes fluttered open, vision hazy and unclear as he remained a feverish state of mind; something was touching his hand. Removing his arm from over his eyes, he craned his neck to be able to look down where Squall had reached for his right hand, guiding it up to the back of his head. He panted hard, licking over his top lip as he felt a squeeze relay a silent message; fingers curled forward, pushing his nails into Squall's scalp before tugging onto that dusky hair. Their gazes met only once as Squall's mouth encircled his malehood again, bobbing his head down as he released his hold on Laguna's hand to lay back over a scarred thigh once more. Laguna was too stunned to function as Squall returned to his work, a hot mouth drawing his erection back into the depths of his mouth again; but one hard suck was all it took to really kickstart Laguna into doing both what he  _needed_ and what Squall  _wanted_.

His form fell back against the couch, laying himself against the arm rest again. Laguna's right hand remained against the back of Squall's bobbing head, but soon-- _his left hand joined_. Both pet through sweaty, damp locks of hair that framed Squall's face so beautifully, nails scratching over the brunette's scalp and down the back of his neck only once before he took hold of Squall's head entirely. Fingers curled in, tangling with the mercenary's hair as he gave it a hard tug when Squall added pressure around his arousal with the use of his tongue; Laguna moaned hard before tilting his head forward, eyes closing tightly again.

_'Fuck, yes.'_

Squall could feel both hands resting within his locks, sweeping through although he had managed to work up a good sweat. Those fingers through his hair felt wonderful; it was some sort of confirmation that Laguna was enjoying this, other than the lewd sounds escaping his mouth, and accepted Squall’s desire. He would gladly take just this - the position he was forced into paired with gentle but firm fingers holding him in place could be enough. He didn’t need to get off again or anything like that it…this was sufficient control, even if the brunette still had to lead from the bottom. It was obvious the president wasn’t used to these sort of things… Well, pretty much any of what happened tonight. Squall was not expecting anything from his request, even if Laguna had not understood he at least granted the touch.

So, when he felt those gentle hands tensed and shoved his head down to a very willing lap with no warning, he could not help but be surprised. Laguna suddenly jerked Squall's head forward  _hard_ and then slammed the mercenary's face down into the front of his hips. Squall was suddenly dealing with a very confusing mix of panic and lust as he struggled to catch up to what had just happened. An anxious, broken moan was all he could offer to Laguna as the president continued to ram his thick cock down Squall’s throat with no guilt. 

' _Fuck. Shit. Please…don’t stop.'_

Laguna's foot pressed against the couch while the other pushed against the ground, giving him the ability to drive his narrow hips upward. Thrust by thrust, he held Squall's face close to him and in place as his hips rolled upward harder and harder until his pelvis could meet with Squall's flushed cheeks. His cock throbbed, leaking, slipping down into the back of his partner's throat which made it all so very hard for Squall to breathe; cockhead slamming into wet flesh that threatened to offend a very sensitive reflex.

That feeling started to envelope Squall again, a strong and clear need to do whatever he possibly could in this moment to please the other. A shiver ran down the length of his spine, fingers tightening against muscled thighs. This is what he wanted, and Laguna was not going to disappoint. Squall himself never quite understood exactly  _why_  he wanted it this way; he just did. It didn’t matter to him if he gave or received the control. It made everything more intense, more real… It wasn’t just oral sex, Laguna was using him, ripping his own pleasure out of Squall, and all the brunette wanted was to be the one to give that to him. He felt his own cock responding to the rough assault, tightening against thin black boxers as he struggled to control his own gag reflex; the president was certainly testing it.

_'More. Harder.'_

With each thrust, more needy and grueling than the next, Squall could feel his mind slipping into that wonderful haze that had spread itself across his body. This was right; this is where he belonged. It was almost like pins and needles, after you tried to awaken a limb; a pleasant but energized thrum throughout his body, seeping into the mixed emotions floating in his mind - none of them held any particular importance, the only one that had focus was to give Laguna the pleasure he deserved.

_'Please… Please.'_

It didn’t hurt - not his throat. In his relaxed state Squall had forgotten all about any reflex to gag and attempted to open his throat more, letting Laguna slid and slam down as far as he wanted. He could feel tears escaping from the corners of each eye; it didn’t matter - just his body dealing with exhaustion. He would not let it stop until Laguna was satisfied. He let a soft moan slip, completely unaware that it had happened at all, to caught up in his daze as well as trying to breath steadily through his nose.

Laguna's lips parted again as he cried out with every desperate breath he took, a drop of sweat rolling down the side of his face. His abs quivered and tightened, driving his shaft harder into Squall's willing mouth as his fingers pulled roughly onto short locks of brown hair. His spine lifted off of the couch again as he kept the brunette's head firmly in place, thrusting into that hot cavity that so greedily swallowed him, that desperately sucked with all Squall had in him, while nails drove themselves deeper into scarred and sweaty flesh. 

He felt hazy; it was close; that building pressure was welling up and burning him--

" _ **SQUALL**!"_

The sound of his name barely reached Squall's ears, too caught up in enduring the abuse to his mouth.

A sharp, shrill, almost broken cry was the only warning Squall would have as Laguna came-- _and hard_. Thick, sweet ribbons of white seed shot into the mercenary's throat as Laguna sheathed himself entirely into Squall's mouth, to the base, while his hands remained cupped around his partner's head and clawed into short hair. Squall managed to get a small amount of air into his lungs before being completely cut off, his nose buried right against the fine hairs below. Eyebrows knit together in determination, feeling that first wave of warmth empty into the back of his throat.  He swallowed against that thick cock, again and again in attempt to save himself from drowning in the others seed. The tightening at the front of his own boxers got worse; if he had not already finished before the other, Squall would have came right there with nothing touching him, only Laguna’s cock shoved past sinful lips. God, that taste...the smell, the cries echoing around them.

' _Fucking Hell.'_

Laguna held his breath as he shivered, waves of absolute ecstasy and a numbing warmth flooded his system. His hips gave a sharp involuntary buck or two, trying to hold onto that feeling of blinding white pleasure for as long as possible while emerald eyes rolled around behind closed lids. And his orgasm rode out  _long and hard_ , threatening to dispose either of them by causing them to fall unconscious from lack of breath before Laguna's hips suddenly  _dropped_. His hands fell from Squall's head as his body fell flat and heavy against the couch, his head turning to the side as his chest heaved with that first solid breath of air.

Squall didn’t move until Laguna had dropped his own hips, a large inhale of air finally reaching Squall’s nose., blue eyes still dripping with exhaustion. He pulled away slightly, left hand clasped quickly over his mouth; he had done his best, but was not able to swallow down everything Laguna had gave. He had struggled, not able to breath - simply letting the rest pool in his mouth before hips met the couch, gleaming length pulling free from wet lips. He leaned back, tucking legs underneath the back of his thighs as his right hand reached, palm closing around his own length encased in black boxers. 

' _Fuck. Don’t.'_

Another moan fell past his lips, rising from the depths of his own throat, as he laid there. One arm rose to fall over his flat chest, the other still lingering close to Squall's face before fingers fell completely to rest against his own inner thigh.

"A-Ah-... _S-Squa...ll..."_

Squall swallowed the rest, hand at his cock gripping tightly as the other hand fell from his mouth, fingers wiping against sensitive lips, his own tongue darting out to swipe at any that might have escaped.  Both hands finally dropped, palms resting on each thigh as he attempted to catch his breath, rough breathing spilling from his mouth. He looked to Laguna through sweaty bangs, the other sprawled unceremoniously in front of him, head turned to one side.

_'Damn. Look at that.'_

Squall smiled, to himself, eyes grazing over the form in front of him. Laguna looked…well he looked stunning like that, not an ounce of stress noticeable across his face or body, dark locks flowing over the back of armrest, over shoulders, stuck in random places along his neck, chest rising and falling in an attempt to gain back composure. He was smug; obviously years younger than Laguna and he could totally wreck him like that. Well, to be fair what Laguna did before this wrecked Squall in his own ways. He wondered what real sex could be like with this man if this was the result of his mouth. No…better not.

' _I only have tonight. Why did he keep saying my name…_ '

A sigh escaped, Squall’s right arm reaching to the sofa back, running along the top as he shifted slightly, testing if it was possible to move yet, reality unfortunately crashing down on him. After such a high, he didn’t want to sink back so low thinking about what would happen tomorrow. He didn’t want to think about why Laguna had called out his name, or why that was even bothering him. Squall normally skipped all that with his hook-ups - it was too personal, it meant somehow knowing the person on a different level, one he didn’t want to touch. But when Laguna did…

' _I can't feel a damn thing_.'

Laguna's body was heavy; chest still rising and falling with every breath he took as he slowly came down from that explicit euphoria. He drifted in and out of consciousness, his body so relaxed and sated that he possibly dozed off once or twice for a matter of seconds. Squall's movements were the only thing that managed to pull Laguna right back into reality as long black lashes fluttered slowly, glossy vision attempting to clear itself and recollect where it was he currently laid. His heart had returned to a stable beat, no longer threatening to burst right out of his chest from how intense it had been working minutes ago; his breathing calm, his body slowly losing that hot flush that had overtaken the entirety of his naked form. Laguna was satisfied to continue laying there, sprawled out in front of Squall with absolutely no shame whatsoever--a complete turnaround from how shy he had been acting before his shirt had been torn apart.

He felt so  _calm_ even as that numbing ecstasy melted away. There was no strength left in his legs, that much Laguna could tell. Squall didn't seem to have nearly as much trouble after  _he_ had came, but then again Squall probably hadn't gone  _years_ without so much as  _a kiss_. How had he gotten here? At what point had any of this started? It had to have been back at the bar... But how or why things had escalated to this point, he couldn't recall nor did it matter. The only thing that was important was how each of them currently felt; content and satiated. Or at least, Laguna  _hoped_ that Squall felt the same way. Turning his face back toward his company's, emerald eyes finally reopened to allow him to stare upward and find that  _smug expression_  gazing right back down at him.

A new tint fell over Laguna's cheeks when he took notice, suddenly bashful and perhaps a little coy under Squall's fixed line of sight. Lips of his own lifted into a timid smile as he raised a hand, fingertips scratching at his cheek ever so slightly while averting his own gaze from a pair of cobalt hues that appreciatively took in the disheveled sight before him; Squall was clearly satisfied with his own work. There was absolutely  _nothing_ about the president's current appearance that indicated to Squall that Laguna wasn't appeased.

Laguna's smile still lingered, soft and  _genuine_  as emerald colors appeared even more vibrant than before--glassy and warm.


	11. Unfamiliar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lately, nothing passes by me  
> And every hand is holding me down  
> And praise is just an unfamiliar sound to me
> 
> Just close the door  
> (It's all coming back to me)  
> Be still, my heart  
> ('Cause it's all coming back)  
> Just close the door  
> (It's all coming back to me)
> 
> Be still, my heart  
> ('Cause it's all coming back)

' _He looks so pleased with himself_.'

The brunette's contented sigh soon pulled the president's attention back to the mercenary. Laguna turned his face right back toward Squall to follow the other's movements; Squall was still just sitting there, now brushing the palm of his hand along the top of the sofa that how now been christened by the two of them. Laguna never would have imagined a piece of his furniture would see any kind of action like  _that_  and he knew that he wouldn't be able to look at it again without a memory of tonight coming up. Hyne forbid anyone else actually  _sit there_. Just the thought of it made Laguna squirm a little.

His head was still spinning and he still definitely felt hot, but he had at least calmed down and recovered enough to be able to peer back up at Squall more clearly. He was genuinely surprised to find the brunette's own expression was starting to shift from self-contented to troubled with Squall's eyebrows knitting together tightly in some unspoken inner dilemma. Laguna frowned faintly to himself, sobering up from his high a little more quickly than he would have liked due to his new concern for Squall; what was wrong? 

"H-Hey..."

With his remaining reservoir of strength, Laguna pulled both arms behind him in order to press his elbows into the seat of the couch beneath his frame. Twisting his form toward the back of the sofa, he let out a sigh while struggling to push himself up; one hand pushing into the furniture as he forced himself up. He leaned against the back of the sofa and lifted his face back up once he had managed to sit up, letting out another breath before smiling again; up at that troubled face that seemed to continue staring at the top of white leather, completely lost in thought. But as soon as he had earned Squall's attention, Laguna was moving again as he pulled himself forward to cross the distance between them and reached out with one hand; allowing his touch to fall onto the side of the brunette's face. His emerald eyes remained gentle and warm while his fingers swept sweaty, dusky locks from out of Squall's face to tuck behind an ear.

' _Don't look so serious_.  _I like it better when you smile..._ '

Pulling Squall forward, Laguna pressed a hand back down into the seat between them as he leaned in to meet the other halfway. That viridian gaze of his fell closed again as he tilted his face up, slanting his mouth along Squall's stained lips whether the brunette wished for a kiss or not. The brunette had kissed him as soon as Laguna had finished--this was him just returning the favor, along with the burning curiosity of how  _he_ tasted on Squall's lips and to express that they were  _equals_. His tongue shyly darted forward, opening his mouth more as to capture a taste on Squall's cardinal lips before he'd be allow entry; allowing him to delve into his partner's mouth to find a very distinct flavor waiting for him. Much like how he could recall Squall tasting, his own seemed to be incredibly similar with the only difference being varying levels of bitterness and sweetness. Laguna tilted his head to the side as he let out a long, hot breath while his tongue continued to explore the mercenary's willing mouth and gather up his own flavor. He shivered at the thought of what Squall had just done for him; a soft moan escaped him as his arm dropped down to wrap around the other's broad shoulders, fingers pushing up into his partner's wet, sweaty hair on the back of Squall's head. His fingers on the couch curled forward into a tight fist, grasping more of the leather as he struggled the hold their kiss for as long as the two of them could manage.

Emerald eyes rolled back open for only a moment, dilated and tender, gazing up at the face that hovered above his own.

Soon enough, Laguna withdrew his mouth and tongue; breaking their kiss with a mutual need for air. His hand fell away from the back of Squall's head, lowering to grasp the brunette's shoulder as his head swayed to the side while his viridian hues reopened to stare up at the other. He licked across his top lip shyly before smiling again, lowering his face as he leaned in to press his forehead into Squall's other shoulder. He hid his face away that had began to burn again with another blush, dropping his hand farther down to brush over a well-toned bicep and all of the scars it might have held. His eyelids fell to half-mast, staring down at their mostly naked laps and legs; simply listening to the two of them breathe as well as his heart beating hard once again.

It shook Squall - the way Laguna acted around him, the way his touch always left something lingering, even after letting go. How he returned to Squall, silently demanding to share a kiss after, his forehead resting against a scarred shoulder. He felt content, but panicked just by that fact. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go…this wasn’t normal. Someone was supposed to say thanks and then leave - only looking forward to drunken texts at two am in the future, or nothing at all if Squall chose to never answer again. Instead, he was having trouble getting himself up and off the couch; he could just stay. But they didn’t fit in the space too well - he doubted both of them could even lay flat together, it was just too small. But, Laguna felt too good against his own skin, too good against his tired lips as wordless expressions passed in the small space between them. 

' _I really do have to piss though…'_

Squall's limbs were fine, although shaky. He thought of getting up, but realized his destination was still hidden. His legs shifted from underneath sore thighs, hitting the floor roughly as he finally hoisted his body up, arms gripping the bottom cushion for leverage. Arms came above messy brown locks, stretching once again with both hands clasped together as the brunette let out a yawn.

Laguna only lifted his face back up when he felt Squall moving and pulled himself away, giving the brunette the freedom he wished while he turned to recline against the back of the couch. He draped both arms over his lap, having lost that pent-up need now that he had been taken care of and considered diving to the floor for his boxers. Laguna hummed for a moment, chewing on his lower lip; no, he'd just get a clean pair. He was pulled out of his own thoughts when Squall spoke, breaking the silence between them to ask for the bathroom.

“So…I have no idea where the bathroom is…"

"Oh--" Laguna started before turning his head, coughing gently into the palm of a hand to clear his throat, before his hand turned to point across the room, where a door on the same wall as the pair of doors they had originally entered from lingered; closed and concealing whatever was behind it. The single prismatic, white door was on the opposite end of the pair of double doors that led into Laguna's bedroom with the president's dresser in-between both entryways. The bathroom laid behind it, lights off, but Squall would be able to clearly spot it from where they sat. It wasn't in a difficult location to navigate to either, as long as Squall could manage to actually walk.

"It's right there... There's a panel on the wall when you step in, just press it and it'll turn the lights on."

Squall turned, his black-boxer clad form moving in front of Laguna as his right hand reached out to those disheveled locks once more, ruffling gently at the top of his head.

“Thanks.”

"Heh..."

A single eye fell closed as Laguna felt calloused fingers sweep into his tousled, sweaty locks of onyx hair; a playful gesture he never would have expected from Squall after  _all of that_. His lips quirked back up into a bright smile, raising a palm up after Squall's touch fell away to rake his fingers through his own dark hair. He pushed the strands from out of his face as he looked back up, tilting his head to the side as his smile warmed, vision carefully watching the brunette finally step away to begin making his way toward the bathroom. The mercenary's feet moved with purpose now, walking toward the direction Laguna had pointed.

Weary blue eyes fell on that glorious bed once more before turning to the white door, reaching out to crack the door wider as he stepped in, and saw the panel, right hand pressing gently at the soft blue light. He closed the door quickly, eyes darting back to his surroundings as soon as the muted blue flickered on.

_'Really…again? I shouldn’t be surprised.'_

There was no polite way to say it; the president’s master suite bathroom was definitely just about the same size or perhaps even bigger than Squall’s entire living quarters at the Garden. He let his back quietly hit the closed door behind him, eyes scanning the entire area before him.

_'Ok… Where the fuck is the toilet.'_

Directly in front of him, but very far away from where he stood, sat a modern looking bathtub, pristine and white, encased in a deep grey, close to black tile that was patterned throughout the entire space. The familiar blue dome of the Palace’s windows were above, city lights and the dark night sky providing a romantic view. White candles lined the area around the tub, drip marks and various heights revealing that Laguna did in fact take personal baths. To the right were sinks….two of them, both made from the same material as the tub, both modern and square in shape and exceptionally deep. They sat apart, sleek drawers with metal accents below holding them up. Mirrors lined the wall above, connecting the space between each sink. The now familiar blue light came from above, set in pots within the ceiling, which directly offset the abundance of dark tile, gleaming white and clean.

Turning to the left, Squall noticed a break in the wall, an open area with no door. Far back to where the tub sat was frosted glass door. That must be it…the bathroom. He went to push himself from the front door, but stopped halfway, gaze drifting even further left to a large open space, white tiles lining the floor behind a clear glass wall. Small metal shower heads and panels were placed strategically within the dark tiled wall, a larger blue spotlight set within the tiled ceiling. Eyes widened as Squall realized what he was looking at.

_'Fucking…you can fit like six people in there. WHY?'_

Laguna was just one man - an important one, but still, just one single person. There could not be any reason why one man would need a shower the size of a small bedroom.  In fact, no reason could exist for anyone to have this... It made no sense to the mercenary. His own bathroom…no. His own bathroom was not even worth mentioning, compared to  _this_. Squall never thought he would go through so many emotions leaning against a bathroom door: awe, anger, jealousy, and finally acceptance. A tired hand ran fingers through his own hair.

_'I need to use that tomorrow. Please, if there is a God…'_

He sighed, finally resolving to move to his destination, the impressive shock drifting away. Not once did he glance to the mirrors on the right - if he looked anywhere near how he felt, he didn’t want to see it right now. Rough hands pushed open the frosted glass door, shutting it tightly and facing the toilet tucked away to the side; at least this part wasn’t shocking. He hastily shoved down his boxer-briefs, letting them pool around his ankles, left forearm coming to rest against the cold tile wall above the toilet, forehead resting against his arm. Eyebrows knit together as eyes closed.

_'What am I doing?'_

Now was not the best time to be asking himself that, however the reality of the situation had recently decided to start crashing down all around him. How did any of this start? Why did he let it get this far? He should have never let things get so intimate at the bar…should definitely not have gotten into that car…and now? Now he was hovering over the president of Esthar’s personal toilet, feeling unfortunately sober and full of doubt.

This wasn’t why he came to the city, this had nothing to do with the mission. Nothing had happened tonight that seemed to get better….one thing after the other…everything just escalated. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal but…the _president_? Squall personally didn’t care who Laguna was but…the SeeD officer in him did. He knew what they did wasn’t right - not because they were both men; because of who they actually were.

Was it so bad to be selfish once in a while?  _No._  But to be selfish with the _president of Esthar_? It wasn’t his place. Even now, after everything they shared, after how wonderful it had all felt… Squall shouldn’t be here, and he knew it to his very core. That hazy annoying feeling in the back of his mind wasn’t the start of a hangover; it was his common sense frantically beating against his stubbornness, trying desperately to remind him that this was all terrible idea.

_'But…it doesn’t feel the same now…compared to…'_

His hand reached out to the frosted glass door once more, finished with his task, moving slowly to the sink on the right. He stood in front of it, both hands coming up to grasp at the square edge, leaning slightly back, gaze finally settling on the mirror in front of him.

_'He kept saying my name.'_

Squall knew better than to ever let that slip. One bad fuck, years ago, had taught him that most one night stands didn’t want it personal like that - some didn’t even provide a real name or one at all. It made it hurt even more, when you parted with that person, if you knew the name. That hurt just amplified if names exchanged during lust; remembering your name called out by someone else just brought you right back to that moment. Squall didn’t want to remember those moments; it was easier to move on.

But Laguna had not cared…he had said it over and over. Maybe he didn’t know… Of course he didn’t, he himself had confessed to not being with another in a long time. But still…it was something more. Squall had  _liked_  it, he wanted to hear his own name from those desperate lips again and again. There was no way he would be able to forget that, even if he wanted to, and he didn’t. Reality hurt; Squall knew this better than most others. However, even if it hurt to remember tonight with Laguna, he would relive every moment. He knew, even finally back home after this useless mission, he would be unable to erase him.

_'Fuck, why is it so complicated.'_

Blue eyes opened again; he hadn’t even realized they had been closed. Squall quickly washed his hands hands and began searching stealthily in the drawers below, hoping to find something that could help with the horrible alcohol morning breath he knew he would have. He spotted some mouthwash tucked in a corner and grabbed it, swishing a large amount around in his mouth before bending down and spitting out, rinsing his mouth before putting it back in the drawer. He was a man who made money  _taking care_  of things many people would never want to be involved with, but he would never use someone else’s toothbrush, even after happily swallowing what he had earlier.

He was about to close the bottom drawer once more before cobalt eyes squinted down to into the darkness. He reached inside, snatching up the item, confirming what he thought it was - one of Laguna’s hair ties. He hated them purely because he preferred the president’ hair down but…

_'He won’t miss this.'_

Without a second thought Squall tugged the black band around his left wrist. Satisfied that it was not cutting off circulation - it was the kind that was wide and tied at the end with a small knot - he closed the drawer and stood back up, considering the reflection in front of him once more.

_'Yeah, I am going to need a shower.'_

He ran a palm down from the top of his bangs, sinking further over his face, the hair tie at his wrist tickling the tip of his nose.

_'It smells like him…'_

Back in the bedroom, Laguna had remained where he was the entire time Squall had been in the bathroom. Emerald hues had observed that scarred back as the mercenary had slipped off to the other room; black, well-groomed eyebrows had lifted in surprise, not having expected such deep marks to look as disheartening as they did.

Laguna finally let out a long, drawn-out breath that he hadn't meant to hold; nor did he realize he had been holding his breath in the first place. His hand fell away from his hair to hold the side of his face as his eyes fell closed. His smile slipped away, instead pressing into a thin line as he sat there on the couch in silence. With Squall gone, his body was becoming chilly now that he was winding down from the explicit high he had been on just minutes ago and felt his skin shiver in response. Goosebumps grew along his flesh and he sighed again, pulling his palm away to touch over his right thigh as his emerald eyes parted open a fraction.

' _I wonder what he's had to live through to get scars like that...'_

Fingertips idly grazed over his own, the tattered, scarred flesh of his right thigh that he was normally so self-conscious of put out on full display. Squall had seen it; touched it; massaged and pet over it as if the sight didn't matter. It wasn't like Laguna was missing  _chunks of muscle_ nor did his thigh and leg look disfigured at all... There was absolutely nothing wrong with how it or the rest of his body that had been riddled with bullets and shrapnel appeared. Sure, it cramped up often if he became too nervous or if he ran too hard, but he  _still had his leg_. He couldn't say the same about old comrades who had lost a limb or two--or even more than that. It was amazing that he had even made it out alive from all of the situations he had somehow managed to get himself caught up in; between the military, between his travels, between Esthar...

Squall had  _plenty_ of scars himself and perhaps that's why the brunette didn't say anything, much less look repulsed. Squall knew. They both knew. They had mutual understanding that these scars weren't anything to be disgusted of; if anything, it was a testament to survival and perseverance. A long, thick, jagged blade to a rib cage or a clip's worth of bullets weren't enough to stop either of them from pressing on and fulfilling whatever mission they had been on--whether they endured because of military orders or from personal investment. Or maybe Laguna was romanticizing Squall's scars too much.

' _God, I'm cold_.'

A shiver coursing down his body was enough to pull Laguna back into reality. His thoughts still skipped around, however, mostly about Squall and those scars of his, as he turned to test the strength in his legs and push himself up to stand. His emerald boxers still laid on the floor nearby, as well as the trail of Squall's own abandoned pants and shirt; sandals and boots flipped and laying on their sides. Laguna smiled a little bit to himself, one hand falling to rest onto a narrow hip as the other palm rubbed at the back of his head. Well, they hadn't really made a mess... But  _damn_ if things hadn't felt way more intense than his bedroom currently looked. He rolled his shoulders as he chuckled, turning away to begin walking toward the dresser.

Laguna hummed to himself, blissfully unaware of Squall's current internal crisis inside the bathroom, as he grasped the front of the dresser with one hand as he leaned down, searching for one particular drawer he kept all of his underwear in. He pulled the drawer forward, revealing the various array of fabrics inside and used both hands to sift through the unfolded mess. One pair of boxers were haphazardly chosen, grabbing it and tossing it behind him. Pushing the dresser drawer shut, Laguna lifted himself up to stand and swept his hair out from his face. Stepping forward, he reached out for the fresh pair of boxers and lifted them up from off of the stark white, plush bed. The fabric of his clean underwear was now a dark, royal blue, white and grey plaid print. Rather unexciting but he was just going to sleep. It didn't matter.

Both hands settled down at either side of himself while he stood there, now dressed in his fresh pair of boxers, and for several long moments, the President of Esthar was satisfied to simply stare blankly up at his pure white ceiling; noting the soft blue illumination around the room's edge. He sighed and smiled softly to himself, eyebrows pulling together.

' _What a wild ride_.'

This whole evening had been... _somethin' else_. Laguna could remember all of it so clearly, yet so much was blurred all at the same time as if to mimic the hypnotic, sexual haze he had been in nearly all night. He tilted his face to the side as he raised a hand up toward his shoulder, inhaling slowly as a pair of invisible lips ghosted across his skin; a haunting memory of Squall's mouth kissing and nipping along his jawline and slender neck. It felt nice...  _It felt so damn nice_. Just to be touched, just to be wanted for more than just his signature or approval or money... To be looked at for himself, not for his position. For eyes to peer back into his own, full of hunger and greed but not for what Laguna's title could bring. 

Squall didn't see him as the President of Esthar. Squall saw him as simply  _Laguna Loire._

The brunette's name still burned in his throat, wishing nothing else than to whisper it as if to reassure himself that none of this had been a dream. That Squall was only in the bathroom, that Laguna wasn't alone... His heart tightened up at the thought of it. While he knew good and well this would all end come morning... He couldn't bear the thought of it all ending more quickly than that.

The faint sound of a drawer closing from within the bathroom caught his attention. Laguna turned his head, staring at the closed door mere feet away. Well... His body trembled gently from the new warmth that had began to envelope him all over again.

He shuffled to the side and then promptly fell forward onto the bed. His knees touched the platform that made up a glassy, opalescent white frame that the actual mattress sunk into with his feet hanging over the edge. Laguna didn't really bother making himself look presentable as he'd be getting back up soon enough, even when he heard the doorknob to the bathroom twist open. Squall pushed gently at the panel before stepping out and closing it almost the full way - leaving it cracked slightly as he had found it.

Squall suddenly felt nervous now, after all they had shared - this was it. Laguna's heart thumped a little harder as he listened to his company re-enter the bedroom... Perhaps a little more sober. Laguna sure knew he was, with only the remnants of a sexual, drunken haze weighing heavily on his mind. He'd definitely have a bad headache in the morning...

But again--right now,  _the morning did not matter_.

Yet here was reality, right in front of Squall's face.

Blue eyes hit the floor.

“So… I can take the couch…or go downstairs…well you probably have a guest room though? I don’t care either way.”

"W-What?"

Emerald eyes flew open as Laguna quickly lifted his face, one arm moving up underneath his chest to push himself up. He quickly flipped onto his back and sat up, raising a hand to sweep his long hair from out of his face so he could stare back at Squall with that same wide-eyed, confused expression. Sliding forward, he sat on the edge of the bed-frame and continued to gaze up at the brunette who was purposefully averting his gaze. Laguna's lips pulled into a small frown, eyebrows knitting together as the pair of them lingered in silence.

Why would Squall even  _suggest_ something like that? Did he really...not think he was going to get to sleep in the bed? Why did he immediately defer to the couch? Laguna definitely had a guest room, but he had used it for personal means and thus it had no bed in it. Ellone never stayed over, at least not here in his own condo, neither did Kiros or Ward, so Laguna truly had no need for any sort of actual guest room when  _he never had any guests._

"No...  _N-No way_! You're not gonna sleep on the couch! The bed's way more comfortable and you look like you could use really use the rest!" he suddenly chimed, resting both hands along the edge of the glassy bed-frame. "You look like you haven't had a good night's sleep in ten years! C'mon,  _sleep in my bed_ \--and if you're... _y'know_ , uncomfortable with me sharin' it with you..."  -despite  _everything they had just done together-_ "...then I don't mind sleepin' on the couch myself."

Laguna rose up to both of his feet and smiled gently, tilting his head to the side as his hair fell over one shoulder while both hands came to settle upon his own narrow hips.

"... _C'mooon_ , I totally saw you eyein' it earlier when we walked in. I promise, it's even more comfortable than it looks. You're gonna regret it if you don't sleep in it~..."

And so here it was.

Squall's reality.

Squall’s frown deepened as he caught the president out of the corner of his eye sit up and slide off the bed in front of him, beckoning the brunette to share the space for the night. He shook his head, eyes still on the ground as he raised a palm to the bridge of his nose, fingers pressing against rough, scarred skin. His eyes closed, a soft sigh escaping.

“It…it isn’t that. I don’t mean it that way, I just. I guess I’m not used to this.”

His gaze fell back to Laguna, his frame presented in front of him, hands on hips. Fingers drifted back down from his own face.

_'How is he always like this? '_

“I don’t want to intrude… That's all.”

It was true - Squall had been eyeing the bed since they arrived. Perhaps ten years wasn’t a correct assessment; besides the more dangerous missions that could afford higher end hotels, the mercenary could not remember the last time he got a good nights sleep. The Garden didn’t offer much - glorified dorm beds did nothing for a tired back. Before that, at the orphanage… well that was even worse. Squall could never appreciate the hotel stays either, he was always focusing and worrying over the mission too much to get a good night’s rest.

But right now….everything laid out in front of him looked like heaven. He hadn’t even touched the bed, but he knew….he knew it must feel like nothing he could ever afford. The sight of Laguna happily standing next to that, inviting him as if they have known each other longer than a few hours…well that just added to it. Was this really about to happen? Was he really about to sleep next to the president of Esthar? 

' _Not use to this? What exactly does he mean? Sleepin' in a bed...?_ '

Laguna's head tilted to the side as he continued to stare back at Squall, watching the way the brunette pinched at the bridge of his nose, listening to the way he spoke so quietly; as if unsure of his words despite how everything Squall said or did seemed premeditated... Or at least well thought out. Unlike Laguna, who always said whatever came to mind first, even if his words were jumbled up or he couldn't think of the right metaphor or phrase to use. Squall seemed to always calculate what he would say or do next while Laguna acted often without too much forethought. So this moment, the two of them standing there half-naked facing one another, with Squall now being the shy one and Laguna being the one in power... It just seemed...so...

"You're not intruding," Laguna replied to Squall, his voice a little softer than before. "I promise you."

Laguna's lips lifted back up into a gentle smile, nodding once to try and further reassure his company. He was patient as he remained standing there with his hands on his narrow hips, emerald eyes never once leaving Squall's face until he noticed those cobalt hues raise to look beyond Laguna. The president turned ever so slightly to glance over his shoulder, following the brunette's line of sight to the couch, before turning back to peer at Squall in silent questioning. Blue eyes had drifted over to the couch once more, realizing the long forgotten phone and credit card laying half way tucked into the bottom cushion and arm side. Squall eyed Laguna once more, lifting a hand and then one finger, asking the other for a moment. Laguna's gaze met Squall's but the mercenary didn't say a word; instead, he motioned for Laguna to just stay there while walking past him. Long lashes fluttered as Laguna turned to the side, remaining where he was while Squall strode back over to the couch to gather his cellphone and credit card into the palm of one hand.

Squall glanced quickly to check for any new calls or messages.

_'Nothing. Perfect.'_

He made his way back to Laguna, standing in front of the other, phone and card clasped tightly in his right hand. Eyes mapped out the body in front of him, noticing the new pair of boxers, as well as an interesting red spot at the top of his shoulder. He didn’t remember doing that….better to not ask. He was too tired to care at this point, his left hand reaching up once more to the other’s exposed neck, eye falling on the stolen hair tie briefly before meeting emerald. Laguna smiled again when the brunette stood back in front of him, both sizing one another up quietly. The left hand on the side of his neck was warm and Laguna let out a soft sigh as he relaxed, without really noticing it himself too much. Raising his right hand, he settled it gently over the back of Squall's palm while peering back at him but just as before, the mercenary didn't seem to have it within him to look back into emerald colors for very long. Instead, Squall's focus seemed to be at his own wrist that Laguna's hand was dangerously close to touching. 

_'Is this ok? Now…after all of that? Is this normal?'_

At this point, Squall would have already been gone, or at least parted ways mutually with the other person. He had never slept in the same bed after, nothing about the situation was normal anymore. He didn’t have control - this was all on Laguna now. 

_'I’m scared…..but why? This won’t matter in the morning.'_

Squall bit at his lower lip, eyes falling from their gaze locked with emerald, fingers curling slightly at the spot they rested against Laguna’s smooth neck.

“I wouldn’t kick you out of your own bed. I…I’m not used to this.”

_'Ugh. Why is this embarrassing now?'_

"It's all right, you know," Laguna hummed softly while feeling Squall's fingers curl forward ever so slightly against the warm skin of his neck. "You don't have to explain anythin' to me. I understand."

Squall felt his own eyebrows knit together in that familiar frown, unsure what to do, or how to act, or even how to feel. Why couldn’t he just keep his confidence? What was wrong with him, around this man? He could have easily just walked around the side of the bed and tucked himself in, not even offering Laguna any explanation but…that didn’t happen - that didn’t feel right. So instead, he stood there doubting himself.

“I guess just, tell me which side?”

_'Goddammit.'_

Squall looked so  _confused_ ; troubled and unsure of himself. There was a very obvious lack of self-confidence. It was quickly draining away from the stoic mercenary, leaving Laguna with the importance of reassuring Squall and being confident enough for the both of them when the brunette stood there struggling with so much doubt and apprehension. Taking a half of a step forward, Laguna raised up his free arm to wrap firmly around Squall's waistline. He dropped his other hand from the back of the brunette's palm, allowing that arm to snake around the other's torso as well, to offer the other a firm hug; hands splayed out, fingers apart, upon the brunette's scarred back. Laguna still smiled, of course, tilting his forehead into Squall's temple while the other seemed to continue averting his gaze; the feel of cobalt eyes staring down into his shoulder with the same uncertainty swimming around in his head.

"Whichever side you want, I'm not married to one particular side over the other."

Squall could feel Laguna's touch glide down his back slowly and only once.

' _Is… Is he hugging me?'_

Suddenly it became hard to breathe as Squall felt a familiar pain deep in his chest. That tug, the want…a need? No. He didn’t need this… He didn’t want this either. This isn’t how one night stands go… You aren’t supposed to feel this…whatever this is. It hurt - whatever it was that Laguna was doing to him. Laguna probably didn’t know - probably had no idea that a hug would cause this but.

_'Please…no.'_

A soft shiver ran the path of his spine. It felt good but Squall was still too riddled with issues, upset over the thoughts and feelings swimming in his own mind to truly enjoy the touch. His hand dropped from Laguna’s neck, stepping back and pivoting his body to the right, letting hands fall from his frame. He didn’t meet the other’s eyes, gaze steady on the attached raised area around the bed near soft pillows, fingers clutching tightly around his phone and card.

“Yeah sure, whatever.”

Squall walked past Laguna, too internally distraught to think of anything better to say. He needed a moment to catch his breath, to clear his mind of all the awful feelings that had cropped up from that hug.

_'He will just abandon you. This doesn’t mean anything. That hug didn’t mean anything either. You aren’t good enough anyway. You’re a mercenary, he’s the president.'_


	12. Asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sing me to sleep  
> Sing me to sleep  
> I'm tired and I  
> I want to go to bed
> 
> Sing me to sleep  
> Sing me to sleep  
> And then leave me alone  
> Don't try to wake me in the morning  
> 'Cause I will be gone  
> Don't feel bad for me  
> I want you to know  
> Deep in the cell of my heart  
> I will feel so glad to go
> 
> Sing me to sleep  
> Sing me to sleep  
> I don't want to wake up  
> On my own anymore

_'Yeah sure, whatever.'_

"Mm?"

Just like that, so very easily, Squall pulled away from Laguna's touch to step right past him and to the bed. Turning his face, Laguna silently watched the brunette walk away for as far as his neck could twist, his lips still holding true to a tender smile. Dark eyebrows knitted together only for a moment until his expression relaxed, satisfied to find that Squall was intending on climbing into bed rather than retreat to the couch as he had previously planned.

_'Fuck. Stop.'_

Squall sighed, not so carefully placing his phone and card next to the bed after finally reaching his destination, unable to acknowledge Laguna, hoping the other would leave him alone.

Both hands had fallen away from Squall when the other stepped away, leaving Laguna's palms free and exposed. He took the opportunity to use one to palm to sweep his long hair from out of his face as he turned away silently--back to Squall--to stroll right over to the bathroom door. He stepped inside slowly and closed the door behind him before releasing a long sigh while pressing his back up against its frame.

' _He looked so sad just now..._ '

Laguna closed his eyes while leaning his head back, sighing once more.

' _Nah, he's probably just tired._ '

Finally pushing himself forward, he glanced in the mirror at himself while walking past. He couldn't help but chuckle as a tint touched his cheeks; one hand falling against the back of his neck to rub at his own skin nervously, turning his gaze away. He looked a mess, didn't he? His hair was all over the place at least, his skin a little flushed... His gaze bore right into himself, looking over his hair, his face, his shoulders and chest. Squall hadn't left any marks... Then again, Squall hadn't been the one digging his nails into soft skin. Laguna tilted his head to the side then the other, inspecting his neck which was spot-free.

' _Well, Laguna, that was definitely not on our to-do-before-I-die list. But here I am._ '

' _Guess it’s now or never. If I’m asleep I can stop thinking so much…'_

Blue eyes fell to the left, sweeping over plush pillows propped up against the headboard section of the entire structure, a smooth white blanket tucked tightly beneath. Squall bent forward, hands hitting the white top as his knees shuffled onto the surrounding platform. The fabric sunk pleasantly underneath his weight, but still held firm enough for him to move the rest of his body carefully onto it, knees sinking along with his hands.

_'Holy shit.'_

If there ever was a real heaven, it was probably exactly like this bed. Squalls body collapsed, too tired and comfortable to even get under the covers, his head resting a few inches from the pillows. He shoved himself around until he was laying correctly, feet pointing to the foot of the bed frame but no where near close to hanging off; everything was oversized. He moved his face to one side, right ear pushing into the comforter as he drew his hands up to either side of his head, fingers stretching wide before resting lazily. He remained still like that, softly breathing, the scent of Laguna filling his nose.

_'Of course… Even presidents don’t get their blankets washed daily.'_

Still in the bathroom, Laguna took a few extra minutes to brush his teeth and brush out his hair before returning to the door to pull it open while turning off the light. As the click sounded across his bedroom and the view of his bed was revealed, he couldn't help but stop and smile again when he took notice of Squall completely laid out on one side of the bed. Squall was half asleep, chest rising and falling steadily as he remained totally on top of all the covers, back exposed will all it’s harsh cuts and past mistakes. Eyes were closed as well and did not stir when the soft click of the bathroom door opening barely reached his ears. Only half of his face seemed pushed into the white covers, that one visible eye closed with his hands resting to either side of his head against the blankets. Laguna chuckled quietly to himself as he turned his head; had Squall fallen asleep  _already_? The poor guy must've  _really_ been tired... He looked so calm and relaxed and at peace...

But that was the only attention he paid his company--for now. The first thing he needed to do before he could crawl into bed himself was to pull the curtains closed. Usually, Laguna was up before sunrise--sometimes right  _at_ sunrise. However, something told him that they'd both more than likely end up sleeping in a little late and his bedroom had the most perfect view of Esthar's skyline. As quietly as possible, he made his way around the glassy room to pull curtains from one end of the long window to the next; nearly sheer aurora borealis-tinted fabric that would give the room a soft glow of opalescent colors rather than a blazing sun. On occasion he'd bump into something, which he'd either grunt at or softly curse, but nothing more. He'd move around the room, drawing them in to block out the beautiful view of the nightlife that belonged to Esthar City.

The reality that Laguna was not aware of, unfortunately, was that Squall wasn’t a deep sleeper. Years of being on edge attempting an hour or two of restless sleep during missions had done damage. That combined with restless cold nights in the orphanage during his younger years resulted in never getting a full nights sleep; the mercenary in him always ready to be alert within thirty seconds of being woken up. 

He chose to remain still while he sensed Laguna around the bedroom from the first moment of the bathroom door clicking shut. Although he had been unable to map out the space previously, he had a vague idea of where the other man was moving, especially as he bumped into things and swore lightly.

_'Idiot.'_

From what Squall could tell, Laguna must have been closing the curtains, which was much appreciated. During training sessions at the Garden he was granted a few nights of continuous sleep in his quarters; the dark grey curtains always remained tightly closed in his bedroom to block out all natural light. No matter what time he woke, Squall preferred the comfort of darkness over the blaring, intruding sun. 

Soon, Laguna returned to the bed itself. He climbed on top of the free side of the mattress, tossing all of his hair over one shoulder and sat down once he was completely on the bed. Just as he was about to turn out the lights, however, he stopped; emerald eyes lifting up to Squall's form still laying there. The brunette hadn't moved a single inch since Laguna had left the bathroom, which made the president think that his company  _really had_ fallen asleep. Squall would definitely get cold laying like that, but right now that wasn't his concern.

For the  _third damn time_ , it was those  _scars_ that had attracted Laguna's total and complete attention.

' _Why am I so...?_ '

_Fixated_ on them?

Slowly, Laguna pressed both hands down onto the bed to begin crawling forward; closer to Squall before he sat down upon his knees beside him as emerald eyes remained locked on the brunette. Keeping his palms to himself, he gazed down and along Squall's exposed, scarred back. Every mark, every blemish, from small nicks to deep, long gashes... One or two vicious-looking ones in particular were only a couple that Laguna wished to touch, fingers twitching every so often as his hands rested upon his own thighs. Emerald eyes lifted back up to stare at the back of Squall's head, trying to listen for his breathing to truly see if the brunette had fallen asleep or not. The other probably wouldn't appreciate Laguna touching him without his consent but... 

' _If he's asleep, it's not like he'll know, right?'_

Squall felt the bed shift, feeling Laguna to the left as the covers shifted and sank under the other’s weight. He breathed in and out gently through his nose, eyes locked closed, waiting.

_'What the fuck? Is he just staring at me?'_

Raising one hand, Laguna outstretched his arm to lay his palm down over one of Squall's shoulders. He scooted back a little, slowly, carefully, as to not disturb Squall so that he could turn to face him better. His touch grazed down the other's side as his line of sight fell back down upon Squall's spine, eyeing over those beautiful yet horrendous scars once more with such reverence and focus. The covers below crinkled again, the sound of hands moving closer reaching his ears. Squall continued to be ‘asleep’, curious as to what Laguna could possibly be doing. Did he want to cuddle? Was he just going to stare closer? If he wanted to kill him he probably would have already tried….or at least called for help to remove the brunette from his heavenly bed.

The covers below crinkled again, the sound of hands moving closer reaching his ears. Squall continued to be ‘asleep’, curious as to what Laguna could possibly be doing. Did he want to cuddle? Was he just going to stare closer? If he wanted to kill him he probably would have already tried….or at least called for help to remove the brunette from his heavenly bed.

He felt eyes on him, fighting the urge to open his own and offer a smug comment to Laguna. He was so close to ‘waking up’, fingers tightening just a fraction against the blanket, but then…

_'He’s touching me?'_

His lips parted, eyelids falling half-closed as his fingertips brushed across those deep flaws while he continued to explore the bare expanse that was Squall's naked back. Toned muscle, scars... Nothing about this guy was normal. He definitely had to be some sort of military. Laguna had completely resigned to this opinion by now. There was no way any ordinary person got deep marks like these...

' _What happened to you?_ '

Well, a lot of this explained that cold demeanor that he first saw at the bar...

' _You're still so young... You shouldn't have had to endure all of what caused this_.'

Fingertips continued in their uninhibited exploration, over every mar and blemish that blanketed Squall's back. Laguna was entranced, lost entirely to his own thoughts as his hand moved on its own accord across chiseled muscle. Soft emerald eyes observed the way Squall breathed, slow and gentle, drawing in each inhale quietly as his lashes remained resting atop his cheeks. The mercenary  _had_  to be exhausted if even Laguna's more firm touches didn't seem to stir him awake... Not even a roll of the eye behind closed lids. There was a faint pull at Squall's eyebrows, but other than that, the brunette seemed calm and relaxed. So, turning his gaze away from the other's face, Laguna returned his attention back to those scars as he leaned himself forward to inspect a few more dangerous ones lingering on Squall's other side.

' _So deep... What in God's name could've made these? Doesn't look like anythin' I've ever seen before_...'

Squall bit back the urge to sigh, eyebrows pushing together just a little, hoping the other wouldn’t notice; Squall didn’t want to wake up just yet. It felt…well it felt great. The SeeD was not one to ever spend money casually; he had never been to a massage parlor in his entire life. The best he could hope for was that the small gym sauna at the Garden was empty so he could dip in for ten minutes for a futile attempt at relaxing. Stress upon years piled on top injuries and little sleep; his scars were an extensive map to the last five years of his life. But why would Laguna care? The president seemed fixated on them - Squall had noticed more than once those emerald eyes focusing on deep cuts of past mistakes. Maybe he just had a fetish?

A shiver ran the length of the brunettes spine as he internally cursed. 

_'Well, guess I’m ‘awake’ now.'_

One blue eye peeked open from below, glancing up as far as he could see. Laguna sat close, eyes intensely focused on Squalls back as fingers swept and dipped over rough skin. Squall knew the other was curious - it was too obvious.

“Work, mostly. Better to take damage than lose your head. Sometimes I’m not so lucky is all.”

It was when he finally felt a shiver run down along the length of Squall's spine that he paused, blinking slowly before his eyes widened at the sound of Squall's raspy, exhausted voice breaking the silence. Laguna jumped almost immediately. One hand pressed down into the bed while the other curled around the brunette's side as he turned his face back down toward Squall's own, catching that one single hue that stared up at him--for how long? He smiled nervously, his own dark eyebrows pinning together in concern; his expression taking on that of a child's who had been found with their hand in a cookie jar.

Well, that seemed to answer a few of Laguna's unspoken questions.  _Work_. But what  _kind_ of work was probably better left unsaid. He could certainly use his imagination or default to military. Getting wounded that badly but being able to walk away wasn't entirely unbelievable. Hell, he was living proof of that as well. 

Squall lifted his head, turning it to the other side so that he was no longer facing Laguna, tired eyes open and staring at nothing in particular, messy bangs splayed across the surface of the bed. No attempt was made to seize the president’s fingers. 

“I assume your leg is a similar story - perhaps you had less luck than even me.”

Laguna's hand squeezed a little more at Squall's side, especially when the brunette began to turn his face away from him. He dragged his palm across Squall's spine, back up towards a shoulder before his attention returned to the back of the SeeD's head in surprise.

His leg?  _Oh_... Turning his face down to his right thigh, Laguna raised a hand up from the bed to idly sweep his own touch along his marred skin; over the old bullet wounds that felt as though they would never truly heal.

"...Less luck? I don't know about  _that_. I just didn't wanna die. And I didn't. I'd consider myself way luckier than a lot of the men who were in my squad. I mean, I still have my leg. I still have  _my life_. And you still have yours."

Laguna smiled, although weakly as his eyebrows remained knitted together.

"Why would you say we're unlucky?"

Blue eyes remained blank, focused on patch of wall across from the bed, listening to Laguna carefully. Was he really asking that? Of course… He didn’t know. He knew nothing of Squall’s past; things he had been through, things he had done. He would be lying if he mentioned he was ever proud of any of it. The brunette lived off the idea that it was just a matter of time until he made that wrong move - a few seconds of hesitation and he would never have to deal with the weight of waking up the next morning. Work, sleep, train, deal with the ever increasing pile of inner demons, repeat. Laguna didn’t know- he wouldn’t ever know.

It was better that way.

“Being alive, death, luck…all of these are subjective. Our perceptions of each are built on what we have experienced, what we were taught. My notion of unlucky could be your idea of luck. You see your wounds as a reminder that you are alive, you see it as something positive. I see mine as that same reminder, but I don’t share your optimism.”

Squall slid his eyes shut, releasing a held in sigh. He didn’t mean to say all that - not right now, not to  _him_. But he did ask, and the brunette wasn’t going to lie. This was his outlook, his true feelings on existence. The mercenary was terrible at faking happiness; no reason to attempt it right now, especially at this time of night…or morning. 

Emerald eyes widened ever so slightly as Laguna's lips parted open, his breath caught in his throat as he listened to Squall's quiet admission. This differing concept of luck--of  _life_ \--was something Laguna had never truly encountered before. That _mission_ in particular... Those of them who had made it out alive could only stare at one another in absolute disbelief once it was all over. It had been pure adrenaline and the will to live that had stuck with him, Ward, Kiros, and the rest of their platoon through that entire scenario; nothing else but a fierce determination to see themselves out of the Hell they had been commanded into. 

Fight or flight was typically the instinct one took on in such critical situations. One's own natural instinct told them what to do based on what they recognized as a circumstance they could or could not handle. If flight was chosen then it was simply the realization that they could not handle what they were faced with. In an act of self-preservation, plenty in their squad had deserted them rather than journey deeper into the Hell they had been instructed to go. But if _fight_ was chosen...

It was not a matter of pride. It was about the  _fight_ , the will to live or die trying. 

Laguna turned his face away as his hand ran down the length of his thigh, slowly feeling over the grooves of his own scars. While he had chosen the fight instinct over flight and despite being successful, despite making it out alive... Why did Squall's words hurt him so badly? Laguna was sure it had something to do with the fact that the force he had fought so desperately against to live...was now the very same force he was  _the leader_  of. But his justification was that the Estharians  _didn't know_ . They were under a cruel rule and were only obeying orders given to them much as Laguna, Ward, and Kiros had from the Galbadian commanders.

They had all simply been pawns. The faces Laguna saw  _now_  had nothing to do with the inhumane deaths his comrades had been met with time and again at the end of an Estharian soldier's gun. They couldn't be held responsible for what had happened in the _past_... And Laguna felt in his heart that all he had done was right, even if it had caused him to make sacrifices greater than he ever could have imagined for people and a nation he should have regarded with pure unadulterated bitterness and hatred.

A family... A wife... His own freedom.

But now, after so many years had passed and looking at the world from as high up as he was, Laguna could see that Esthar was not the problem;  _it was Galbadia itself_ , the very nation he had once served so proudly but who would perhaps only regard him as a traitor now. The totalitarian nation was still left leaderless as of now, after being ripped asunder from the inside out, as far as Laguna was aware. A careful eye was left upon it, should they attempt anything. Not a move had been made by the other nations in an endeavor to overtake Galbadia. There had been a very strict peace treaty put into place as Laguna took control of Esthar; but rather than lower the optical camouflage system that surrounded Esthar City, Laguna had decided to simply contain the city and allow it to remain withdrawn from the rest of the world. At least for now... They certainly had the force to go against anyone who attempted to infiltrate but all that Laguna wanted was peace. Perhaps, one day, if the dust settled entirely in Galbadia, he would consider lowering the OCS to allow the people of Esthar City to be exposed to the rest of the world.

But all in all, even as Laguna sat here talking about how  _lucky_ he was to be living, was he actually  _living at all_? Did Laguna truly see his scars as something positive or had he been  _telling himself_ that he needed to view it as something positive?

Squall's right arm lifted and braced against the comforter as the brunette tiredly shoved himself over, back leaving Laguna’s fingers as it slipped away and touched down to the bed. Both hands came to his face, fingers pushing along from chin up to hairline, stretching lightly at messy locks that no longer stayed in place. Laguna felt the tips of his fingers drag across Squall's bare back once more as the youth turned, the warmth that traveled up from his fingertips to his arm dragging him back to reality. Sliding his emerald gaze back down onto the brunette, peering down at the mercenary that rolled onto his back to lay there in his bed. Squall's arms fell to either side of his head, weary eyes looking finally to Laguna. He offered no smile, nor did he offer a frown. Squall knew that feeling of a blank expression; he didn’t know how to regard Laguna like this, especially on such topics. Eyes wandered to the side, running along messy ebony locks before coming back to those emerald eyes.

_'Why do I feel so…'_

“Look, I think it’s a bit late to be having philosophical conversations…"

Laguna's own expression was nearly bare, lost in his thoughts and memories and reflections of Squall's words. At least he appeared to be taking what the other said to heart, though he ultimately would not change. It wasn't in Laguna to be anything  _but_ optimistic when everyone around him chose to feel differently; even if he was scared for his own life, even if he didn't believe his own words. As long as he could instill some semblance of hope in even  _one_  person...

"I’m really tired. Can we just go to sleep?”

Laguna's lips lifted into a tender smile, his eyes warming over almost habitually as he once again peered back down at Squall who stared right back up at him with a sleepy but blank expression. 

"I'm sorry," he exhaled, raising a hand to the side of his face as to tuck several locks of onyx behind a pierced ear while tilting his head to the opposite side. "I didn't mean to keep you up so late."

His only answer to Squall's question was his form leaning down over the brunette's, eyes falling closed as his lips melded against the mercenary's; whether or not the SeeD returned the gesture on his own accord. Squall surrendered himself to Laguna, accepting the kiss as strands of black fell over his neck and ear, eyes slipping closed, relaxing in that particular warmth again. If it had been anyone else, any time else… Squall would have pushed at the other, or moved his face to the side in rejection. But again, this wasn’t like any other time. Squall was still here. Laguna’s frame was still bent over him, still inviting him to stay in his own bed. No one was parting ways just yet; it was okay to remain familiar like this, right?

The kiss was held for only a few moments, firm but gentle, until Laguna withdrew entirely. That same soft smile remained on his lips as he turned away from Squall, moving over to his side of the bed in order to reach out to a panel on the side of the headboard.

Lips parted and blue eyes snapped open, expecting the kiss to last longer or grow deeper based on all of what had previously happened that day. He wasn’t upset, but he found himself lingering on the touch; casual, inviting, not at all tense.

_'Is this how it’s supposed to be?'_

Just a single button was all it took for the lights to go out, leaving only that soft blue glow of the ambient lighting. It wouldn't disturb them with how muted it was and ultimately would fade away and turn off based on a timer that was set after Laguna turned the normal, white bedroom lights off. Squall watched as Laguna comfortably stepped through his nightly routine, lights fading out and blankets pushing down the mattress. The brunette soon rolled himself over closer to the right side, shoving at the fabric and forcing his body between plush sheets, finally settling comfortably on his back, head falling unceremoniously against soft white pillows. 

_'It almost feels too good. What did I do to deserve all this?'_

Laguna shifted his weight, reaching beneath him for the soft white bedsheets and duvet cover, naked legs finding their way underneath as he shimmied his body under the blankets to get comfortable. At first, he laid on his back, but eventually turned to face Squall and stared back at him from where he laid; quiet, pensive. Squall's head soon turned as well, eyes clearly making out Laguna’s form against the dimming soft blue accent lights above. He wasn’t surprised to find the other looking at him, but the mercenary said nothing, opting to just look back. It didn’t feel right to say anything; Squall would always be content with this - comfortable silence.

Studying the silent mercenary, Laguna seemed to wait until the other had settled into bed before making his way over--closer, one hand sliding underneath the bedsheets to seek out the expanse of the brunette's chest so that it could settle there and feel the way his company breathed. Squall watched as the president came closer, felt the palm against his chest. Blue eyes followed his form still, never once objecting to the movements. Laguna pushed himself up once more, forcing Squall to stay awake just a moment longer, as his lips sought out the brunette's in the dark one last time.

Soft lips against his own again; no resistance was given from the mercenary.

"...Thank you."

Blue eyes slid shut, eyebrows pulling down in a frown after the kiss broke. He felt Laguna drift back to his own spot again, although he didn’t seem as far away as he had been when they first settled into bed. The remaining overhead lights were completely off now; at some point they had slowly dimmed themselves. The room was shroud in darkness - only the faint brightness of a few high-lit surrounding buildings managed to make it through the soft curtains.

Squall nervously tugged at the stolen hairband around his wrist, eyes still clamped shut, even in the total darkness. He could make out the soft breathing of Laguna near his side, but was too distraught to physically reach out. Instead, his mind wandered through foggy thoughts, somewhere between awake and asleep, emotional turmoil making him that much more exhausted.

Broken images quickly flickered across: himself sprawled out on the downstairs sofa, flipping through the worn pages of Laguna’s book, two wine glasses half full sitting at the bar as the evening news flashed against the hanging screen, scarred arms wrapping around toned shoulders as he pushed his face into those ebony locks, both of them gazing out at the night sky from the expansive bedroom window.

The empty hole in his chest started to ache again, desperation and disappointment swirling together to burn at the edges; it felt like it was just getting bigger.

He turned on his side, back facing Laguna as both hands clasped together, pushing gently at his own chest where he could feel the ache. No matter how hard he pushed, and he had tried in the past many times, the ache didn’t seem to ever want to go away. Squall’s voice was quiet, almost coming out as a whisper.

“Idiot.” 

Squall fell asleep not sure if he had meant it for Laguna or himself. 

*******

It was soon well past midnight; far past the night's darkest hour, but despite how both of them should have been pushed past the brink of total and absolute exhaustion, Squall's distressed thoughts still managed to shine through the shroud of darkness that had fallen over the once luminous bedroom. It was quiet now, save for their breathing and the circulation system that hummed quietly in the background among the circuitry that flowed through the walls. Laguna laid on his side, staring out across the room at the covered windows where shapes of buildings and lights were distorted through the soft, opalescent curtains. It wasn't his natural reaction to pull away from Squall like that, after that last kiss, but he knew the other probably wanted his space to sleep. It was respected; the need for space. So he had shifted back over to his side of the bed where he currently laid with his back turned to Squall... But ignoring the other was becoming increasingly difficult, especially when he felt the blankets pull and a tremor or two cause the bed to shake.

Laguna was unsettled. Fingers curled into the bedsheets, forming a small fist as he felt another gentle shudder hit the mattress. Something was wrong; he couldn't just sense it, but he could  _feel_  it.

An ocean lay before Squall, soft waves pulling and pushing from the beach, sparkling sand reflecting the sun’s light as it shifted back and forth. The SeeD could hear it clearly - the distinct sound of forceful water, even as it eventually slowed and drifted across. It was peaceful here; a distant memory perhaps. Squall wasn’t entirely sure if he had ever been to this beach before but he always saw it. Peaceful, tranquil…it always started just like this.

_Blood_.

With each wave break came more and more, staining the white sand, making everything here impure. Too much blood. The ocean wasn’t the same, the waves now violent and dark against the sky, lacking the sun’s glow now. Squall could feel it; the pain, the anger, the ocean kept pulling at him. It was _his_ fault. Everything was covered in blood now, the ocean itself dark and red. Hands filled his vision - his own hands, dripping red and shaking. He did this to himself; the blood was there for a reason.

_'Please, not again.'_

The familiar tremors of Squall’s nightmare shook his body against blankets, his fists clenching together in an all too familiar way. This wasn’t the first time he had visited the beach. It seemed like almost every night the mercenary would have to face this place, eyes jolting open as he tried to catch his breath, unclenching painful fists and rolling to his other side. More often than not it would take him a full hour to get back to sleep. He never told anyone of this; it somehow seemed too embarrassing. Any other hires that went on overnight missions with him never mentioned it - most of them regularly fought similar issues. SeeD’s didn’t question their comrades about such things; it remained a silent understanding. 

Soon, Laguna couldn't take it anymore; he simply couldn't ignore Squall like that - pretending that he wasn't in bed with him. Slowly, he moved an arm beneath him while pressing his hand down into the bed so that Laguna could push himself up to sit. The blankets fell down from his bare frame as he turned to look across the bed; only to find Squall curled up tightly on the other end of it, back turned to Laguna. Drowsy emerald eyes watched as Squall coiled up even further as a frown touched the president's lips. A thought of concern passed through his mind, wondering if perhaps Squall might have been cold, but that wasn't the vibe he was getting from what he saw - not to mention the brunette hadn't wrapped himself up with all the blankets. Squall was merely laying there, as far to the edge of the bed as he could be, as far away from Laguna as possible, while trying to occupy as little space as he could manage.

Laguna sat there for several moments with his hands in his lap, hunched over, dazed and half-asleep, simply watching Squall tremble in his own sleep from time to time, although the farther he drifted off the less those tremors became. But he was still tense, still curled up within himself, arms tucked into his chest.

Even in his sleep, did Squall still think that he was intruding by sharing Laguna's bed?

_This_ was why Laguna felt restless. 

Squall didn't deserve to sleep on the edge of the bed. He didn't deserve to sleep on a couch or on the floor either.

' _Come here..._ '

As gingerly as possible, Laguna made his way across the mattress beneath the blankets to reach Squall. His touch was gentle as his palms fell back over a scarred form, arms wrapping themselves around the brunette warmly, to begin pulling him farther into the lavish bed to rest closer to the middle. Once he had Squall where he wanted him, away from the edge, Laguna laid himself back down as he settled up against the mercenary's backside. One of his arms curled up to himself, pinned between his chest and Squall's back, as his other arm draped itself over the brunette's waist. His own hand moved awkwardly, unsure of where to lay it, until he found the back of a warm, tense palm. Laguna's eyes reopened a fraction upon feeling their palms make contact but where soon closing again while brushing his fingertips over Squall's slowly; soon loosely lacing their fingers together as he relaxed the fist the brunette had made in his restless slumber.

Again and again, nearly every night, Squall suffered this same nightmare; the same blood-stained beach, the same violent waves that crashed against his feet...

But this time... It was different.

Squall didn’t wake himself out of the nightmare, gasping for breath and covered in a cold sweat. Instead, he felt a warmth wrap itself around him, paired with a familiar scent. Soft brushes against his knuckles opened his fist up, the warmth of another hand calming his own. He wasn’t in danger; his unconscious mind did nothing to warn him of any threat as it often would when sleeping in unfamiliar locations on missions. His breathing evened out, his entire body relaxing against Laguna as he drifted off into a true sleep.

Calm. Gentle, lazy waves rolled against his tired hands, cleansing them of all past mistakes; all the lives he had taken. Warm salty water drifted through his hair, fizzing against the deep scars on his torso, the soothing heat wrapping around his whole body. This was the same beach, Squall could tell. It was always this once patch of sand, but it had never been like this before.

It never felt like this.

Squall could be warm now; protected, as Laguna shielded the battered mercenary's body with his own from the darkness of the room - and hopefully - from his own thoughts. None of what he had done had been given much consideration as Laguna had moved in a drowsy state of mind. Having sensed Squall's distress, Laguna had simply acted instinctively; to offer that much needed reassurance.

Sleep overcame Laguna soon after, now relaxed enough to do so. Dreamless, his face pressed into the back of Squall's head as hiss form sunk heavily into his own bed. Not a single ounce of stress touched his frame for the first time in what Laguna thought to be years, completely comfortable nestled up to Squall's backside. But at some point, their bodies shifted; positions changed. Emerald and blue colors appeared for only fractions of a second, but they were soon comfortable once again as the pair settled back down. Nothing would wake them, even as the hours rolled into early shades of dawn.

The curtains worked their magic by keeping the room free of any harsh light that attempted to burn its way inside, instead giving the bedroom a soft, warm glow.

No alarms would go off, no shrill signals or vibrations of a cellphone would be heard or felt.

Their backs were turned on the world, not a worry or concern at the forefront of their slumbering minds.


	13. Tomorrow Comes Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody's here with me  
> We got no camera to see  
> Don't think I'm not all in this world  
> The camera won't let me go  
> And the verdict doesn't love our soul  
> The digital won't let me go
> 
> Yeah yeah yeah  
> I'll pay (yeah yeah yeah)  
> When tomorrow  
> Tomorrow comes today
> 
> Stereo I want it on  
> It's taken me far too long  
> Don't think I'm not all in this world  
> I don't think I'll be here too long  
> I don't think I'll be here too long  
> I don't think I'll be here too long
> 
> Yeah yeah yeah  
> I'll pay  
> When tomorrow  
> Tomorrow comes today

On any other morning, Laguna would have been up right before dawn. But considering how late they had gone to bed, on top of their exhaustion, his body had made it farther into the morning before rousing. It was a gentle pull back into reality as Laguna sighed, his breath hitting Squall's neck as his form gently stirred. No aches, no pains; he was warm and comfortable. A familiar scent of cool steel had filled his senses as he inhaled, slowly coming to as his eyes shifted behind closed lids. Fingers twitched, feeling short locks of hair. One leg moved, brushing along another's. Lips parted, the sensation of skin gliding against them.

Slowly, long, black lashes tickled at Squall's neck as Laguna's eyes opened. He saw nothing at first, until his vision cleared once he lifted his head. Long strands of onyx fell past his shoulder as he stopped moving once he registered the face below his own. Through the night they had switched positions numerous times, to which they would never know. Laguna first holding Squall, which then transitioned into Squall spooning Laguna, which inevitably led into the position they were in now. Squall was on his back, one arm draped around Laguna's waist while his other hand was settled on top of his abs; face turned toward the top of the Laguna's head. Laguna had been nestled up into Squall's side with one arm beneath the pillows and Squall's head, the other wrapped around the brunette's neck with fingers tangled loosely into his hair; face buried into Squall's neck. Their legs were slightly tangled, which Laguna only found when he moved a thigh to find it in-between both of the mercenary's.

Squall had been a part of the SeeD group for a good amount of his life, only recently within the last few years had he come up in rank and acquired a true status and salary bump. That being said, there were some things mercenaries never forget; being able to be on alert seconds after awaking was a skill set everyone had drilled into them from the first day of training. He felt fingers in his hair, a leg brushing against his own. Squall woke instantly, but showed no outward signs any normal human would notice.

_'Ok. By the feeling on my back and person tangled to me… I’m still in the President’s bedroom. I can feel all my fingers and toes. I’m not tied down, I don’t feel anyone else in the room. Danger level - low.'_

The brunette had unfortunately in his past woken up to much less pleasant situations, sometimes tied roughly to a metal chair with a gun pointed at his head. Deeming this time to be somewhat safer, Squall decided it was ok to let his guard back down, at least for a little while. He wouldn’t be able to go back to the previous deep sleep, but it was too comfortable to not extend his stay. Laguna would most likely not realize that Squall was partially awake. The brunette fought against his instinct to pull Laguna closer, to tighten his grip against the other’s waist and tug him on top, letting those disheveled locks fall against his face. No… That would ruin it; Laguna would certainly know Squall was awake then. The mercenary didn’t want that just yet.

The blankets were settled around their shoulders, even as Laguna remained there with his head lifted so that he could peer drowsily down at his company. His attention was now transfixed on Squall's sleeping face as soon as his eyes had fallen upon the other's form. Emerald hues blinked with a little more clarity as his palm moved down from short locks of tousled hair, to settle against the side of the mercenary's face lightly. It didn't take long for the president to recollect the events of the previous evening upon finding the familiarity of Squall's face; reflections returning to his mind in short bursts. The bar, black leather, the ride over, the elevator, the kitchen island, the couch... But none of the worry from the night before returned with those thoughts, to which Laguna was grateful for. There was no reason to have any concern right now, not in this peaceful little moment in which nothing could touch them. 

_'He’s doing it again…'_

Squall could feel emerald eyes on him once more, gazing down to his own face. Squall was still unsure of what Laguna was looking for exactly or why he would even try to find it in Squall. Maybe he just wanted to make sure he was real? Maybe he didn’t want to forget just yet? Perhaps he was looking down now, in regret? Was it all a mistake? Squall would never know… Especially since it would all be over soon. He would never ask Laguna why he kept looking at him anyway, even if they ever met again.

_'Unlikely for that to ever happen though…'_

With Squall laying there, seemingly asleep - it presented such a wonderful opportunity for Laguna to gaze, fingertips barely brushing across chiseled lips or the bridge of a narrow nose, or over groomed eyebrows or a sharp cheek. They shouldn't have made it to morning; one-night stands never did. But here they were, still together in the light rather than the dark. Of course this wouldn't last forever, Squall was bound to wake up soon and gather his things and leave, which made it all even more important for Laguna to memorize these small details while he had the chance. The understanding that they would never see each other again wasn't new, but Laguna wasn't willing to acknowledge that right now. 

He wasn't willing to sacrifice the present to worry about the future.

Gently, he laid himself back down as his arms wrapped around Squall's neck and shoulders. Laguna bowed his face forward into the brunette's chest, exhaling again as his eyes fell closed. Despite being awake, he couldn't bring himself to depart from Squall's grasp just yet... He wanted to  _savor_ this feeling, this soothing and comfortable warmth, of sharing his bed with someone as it would more than likely never happen again. Not to mention, Laguna wasn't fully prepared for goodbyes just yet.

Not when, for once, he didn't feel lonely.

To Squall’s surprise, he felt the other lean back down, resting against his form once more in a comfortable position. He felt Laguna's soft exhales against his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. His eyebrows knit together slightly, finally a small sign that he perhaps was not fully asleep. Laguna wouldn’t know - his eyes closed and face buried into the SeeD's chest. Squall didn’t know how to feel other than conflicted. On one hand it felt so wonderful… On the other, that empty hole where a heart should have been hurt again…

_'What is this…'_

It was so comfortable like this; so warm. But Laguna knew he couldn't lay there forever. He gave himself several minutes worth of relishing in the feel of another close to him, their bodies tangled effortlessly beneath his stark white blankets, in the comfort and serenity of his bedroom, before finally making the effort to move. Languidly, Laguna lifted his head from Squall's neck and smiled faintly to himself;  _such a handsome face,_ even with such a deep scar cut across it. Whatever life Squall had ahead of him, Laguna was sure it would be full of all sorts of lovers. There was no way Squall  _wouldn't_ be able to find himself  _someone_. His smile fell into something a little more melancholy, but he dismissed his own thoughts with a chaste, bare kiss pressed to the side of Squall's vulnerable lips.

Laguna simply wasn't meant to have anyone at his side after losing not one love, but two; at least a one-night stand gave him the authority to be able to say goodbye as he wished, rather than having the other ripped away from him due to circumstances out of his control. 

Regretfully, he began to pull himself from out of Squall's hold. He reached behind him for the brunette's arm around his waist and tugged it away, only to gently lay it down onto the bed as he moved away. Laguna grasped the blankets to tug them back up higher onto Squall's chest to keep him warm and turned away, sliding to the edge of the bed where he took a moment to sit and collect himself. Back to the mercenary, he closed his eyes and sighed softly.

It was time to face reality again, as much as he didn't want to.

Lifting his face, he glanced across his room while rising to his feet. Arms lifted above him as he took a moment to stretch, resisting a grunt as he did so. Articles of clothing and shoes were still strewn about as he walked past them, heading into the bathroom as he decided to take a quick shower. The door closed quietly and Laguna undressed from his boxers, slipping into the large, glass shower to begin washing away the night's activities. It was in there that he remembered  _why_ Squall had came to Esthar City in the first place and the longer he thought about it, the more he realized that he could perhaps repay the brunette in other ways than just...  _Well_ , perhaps his title as president could come in handy after all.

Finally, Squall had felt the president rise and pull away, the soft shifts of fabric reaching his ears until they stopped. From the sounds of his feet echoing softly in the room and the direction they were headed, Squall guessed he was headed for the bathroom. Absolutely sure that he was alone, Squall peaked open one eye, making sure the bathroom door was fully closed. He rolled over to ‘his’ side of the bed, reaching for his phone.

_9:27 AM_

_'Hmm…not too bad…'_

_4 unread texts._

_'Shit.'_

_7:41 AM  ’I’m going to assume you are alive and maybe sober. I guess you can’t text me if you are dead however…’_

_8:01 AM  ’Hotel called, said you still have not checked in.’_

_8:57 AM  ‘Text 1 if you are alive. Text 2 if you are dead. Text 3 if you want to stop receiving these texts. Actually that's a lie, I will still contact you.’_

_9:08 AM  ‘Give me a call when you can. Mission might be cut short.’_

_'…What?'_

Squall rubbed the palm of his free hand against his eyes, mind trying to wrap around the meaning of the last text. His attention shifted briefly to the bathroom door; the water had stopped. He hastily turned back to his phone, tapping impatiently against the screen.

_9:29 AM  ’I’m alive, how many times do I have to tell you to not worry about me. I can’t text you if I’m dead. I’ll call you soon, within 2 hours.'_

_9:30 AM  ‘Tsk, lecturing your elders again? Alright, I’ll be waiting.’_

Sighing, Squall placed his phone back, making sure it sat exactly where it had been before. He rolled back towards the middle of the bed, opting to lay against his stomach, face shifted to the left and buried in the pillow beneath. It would seem unnatural if he didn’t move at all in his own slumber. Just as he settled down, he heard the familiar click of the bathroom door. 

The door to the bathroom opened and Laguna peeked out, not surprised to find Squall still in bed fast asleep. He was already dressed; a fresh, clean pair of dark aubergine purple boxers, heather gray pajama bottoms, and a loose white button-up that he left half open. Laguna quietly made his way from out of the bedroom and downstairs to put on a pot of coffee but stopped when he considered breakfast. Glancing out of the kitchen and up toward the staircase, he wondered if Squall would even  _want_ anything, or if he'd just want to...leave as soon as he woke up. If anything, Squall could just bring it with him if he didn't want to stay and eat. 

Summoning food to his front door wasn't anything new. He liked to cook but some days he literally did not care about anything and would rather lay on his couch with a book over his face than to prepare himself a real meal. Ellone had fussed at him for it on countless occasions with Kiros chiming in as well. It didn't take much for him to tap his fingers across a screen and send in an order to be delivered, although he did go ahead and put on a pot of coffee to brew.

Soon the smell of fresh coffee drifted up to the bedroom, or rather, one cup seemed to taunt Squall’s senses - that cup happened to be attached to something else that continued to taunt the SeeD. After preparing his cup to his taste, Laguna had walked back upstairs to retrieve his laptop from off of the dresser and slowly eased himself back into bed. The blankets were drawn back over his lap as he flipped his laptop open, settled at Squall's side where the brunette continued to sleep, Laguna took to sipping on his coffee while entering his credentials tied to his computer in order to enter Esthar's security database.

Squall felt Laguna’s form sink back down into the bed, possibly with a laptop or tablet device as he could hear the distinct sounds of fingers gliding a keyboard. He had no idea what the president could possibly be doing - work? Even with Squall still here? Well…he  _was_  still the president so…

There was only one name that he could recall Squall mentioning and that was Cid Kramer Jr. Laguna was surprised to find the log of security entries tied to the youth's name; it seemed the kid frequented Esthar City quite a bit, even more so within the past few months. A quick look at his actual information wasn't very surprising. Just some rich kid with nothing startling attached to his records. Laguna scrolled through the security checkpoints that had been logged, knowing exactly where each of them were. Cid Kramer Jr. certainly was the little socialite, wasn't he? His curiosity sated, Laguna finally got himself up to speed with any recent identification scans. Well, Squall had been on the right track; the kid had come to Esthar City and had seemed to flutter around the areas his previous records had showed, but what was more alarming was how the security scans went from one part of the city to the other end; near the loading docks that were currently on lockdown.

There had been suspicions about the docks as of late. Reasonable enough evidence, though little, was enough to support the decision to bar all importing and exporting in order to conduct an investigation. So far nothing new had been found; coincidental, that any activity that had previously been documented had suddenly ceased when more armed guards moved into the area for observation. The docks had reopened with very strict, minimal movement. Absolutely everything that was entering or leaving the city had to pass even more critical security checks and unless you were required to be in that particular part of the district, there was no reason for anyone to be there--especially a  _visitor._

So how strange for someone like Cid Kramer Jr. to have multiple scans in and around the docks; especially in areas that only military personnel were allowed into. The kid  _did_ have less restrictions because of  _who_ he was, which meant that his identifications allowed him to by-pass the security system in most areas during scan ins, but...

Laguna narrowed his eyes slightly as his fingers continued to run over the keys of his laptop, further investigating the records and the electronic trail the youth had left behind. He remained fixated on his work while occasionally reaching out to the side of the bed for his cup of coffee, Squall still sleeping snug at his side.

After several minutes, the brunette breathed in once, gathering up as much air as he could before releasing it through his nostrils, hands flexing out, knuckles popping. Squall then opened one blue eye, Laguna’s form coming into focus.

_'Fuck.'_

Laguna looked so focused, eyes narrowed slightly at the screen, left hand mid-type as his right hand held a coffee cup brandishing the Estharian symbol right about his lips, wet hair spilling loosely around his shoulders. Blue eyes drifted lower, noticing the half-opened button down shirt exposing a fair amount of a smooth, hairless chest. The president was obviously reading something important; he hadn't noticed Squall at all yet.

_'Ugh, why does he have to look like that? I’m not even drunk anymore and he’s still…'_

Sighing, Squall flipped over, resting again on his back as he looked up to Laguna with a smirk, arms coming up to the pillow, palms sandwiched between his messy hair and pillow case.

“Well, I see you haven’t called your guards yet. I guess that means the sex was good enough to keep me alive.”

' _Now why would that kid be scanning in at... Huh?_ '

The bed shifted ever so slightly at the motion of Squall rolling onto his back, the blankets sifting down the mercenary's form while the pillows surrendered to the weight of both the brunette's arms and head. Laguna's attention was caught, having seen Squall move from out the corner of his eye, and turned his head toward him with that same hardened, concentrated expression lingering upon his visage. It was only when he noticed that  _smug_ look on Squall's sharp face did those pretty emerald colors widen out and his lips part open a fraction, a much softer look overtaking Laguna's features; not to mention some mild surprise. He pulled the cup away from his mouth, lowering it as his other hand drifted up from his keyboard so that he could cradle the mug between both palms.

A very vibrant, very noticeable tint of pink almost immediately colored Laguna's cheeks upon hearing Squall's words as he shrunk down slightly into the mattress, eyebrows knitting together.

"H-Hey!" he murmured, eyes glancing away momentarily. "H-How can you talk like  _that_  so early in the mornin'?!"

' _Jeez!_ '

_'Ha. You think that’s bad…'_

Squall’s eyes shifted briefly to the screen before him, making sure first that Laguna’s gaze wasn’t on him. 

_'Database entries? For what? I can’t read it from here…'_

Lifting one hand back up, Laguna waved it as if to dismiss all of those thoughts before turning his face away; reaching behind him to pull all of his long, damp hair onto his right shoulder as the dark locks naturally parted on the left side of his head. After, he let out a sigh as he calmed down, the pink color diminishing as he glanced down at the screen of his laptop.

"... _Anyway..._ " he began, eyebrows lifting back up as he cautiously slid his view back onto Squall who seemed just as content to remain laying there with his head propped up on his crossed arms. "...Sorry if I woke you up. I was tryin' to be quiet. I figured you might would want to enjoy sleepin' in a little bit..."

Laguna turned away to set his coffee mug down onto the side of the bed, along the frame that acted as both a seat and nightstand, before pushing the laptop from off of his lap. Squall could easily catch a glimpse of the screen from where he had positioned it; the service easily distinguishable as some sort of database, but still too illegible to make out from where he laid and the distance Laguna had just put between both Squall and the laptop. Laguna crossed his legs underneath the blankets and leaned forward, head tilting back so that he could peer down at Squall from over his shoulder. His eyes narrowed, then he smiled a bit playfully, as he turned to slowly face the brunette entirely. His arms settled into his lap, crossing loosely in front of himself, as he sat partially over his company. His half-opened shirt fell open, exposing farther down his chest as his dog tags hung teasingly above Squall's chest; strands of glossy onyx creating a half of a veil along the right side of Laguna's face.

Blue eyes quickly wandered back to the president; no use pondering over that for now - it wasn’t like he could just ask him… Probably top secret president information anyway. Laguna’s open shirt caught his attention once again; those dog tags swaying freely, teasing him to reach out and grab them, perhaps pull the other down in a forced kiss.

_'Eh… Morning breath…'_

"If you wanna take a shower, I left you some towels in the bathroom. Feel free. I ordered breakfast, too, so that should be here by the time you're done."

' _Shit, is that too much? Is he gonna think that's too much? Maybe he really was just plannin' on leavin' as soon as he woke up... He doesn't seem like he regrets anythin' though..._ '

"...I-If you wanna take a shower, I mean, it should be here by the time you're done."

Squall’s attention turned back, listening to Laguna’s offer of a shower and free breakfast. His right hand came up, fingers softly flicking once at metal dangling before him before looking back to those emerald eyes.

“I was going to take advantage of that shower with or without your permission so… I think I’ll go do that now.”

A more playful sort of smile broke out across Laguna's lips when Squall raised a hand to toy with one of his swaying dog tags. He lifted a palm to catch his necklace after the brunette withdrew, slowly straightening his spine while Squall shifted, rolling his body away from Laguna and to the platform surrounding the bed. Scooting forward until feet hit the floor, Squall raised both hands above his head in a wide stretch, a barely audible sound escaping from his open mouth as he let out a yawn. Hands met the platform surface and he lifted himself up to a standing position, tilting his head to one side and then the other, small pops and cracks echoing and he went through his normal morning routine in a not so normal location. 

Without glancing back to Laguna, Squall headed for the bathroom, rolling his shoulders and flexing his hands to shake off the remaining stiffness of a long sleep. Despite feeling wonderful, he didn’t look particularly in good condition. His hair decided to point in no logical direction, some matted down to his head while the rest freely stuck out. His boxers too were in a similar situation, one side slightly shoved down in a losing attempt to expose a hip bone. Squall noticed none of this, more focused on his upcoming best shower of his life. Emerald eyes followed Squall's tone form, resisting a chuckle at the mess of bedhead and the current appearance of his underwear; clearly the other either didn't notice or didn't care. Either way, Squall was making his way to the bathroom so Laguna took to turning back toward his laptop. 

Squall reached the bathroom door, hand molded to the knob, and pushed it open, but paused in the doorway. Without turning around he spoke -

“If you have any coffee left - I take mine black.”

Glancing up from the screen as he reached out for the computer, Laguna only caught a quick glimpse of Squall's backside before the door slid closed. At first he seemed a bit surprised, caught off guard, but his features warmed back over with another small smile.

Black coffee it would be then.

Squall's form disappeared into the bathroom, securing the door closed behind him but did not lock it. It was Laguna’s space in the first place…and not like they hadn’t seen everything of each other already...

Eyes lingered hungrily on the vast open containment of the shower before the brunette decided to relieve himself, feet padding across warm tile to the location he had found last night.

_'I wonder what he was looking up? Maybe it wasn’t important…since I was laying right there…or he doesn’t care…or he trusts me… Bad call, Mr. President.'_

Finished with his task, Squall stood in front of the glass door to the shower, noticing a large navy towel and washcloth sitting on top of the nearest sink. He grabbed the washcloth and reached for the glass door handle. Looking towards the closed front door of the bathroom once, he quickly stripped of his boxers. The door slid open seamlessly and without a sound. Finally within the impressive structure, Squall stood in the middle, washcloth in one hand, eyes narrowing at the many panels set within the walls.

_'Ok… Where the fuck… Shouldn’t there be some sort of knob…? What the hell?'_

It was a known fact that Squall was one of the best trainers currently employed at the Garden, specifically in the area’s of combat and survival. He had been relieved of his Garden duties years back, but decided to stay and now took on dual jobs: half teacher and half on call mercenary. He was well known among his students too: rough but rewarding, guiding each with real life skills and knowledge he learned in the field.

However, here he stood, a top SeeD mercenary, completely naked in the middle of a giant glass shower, and had no idea how to turn any of it on.

Frustration started to eat at him, his free hand clenching into a fist as half awake eyes continued to scan the walls for  _something._

_'I can’t… I can’t fucking ask him to come in here. I can do this. The fuck is this…?'_

Angrily, he dropped the washcloth and pressed both palms to the wall, shifting them quickly in a sad attempt to activate the high tech shower.

_'There has to be a fucking--'_

His right hand paused against a square tile, the only difference from the rest being the vague outline of metal. The tile actually wasn’t what he thought; it lit up with the familiar soft blue glow under his palm and suddenly warm jets began to pour over his entire body on that side of the enclosure. Soft blue overhead lights clicked on as well as the entire area became clouded with a fine mist that seemed to slowly filter and cycle through an unheard ventilation system. 

Squall stepped away from the wall and stood directly in aim of the various streams, eyes closed as he let himself relax.

_'Whoever invented the on button is a fucking idiot but this…this is heaven.'_

The brunette stood like that for a solid five minuted, letting the warmth run over his entire body; he did not realize how sore and tense he had been at first when arriving in Esthar - air travel never sat well with him. Eventually his hands wandered and found shampoo and soap tucked in a side alcove in the wall. He mindlessly scrubbed, attempting to figure out what brand of soaps Laguna used but gave up; he had never seen them before.

Squall taking a shower meant that Laguna had a little bit of time to finish up his investigating. He swung one leg off of the bed so that he could push himself up to stand as gracefully as possible, lifting his laptop up into his hands so that he could carry it over to the long wall-to-wall desk he usually sat at while writing; more for his hobby's sake, rather than work. Laguna set the computer back down then leaned up to open up some of the curtains; glancing down at the city with a small, sad sort of smile. To distract himself from any thoughts, he took to glancing over only a couple of more scan entries from the database Laguna was still logged into before printing out everything he had possibly been able to find on Cid Kramer Jr. Dates, scan points, where exactly his I.D. had been approved or denied, how long he had been in an area according to his scans in and out. It would be obvious just flipping through the short stack of papers that the kid's location would make a drastic turn from where his normal areas of socializing took place to an area that was worth raising an eyebrow at; not to mention the time-stamps.

A passing thought of checking that particular scan-in location for who else might have been there at the same time as Cid Kramer Jr. touched Laguna's mind, but he was distracted by a small noise chiming from the panel near the double-doors that led into his bedroom. Glancing over his shoulder, Laguna saw a small blue light flickering in mild alarm; oh, it seemed breakfast had arrived. He turned back to his laptop and closed it before quickly moving to exit his bedroom. He left the doors open as he briskly made his way downstairs to greet the runner at the door with a tip then carried the small array of breakfast into the kitchen.

Laguna sighed to himself as he set the bag down onto the kitchen island, raising a hand to sweep his hair out of his face. He tucked a few strands behind a pierced ear as he stepped over to a cabinet, where he pulled down two plates then opened a drawer for forks and knives. Breakfast was laid out into the middle; unsure of what exactly Squall fancied for a morning meal, Laguna had chosen to go with the safest options. Scrambled eggs, bacon, hash-browns, a small lineup of different muffins, toast, and finally some fruit and yogurt. Whatever wasn't eaten would just be stored away to be snacked on later or...

Nah, Squall would probably yell at him if he tried to force the other to bring extra food with him on his way back to...well, wherever. The hotel Squall  _should have_ checked into? Laguna had no idea how long Squall planned to stay in Esthar City. He snubbed the thought of possibly getting the chance to see Squall again before he could even really give it much consideration or allow him the opportunity to get his hopes up. Even if Squall  _did_ intend on staying in the city a while longer, there was no way they'd cross paths again. What would either of them do? Run back to the bar each evening for a chance to see if the other would show? Laguna knew he'd never be allowed out, especially that often or even alone.

' _Well, guess I better go get 'im._ '

Regretfully, Squall finished, palm once again resting at the blue glowing panel, ceasing the wonderful streams of warmth. He pushed open the glass door, steam flowing loosely out from above his head as he quickly reached for his towel sitting on the sink and ducked back into the contained glass area, quickly drying off his body and shoving it through his messy hair before tying the semi-damp towel back around his waist. Satisfied with his short vacation, he reached down to retrieve his black boxers, and headed for the bathroom door, free hand reaching out to the knob and pushing it open.

Before returning upstairs, Laguna set a fresh pot of coffee on to brew which gave the home an even stronger, pleasant aroma. As he re-entered the bedroom, he was surprised to find Squall walking out from the bathroom almost at the same time. Laguna stopped for a moment, lips parting open as he took the time to set his sights back upon Squall's bare chest; not like he hadn't seen it before. Squall stood there, damp and naked minus the borrowed towel, boxers in his right fist, and silver necklace plastered to his chest. Blue eyes searched out to the room, trying to adjust to the bright light - someone had opened most of the curtains. Laguna shifted from one foot to the other, fingers flexing while his arms hung down at either side of himself, eyes roaming over the mercenary's body that was still damp and put out on display for him.

“So uh…what’s for breakfast? I can’t really stay long but…” 

"Uh..."

_'Can't stay long? Yeah, you knew this. Don't act like you didn't_.'

Taking a few steps forward, Laguna mustered up another smile as he tried to pass Squall to reach the desk. His left hand lifted, barely sweeping up Squall's bare side, while he stepped around him. Squall stood, firmly planted in bathroom door’s threshold, eyes locked on Laguna’s hand as it casually reached for his form and lightly met the exposed skin there as he passed by heading toward the desk.

_'Oh? Are we still touching even after…?'_

Turning away, Laguna made his way over to the printer where he pulled the reports up from the tray. He glanced over them, making sure it had all printed correctly and was accounted for before bending down to open a drawer and pull out a large, blank white envelope. He slid all of the reports inside and then folded the lip over, slipping the two thin metal latches through a hole in the middle before using his index finger and thumb to flatten both latches down. With the papers hidden away inside the envelope, Laguna turned back around as he continued to hold it in hand; with his other palm he motioned to the door.

Squall's eyes traveled along, watching Laguna place some documents in an envelope and seal them away. An eyebrow lifted, Squall’s free hand coming up to rest on the slightly damp towel at his hips. 

_'Is he going to tell me what the fuck that is or?'_

"I have everythin' downstairs in the kitchen, if you wanna get dressed and come down. You can leave as soon as you're done eatin'," he replied. "And nothin' special. Just eggs and bacon. I didn't really know what you liked..."

Well, that was surprising. How had Laguna managed to make breakfast so fast? Squall was fairly certain that he didn’t take  _that_  long in the shower… Maybe Laguna had a cook? That would make sense, given the size and complexity of the building he happened to reside in, although most of what he had seen looked more like meeting and training rooms…not anything that needed catered meals. Ah, well…that didn’t really matter.

Laguna tilted his head as he smiled again, making his way forward again before pausing when he reached Squall's side.

"...You smell nice," he chuckled, then continued to walk away toward the door.

Squall rolled his eyes, glaring after Laguna’s retreating form as it slipped through the bedroom door. 

“Sounds like someone has an issue with narcissism.”

The brunette shook his head, a small smile attempting to peak out from his default mask as he made his way to last night’s scattered clothing, bending down to collect his shirt, pants, and socks. Once sure that Laguna had left, fingers slipped under at his waist and untucked, towel dropping to the rug below as he quickly slipped into previously worn black boxers.

Squall could have done all that in the bathroom, but he was partially curious to see how the other would react after last night. Most of his previous one night stands didn’t include a sleepover and breakfast; it was interesting to learn that Laguna still seemed comfortable around him. Nothing was there to point to any of last night being awkward or a mistake.

_'Maybe it’s just because he’s older? Collected. Someone younger might not be so…'_

He shifted, stretching leather pants up both his legs, careful not to tug too hard on the fabric. Hands grabbed at the white t-shirt he had thrown to the couch, bringing the fabric up to his face to investigate. It wasn’t that he particularly cared how he smelt to others but…being overly sweaty and wearing the same thing the next day was not on Squall’s ‘a good time’ list. Luckily all of his clothing seemed to have no intruding smells other than a faint linger of last night’s bar. 

Boots on, belts strategically placed at his hips, and gloves tucked back into his back pocket, Squall made his way around the couch back to the bed, scooping up his phone and card and shoving them in his front pocket. He looked around once more, eyes shifting from the bed to the couch, over to the bathroom and finally to the windows, the morning sun gleaming angrily off reflective building tops.

_'…Ugh, I’m actually going to miss this place. Especially that bed. And the shower…'_

With a sad frown, the SeeD turned free hand running along the stolen hair tie at his other wrist. He didn’t want to feel like this. In fact, he would prefer to feel nothing on the entire situation but….you can’t always control that. He knew it wouldn’t matter in an hour from now, once he stepped back into reality, back to his job. That’s right….everything would be over soon.

_'I guess I better enjoy what’s left…'_

Blue eyes scanned once more as he stood at the bedroom's doorway, memorizing the colors, the textures, area’s they had both touched. He turned away, hastily stepping down the metal staircase; a small attempt to flee at the swirling emotions in his mind. 

_'Not now.'_

He paused at the bottom of the staircase, eyes first searching for his bag and jacket. Once finding that they remained in the same spot as last night, he moved with purpose, eyes locked now on the man leaning against the middle island of the kitchen, a particular blue coffee mug placed near the envelope from before on the cool countertop. 

Squall stopped at the center island, arms folding at his chest as he quickly noted the food before them.

_'Yeah no, he definitely didn’t cook any of this.'_

He smirked, blue eyes planning to meet emerald to tease the other about his cooking skills but the blue coffee mug caught his attention once again. It was an array of blues, soft and shimmering even in the limited natural light that reached the kitchen. A small fish was etched along once side in white and it crept up the handle with the back fin creating the very top that met with the lip of the cup. 

_'Where have I…'_

Blue eyes finally met emerald, searching for something, any hint. Squall felt a mixture of excited and panicked, fingers twitching against his still crossed forearms.

Did Laguna know?

“You stole that from Balamb Hotel, didn’t you?”


	14. Something About Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It might not be the right time  
> I might not be the right one  
> But there's something about us I want to say  
> Cause there's something between us anyway
> 
> I might not be the right one  
> It might not be the right time  
> But there's something about us I've got to do  
> Some kind of secret I will share with you
> 
> I need you more than anything in my life  
> I want you more than anything in my life
> 
> I'll miss you more than anyone in my life
> 
> I love you more than anyone in my life

Emerald eyes lifted up almost immediately, locking onto blue-gray that seemed to appear just as surprised. Laguna's mouth hung open, his palms stopped half-way to his lips with his fresh cup of coffee in hand. Squall didn't really... _appear_ to have as much of an accusatory expression to reflect his words, but already it was a little too obvious as to what Laguna's answer would be. A light hue of pink settled over his nose and cheeks as he slowly set the dark gray coffee mug back down onto the island, but kept both hands wrapped around it. He couldn't really lie his way out of this one...could he?

' _Damn! How does he...?!_ '

"L-Look, if you're gonna get me into trouble, I can just send it back!" was Laguna's first response; perhaps a bit more flustered than necessary. "I didn't think they'd really miss it that much. Stealing totally isn't right! But--"

But what?

Squall stood near the center island, watching Laguna do mental back-flips in a sad attempt to explain himself. His arms remained crossed at his chest, favoring to rest his weight on his left leg while a slow smile began to creep up his lips.

_'What an idiot. Does he really think he’s in trouble…'_

Blue eyes returned from wandering to the envelope on the counter to Laguna once more, listening intently as he began to explain himself further.

With a heavy sigh, Laguna raised both hands away from his cup. One arm crossed in front of his chest to support his elbow, while his free palm rose up to hold his chin. His eyes were cast down to the kitchen island and the breakfast set out for them, which truth be told he didn't have much of an appetite for. How could he? He was anxious, especially knowing these were their last few precious minutes of time together but here they were talking about a damn  _coffee mug_.

"I use to do a lot of traveling when I was younger," he began, still holding his chin as the side of an index finger brushed along the left side of his jawline. "Balamb Hotel was probably my favorite place to stay. It was so nice--really small but it was comfortable. I liked that you could see out to the ocean from the room or that you could walk down to it from the street. It was always really sunny, too! I felt like I could relax and not worry about a thing while I was in Balamb. Just one of those places that almost seems to exist just so you have somewhere to go to recover and unwind, you know?"

He knew. Squall knew exactly what the president meant - often visiting the hotel for that exact reason. It must just be a coincidence that Laguna shared the same appreciation for the location. An escape, even if only temporary. Perhaps even one night without nightmares if the brunette was lucky enough. 

Chuckling, Laguna closed his eyes as a smile remained settled upon his features, "But I wasn't able to stay for long, even though I loved it so much. So... I took the cup. I always dreamed about being able to go back, once I had more money to stay longer. But thinking about it now though... I don't think I'll ever get to visit it again. So... If you're headed that way, would you mind bringing it back for me? I really shouldn't have taken it to begin with, even if it was meant to be a memento. I'd really appreciate it!"

_'Wait…what? Does he think I’ll be there soon…how...?'_

With an audible sigh, Squall released his arms and shifted closer, right arm reaching out to collect the blue mug from the counter. He lifted it to his lips, tilting his head back and downing the bitter coffee in one sitting; luckily it wasn’t too hot as they had spent a fair amount of time talking. It was decent; nothing over the top in terms of flavor but it was no where close to the burnt dishwater they served at the cafe at the Garden. With a gentle clank back to the counter, Squall turned to face Laguna, hands now grasping the edge of the island casually.

“Well, I can’t promise I’ll be there soon but, I guess…whatever.”

"Oh, I didn't mean to... I just mean, whenever! If you ever go. I can't exactly  _leave_ here so... You still got a better chance of visiting the hotel again than I do!"

It was meant to be a joke, one Laguna even said with a smile, but the reality of it wasn't exactly something worth laughing at. Regardless, he didn't let that bother him as he watched Squall finish off the rest of the bitter, black coffee. The brunette never even paused; had he really finished it off in just one go?! That was...pretty impressive! Black coffee was fine and all but Laguna preferred just a splash of cream in his own which was evident in the faint but lighter tint of his own coffee in the cup he had back in the bedroom. He drank it black when he had to without any fuss, but to see Squall just down it all like that made him think that the other couldn't stand the bitter taste either.

' _Best to get it over with, I guess. Or maybe he just needs caffeine in his system that bad_.'

Was that the full truth? Was Laguna really stuck here forever, unable to freely move around in the world? It wasn’t that Squall exactly had free range of himself either, but if he truly wanted to, he could go anywhere. He had enough in savings, had enough time off accrued from work, even if he never used it and just cashed out the balance every two years. It was his personal choice to stay with the Garden so much; his own choice to not leave, now that he was of age.

He couldn’t get the thought past his mind, troubled by the honesty in Laguna’s joke. It wasn’t fair, to be held captive like that. It probably wouldn’t be easy to just decide ‘ _Hey, I don’t want to be the president anymore, goodbye!_ ’ either…politics - they made everything so much harder. Maybe Esthar had elections? Squall had never heard of them before, then again, he didn’t pay much attention to any of the politics on the continents. 

With a shrug Squall leaned forward across the counter, fingers finding a cheese danish before going back with the large serving spoon to collect a generous portion of eggs and four pieces of bacon, piling everything to his plate.

_'That is sort of a strange request but…eh. Maybe I’ll just keep the mug, not like he’ll ever find out.'_

Squall turned back to Laguna once more, eyes glancing to the president’s empty plate, fork half way up to his face before pausing-

“So, you going to tell me about that envelope yet, or should I just guess? Is it my warrant for arrest for assaulting the president?”

Laguna's gaze lifted right back up when he heard Squall address the envelope still laying on the island beside them.

The mercenary didn’t wait for an answer before shoving egg and bacon to his mouth, inexplicably hungry all of the sudden, although it was a bit of a struggle to do so with the smug expression that had found it’s way to him at that last comment. Perhaps it was the dinner he never ate the night before, or the large amount of alcohol that had to attempt to settle in his stomach with no aid. Looking down to his now empty plate, Squall ripped the danish in half, and threw a piece onto Laguna’s plate.

Emerald eyes roamed back over to Squall once more when the other was piling onto his plate some of the breakfast still laid out in front of him. Laguna waited, bringing the rim of his own coffee mug back to his lips for a couple of quiet sips. Squall was going for some bacon now which seemed to be the most appetizing thing to Laguna. There was a faint throbbing sensation in his head, but nothing he couldn't deal with. At least he could handle sunlight and didn't feel  _too_ awful this morning. He'd grab some medicine in a second to just curb that oncoming headache, but...

“You know, you should probably eat too. You’ll feel like shit the rest of the day if you don’t.”

"Heh..." Laguna suddenly looked all pleased with himself, still holding his coffee cup close to his lips which now pulled into a bit of a smirk; heavily lashed, emerald colors narrowed just a fraction as his left hand reached out, grabbing the white envelope and held it up. "... _Well_ , maybe not the warrant for  _your_ arrest but..."

Turning away, he glanced behind him for the counter opposite of where they stood. Squall's bag from the night before was still there so Laguna approached without hesitation. Now even farther away from the other, he laid the envelope down and smiled again, glancing back over his shoulder. Not that any of that attempt at playing coy did any good; Squall just ignored him by throwing a piece of the cheese danish he had grabbed onto his plate.

"Just look at it when you leave, alright? I promise, it's some  _good stuff_."

Squall focused back to Laguna when he realized the other was addressing the envelope in question, bringing it to his bag on the other counter. He watched him out of the corner of his eye, pretending to be focused on bringing breakfast to a close.

_'Good stuff, huh? I’m not even going to start reading into that, it could mean literally anything with him…'_

After stepping back over to the island, Laguna picked up the piece of danish to break off a smaller piece before chewing on it. As he reached out for a piece of bacon, he glanced back up at Squall and then to the blue mug.

"Do you want another cup of coffee?" he asked, promptly shoving the bacon into his mouth right after. 

"I'm good."

As soon as he heard Squall's denial, he nodded and then turned to wipe his hands clean with a nearby napkin, then lifted the mug right up into the palm of one hand. Laguna wasn't ignoring Squall's warning to eat, he just figured the other would want to leave as soon as he finished eating breakfast himself. Why else would the mercenary want to linger? Breakfast was even pushing it. Laguna was genuinely surprised that Squall had even  _stayed_  this long but hey!

' _Nothin's cheaper than somethin' free, right?_ '

After moving to the sink, Laguna began to rinse the blue cup off in silence so that it'd be clean for Squall's trip back. The other probably wouldn't appreciate something sticky getting caught up in whatever was in his bag. His back was still turned to the other as he reached for the dish soap, giving it a quick wash with the palm of his hand, before turning the water off and reached for a clean towel. Finally finished with his speed eating, the brunette shoved back from the island, eyes drifting to Laguna’s shoulders as they shifted and worked to clean the stolen cup. Those same eyes drifted to loose ebony locks again, stealing one final moment to himself - one last time to look honestly and without question, without Laguna knowing. After drying the mug off, Laguna walked it over to where Squall's bag remained on the counter and set it down, then turned to face the brunette once more.

_'Why does this feel so…'_

Blue eyes shifted away once Laguna started to turn back. Squall ran a hand through his half-dry hair, making his way over to his previously discarded jacket and leather bag. His left hand clenched and released from the fist it had formed; the SeeD himself was unaware that he had even done that. With a low sigh, Squall grabbed his jacket and pushed it over tired but refreshed shoulders, tugging down at each zippered opening to make sure it was on straight. He didn’t look at Laguna as he grabbed the mug from the counter, sliding his bag over and opening it carefully - he didn’t particularly want the other to know that he carried a gun around casually. Satisfied that the mug was tucked safely in, he closed the worn leather bag and slung it over his left shoulder while his right hand grasped the envelope tightly.

Well...

' _I guess this is it, huh?_ '

Laguna's hands curled over the edge of the counter as he pressed the small of his back into it, leaning forward ever so slightly as he looked up at Squall quietly. A few locks fell over his shoulders and his dog tags gleamed from the lights overhead; emerald colors soon turning away.

"I can call for a car to meet you at the front, if you want."

' _Why…do you care so much, still?'_

Squall looked up, meeting Laguna’s gaze, as he had previously been frowning at the countertop where his bag had occupied. He could already feel himself going blank - the familiar easy route to mask the swirl of emotions he was trying to hide, both from Laguna and perhaps himself.

“Yeah…that would help. I didn’t exactly pay attention to how we got here last night.”

_'Is this…I feel uncomfortable? No. Uneasy? Nervous? I can’t tell anymore…'_

"R-Really?"

There was nothing but surprise in Laguna's eyes as he lifted his face back up, staring right back at Squall's shoulders as the brunette slowly stepped away. Laguna wouldn't lie; he genuinely expected Squall to say no.

The brunette moved away from the shared spot near the counter, not sure what to do with himself and feeling out of place. He walked steadily away from Laguna, planting himself against the wall that made up one side of the hallway to the front door. He placed one foot up slightly, his knee bent as he rested his back to the wall’s surface, bag shifted to the side of his shoulder and envelop still clasped firmly as he let his eyes close and head fall forward slightly, bangs masking half his face from Laguna’s view.

_'How long is this going to take? I don’t know how much longer I can stand to be here.'_

Pushing himself up to stand more straight, Laguna lowered his hands down to his sides while his gaze lingered upon the back of the mercenary's form in that same surprised silence. His eyebrows were raised high but he was soon smiling again; this time, a little softer. One bare hand rose up to rub at the back of his neck as he turned away once Squall perched himself against one side of the narrow hallway, his destination a small, sleek silver phone cradled on its base station into one of the kitchen walls.

"...Hey!" his voice moved through the air, holding the receiver to his ear after dialing a four-digit extension. "Good morning to you, too!... Aw, c'mon, don't apologize! You can't always assume it's me! Hey, listen though, real quick,  _I need a favor_..."

Was Laguna always this casual? Who was he even speaking to? Someone he knew? Well, obviously if he never got to leave the Presidential Palace much then there was a good chance that Laguna knew almost  _everyone_ here. But the conversation sounded rather light, friendly. 

"...Yeah, just a car. Uh huh... You can just have it charged on my behalf..."

Squall’s fist tightened against the envelope before he realized what he was doing, bending the smooth top, surely distorting whatever was inside. He cursed under his breath, releasing the tight grip and attempting to soften the creases with his thumb.

_'Fuck. He doesn’t have to do that… Why is he doing that?'_

He sighed, dragging tired fingers through his almost dry hair, wondering just exactly how to make his exit without being awkward or forced. Perhaps he could just escape now, while the Laguna was on the phone? Jump out the window, run out the front door, hide…no. None of that would work and the probability of the other becoming upset was pretty high.

Laguna tried distracting himself with the voice of the young receptionist on the other end of the line, who still seemed flustered that she hadn't properly addressed the president when she answered the phone. Glancing at the digital clock on another wall, he felt his heart tighten up within his chest. He could see the seconds pass by, feel them, hear them... Squall was still in the hallway, right? Laguna couldn't see from where he was, still holding the phone close to his ear.

"...Nah, not me. It'll be a guy in all black, brown hair. Can you make sure someone helps him find his way out to the front? I'd appreciate it! Yeah. Yeah! Thank you so much, you've been a big help!"

Reaching down to his pants, the brunette fished around his front pocket before realizing his phone was in the back. Fingers glided over a small metal container which had long been forgotten. Curious, Squall tugged the container out, but didn’t bring it up to his face. He glanced down, flicking the small latch. The container opened, a short stack of standard issue Balamb Garden SeeD cards gleamed in the blue overhead lights. The design was simple - just the schools crest on a pearlescent white background to the left side. On the right was a small indented series of numbers with a barcode underneath. Anyone of any importance would know how and with what devices to get the information out of the print.

_'Heh. I forgot about these. I could...'_

Soon, the sound of the phone clicking back into place notified Squall that the other was done; quickly he fished out one card and shoved the case back into his front pocket.

Laguna let out a low, quiet sigh as he tried to steel his nerves again while his eyes glanced up once more. Why was he suddenly so...apprehensive? He had been fine up until this point, right? Maybe it was just  _now_ hitting him that this was it. As soon as Squall walked past that front door, as soon as he stepped into the elevator...

' _Why can't you stay longer? Why can't I go with you? I don't want..._ '

Just another memory. That was all this would become, that was all that  _Squall_ would become.

But... Laguna knew, from the beginning, how this would end. He would have been a fool to think otherwise; the fact that Squall even stayed  _this long_ was a miracle in and of itself. But even if Squall only became a memory, he at least gave Laguna the opportunity that he never had before: the opportunity to have a proper, final goodbye.

There would be no 'Can we meet again?' or 'I'll see you next time' or 'I'll be back soon'.

No hopes for a future like this meant that Laguna would never face that heartbreaking disappointment again. All of this would be finalized, Laguna would know where they stood. There would be no loose ends, no grief of anyone not making it back to the other in time, no 'what ifs', no 'What could I have done differently?'...

' _I know it's better this way... Some things aren't meant to go on forever, you know this, Laguna. I just, I guess, for once I thought..._ '

At least there would be no regret; there would only be the exhilaration that came with such memories of their night together, euphoric moments that Laguna could recall again and again with delight rather than pain.

' _He's given me a lot to remember. I know I can be happy with just that_.  _None of this could've ever happened, so why am I bein' so greedy?_ '

Laguna emerged from the kitchen as he rubbed the back of his neck again, his long hair pulled around onto one shoulder. Lifting his face when he saw Squall still leaning against the wall, he smiled before glancing away while walking past him to the door. Squall's head raised up at the same time Laguna passed by, that now familiar scent of whatever the other’s shampoo was teasing his nose. Realizing that he should be following, the brunette pushed off the wall and followed down the hallway. His gaze hit a small side table to the right, close to the grand doors. Laguna probably used it for mail or keys or whatever else presidents carried around. Laguna raised a hand, touching the panel beside it to unlock both grand doors then reached for the handle to pull one side open so that they could pass through. Glancing out of the doorway, Laguna was satisfied to find that the guards from the night before still hadn't returned. He sighed again, this time in relief, before walking out ahead of Squall.

Squall watched Laguna walk out to the lobby, quietly slipping the lone card onto the side table before following out.

Maybe Laguna would find it. Maybe not. Perhaps he wouldn’t even know what it meant or a cleaning lady would just throw it away. Squall didn’t often rely on fate for anything, finding that personal skill and planning worked better in most cases. However, in the matter of  _this_  he didn’t feel right to plan any of it and he held no hope for any future meetings. Hell, perhaps the President would need SeeD for something someday in the future, who knew?

_'It’s all I can do. Any more is too much. Maybe even this is to much but… No promises.'_

Both hands soon found themselves in his pockets as Laguna wandered out into the next room - the small lobby-like area that awaited anyone who arrived on this floor. The windows were clean and clear, giving them a beautiful daylight view of Esthar City. Laguna seemed to ignore the decorations proclaiming his presidency, such as the gold sign that clearly said PRESIDENTIAL SUITE or the framed photo of Laguna himself in formal Estharian clothes. The guard that had been next to the only other door of this room seemed to be gone as well; perhaps the first two had called him down after Laguna dismissed the ones from the condo's door.

"There's a car waitin' for you downstairs. If you just take the elevator all the way down, there's a girl at the front desk who'll make sure you get out of here without gettin' lost like I usually do."

Squall didn’t realize he had been staring at Laguna, watching his form move casually to the front area of the elevator. His eyes had been roaming: watching the way some of his hair flowed while the rest stayed tucked in place, watching the way his shoulders moved underneath his shirt, noticing the way he shoved his hands into pockets often, the way his posture a little more carefree than how he had appeared in the kitchen. When Laguna turned around, Squall averted his gaze at first, hoping he had not been caught.

"Soooo... I guess I better get serious again," he joked, his smile brightening up more; emerald meeting cobalt. "President's Day is over with. I can't slack off anymore, ya know?"

Squall looked up to him again, a small smirk gracing across his lips at the comment, his own shoulders relaxing.

“You, slacking? Hard to imagine.” he replied sarcastically, the hand free of the envelope reaching over to the panel near the elevator, waving over it once to activate it. There was no telling how far away or how long it would take to reach them. Squall turned back to Laguna, shifting his weight to one foot and then the other, eyes locked to the ground as he frowned to himself.

"Heh..."

Laguna glanced away with a soft chuckle as one hand lifted from out of a pocket, reaching toward the back of his head where he rubbed at the nape of his neck. It hadn't even been twenty-four hours and Squall already pretty much had him all figured out. But, he supposed that was the joke. His position wasn't anything to take lightly, yet all Laguna had done since yesterday was... That smile of his remained and only for a fraction of a second did a rosy tint touch his cheeks as he was soon distracted by Squall's voice. Emerald hues rose up once more to find that the brunette was staring at the ground between the two of them.

“So…I’m not really good at this kind of thing. People usually sound dumb right about now when they attempt it…”

_'Stop it. This isn’t hard. You’ve been through far worse things. This isn’t a gun pointed at your head.'_

_' _But..._ '_

A goodbye was all that needed to be said... That's all Laguna wanted. Just a goodbye. A parting of ways on a good note; with good memories. But now that he was faced with it, now when he knew that there would never be a hello... Laguna didn't want to say it. His shoulders rose up almost immediately when his gaze was captured by a pair of calm blue colors; his heart rattled within his chest as everything within him tightened up. It was so easy to say that he would be all right with a goodbye back in the kitchen. But now, standing here, being faced with it, this reality, this final moment...

Squall looked up to emerald eyes, shoulder shifting and shrugging the bag back in place before walking forward, closing the gap between them. His free hand came up, softly gliding through dark locks before resting is palm on Laguna’s neck, thumb gliding over earrings gently.

Without hesitation, Squall leaned in one last time, lips seeking the other’s.

Laguna stopped breathing the moment Squall took one step forward. His vision was still clear for now, but his head was spinning, lips parting as his expression relaxed despite the overwhelming grief that suddenly hit him hard enough to bring him to his knees; that took his breath away, that stopped his heart.

' _No, please--_ '

It wasn't suppose to be like this. It wasn't suppose to  _feel_ like this.

What had changed between leaving the kitchen and now?... This was suppose to be a clean cut; a simple goodbye to someone he would never see again, who he shouldn't have any attachment to whatsoever. Laguna had told himself that this was all that he needed; just a goodbye.

Emerald eyes wavered, his lashline stinging. There was no reason to be so emotional right now and yet... He felt his hair slide so easily through Squall's fingers, strands falling back onto his shoulder when the other finally settled his palm against the side of his neck. Laguna knew his panicked pulse could be felt against the inside of the brunette's hand, his heart racing hard enough that he felt his entire body slowly going numb.

The mercenary before him stood so close... Laguna raised a hand up to rest upon Squall's chest as if to stop him, but the brunette only continued to move in closer. It killed him not to reach out and pull Squall closer... But Laguna knew he had done this to himself by allowing himself to embrace that semblance of care and affection. He had been too open; he had been too familiar. Laguna lifted his face back up to meet a bright blue gaze when he heard such soft words... Quiet, ushered with nothing but absolute reverence.

“Thank you, for last night. For this morning…for right now too.”

' _Please... Please... If there's anythin' out there that can hear me right now..._ '

Lips slowly slanted together one final time, warm but trembling. Laguna's hand on Squall's chest quivered before he hooked his fingers slowly into the front of the SeeD's white shirt to still them.

' _Please watch over him...'_

Laguna's other palm rose up to fall against the side of Squall's own face, pressing their mouths just a little more firmly together into that last gesture as fingers curled soft locks of short, brunette hair; nails raking across scalp.

_'Please take care of him...'_

The only air to enter Laguna's lungs brought with it that familiar scent; one he would tie to memory - the sweet fragrance of cool leather, flint, gunsmoke, and pure steel.

_'Please make sure he'll always be okay.._.'

Long, dark lashes remained closed as their kiss lingered; tender but laced full of emotion and sincerity despite its simplicity. 

' _That's all I ask..._ '

_Ding._

Squall had almost blocked out the sound of the elevator arriving, but the soft glide of doors separating reached his ears. He broke the kiss, hand falling away from the soft neck and he turned, unable to deal with how Laguna might look, how he might feel. Both of his hands fell back down to his sides as Laguna kept his eyes closed, remaining where he was as he listened to the elevator doors open and Squall's retreating steps. Squall stepped into the elevator, pushing lobby floor button on the side panel before turning to back of the enclosed space. He shifted, resting his back against the far wall, one foot planted against the same surface. Blue eyes shifted up once more, barely catching Laguna’s gaze before the doors slid shut.

Laguna inhaled once again; his chest nearly heaving but he managed to control himself. Fingers curled into small fists at either side of him, face rising up before finally allowing his eyes to open; just in time to watch the doors of the elevator begin to close, just in time to see Squall's blue eyes rise up to meet his own one last time.

Laguna was silent.

Hands fell back into his pockets; his shoulders relaxed.

And as he remained standing where he was, Laguna smiled softly; his eyes wavered again as Squall slowly disappeared from view while the doors closed between them.

Squall wasn't meant to be anything more than a memory.

" _So! What's a dreary-lookin' guy like you doin' in a place like this?"_

And Laguna would only ever be another forgotten face.

_"Business_."

Squall wasn't meant to stay forever.

" _You still wanna stay though, right?"_

And Laguna could never leave.

_"That's the plan, or at least...that's my plan for tonight."_

Squall was never his to begin with.

" _For once, I wanna be able to enjoy feeling someone else next to me in my own bed._ "

And Laguna could never be anyone else's.

" _Be selfish with me_."

Laguna's eyes finally fell shut as his smile lingered, as the elevator doors finally closed; locking together as Squall vanished completely out of sight.

 

' _Goodbye..._ '

 

Squall didn't particularly remember the ride down, or the walk through the semi-familiar hallway to the front desk, doing his best to calm every swirling thought within his mind.

_'Just stop. Focus on the mission now. Whatever happened before is done.'_

“Sir, you are the President’s guest correct?”

Squall looked up from the glittering surface of the front desk, eyes meeting pretty hazel and nodded once.

“Wonderful. You’ll automatically check out as you step through the front doors. Your car is the dark blue one waiting on the street right there.”

The receptionist pointed to the left side of the grand doors, Squall turning his head in the same direction squinting and confirming - it was the only car waiting on the street side. 

Squall turned back, offering a half smile and nodded again.

“Thanks.”

The receptionist smiled back, tucking her shoulder length hazel hair behind one ear, “You’re welcome. I hope you had a wonderful time at the Presidential Palace, please visit again any time. Have a good day!”

_'If only you knew.'_

With that, the mercenary stepped outside once more, the glaring early-midday sun shining down annoying once again, reflecting off all and any building surfaces possible. 

_'Great, this again.'_

He jogged to the waiting car, the driver emerging from the front door and opening the back for Squall wordlessly. The car was nothing like the one from last night; it was similarly sleek but nothing about it signaled it belonged to the president or the palace. Squall ducked in, shoving his bag to the other seat. He fished out his phone from his back pocket once his door was closed and dropped the envelope to his side. 

“Where to?” 

“Uh… Lunar Suites Hotel?” Squall answered, barely able to remember the name of the place he was  _supposed_ to be staying.

“Got it.”

The car lifted up from the street, seamlessly merging with the midday traffic. Squall settled back, head resting against the firm leather headrest. He looked down at the envelope, curiosity eating at him.

_'Well, he did say to look at it when I leave…'_

Squall ignored the small pang of pain located in his chest at thinking about Laguna - it hadn’t even been ten minutes since they parted ways. Fingers moved quickly, unclasping the envelope top and pulling out the partially wrinkled papers within. His eyes scanned quickly, flipping through a few different pages in an attempt to understand what exactly he was looking at.

_'Check point data? For Esthar City… Cid Kramer Jr…oh.'_

The realization that Laguna remembered why Squall was here in the first place finally sunk in. Furthermore, whatever this data was…probably was not readily available to the public… It must have been what he was looking at during the morning. 

_'Damn…'_

Squall wasn’t sure where the check points were in the city, but the kid certainly had been hanging around a few places, and very often, and very early in the day. Why would he need to be somewhere at 2:45 AM? His actions were obviously suspicious, but the SeeD would need to go over the data with someone back at the Garden, someone who specialized in this sort of data and was familiar with Esthar City’s layout.

At the same moment that thought crossed his mind, Squall’s cellphone began to ring with the distinct tone he had set for Quistis. Sighing, he placed the papers back in the envelope and reached for his abandoned phone on the seat beside.

“What do you want.”

_“Oh, so nice of you to answer this time. Sounds like you’re still alive?”_

“I told you, I’m fine. What do you need from me?”

_“Tsk, so rude to your superiors! Anyway, guess who showed up this morning?”_

“Are you serious? After all these months? He just… _shows up_?”

_“Mhm. His father isn’t very pleased…asked us to give him the standard questioning procedure even.”_

“He must be pissed to do that. Well, I wasn’t doing nothing the whole time. I may have info.”

_“Oh really? And how did you manage that?”_

“You know the deal: I don’t ask you how you get your info, you don’t ask me how I get mine.”

_“Yeah, yeah. I’m hoping some day you’ll start talking before you remember that. Anyway, the hotel has been squared away, your luggage is probably already on its way back. The next flight is in an hour and…thirteen minutes. Think you can make it?”_

“Yeah, no problem.”

_“Great! That means you’ll be back in time to have dinner with me!”_

“Whatever. Bye.”

Squall pushed the end call button, rolling his eyes and shoving his phone back into his pants pocket. He pushed forward slightly in his seat, attempting to get the attention of the driver.

“Uh…change of plans. Can you bring me to the airport?”

“You got it, should be about seven minutes.”

“Thanks.”

Squall sat back, eyes drifting to the car window. The tint allowed him to look out freely without the sun ruining everything. He hadn’t been in Esthar City for a full day, and now he was leaving. It felt strange…unsettling to have so much happen in such a small amount of time. Stranger even that the events had unfolded as they did, and now here he was, back to reality. The chances of him returning to Esthar were the same with every other mission - completely random. He had no pick of where they sent him; that was not included in the job.

His mind drifted to Laguna once more; the bar, the car ride, the kitchen, the couch…the bed. It was bittersweet - one night of fun, no attachment, no promises, no guilt. And it had felt wonderful, not just the physical aspects… but the, whatever else it was. Something more. Something that mattered. Something that he couldn’t touch now - too far out of reach.

The car slowed down to pull to the side, hovering down to the ground of the designated drop off area of the airport. Squall gathered his items together mindlessly, stepping out as the driver opened the car door.

“I uh…don’t carry cash on me. I’m not sure how to tip you to be honest.”

“No worries, sir, the tip has been taken care of as well. Have a good flight.”

With that, the driver bowed slightly and got back into the front seat, the car lifting up and driving off as Squall made his way to the large glass doors of the airport. He shifted on his feet, running fingers through his dry hair once more and pausing before entering, glancing back at the same view he had seen the day before. Blue. Blue everything, but softer now - not as annoying with a setting sun. The buildings looked like manufactured crystals, people shuffling along sidewalks now, probably for a lunch break. Squall didn’t know if he would ever be back here again. So one last time, he willed this image to memory.

Turning away, the mercenary stepped through the familiar doors, blue beams scanning him through.

 

_'Time to go home.'_

 

Laguna's back slowly slid down the closed pair of double doors, their crystal and pearl accents only muted by the faint blur of his gaze. It had taken a few shaky steps but somehow he had managed to return to the loft that was his home, now on the floor with his knees bent and his arms crossed on top of them. His forehead came to rest against his arms as he remained there in silence, forcing his mind to go blank. He talked to himself too much as it was; he knew if he didn't try to fill his mind with white noise he'd just spiral even deeper into an emotion he didn't want to feel.

It was his fault.

It was all his fault.

He had known better and yet he still allowed himself to fall into that dangerous territory.

' _You'll be fine... It hurts because it's still fresh... That's all_.'

It wasn't like he was entirely  _alone_. He still had Ellone, he still had Kiros and Ward... But it wasn't exactly the  _same_. But even in thinking that, Laguna had to stop himself from comparing, from  _wanting_. Squall was gone. He knew that the moment they began to walk out of the bar that Squall would leave that morning. They were only meant to be strangers but in the middle of it all, somehow he had managed to completely destroy that line. Had it been when they exchanged names? Had it been when they first kissed? At what point had Laguna completely and absolutely lowered all of his guard?

Perhaps it had been when he wanted to  _feel_ rather than  _worry_.

None of it would be a regret, however.

Laguna had taken the chance to be selfish and it had felt  _wonderful_. Every precious moment spent had been enjoying the company of another, who embraced him as himself rather than the President of Esthar. Even if it had only been for one evening, Squall had given Laguna freedom to live for once rather than simply exist.

Lifting one hand, Laguna pinched the bridge of his nose as he inhaled deeply. He had been so overwhelmed... Drawing in a breath, he pushed himself up to stand and continued to rub at one eye with the tips of his fingers. As he turned to lock the door, he blinked when a glimmer of something white and opalescent caught his eye from the small side table up against the wall. Laguna blinked slowly as he dropped his hand, dark eyebrows knitting together as he spotted the small card laying next to a few decorations. Normally he threw his wallet here but that was still in his discarded pants from the night before...

' _What's that?_ '

Something one of the maids might have left last time they came to clean? Something Ellone may have left behind?

Laguna stepped closer before reaching out for the card, lifting it up for a closer inspection. It was so  _simple_. There was a symbol of some sort - a crest? It looked familiar yet Laguna couldn't recall it at all. He frowned as he continued looking over it, noting the indented numbers and the printed barcode beneath it. He frowned before flipping the card over before his eyebrows lifted, expression smoothing out.

_Balamb Garden_.

Emerald eyes widened as a jolt of anxiety ran through his body.

'... _He could've really killed me?! Tch!'_

The card fell from his hand and onto the floor as Laguna yelped, bowing forward as he grabbed hold of his right leg that had immediately cramped up.

And there, the President of Esthar was left to sit until the pain passed; the crest of Balamb Garden illuminated with pride under the hue of blue lights.


	15. INTERLUDE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're sleeping,  
> are you dreaming?
> 
> If you're dreaming,  
> are you dreaming of me?

_SLAM._

Disheveled bangs rubbed roughly against the smooth, cold surface of the inside of the front door, forehead not so lightly meeting the surface. A gloved fist rested tightly next to his head, grip shaking as the mercenary attempted to calm down.

_'Fuck me. Fuck. Shit. Goddamnit. Fucking. Ugh.'_

In the end, nothing mattered. Cid Jr. had been questioned by Quistis and himself over a period of one week. Hours and hours of talking followed by silence; the kid did not want to budge. He said he did nothing wrong, he wasn’t a student at the Garden - he wasn’t under the rules. His father saw it differently. The Headmaster refused to even speak to his son - he was that furious. Even with the hard proof of his whereabouts in Esthar - which Quistis had perfectly managed to make use of - the kid still refused. Finally, toward the end of the week, either out of exhaustion or him just no longer caring, two names slipped from his lips: Biggs and Wedge. They were the main reason Squall’s fist was against his own door now.

Cid Jr. had been handed over to the Disciplinary Committee. Squall and Quistis had been assigned to find any and all information on Biggs and Wedge, including tracking them down and dragging them back to the Headmaster. It was a mission with no time limit, to be completed on the side while they both continued with their daily tasks at the Garden. To add onto that unreasonable pile of work, this year's batch of students were close to graduation. Dispatching finals, grading, and training filled the brunette’s calendar, and of course the ball at the end, which was quickly approaching. Three months? No, two.

_'Fucking shit.'_

Furrowed angry brows slipped down; he was exhausted, and the next few months were only going to get worse. Sighing, Squall shoved himself from the door, boots dragging along boring tile as he passed the small kitchen on the left, right hand dragging against the wall. His gaze hit the blue, shimmery mug that permanently sat in the middle of the small square kitchen island. He never had any reason to get flowers, so instead he used it to store pens with a small writing pad accompanying it to one side. 

Deep green eyes and that reassuring, carefree smile flashed through his mind; at least the pain in his chest had reduced to a dull burn - it had been much worse previously. How long had it been? Squall never was one to remember details like that. It was just long enough ago that he assured himself Laguna had forgotten by now. The brunette had purposely broke his promise; he never planned to return the mug to the hotel.

Feet automatically pushed his body past the kitchen. Squall halted in the small living room - no walls separated the two spaces. A thin layer of dust covered the dark coffee table and screen on right wall, shutters to the large window directly in front of his view tightly drawn; it didn’t matter much, it was already late.

_'I should clean… It will just get dusty again. Maybe I should go to the hotel tonight. No… I can’t… Early class tomorrow, ugh.'_

He turned to the right, two doors tucked into the wall there - the one on the left leading to his room and the one one the right to the bathroom. Squall pushed the small indent to the left door slightly in before sliding into the wall. He tugged at his gloves, letting them fall onto a desk on the right that matched the dust level of the living room. Boots were shoved off as well, pushed to the corner on the floor. His jacket hit the chair back that was tucked into the desk.  He didn’t bother pulling the blanket or sheets back, flopping down on top, his back hitting the old mattress. At least this was clean; the staff here made sure to clean linens and towels, personal laundry too if you paid for it. Hell, they would even clean the whole apartment if you wanted but Squall opted for the bare minimum - he didn’t want someone snooping around his place, even if he truly did not have anything personal stashed here other than clothes and his gunblade when he couldn’t bring it on missions. 

He threw his hand over his eyes, the inside of his wrist resting against the bridge of his nose. He felt the elastic there, just a small area that didn’t feel like skin against skin.

_'I bet he’s forgotten by now. It’s for the best anyway... I don’t know why I even keep this… I...'_

Blue eyes opened as he pulled his wrist up, other hand meeting it as he wrapped his fingers around as he started to tug the offensive item off, but stopped, letting it settle back to it’s usual place. He closed his eyes again, both hands falling down to rest beside hips.

_'It doesn’t even matter. I’ll never see him again anyway.'_

A soft vibration from the small nightstand lifted the SeeD out of his thoughts. He reached over without looking, grabbing the offending phone and flipping it open, the glare illuminating his face; it was the only light currently in the entire apartment.

12:56 AM

_['I know you have a full day tomorrow, but Cid wants us to start the staff meetings. You know, the daily ones, about the end of the semester, and finals...and the ball. I tried really hard, but I couldn’t get you out of it, we are just too understaffed this year. You are on pretty much every committee. Meetings are 12-1. I’ll bring lunch for us.']_

An audible groan left his lips as Squall fought the urge to toss the phone across the room and watch it smash against the wall.

12:57 AM

_['I hate you, so much.']_

He shifted, opting to lay on one side, shoving the phone under the pillow. Another vibration.

12:58 AM

_['I love you too, get some rest.']  
_

_['Fuck off.']_

The brunette mashed angrily at the screen, turning off the vibration feature and shoving the phone back under the pillow. Once again, he lay in his own bed, familiar yet foreign, frowning against the pillow. As always, it would be at least another hour before he would drift to sleep. The dream was alway there waiting for him; the sea was still angry, and he had no one to calm it for him. The fist near his forehead laying on the pillow tightened just a little.

_'It doesn’t even matter. I’ll never see him again anyway.'_

*******

__Click_._

Pressing his back into the pair of opalescent doors, Laguna let out a long, slow sigh as vibrant emerald eyes drifted closed. He leaned his head back, hands behind him, as he simply took a moment to enjoy the silence surrounding him in his own home. The low hum of circuitry was almost soothing and despite being as subtle as it was, Laguna clearly heard it. Perhaps it was because he was only trying to empty his mind; he had been in and out of meetings virtually all day. 

This had been his last meeting of the day, but alarms had gone off shortly into it. There had been a breech of security down at the import docks, where someone had managed to get into Esthar City's OCS system and hinder it long enough to make the city visible for at least an hour and a half. The docks had been raided by Estharian soldiers who secured the area, finding the three men responsible - or perhaps the only ones dumb enough to get left behind - and all former guards that had been in position were relieved for questioning. The Optical Camouflage System was soon back up and running as perfectly as before, with Laguna and his aides able to see that it was indeed working from the spacious meeting room inside the Presidential Palace. Soldiers had been dispatched from the city to report back and to show that Esthar City was once again hidden away, safe and sound as before.

However, the guards that had been standing watch couldn't report anything out of the ordinary, but were still placed on suspension. The three men who had been placed under arrest and who were still being held for questioning claimed they had no part in the breech. It was believable enough; Laguna even mentioned that as he saw the looks in their eyes, the fear in their faces. They were willing to drop any information they had without hesitation, down to what they had for lunch or how many times they brushed their teeth that morning. Sometimes people just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. But his Secretary of Defense refused to hear any of it, insisting that they keep the men for observation in case they finally cracked and unleashed any information they currently withheld - despite Laguna believing that the three were innocent.

Kiros at least managed to negotiate keeping the men only until the following evening; in a much more articulate way than ' _Are you even listenin' to what I have to say?! I'm the President!_ '.

But the whole situation had posed a very serious problem. Since coming into his position as president nearly two decades ago, Laguna had never lifted the OCS. He had been waiting for the right time to do so and enter Esthar City back into the real world, but with so much turmoil still churning in Galbadia he had never felt it was the right time. ' _Soon',_  Laguna had reasoned with both Kiros and Ward, finally feeling himself wishing more than anything to reconnect with the rest of the world. It wasn't right to keep hiding away like this forever when the world had so much to offer. He knew that. All three of them knew that. It had even been Laguna's dream to travel the world when he was younger and now, he ruled a country that was kept so isolated from it.

' _I'm so tired...'_

Rolling his eyes back open, Laguna stared down the foyer and into the open area that comprised of his living room and then the space leading into the kitchen. Pushing himself up to stand, he stifled a yawn as he forced himself to begin walking; focused on climbing upstairs to reach his bedroom. However, as he stepped out into the more open living space, he blinked when he saw a note taped to the corner edge of the wall closest to the kitchen. Arching an eyebrow, he stuck one hand down into his pocket in his suit pants, his other hand raising up to pull the note away from the wall to inspect it with very obvious curiosity coloring his eyes:

_Your secretary told me that you were called away to an emergency meeting when I came by to surprise you, but I wanted to still cook you dinner anyway!  
_ _You need to eat better, you know.  
_ _I left it in the oven for you so hopefully it will still be warm when you get back!  
_ _If it's cold, just heat it up for about fifteen minutes.  
_ _I'm sorry I couldn't stay.  
_ _Let's plan a sleepover sometime soon though, Uncle Laguna!_

_I really miss you._

_Love,  
_ _Ellone_

"...I miss you too."

Another sigh fell past his lips but Laguna smiled just as fondly as ever; brushing his thumb over a small heart Ellone had drawn next to her name. But not being able to stay... Laguna glanced over his shoulder, past the stairway. Maybe it would do him some good to make some space for a small, true room for Ellone. God knew he wouldn't mind having her closer... It'd ease the loneliness if someone else was here to help occupy the space of his home on a regular basis.

"Soon. I'll plan somethin', don't you worry!"

But to help ease that loneliness over the past several months, since  _that night_ , Laguna had been throwing himself at absolutely everything. He, Kiros, and Ward went out to that bar on a regular basis now or stayed in to drink; either way made for great evenings full of jokes. He used the palace's gym much more often, exerting any pent-up energy he had there to get himself back into shape. He focused more on work when he had the actual attention span, taking more direct leadership instead of just hanging back. Redirecting his emotions into something much more productive was always a good thing, especially when he thought of  _him._

It was the silliest thing. It had only been one night. Just one night. Yet Laguna acted like it had been someone he had known as long as Kiros and Ward - both of whom would never know about this. He never confided in either nor Ellone about his little one-night stand. But it wasn't like he thought of Squall often or enough to bring attention to himself; just in quiet moments, when Squall would creep into his mind with something he had said or done. Squall was his little secret, one he knew he should have let go of and forgotten after that night but still something he couldn't bring himself to do. He didn't want to forget.

So he clung to little things.

So occasionally, he imagined that the young SeeD was waiting for him back at home asleep on the couch, just to make a meeting that much more bearable and any time he heard someone order shots at the bar, he couldn't help but smile.

' _What's so funny?_ '

' _Just an inside joke!_ '

Truly, everything was light-hearted and not something that ever made him sad aside from the loneliness; however that wasn't anything new and hadn't been for years. But evenings now... Evenings were the worst, when Laguna would just want to fall asleep in the silence of his home. It was easy to stay distracted when he was surrounded by friends but...

Phantom touches, whispers he knew his imagination was filling his head with.

This would be another one of those nights, wouldn't it?

12:56 am

That was all Laguna could see on the digital clock as he laid in bed, face half-buried in a white pillow. But it wasn't just  _any_ pillow; it had been the one Squall had slept on, that still had a fraction of the mercenary's scent still upon it. Perhaps when it had finally faded away...he would let go of it all and forget about Squall. His eyes drifted closed as he sighed, relaxing.

The past few months had been hard but in another way, exciting. Laguna could feel a shift in his world but he wasn't exactly sure what it could be. More than likely it had something to do with Esthar. That security breech was troubling; nothing about the docks had been good for a while, but now he hoped that with stronger security in place that would put an end to whatever it was that was going down there. 

12:57 am

Another meeting in the morning, he knew. Nuzzling his face closer into the pillow, he sighed as he hugged onto it. By now, if not sooner, he was sure Squall had forgotten all about him. Laguna huffed without even realizing it; how could someone forget  _him_?! He wasn't just  _anyone_ , he was the President of Esthar! He smiled slightly to himself.

' _Idiot_ ' he could hear him say.

12:58 am

A soft chime rattled into existence. Long lashes fluttered open as Laguna recognized it as the alarm for his secretary. Frowning, he lifted his head as he glanced to the edge of the bed where his cellphone - work phone - laid. Pushing himself away from Squall's pillow, Laguna sat up while pushing his long hair from out of his face. Reaching down for the device he was nearly blinded by the light but sure enough, there was a text. He pressed his thumb into the center of a button, allowing it to read his thumbprint before the message opened up on the screen.

_['Sir! I am so sorry to trouble you so late at night, but I really think you should check your email! Something came through a few hours ago marked as urgent and it needs a response immediately!']_

' _An email_?'

Oh right. Laguna hadn't been able to really do anything while they were all holding their breaths in the panic of getting the OCS system back up. He swiped his thumb over the screen while he sat there on the edge of his bed, opening up his email to find  _several_  emails, but his secretary had done him the favor of forwarding the one in question to him several times with its angry little exclamation mark next to it.

His heart stopped.

Laguna all but dropped his phone, stumbling right out of bed to stand as he suddenly couldn't sit still. He ran a hand through his hair, tossing the device onto the bed as he walked away. There was no way; no way! ... _No way_! Hot panic was beginning to set into his system as his eyes remained wide, staring through the dark of his bedroom; to the windows, over the nightscape of the city. He quickly turned back to his bed to reach for his phone, his shin hitting the edge which sent him down to the floor with a sharp yelp; his hand reached out for the blankets to catch himself, which he managed to successfully pull down with him but at the same time also caused the phone to come sliding down off the bed and directly onto his face. He grunted as he laid there, tangled in the white blankets, holding his nose as the phone hit the floor.

Another soft chime.

' _Shit!_ '

Little tears from the pain of both his leg and his nose blurred his vision but he was able to at least find his phone; opening his texts from memory, thumbs moving at the speed of light.

_['SA Y YESU']_

Another text.

_['YES, SIR!']_

"YES!" he shouted into the open air before falling back again flat against the floor, draping an arm over his eyes; shin and nose still throbbing; a stupid grin on his face. " _Yes_..."


	16. Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good times for a change  
> see, the luck I've had  
> can make a good man  
> turn bad
> 
> So please please please  
> let me, let me, let me  
> let me get what I want  
> this time
> 
> Haven't had a dream in a long time  
> see, the life I've had  
> can make a good man bad
> 
> So for once in my life  
> let me get what I want  
> Lord knows it would be the first time  
> Lord knows it would be the first time

_Knock knock._

“Go away.”

Squall stood facing the wall to his quarters that housed both the bathroom and his bedroom door, straightening his uniform and patting it down in places, his scowling reflection looking back from the mirror. Nervous hands fumbled over the matching gold sash; the only indicator on the uniform that someone was either faculty or higher up than the current graduates.

“Oh wonderful, you’re in a good mood tonight,” came Quistis’s muffled voice from outside the front door, Squall close enough to hear it as nothing within the dorms was exactly soundproof. “I’m coming in, ok?”

“I can’t really stop you.”

From the other side of the front door, quick fingers glided over the touch panel to the right; Squall’s 8 digit entry code had been memorized years before. It was only fair - he knew hers as well. Neither of them ever abused the power; the unspoken promise that they would only use them in extreme emergencies or times like this, where they both knew the other was coming to visit. No one else knew the access codes, besides Cid - but he could open any door in the Garden without question. 

The metal door slid to the side seamlessly, the instructor walking across the threshold and directly to the small kitchen area, leaning on the island in the middle, having done so many times before. Her uniform matched Squall’s perfectly, besides the swap of pants for a skirt and some low-heeled black pumps. She sighed, running a hand over long golden bangs to tuck one side behind an ear, straightening her glasses before crossing her arms.

“You know he doesn’t like when we are late.”

Squall’s nervous fingers stopped from attempting to flatten the entire surface area of his uniform and looked over at her, rolling his eyes before he abandoned the mirror and walked around the island, pulling out two shot glasses.

“You know I don’t care. He doesn’t even stay more than thirty minutes. Just in and out, shake some hands, say the same thing he does every year, and that's it.”

He pulled a bottle out from under the open drawer within the island, unscrewing the cap and pouring the contents in each glass, filling it to the very top before leaving the open bottle on the counter. 

“Is that really necessary? I mean, it’s not  _that_  long,” Quistis raised an eyebrow as she turned around, eyeing the alcohol.

Squall slid one of the glasses to her before his fingers reached his own.

“I sat through months of bullshit meetings for this night. I can barely handle the thought of being down there more than twenty minutes. Don’t ruin this for me. I’m not going to get drunk. I just can’t…stand all of it.”

“Alright fine. Just don’t trip over yourself when you have to dance.” The instructor smirked before long fingers reached out for her glass, downing the dark liquid before placing it gently back on the island, her face scrunching up in displeasure.

Squall watched, amused before following after, the shot glass back on the counter in an instant, his free hand already pouring another round. Unlike his guest, he made no unpleasant face.

“I don’t know how you can drink that crap; is it the cheapest whiskey you could find in Balamb or something?”

He slid over closer, pouring the contents into her shot glass as well.

“Yeah, something like that.”

Squall lifted his own glass in the air, leaning over the island and waiting for Quistis to do the same, a gentle  _click_  shared between them before both glasses separated and the alcohol disappeared. 

“You know I still hate you for dragging me into this.” The brunette didn’t look at her, only grabbing the bottle and pouring one more shot for each of them before reaching over to retrieve the cap, twisting it back in place and leaving the bottle on the island counter next to Squall’s stolen hotel cup - now a mere pen holder.

A soft chuckle reached the mercenary's ears before hearing the familiar series of sounds indicating that the instructor had finished her third shot. Not wasting any time, Squall hurried to follow her, his own glass echoing against the counter’s surface.

“You know as well as I do that I had no choice in the matter. I’m telling the truth, honestly; I searched everywhere for additional faculty before breaking the bad news to you. I know how much you love meetings and dances and socializing.” Quistis spun her hands around, accentuating her sarcasm with wide hand movements.

Squall leaned further over the island, both palms covering his eyes and forehead, rubbing as he let out a rather audible sigh.

“I know. Ugh. Can we just get this over with? Maybe I can find some corner to hide in.”

A not so gentle pat hit his back, a short laugh following it. Quistis stood up straight, arms stretching overhead before spinning on her heels and adjusting her glasses, bangs framing her face and she made a few steps forward toward the narrow hall leading to the front door.

“Mm, good luck with that, _Commander_. I’m sure the Headmaster will want to see you at least once…you know, to make sure that you actually showed up.”

Squall groaned in response, shifting his hands down his face before placing them on the island top and pushing back, standing up straight. He patted his front pants pocket, making sure his phone was still secure before looking over to Quistis, who stood waiting for him with an obvious, fake smile.

“I know you’re secretly enjoying this. Just remember, I remember.”

Squall walked past her, ignoring the soft chuckle and flipped a switch, the apartment falling into darkness. He pushed at the side panel, the front door sliding to the side and walked out into the common area, listening to the instructor follow and the door slide shut and lock with a soft beep.

Quistis walked past him this time, her heels clicking loudly against the polished floor as she maneuvered around the shared space’s tables and lounge chairs, walking past the main clear paneled doors as they slid to each side. Squall followed wordlessly, dreading the upcoming sounds of champagne glasses clinking, people chatting, laughing, dancing, loud music…

_'I should have drank more. I’m not in the mood for this.'_

The instructor knew better than to bring up idle chit-chat with Squall, having spent many hours working with him at the Garden and out on the field. Instead she just led, heels clacking through the schools hallways until she reached the elevators, nodding firmly at the guard stationed to the side and walking through, inputting her ID code and pressing the only un-numbered button - the dance hall was not general access to the students and only used for special occasions. Most everybody should already be up at the top, either lined up to enter or already starting to filter through the doors. 

She stepped to the back wall, joining Squall in leaning on the hard surface, arms folded.

“I’ll try not to make it any worse than it’s already going to be. If you need to disappear for a few moments I can cover.”

The elevator came to a stop, doors pushing away and opening to expose a grand hallway, vaulted ceilings and walls in rich gold tones, reflecting of the smooth white floor.

Squall opened his eyes and shifted forward, walking out of the elevator past the instructor. 

“Thanks,” spilled past his lips quietly, only for her to hear, as he unfolded his arms and straightened his posture, heels clicking behind him in place, both of them aware now that they had to have some formal air, being faculty. The grand hallway was short, and none of the students occupied the space - most arrived via the larger elevators on the opposite side. 

Squall halted at the entranceway, gleaming doors flanked by two guards were already opened, the view into the grand hall sprawled out before them. Students and guests already crowded on the floors, dancing away to some song Squall could care less about. He had seen this all before - it was no longer impressive. Graduating was one thing, being a glorified chaperon was totally different. Quistis nudged his side with her elbow, one heel tapping on the expensive floor impatiently.

“Well, either you forgot what this look like or you are stalling. I’m betting more on the stalling.”

Squall’s eyes were locked on one corner of the room, a familiar pair animatedly talking by a large pillar, champagne glasses already in hand. Curly brown locks bounced as the owner waved her hands about, almost spilling her drink, laughing at herself. The other just stood, smiling and nodding, a laugh slipping past her lips at the almost fallen drink.

_'Shit.'_

“So, feel like covering for me now? I think I need to disappear, for a few hours.”

A firm hand wrapped partially around his forearm as Quistis dragged Squall through the grand doors.

“Hmm no. Not yet. You clearly haven’t suffered enough. Oh look, Rinoa and Selphie are here!” 

He felt himself shake slightly, Quistis obviously waving at the pair. Squall’s free hand came up to pinch at the bridge of his nose, eyebrows creasing into a frown.

_'So much for not making it any worse.'_

***

"So anyway, then I--"

"N-No... Selphie, please..."

Thin shoulders trembled as Rinoa turned her head, bringing her free hand up to her mouth. It was too much. This story was terrible but Selphie's re-telling of it and the fact that she was so animated to the point where she almost spilled her drink was worse. Of course, even earning a smile from the dark haired girl was enough of a positive reaction so Selphie couldn't help but continue laughing herself. For a moment, Rinoa had even questioned how she had ended up alone with Selphie. Not that she minded entirely, over the past few years the girl had become a good friend but anyone who recognized her knew that she was only here for  _one thing_.

Why else would she show up to festivities year after year? Or why else would she drop into the Garden on occasion? Truly she had no business here but at the same time, no one could really stop her. Cid had all the power to put an end to it but considering who her father was... It was best to just leave it be unless Rinoa made herself a nuisance that resulted in disruption within the Garden worthy of true disciplinary action.

Finally lowering her palm down, a motion from across the massive ballroom caught Rinoa's eye. It was such a rapid gesture that it stuck out from the moving bodies meandering around the room--greeting each other, finding spaces to occupy for conversation--and immediately drew her attention. Rinoa's expression lifted when she recognized Quistis, lifting her hand back up to motion back that she saw her; eyes glancing to Quistis's side which made her own smile brighten.

"Oh! Quisty's here! And Squall!"

Selphie set her hand over her eyes, squinting green colors as she looked past the crowd.

"C'mon, let's go!" 

Even if Selphie hadn't made the first move to head off into the pair's direction, Rinoa would have excused herself to do so. Her hand was taken by the SeeD's to be led through the crowd as an excited Selphie guided them to the other side of the room, both still holding their champagne glasses. Rinoa smiled to herself, lifting her gaze back up to find Squall turning away while pinching the bridge of his nose. 

New year, same attitude. Not much had changed since Squall became a part of the Garden's faculty with both Selphie and Quistis. After his twentieth birthday, Zell had been released from the Garden and chose to return to Balamb to work rather than become a part of the staff but remained close friends and visited often. Irvine had also chosen to become a part of staff, only at Galbadia Garden where he still held the title to being the best shooter in all of Garden; not only would he get to continue living with some fame, but new recruits always meant new girls much to Selphie's dismay. The pair had such a turbulent relationship that most who weren't aware of the depth to their relationship only saw jealousy and immaturity; but beneath all of the flirtations, those close to them knew that Selphie truly held Irvine's heart in the palm of her hand.

"QUISTY!" 

_'Fuck, here we go.'_

Squall’s shoulders came up slightly in a small wince hearing Selphie’s absurdly loud voice before the pair even came up to them - she never seemed to care who was around her at any moment. How did she become a SeeD again? Squall would never know. Perhaps the element of surprise and sheer dumb luck were her speciality areas. To make matters worse, Rinoa was tagging along; someone the brunette could care less about seeing or not.

_'You can stop staring at me now. I’m not going to do a trick.'_

Finally letting go of Rinoa's hand, Selphie barreled forward to throw her arms around Quistis's frame, leaning into her enough to cause the blonde to stumble back a step or two. Quistis chuckled and let herself get bombarded by Selphie, returning the hug with soft pats and a genuine smile. She nodded to Rinoa, her only available form of acknowledgement available while being caught up in Selphie’s hello. Rinoa returned the nod then chuckled to herself as she stepped up, pulling both of her arms behind herself as she turned her gaze away from both girls to fixate her attention on Squall. All Rinoa could do was smirk at the disdain clearly written across his face; he didn't want to be here. He never did. It was amusing that somehow he ended up needing to help chaperon again this year after learning that each year prior he had tried to get out of it and each and every time he couldn't.

"Hey, Squall!" Selphie spoke up first, still beaming. "Lookin' good again! Guess I lost the bet though~..."

Instead, Selphie was the first to speak up, gaining Squall’s reluctant attention. His frown remained plastered to his face, eyes darting back and forth between the girls, Quistis at his side now free from Selphie’s grasp. Sighing, he crossed his arms and shook his head, already bored of the conversation. 

' _Of course he looks good. Except for that scowl on his face, but that's nothing new. I wish he'd just learn to enjoy the ball for once... Wait, what?_ '

"Bet?" Rinoa suddenly asked, blinking as she straightened up.

"Yeah! We were all takin' bets on how long it was gonna take Squall before he showed up tonight!"

Rinoa smirked as she looked back up at the mercenary, arms still behind her back as her fingers laced together.

"She has a point," she spoke, tilting her head to the side as she leaned forward; trying to peer up at Squall's face as he clearly was averting his gaze from the three of them. "Normally you show up later in the evening. Did Quistis have to drag you out from your room?"

"Well, duh!" Selphie teased, sticking out her tongue. "You didn't really expect Squall to come out on his own, huh!?"

"Well, anyway, you're here now! I'm glad! Because if Quistis hadn't dragged you out, I would have!"

“You talk like I have a choice in the matter. This is part of the job, unfortunately. Cid somehow knows when we are late, but I don’t even see him here yet. Tch," Squall murmured.

Quistis rolled her eyes, hand shifting over quick to flick at Squall’s upper arm with her nails.

 “Yes, we all know you don’t want to be here Squall, but you are so, try to have a little fun? I know that’s a lot to ask.” Quistis smirked and looked over at the other girls.

Rinoa straightened her spine and lifted a hand, tossing her long hair over a bare shoulder. Just like any other year, she had chosen to wear a short, strapless cocktail dress in a rather neutral color; a soft nude pink with silver accenting and matching strappy, open toe heels taller than both Quistis's and Selphie's. Smiling, she tilted her head to the side before bringing her glass of champagne to her lips for a small sip, eyeing over Squall's expression again. The brunette shrugged, eyes landing on a couple of troublemakers from one of his classes, purposefully attempting to ignore Rinoa, as it was obvious she was trying to gain his attention with all of her hair flipping and outfit posing.

_'I don’t know why she keeps trying. Maybe she really likes to hear me say no? It’s been years…it’s not going to change. It’s just annoying now.'_

Why was it so hard for him to just relax, even after all of these years? The graduation ball was never any different yet Squall always acted as if this was the worst torture imaginable to him.

"You should get yourself a glass, too, Squall," she commented, taking a step or two closer to the brunette. "You already look so stiff and the evening's hardly begun! C'mon, relax a little! Can't you even do that around us? It's not like you're here with strangers."

"Yeah!" Selphie chimed up as she finally stood on her one, raising one arm up.

Blue eyes drifted back, locking with Rinoa’s before raising an eyebrow, distantly listening to Selphie’s comment.

“We already drank in my quarters. I don’t really care for champagne anyway.”

"Well don't drink too much! Remember what Headmaster Cid said? We gotta be on our super duper best behavior tonight for that fancy-pants speaker guest!"

Squall turned his attention to Selphie, who happened to be blurting out everything she possibly had left to say for the night, although it was almost certain she would find more topics to ‘discuss’. 

"Speaker?" Rinoa questioned, blinking. "Oh, right. Who is it this year?"

"We dunno! We didn't get told anythin', just that they're someone super important. Like,  _super important_. Like, important enough that it's gotta stay a secret 'til they show up. Also we got told if we do anythin' to offend or upset them or make the Garden look bad we could get reprimanded!"

"But they didn't tell any of you who it is?" Rinoa frowned, looking first to Quistis then to Squall; surely one of them had to know, right? It made sense if Selphie didn't, the girl wasn't exactly the image of grace and sophistication. But both Quistis and Squall held a lot more responsibility. "Who could it be that's  _so_  important that they can't even tell their staff?"

Squall shrugged, hands releasing from his chest, palms out. Quistis let out her own sigh, adjusting her glasses in a nervous twitch.

“I know...it doesn’t make any sense to me either. Both Squall and I were practically on every staff meeting, every team, every damn email it seems…but Cid wouldn’t budge. I even personally went to his office to ask, you know, just between us. Nothing. Every year before it hasn’t been a big deal but this year... I guess it’s not worth worrying over now. The speech portion of tonight's schedule should be soon. I guess we will all get our surprise then…”

Squall shook his head, a slight smirk on his lips.

“Knowing Cid, it’s probably someone we’ve never heard of that he just happens to think is important. I could care less, these speeches are equally as boring as the dancing.”

Quistis frowned and flicked at Squall again before shoving against his shoulder playfully, but forcefully enough to make him lose his footing. Squall let a sliver of a smile show as he was forced to correct his balance before shoving her back lightly, not wanting to actually hurt his superior. He heard Selphie’s overzealous laughter and Rinoa’s gasp at the display. Those drinks had been a good idea, but the SeeD was wishing they had had a few more before leaving. 

At that moment Squall chose to avert his eyes upward, the ceiling and night view practically the only thing he enjoyed about this room and the ceremony in general. During the day it was closed off, protected in a layer of steel. There was really no reason to leave it open considering the room was only for special occasions. He had been to a few during the day, but the night view was far better. The moon was in clear view tonight, no clouds in the way, just deep black and sprinkled stars.

But then something blurry filled the mercenary's vision - red and large and…way to close to the Garden.

_'What the Hell? That’s too close…does - who the fuck?'_

Before he had a chance to process what had just happened, the ship was out of sight, flying with more precision and speed than he had anticipated. He hadn’t even heard it go by - and while the glass ceiling was many layers and protective, it wasn’t the most soundproof. How had it been that close and so quiet?

Squall looked back down to his friends, blue eyes scanning each of them before deciding to say anything. All three girls were engaged in conversation attempting to guess who the speaker would be; none of them had noticed. His gaze reached out further, looking out to the room full of students to see if anyone else was stuck in position, eyes glued to the night sky.

_'Nothing. Am I the only one who saw that? Did I actually see anything?'_

A small tapping sound filled the ballroom, a staff member standing at the podium displayed close to the right wall, directly across the large balcony leading outside. Two private, staff only doors flanked each side of the low stage.

“Attention graduates! Please focus your attention to the stage and begin preparations as our speaker is due in ten minutes! Faculty, please line up in the front to the side.”

The staff member left the podium and shuffled through one of the side doors. Students all around began slowly walking to the stage area, champagne glasses being refilled along the way. Squall looked over to Quistis, eyes searching. She shrugged.

“You heard them, let's get going, I can’t guarantee a good spot unless we head over now, you can both stand behind Squall and I - obviously we get the best faculty view!”

Squall watched as the three started walking toward the stage, filtering between eager graduates. He sighed, feet reluctantly shuffling as he followed them through the crowd. 

_'Oh well. I can ask Quistis about it after. Or Cid, if he ever decides to show up.'_

 ***

"Ah, welcome, Mr. President!"

' _You got this. You can do it_. _'_

"I hope your, er,  _flight_ here was met with no problems!"

' _It's not like you've never spoken in front of a crowd before, y'know, so just calm down! It won't look too good if you're hobblin' up on stage!_ '

"Oh, yes, yes, as I assured you in our emails, it is only the SeeD graduates and faculty staff here tonight for our inauguration ball!"

' _Is it because he might be there? In that crowd? I don't know anymore... Damn it! I should be more focused on what I gotta do instead of..._ '

"Of course, the graduates are allowed a date but even then, the assembly will not be larger than the overall student body here at Balamb Garden!"

' _And he might not even be there. Who knows? This was a total shot in the dark! But, none of this was for nothin'. It's still a step in a direction that I wanna start movin' toward...'_

"I am just thrilled that you are here, Mr. President--I personally cannot thank you enough for attending our ceremony tonight!"

"Of course!"

Bright emerald eyes closed as Laguna laughed, raising a hand up to rub at the back of his head. Cid only smiled as he held his arms behind his back, his posture rather relaxed despite whose company he was in. The emails that had gone between the two had been friendly enough, but to actually  _experience_ Laguna in person was totally different. From everything Cid had gathered, he had expected a much older man but Laguna looked so young with his pure black hair and not so much as a wrinkle on his face, save for the slight pull at the edges his vibrant eyes. The President of Esthar himself was in good spirits, although Cid had been a little concerned when Laguna had stepped out of the ship's bridge with a slight wobble. 

Shortly after landing, Laguna's nerves had caught up with him. But, better his leg cramp up inside the Ragnarok and out of view than up on stage in front of Hyne knew how many people.

"I'm actually really excited!" Laguna went on to continue as he walked alongside the Headmaster down the corridor, his hands soon pushing back into the front pockets of his slim black slacks. "I mean, I'm also pretty nervous, y'know? Mercenaries are serious business... What if I say the wrong thing and they decide to take my head off?"

Cid couldn't help but laugh; "Oh, no! I assure you, nothing like that will happen! We have guided them in a way to ensure that they not only will they be physically capable of handling any task, but mentally capable as well. It would do no good to our reputation if we did not instill in them to take time and think things through before acting--for any situation." He hummed before continuing, glancing back up to meet Laguna's curious gaze as the pair continued to walk; both Balamb Garden and Estharian security following behind them closely. "SeeDs are deployed all over the world, you know. Their services are requested by not only government officials but civilians themselves. Their tasks range from military support to protecting civilians. We also press the matter that the skills gained here at the Garden should never be used for personal gain."

The two of them finally reached the pair of double doors that no doubt led out into the grand ballroom. Laguna pulled his hands from out of his pockets and glanced over his shoulder to spot Kiros and Ward, lips lifting up in a nervous smile before he turned back to Cid as the Headmaster just beamed happily right back up at him.

"Well," Laguna started, "Thank you again for invitin' me and lettin' me attend tonight! I hope I don't mess up too bad! I'd hate to give these kids some bad advice, y'know?!"

"Nonsense," Cid laughed again. "You're exactly the type of person they need to hear some uplifting words from! Really..."

Drawing in a breath, he kept his arms behind his back as he glanced back at the door. Laguna arched an eyebrow, turning to face the other.

"...Sometimes I... Politics can be a truly dark world. Power, corruption... I worry but... Well. That is neither here nor there."

Cid looked right back at Laguna and smiled again.

"Thank you, Mr. President, so very much for accepting my invitation. Now! I'll go and introduce you! We'll have plenty of time to speak later if you'd like!"

"Of course!"

Laguna smiled to himself as he watched the Headmaster slip out the door, followed by two Garden guards. He inhaled before swallowing what he felt was his heart pounding within his throat; his tie suddenly feeling too tight around his neck. 

' _Shit_.  _This is it_.'

Cid disappeared, leaving Laguna, Kiros, Ward, and their own small array of guards in the corridor with other Garden security. Even in that short amount of time, that had been a lot to soak in. Tilting his head up, emerald hues followed the ceiling and then along one of the walls and finally the floor. This place looked so nice... A school, right?

A school that trained mercenaries.

Squall belonged to this school. That meant he was a mercenary too, right?

Finally, tonight... Not once had Laguna allowed himself to wonder whether or not Squall would actually  _be here_ tonight. He simply had to be; Laguna wouldn't accept anything else. Whether or not Squall would actually want to see him again, that didn't matter to Laguna. He wanted to see him; even just one last time. They didn't have to speak. They didn't even have to acknowledge one another. Just to be able to lay his eyes upon Squall would be enough for him.

But how could he have not accepted the invitation when it was clearly something that couldn't have just been sheer coincidence?

_'This was meant to happen_.'

But if Squall wasn't there to begin with... 

His heart raced; his blood pumped hard through his veins, warming his body up even more hotly from head to toe.

 No. Squall _had_ to be here.

"...Alright, boys, let's get ready to hit the party!"

***

 "Look, look!"

Selphie tugged on Quistis's sleeve as she squeezed in behind both the blonde and Squall himself. Of course, Rinoa stood behind Squall; one slender hand sliding up his back to gently touch his shoulder as the four of them moved into place. Both Quistis and the brunette would stand at the front of the crowd in their regalia, but Selphie and Rinoa made sure to stick close by standing directly behind them both. Smiling to herself, Rinoa slid her hand back down Squall's spine before lacing her fingers together in front of herself. Small touches; reassuring. She knew how uncomfortable he was here, even more so now that he was surrounded by even more people but...

Just as she knew he would, Squall seemed to be putting up that neutral front of him. So straight laced... Or maybe he just had more respect for authority than he led on? He sure hated being in authority himself though...

Squall tensed completely as he felt a hand creep across his uniform behind him, his first instinct to spin around and punch whoever was touching him was held back and he realized who it possibly could be, especially as the touch was gentle and slow. He remained tense but let her finish before tilting his body slightly to the right, blue eyes piercing and cold as he glared, a frown stuck on his face. He turned back around before Rinoa could say anything to him - nothing she cared to say mattered much to him anyway.

_'I wish she would just stop.'_ _  
_

"It's the Headmaster!" Selphie whispered as she bounced a little where she stood. " _Finally_! Maybe we'll get this shindig on the road!"

_'And her too…why is she always so loud?'_

Squall held a sigh and shook his head - not like he had or could ever control Selphie. His gaze came back to the front, noticing Cid casually crossing to reach the podium. The brunette stood up straighter, hands at his sides and chin up. He knew Quistis would be doing the same - double checking her posture to set an example for all the new graduates. Such a thing wasn’t exactly in the faculty training books but it was a common practice. Students would try to emulate their superiors; best to show them the proper prestige of a true mercenary.

As Cid came into view, his form stepping up onto the platform where the podium was standing, the entire crowd seemed to slowly grow quiet. The Headmaster was practically beaming, grinning from ear to ear. Selphie grew still as she tilted her head upward, Rinoa smiling to herself before glancing back up at Squall. Cid turned his face to cough into the palm of his hand then glanced back over the crowd of graduates, faculty, and other attendees.

_'Great. This again. This same speech, every year. I bet he has it memorized.'_

"Good evening, students!" he began, his smile still lingering. "First, I would like to congratulate each of you again on your achievement of becoming SeeD! You are educated. You are trained. You are equipped not only as mercenary soldiers, or specialists, with the training of a weapon--but with knowledge and values as well. And for this reason, we will always be proud to introduce SeeD. I am so very pleased to be with you tonight and have the chance to introduce our guest speaker.

"That being said, I would like to officially welcome our guest speaker for this year's inauguration ceremony. As you are all aware, SeeD is hired by whoever, wherever, for whatever reason. We do not become involved in political affairs more than we are hired to be... But this year is different. This year is monumental."

_'What? Politics? Well that's a new…spin.'_

Squall’s brows furrowed together as he tried to recall any mention of the speaker or politics during the numerous staff meetings but came up with nothing. It was true - other than the reason for the hire and what faction to look out for to avoid danger, the Garden didn’t take any one political side. Any student found working against this practice would be dismissed immediately. Squall was at least able to appreciate that about his job; easier to not care about politics if they didn’t support a particular one.

"What's he talkin' about?" Selphie whispered, leaning up a little. Rinoa only shrugged.

"Boring politcal stuff," Rinoa whispered in return, shaking her head. "But if you don't get involved in politics then...?"

 "Students, I am very excited to introduce to you as our guest tonight and hope that you will welcome him..." Cid paused for a moment before smiling again, lifting his face, "President Laguna Loire of Esthar!"

" _Esthar?_ "

'...'

" _Did he really say Esthar?_ "

'...'

" _But I thought Esthar was--_ "

_'...What.'_

Squall looked up, eyes locked on the figure stepping through the side door. A casual stride, an easygoing disposition.

A black suit, trimmed and nicely tailored to his form. Long, silken black hair that fell loose and flowed freely around his shoulders. Nearly piercing emerald eyes.

A carefree smile. 

_'Shit. How did he? Why now? Fuck. Oh fuck. Oh no. I can’t.'_

"Q-Q- _QUISTIS!!!_ "

Latching hold of the blonde's arm, Selphie all but fainted, her eyes wide as she clung to the other woman so suddenly. Rinoa arched an eyebrow and stepped closer to Squall, covering her mouth as she try to suppress a snicker. Clearly Quistis wasn't entertained but...? Wait, what was with the look on her face?

"S-SIR LAGUNA?! IS IT REALLY HIM?! TH-THERE'S NO WAY! BUT WHY WOULD HE--?!"

Squall was perfectly still, but not because of his  _faculty prestige_. He was frozen in shock, unable to believe the man casually striding to the podium at his school to give a speech to new graduates was  _him_. He barely registered Selphie’s shrieks, too caught up in his own emotions to care about anyone else’s at the moment. Finally, the brunette took in a deep breath and exhaled out, unaware that he had been holding it at all.

_'What if…what if he sees me? Does he even want to? I should go, I can’t handle something like this… I can’t go, there’s too much security, and Cid…fuck. Fucking hell.'_

Squall remained still but stole a quick glance over at Quistis, remembering that she had fancied this very man.

The blonde stood in a similar fashion as her fellow faculty member; proud, still, and completely frozen in shock. She felt Selphie against her arm, felt the tugging and her loud voice right next to her ear, but non of it registered. Her eyes remained locked on the figure in front, in awe of his presence; not once had she ever seen him in person, only pictures. Her free hand unoccupied from Selphie came up, fingers resting over her thin lips. It would not be proper if she were to make a sound, or faint, or whisper but in a screaming fashion into someone’s ear like the female next to her. Or cry.

_'Oh great, she’s having a meltdown. I can’t deal with any of this. Why did I even come tonight?'_

Laguna hardly heard the welcoming applause, much less Selphie's frantic, excited whispering. He only smiled widely as he held up a hand while he walked toward the podium, his stride surprisingly relaxed despite his nerves rattled to the core. Kiros and Ward stepped behind him, one to either side, as they followed him up onto the platform. Estharian soldiers stood beside Garden guards, but as expected were not armed. Selphie was nearly going to have a stroke as she froze up as soon as Laguna took his place behind the podium, tucking several strands of onyx locks behind a pierced ear before straightening his posture.

"Good evenin'!" he spoke up, smiling again as he tilted his head to the side.

_'Fuck. His voice.'_

Squall tore his eyes away from his steady gaze at the president, after his eyes had hungrily watched the way Laguna tucked loose strands of hair behind his pierced ear. It hurt again. His chest suddenly hurt far more than it had in the past months - hurt like it did before he met Laguna. To hear him, to see him - he was alive and  _here_ , he still existed in this world. As much as Squall had tried to rid the idea that he had existed, that they ever met that night, he could not. The ache in his chest reminded him of that a his hand came up to clench at the phantom pain.

Laguna's eyes glanced over the audience, sweeping over faces from one side then the other. His hands lifted to grasp hold of the edge of the podium, trying to remember what Kiros told him about not holding on too tightly. People could see his nervousness enough, but if they could see his knuckles turning white, well... That'd be no good. Then again, how could he not be nervous? Laguna hadn't left Esthar in... _years_. And the first place he goes to is a pit full of people capable of killing him seventy-five different ways? Most of them probably had no idea who he even  _was_  guessing by their confused expressions. Esthar definitely wasn't unheard of but... It was so closed off...

"So I'm Laguna. President Laguna Loire of Esthar."

Again, sharper now, like something was cutting inside trying to escape. Squall tried to place his weight on one leg, letting his hand drop even though the pain remained; he didn’t want the others to notice and start asking him what was wrong. 

Glancing down, Laguna only meant to look at a small stack of random papers in front of him before noticing a single body shift at the front of the crowd. Emerald eyes flicked upward before widening a notch as he saw a tall figure; not in black leather, but in a smooth SeeD uniform; hair looking no different than before; eyes that stormy blue but not meeting his own.

"Q-Quisty, h-he's looking right at us!" Selphie squealed quietly, her grip on Quistis's arm growing tighter.

_'No. Please. I can’t. Not now.'_

Squall kept his eyes down, knowing full well that Laguna might have been looking at their small group in the front, but had no courage to look up and meet those green eyes. He had no idea what would happen if he attempted it, and he didn’t want to side-track Laguna’s speech. 

_'I can’t look at him now. Not yet. Pull yourself together. Remember your place here.'_

_'He's here...'_

Laguna stared at Squall for what felt like an eternity, fingers curling around the podium's edge a little more tightly as his heart all but stopped; lips barely parted. After all of this time... To be able to lay eyes on him. To be able to  _see_ that Squall was  _fine_. That he was  _alive and safe_...

_'God...'_

Long lashes blinked as he finally forced himself to look away; trying to smooth his expression back out as he grasped control of his own emotions and regained his focus.

' _Alright!_ '

"So..." he started again.

' _So he's here after all!_ '

"He's dying already," Kiros murmured to Ward.

' _Time to get serious!_ '

"So..."

' _Time to stand firm!'_

Laguna took one deep inhaled, closing his eyes before his shoulders dropped. His posture relaxed.

"...So, I could've written a speech but I figured that's kind of borin'. Anyone else who could have been here tonight would have done that. But I wanna do things differently!"

Kiros resisted a small groan as he rolled his eyes upward; Ward tried not to change his own expression.

Laguna only grinned as he raised a hand to the back of his head. But then he looked back out to the crowd again and nodded, bringing a fist back up as he took a little more authority; that smile never leaving his face.

"I wanna speak with passion, right from the heart! That's the kinda speech that matters most!"

Squall’s shoulders slumped as he gave up on correct posture, blue eyes slowly creeping up now, fairly certain that Laguna was no longer looking this way. And he wasn’t, now drabbling on about something that could loosely be interpreted as a speech. He watched intently as the president brought his fist up in some sort of attempt to invigorate the crowd. A small smirk crept up on the mercenary's face, the ache in his chest now just a dull throb, but not one that hurt. This felt different as he watched Laguna’s emotions on display, in front of a crowd of barely legal kids, most of which had no idea who he was.

He was sincere at least, never shy to show it either.

_'Idiot.'_


	17. Enjoy The Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Words like violence  
> Break the silence  
> Come crashing in  
> Into my little world
> 
> Painful to me  
> Pierce right through me  
> Can't you understand  
> Oh, my little girl

"First things first, though! Congratulations to all of you, SeeD graduates! Good job! You're here! You made it! You didn't die! Keep that up!"

"Are you serious?" Rinoa murmured, crossing her arms as she kept her eyes up on the stage. Selphie had finally calmed down once it looked like Laguna was going to really get into the swing of his speech, which was probably appreciated by no one more than Quistis. However, dark eyes lifted as soon as Rinoa noticed Squall's shoulders fall. Wait... Why was he loosening his posture? Squall was so straight-laced! He and Quistis both! And with this president standing in front of them, why would Squall...?

She remembered the look she gave him when she had touched his shoulder only minutes ago and of course, she hadn't liked it. But as usual, Rinoa blamed Squall's less-than-pleasant attitude on the fact that he had to be here tonight rather than putting the blame on  _herself_. He was definitely moving a lot; his head turning to the side, glancing down, looking at Quistis, his shoulders dropping... It couldn't be just because he was unhappy to be here, especially since this seemed to be some official business. But if she even tried to ask him if something was wrong then who knew how he'd react now?...

Laguna smiled to himself, hearing a chuckle or two from the audience. At least  _some_ of these kids had a good sense of humor.

"But really, I did want to talk about somethin' more serious. Y'know, I come from a military background, too."

" _Really_?" Rinoa whispered, glancing at Selphie.

_'Are they going to talk through this whole speech? I need new friends…or less friends.'_

Squall was having a difficult time focusing on anything coming from Laguna’s mouth due to a combination of chit-chat around him and the small fact that a million other thoughts occupied his mind: 

_'What if he sees me? What if he wants to talk? What if he doesn’t? Maybe he would just leave after? No… Cid doesn’t do business like that. Oh fuck, I’ll have to introduce everyone. That would be a train wreck. Damnit, my hands are sweaty now. Shit, I should be listening…are they still talking?'_

"Yeah! You didn't know?! Sir Laguna's been  _everywhere_!" Selphie beamed, nodding her head excitedly. "You should ask Quisty sometime! She might even know more than I do!"

Squall looked over to Quistis again, this time fully tilting his head to get a better sense of where she could possibly be in the universe. She had let Selphie go at some point, hands tightly clasped together at her chest and her eyes steady on Laguna. Either she finally reached the point in life that she had transcended to a higher, better plane, or she was about to cry - it could go either way. Wherever she was, the instructor was absolutely not listening to anyone other than Laguna.

_'Maybe he’s actually saying something important now…'_

Squall turned back, blue eyes focused once again to the podium and the man standing before every new SeeD graduate, not at all looking nervous or unsure like he did the first few moments.

"My background is probably way different than yours though," Laguna continued with that same smile. His hands came to rest on the edges of the podium again as he relaxed. "We didn't have a nice school or great teachers or even a nice Headmaster. But you know what I can think we share? I think we share some sort of a common goal - even a dream. I don't know why any of you are here or why you even chose to come here; why you pushed yourselves as hard as you did to excel in your training; why you strove so hard to become a SeeD. But I'm gonna guess that each one of you had a dream and a reason for doin' what you've done. Maybe it's because you want to be able to protect and serve to the absolute best of your abilities? Maybe it's because you want the glory and title and reverence?

"I don't think it really matters because regardless of your reason, you achieved your goal! You achieved your dream! You've become SeeD! You've become the elite! And I'm gonna keep this positive, but I also have to be real - this is also a huge responsibility that you've taken on. But I guess you all knew that from the start. To be honest, you'd probably be a little stupid to have expected otherwise."

Squall could tell he was speaking to everyone as an equal, and not exaggerating anything - no false promises, only hope. It was a bit endearing seeing him speak out so intimately with others; Laguna actually cared if these kids made it past a year on the field.

"Wow."

"Shhhh!! Rinoa!" Selphie whispered, bringing her index finger to her lip.

Rinoa only shook her head and rolled her eyes back up to Squall, frowning slightly to herself before looking right back up at Laguna.

"Really though," Laguna began again, tilting his head to the side; his eyes casting down for a moment. "...Even with that responsibility, I hope that nothing will dishearten you as you go through life. Because of your position, there will be times that you will see horrible things or that you will have to make a very tough decision. There will be times that your own virtues and morals will come into question. But I hope that no matter what happens to you, none of you will lose yourselves to the heartbreak that this world can cause and bring you. Remember to not let your heart become so cold that you lose your own humanity."

The president paused for a moment, hands still grasping the podium as his fingers rubbed idly against the edge of the wooden fixture. Squall frowned, fists tightening at his sides, eyes flickering down somewhere to the bottom of the podium, not looking anywhere in particular. What Laguna said had hurt - although Squall was sure it wasn’t exactly directed to him but, he happened to be on the receiving end.

_'Maybe he doesn’t even know he’s talking about me. What a waste of a person I’ve become.'_

How could someone possibly emerge from such a sunken life? Day to day, good at your own job, good money, somewhere to live, people that somehow like you and want to associate with you. They all know and joke about your demeanor, but no one truly knows…

_'Because you won’t let them.'_

"The best way to stay prepared for everythin' ahead is to stay united - as friends and as SeeD. You're all marchin' forward as SeeD, together, regardless of goal. There's no backin' out now. You need to support each other, be there for one another, not leave a single person behind in the darkness! Remember to show compassion! Remember to forgive! And promise me that you'll always remember this the most: you're braver than you believe, you're stronger than you seem, and you're smarter than you think."

Laguna clapped his hands together once. He nodded as he continued to stare out over the crowd, a grin still on his features.

"So! I guess in all, everythin' I really gotta say can be summed up into love, friendship and courage! I'm hardly one to preach as I never really planned anythin' that led me down my life's path to end up to the point where I'm standin' in front of you all, but like me, I'm sure you all will know what to do when the time comes whether you think it's right or wrong. Always smile. Always keep a dream, no matter how small or silly you think it might be. This isn't a dress rehearsal, y'know! You got only one life, so enjoy it!"

Lifting another fist up, he closed his eyes and smiled widely.

"Now let's get to celebratin', you guys!"

The mercenary shook himself out of his thoughts, missing who knows how much of Laguna’s speech, awareness coming back with a short clap echoing from the podium. Luckily he was coherent enough to catch the ending, which was ridiculously very Laguna-like, if Squall could be so familiar to know what that meant.  Try as he might, the brunette caught his lips moving up, the best he could do was align them in a smirk instead of a smile. Again, with the fist in the air, and then applause breaking out among the students.

_'Still an idiot, but at least he has good intentions.'_

Squall joined in, hands dividing and rising to his chest in a respectful clap, glad for once that the audience enjoyed a speech; most of what he had seen previous years was much more bland and annoying. He remained in place with Quistis as Cid came up to give his own closing speech. She seemed to have gathered herself somewhat, although he didn’t miss the quick lift of her glasses in one hand as she hurried to wipe at her eyes with the other. Well, at least she wasn’t sobbing. Leave it to his superior to cry with dignity and composure. 

Really? That was the speech? Rinoa wasn't exactly impressed as she listened to the applause and watched as Laguna waved and then stepped aside so that Cid could follow up with a few words of his own. Glancing back at Selphie and Quistis, she half expected the former to go rushing up onto the stage. Her attention was once more set onto Squall as she raised her hand back up to touch his shoulder but stopped herself, instead crossing her arms as she looked away; almost entirely unaware that she was not clapping like everyone around her due to being too wrapped up in her concern for Squall. Laguna remained on stage while Cid spoke until everyone was free to return to where they were and resume former conversations. Of course, more alcohol would be distributed and everyone could now eat and, more importantly, the dances would begin once the music proceeded to play again.

Turning away, Laguna's back faced Squall as he walked back up to Kiros and Ward where his hand gestures seemed to reflect that he was speaking to them. Selphie squinted her eyes as she remained glued at Quistis's side.

"You think he's gonna come down here with all of us normal people?" she asked, looking at the blonde. "That'd be so cool!! Quisty, you should totally talk to him if he does!"

"I've never seen any sort of political leader mingle with anyone who isn't someone with a title," Rinoa piped up, tilting her head to the side. "He'll probably just stay up there and watch. Maybe talk to Cid for a while." 

Squall’s attention focused back on the three females in his company now, sighing as they bantered over what would happen next.

_'Yeah sure, like he’s just going to come waltzing over here…'_

"Well!" Selphie suddenly hummed, smirking to herself as she swung her hips from side to side. "Looks like you're wrong! Because here he comes!"

And Laguna looked  _oh too excited_ to jump down the steps from the stage to go wandering up to the crowd. He looked happy but a bit nervous; as if not sure where he was going. Selphie reached up and tugged on Quistis's arm.

"C'mon! Now's your chance! He's totally vulnerable and stuff! Go get 'im before someone else snatches him away!"

_'What… WHAT?'_

Squall turned fast on his heels, searching for that ebony hair as he hadn’t been paying much attention how or when he had left after Cid finished.

“Selphie, you know I can’t just…walk up to him like that. I could barely keep it together just now…to actually…” Quistis, the most well put together woman Squall knew in his life, actually blushed. 

"What? Why not?!" Selphie asked, her hands settling onto her narrow hips as she leaned forward; peering right up at Quistis with her lower lip pouting out. "This is a now or never situation! This could be the only time you ever get to see him and you're just gonna let 'im pass you by?! C'mon! If you don't talk to him then what i--"

"Just drop it, Selphie," Rinoa finally sighed, raising a hand up to her face as she shook her head. "Quistis doesn't want to go speak with him."

"But that's so laaa~aame! Quisty  _has_ to talk to him!"

"What's so great about him anyway? Were you not paying attention to his speech  _at all_?" Rinoa frowned, dropping her hands down onto her own hips now. "What about any of  _that_ warranted some sort of reverence? I've met  _children_ who could've given a better speech than that!"

"D-Don't talk about Sir Laguna like that!" Whipping around, Selphie's arms went down at her sides as she formed small fists, all but glaring up at Rinoa who only gazed back down at the other girl with an arched brow; "You don't know what he means to me and Quistis, okay?! So if you don't have somethin' nice to say then just don't say it at all!"

"I just don't understand what the whole appeal is!" Rinoa frowned, brows pulling together as she waved a hand in Laguna's direction. She glanced off to the side, spotting the president himself now lost in the crowd. "I mean, just  _look_  at him!"

_An idiot -_  that's all Rinoa saw. Some dumb fool who was grinning ear to ear.

While those two bantered back and forth, Quistis was left to merely stand to the side and pay attention if she wished to. However, she had definitely missed her chance to speak with Laguna alone as the man was now wandering through the ballroom meeting and greeting with anyone who stopped him to say hello. None of it seemed to annoy him; he truly seemed happy, his eyes as bright as ever as he grinned, shaking hands with every graduate he met. Small conversation lingered here and there, but Laguna always somehow managed to slip away to continue moving about the room.

Squall saw him, a good distance from the stage stairs, wandering through the crowd, smiling and politely shaking hands when people stopped him, but otherwise still available. 

Laguna was _absolutely_ excited to be here, without a doubt; new people, new sights. But none of this was  _really_ why he had accepted the invitation. So as he walked through the congregation, Laguna tried his best to search the crowd for Squall without bringing any attention to himself. There was a mild sort of panic that was beginning to set in when he couldn't immediately find him. He distinctly remembered seeing Squall at the front of the crowd so he knew that he was _here_ but since the speech had ended and everyone was free to mingle, a small part of him was beginning to fear that...maybe Squall had left? Laguna stopped walking for a moment as he glanced to one side then the other. Would Squall...really do that though?

He supposed if the brunette truly never wanted to see him again. But then... Why would Squall have left that card in his home? Sure, it didn't have Squall's name on it but it was still as if the mercenary had wanted Laguna to know...where to find him if he ever needed him. Right? Or had he gotten the wrong message? Maybe it had been more as a threat than a welcomed invitation to find him again.

His shoulders fell as he sighed again, glancing up at the glass ceiling. Well-groomed eyebrows rose up as he noticed the stars again, a small smile lifting up onto his lips.

' _Don't let it get you down! Tonight can still be a lot of fun! You knew this might've happened. You knew he might no--_ '

"M-Mr. President?"

"Hm?"

Turning his face back down, Laguna blinked several times before noticing a rather lovely young graduate standing in front of him with two of her friends; one of which he assumed to be a date. He was smiling again as she bowed before laughing, holding out his hand to shake her own, lips moving as he returned her greeting. Whatever they were talking about didn't seem to last long as the graduate was soon hurrying away; although she seemed rather proud of herself so one could assume that the conversation hadn't ended badly. Laguna relaxed again and set his hands into his front pockets before turning away to continue walking, but stopped when his gaze lifted and almost immediately met blue.

An icy, stormy blue.

His heart stopped for a moment.

The brunette froze, all authority, composure, and logical thoughts currently unavailable to aid him.

_'Oh no. No. I don’t know how to deal with this. This isn’t happening. Fuck me.'_

Nude lips parted as Laguna's eyebrows lifted, emerald eyes widening in surprise.

So Squall... _hadn't left_? The brunette almost looked  _terrified_  though as Squall stared right back at Laguna from across the crowd.

' _S-Shit! Do I... Do I walk over?! Do I just... Hello?! Hey! What do I do?! I can't be like... I can't act like I know him! Shit, I have to keep talkin' to people... N-No wait, that's good! That'll keep some attention off of him! I mean, he's just like everyone else here, right?! Yeah! I have plenty of reason to say hello to him, too! Plus, he's got some... Damn, how many girls is he with?!_ '

Laguna began walking again, his heart racing a little more quickly than before. As much as he wanted to just run over, he couldn't. He knew he couldn't. He wasn't  _that stupid_. It wasn't just his own reputation he had here to protect but Squall's too. He had practically forced the mercenary into dealing with this situation against his will so the least he could do was take care of him by not embarrassing him or leading anyone to suspect that they already knew one another. That was hard though;  _it was so hard_! He was  _excited and thrilled and elated_ and it was so hard to contain all of that when he wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around Squall and send praises to whatever god had heard him and protected the brunette  _this long_.

But at least that excitement helped him when speaking to anyone who still stopped him to chat. Laguna used it as his front while making his way over to Squall as leisurely as he could manage while it felt like his heart was in his throat.

_'Is he walking over here? He is. Shit. SHIT.'_

Squall blindly reached over to his right, eyes still locked with Laguna’s, until he found the sleeve of Quistis’s uniform, the feel of the fabric obvious and matching his own. He tugged her over to his side, grip tightening as he broke eye contact with Laguna briefly to lean over and whisper to his superior.

“Squall, what the…”

“Shhh. Don’t be loud. Listen, I know you just had a mental breakdown or are currently in the middle of one but I need your help, before I have my own. I’m going to introduce you first, so don’t fuck it up. And make sure our two  _guests_ are civil and normal for once?”

She nodded once, mumbling something about him owing her now as Squall released her arm from his grip. His gaze came back to the front, Laguna much closer now, with that dumb grin plastered on his face. The mercenary stood up straighter, hands at his side, waiting for Laguna to come to a proper distance to address him. He felt Quistis do the same, although she took a bit longer to get into formation.

_'Ok, if he says something stupid like ‘long time no see’ I’m…I’m just going to have to make a run for it. I can probably propel off the balcony if I need to…that's…not too many broken bones.'_

' _Is that his girlfriend...? Shit..._ '

Who was Squall speaking with? She was pretty, whoever she was.

' _He's got taste, I'll give 'im that_.'

No... A fellow classmate? Was Squall even a student? No, that couldn't be right. Squall had ordered from the bar so that meant he was old enough to drink. Did Squall work here, at the school? Or just for the school? That at least made a little more sense. Now that he paid attention, he could see that the uniforms both Quistis and Squall wore were decorated a little differently than the other graduates. 

Noticing a detail like that, Laguna was now fully aware how close he was to the small group. He took his time, however, trying to give himself another mental pep talk. He could do this; he had been waiting for it for  _months_. But to actually  _see_ Squall again, to be able to hear his voice, to be  _so close to him_. Laguna could feel himself trembling a little at the reality of it all and he glanced upward, subconsciously sweeping his hand over his right thigh.

' _Please, please..._ '

Was he nervous? Oh,  _just a little_. His heart was pounding hard enough that he was sure he would pass out, but somehow he managed to make his way over to Squall and Quistis as naturally as he could manage. Just pretending that they were anyone else was hard, especially when he could catch the scent of whatever cologne Squall was wearing. How badly he wished to just stare back into those beautiful cobalt eyes, to just reach out and--

Squall took a deep breath in and sighed it out before the president was close enough to notice. He bowed politely, hearing the shift of Quistis’ uniform follow slightly after. Coming back up, he forced a quick smile that most likely looked closer to a nervous twitch - Laguna was standing right in front of them. Laguna could only laugh after the pair bowed to him; a nervous reaction? But he returned the gesture, bowing forward as his long hair swept forward before he stood back up to his full height.

“Mr. President, it is a pleasure to meet you  _finally_. I hope your journey to Balamb was pleasant. I’d like to introduce you to my superior officer, one of the Garden’s finest instructors, Ms. Quistis Trepe.”

_'Come on. If you freeze up I’m going to as well. Teamwork, goddammit.'_

"Hey, guys!" he beamed, closing his eyes as he grinned again. "Yeah, definitely! It's a pleasure to meet you as well! Ah, my journey? Balamb's a lot closer than I realized so it wasn't a bad trip at all!"

Reopening those vivid emerald colors, Laguna finally took a second to really  _look_ at Squall. Just as handsome as before... Maybe more so than he remembered or perhaps it was just the uniform. His smile softened for a moment before his attention was directed over to Quistis; oh yeah, that pretty blonde Squall was talking to.

' _His superior, huh?'_

Quistis smiled, one of her actual true smiles, as she nodded once and held her hand out to shake.

“It truly is an honor that you are here tonight, both for the Garden and myself. I’ve been a long time fan of your work in Esthar. It is a little unreal seeing you in person, I’m so used to small flashes in the news. I hope you’ve felt welcome here, and I’m glad Cid chose you this year…so many past speakers never seemed to truly get to the kids…ah well, I’m rambling. But what a nice surprise! I had no idea who the speaker would be!”

"Aw, c'mon!" Laguna took Quistis's hand firmly, squeezing it within his own palm, as his other hand raised up to rub at the back of his head; he smiled, a faint tint of pink touching his cheeks. "You don't have to flatter me like that! I'm really excited to be here though! So really, I should be the one sayin' I'm honored to be here! You guys don't really let anyone in here, right?"

As he released Quistis's hand, he tilted his head to the side but kept his attention solely on her. He seemed genuinely surprised to hear Quistis's small confessions, which clearly showed on his own expression.

"Really?" he asked, eyebrows lifting again. "I'll have to ask you what exactly it is that you like so much! Y'know, gettin' an outside perspective could really be beneficial too! And don't worry, I've felt more than welcomed! But is that true?"

Laguna crossed one arm in front of himself as his other hand lifted, holding his chin between his thumb and index finger.

"Well, I can't really speak for any of the guests you've had in previous years - but I think it's important to remember that we're all just people, y'know? I mean, I think you gotta remember what it's like to be in their shoes if you really wanna help 'em out. I just hope that even one of 'em takes what I said to heart."

He glanced back at Quistis. She didn't know?... But did Squall? Laguna flickered his gaze over to the brunette, who seemed to look a little more calm than when he first rolled up to the small group. So maybe Squall  _did_ know that he was going to be here tonight? But that seemed a little odd for his superior not to know.

Oh well. Better not to really question things and just go with it!

"Really?! You didn't know?! Aha!"

_'Ok, he’s still an idiot, but at least he can play along…'_

Squall watched carefully, neither looking directly at Laguna or Quistis, making sure everything seemed natural…normal. So far none of the conversation seemed odd and they were getting along fine. Quistis was holding up well, although Squall figured internally she was doing everything in her power to not pass out or possibly jump the president; he knew that look in her eye and it was dangerous.

"Q-Quisty! C'mon!" Selphie whispered from behind the blonde, practically fidgeting where she stood. "Don't hold out on me! Introduce me! C'mon!"

Rinoa only rolled her eyes, standing behind Squall as she kept her hands on her hips. Jeez, what was with these three?! Even Squall seemed completely unlike himself and he had met countless of other leaders before without so much as a care in the world!

"Say, I didn't get  _your_ name," Laguna spoke as he glanced back at Squall with another smile, unaware of Selphie standing behind Quistis, and held out his hand. His heart pounded harder; his ears were ringing. "Unless you just like bein' super mysterious."

' _Shit... Laguna, don't you dare lose it-!_ '

_'Really…? This is how its going to be? Alright.'_

The brunette straightened up, his right hand extending to meet Laguna’s, returning a firm handshake. Flittering thoughts passed through his mind of running his palm up and over those arms, to his neck, his hair…damn, he looked good in a suit. 

_'Shit. Keep it together.'_

“Excuse me, sir, it is custom to introduce our superiors first. My name is Squall Leonhart, it is a pleasure to meet you.”

Squall’s eyes were locked with emerald as he gripped the hand in his own a bit more tightly before releasing, trying to keep his breathing steady.

_'Oh no_.'

Maybe it was just the habit of shaking hands; maybe it wasn't. Laguna couldn't really tell as he felt Squall's palm wrap securely around his own, both leaning ever so slightly in with the gesture, while his calm gaze finally settled back onto Squall's. Their eyes met for the first time since Laguna spotted the mercenary from across the room and being this close now the president could see the exact level of intensity and nervousness in that blue gaze. The small squeeze around his palm didn't go unnoticed when Squall's grasp tightened; Laguna's heart was rattled as he instinctively returned the silent, unspoken signal that Squall was giving him with a small squeeze of his own. 

So maybe the brunette  _wasn't_ unhappy to see him again...

_'G-Good! Okay, this is good... Squall. You're just gonna have to forgive me... I hope. Shit._ '

"Oh, definitely! I totally get that!" Laguna smiled again as their hands fell apart, his arm returning to his side. "And it's a pleasure to meet you, too!"

This was a lot harder than he though, pretending to not know who Squall was. Or to not treat him so familiarly. But still... He could feel his heartbeat finally calming down now that he had a little bit of reassurance that maybe Squall didn't hate him for being there. Emerald eyes glanced over to Quistis when he noticed the woman move, although they widened in surprise when the blonde dropped a little interesting tidbit Laguna had  _not_ known. Quistis nudged at Squall’s side with her elbow.

“Tsk, don’t be so modest,  _Commander_. Or did you just forget?” she chuckled, eyes gleaming to Laguna.

_'Why don’t you just give him my personal file, ugh.'_

Squall’s glare in her direction broke off as he turned back to Laguna, shrugging once at the comment. 

' _Commander? Oh jeez..._ '

“It isn’t really an important title, at least not compared to the actual military. Not worth mentioning most of the time.” The mercenary looked down, a slight frown on his lips. He didn’t like being called out like that, especially for something he wasn’t exactly proud of. Title, names, ranks - none of it mattered when you were dead.

"Commander? That still sounds pretty important to me! I never had a title to be honest with you," Laguna assured with another smile, shoulders rolling in a small shrug. "I was just your normal, everyday, run-of-the-mill soldier. I don't know why you'd want to hide your title, especially somethin' like 'Commander'! But, everyone's got their reasons I guess!"

"C'mon, c'mon!" Selphie whispered, still bouncing in place as she held her hands close to her chest. Stop with the chit-chat already! Whatever they were talking about was way boring!

"Squall,  _do something before she spontaneously combusts,_ " Rinoa frowned, leaning up behind Squall to sigh close to his ear.

Squall caught the sound of Selphie about to throw a temper tantrum behind them and shook his head, fingers pinching at the bridge of his nose. How Laguna had not already heard her imploding was amazing.

“Ah, anyway…”

Squall stepped aside to the left and Quistis followed his lead, stepping to the right so that both Rinoa and Selphie could be in view.

“Please meet our friends…” Squall gestured to each, “Selphie, who also is employed at the Garden although not this one, and Rinoa, her father is also involved in politics.”

Quistis leaned over to Selphie, a firm pat on her back pushing her forward slightly before whispering, “Now's your chance, better make it good.”

And what exactly Squall  _did_ apparently involved introducing  _her_ as well, much to Rinoa's chagrin. Selphie was nothing short of ecstatic, however, and bounced forward when Quistis pat her on the back as her arms went out to her sides; _free at last!_ Damn, Laguna was still pretty cute! She stood up straight and lifted one hand up into the air as she tilted her head to the side when Squall introduced her as Rinoa cocked a hip to the side, her hands settled on either side of them.

"Oh--! Sir Laguna, I'm  _so happy_ to be able to finally meet you!" Selphia gasped, her other hand coming close to her chest. "You've been an idol of mine for so, so,  _so_ long and to just be able to finally meet you I--oh wait!" She suddenly stopped, raising her hands to her mouth as her eyes widened. "Oh no,  _I'm so sorry!_  I meant, Mr. President! Ah! OH NO!"

' _Oh..._ '

"N-no, no! Hey, c'mon! It's fine!" Laguna laughed, shaking his head to dismiss Selphie's frantic apologies as words continued to more or less vomit from her mouth. "I'm not offended, I promise! I mean, I'm  _way more_ honored that you'd even call me an idol and--"

"B-but you  _are_! I've read  _every_ Timber Maniacs magazine article you've ever written and even the movie you were in and I just, ah!" Selphie settled her hands to either side of her face, her cheeks warming up profusely. "I just can't believe how  _cool_ you are, even now! I'm so happy things worked out for you! I know that Esthar is super lucky to have a guy like you there for them!"

_'What? Sir Laguna? What does that mean… Timber Maniacs? He wrote for them? A movie? What movie? Why didn’t he tell me any of this?... What the Hell?'_

Squall stood somewhat baffled at this information, unsure how Selphie and Quistis, who was smiling politely and nodding from time to time when the other spoke, knew so much more about Laguna than he did. Granted, the topics they were speaking about were from the past and he had just met him a few months ago…and didn’t even know he was the president, but still… Selphie and Quistis had never met him at all…

"You've read...?"

Laguna actually looked...taken aback. Not in a bad way, merely stunned that someone would even bring up that old magazine name. Was it even still in publication? Man, that had been  _years_ ago! This girl couldn't be any older than Squall and yet she still read them? Or watched that terrible movie? His shoulders started shaking as he broke out into laughter, raising one hand up to his face as he closed his eyes. Selphie looked hopeful though; Laguna wasn't mad? Rinoa thought maybe the man considered that Selphie was absolutely crazy from the way he was laughing, Laguna's arms practically wrapped around his middle.

"Y-you really read about my travels?!" Laguna asked, lifting his face; eyes completely vivid as he grinned from ear to ear; nothing but absolute elation and wonder within those bright emerald colors. "Wow!  _Wow!_ I can't believe it! I didn't think anyone ever did!"

"W-what?! No way! I totally did! I hunted down every single one of them!"

"What did you think about 'em?!"

Squall watched as Selphie jumped around, animated and full of laughter, Laguna returning the exact same enthusiasm. In a way it was sort of endearing, watching him interact with other people, with people hew knew…watching them get along so well. Blue eyes flickered between the three, surprised green shining with happiness, cool sapphire humble and interested, and a mix of the two, Selphie’s currently scrunched together mid sentence. How she was able to get all of her thoughts out in coherent sentences was actually impressive - more than once he had watched her stumble when excited or scared. 

_'This…is nice. I guess, I could get used to it…maybe. Who knows.'_

Squall shook his head slightly to himself, looking down at polished high leather boots.

_'Don’t be ridiculous. He’s the president.'_

Laguna reached out and took both of Selphie's hands into his own, still smiling as he listened to the girl go on and talk. Of course, Selphie couldn't  _stop_ talking once she began and even bounced up and down where she stood while Laguna listened eagerly with all attention on her.

Squall looked back up, the faint trace of a smile resting on his lips upon seeing Selphie’s hands covered by Laguna’s. No jealousy was felt in the moment, just…appreciation, that any of this was even happening.

_'How did he even manage to get here…'_

"I really felt like I was with you, wherever you were!" Selphie glowed. "You were always so detailed and vivid and I could feel when you were struggling and oh, I remember how much you loved Balamb Hotel too! And how you walked all the way to Esthar from Fisherman's Horizon! I was so, so happy and proud of you for making it to Esthar, too! I was so worried, especially because we heard there was nothing actually on the continent but... I guess it was just rumors!"

Squall’s mind wandered at that point, wondering what Laguna had done at these locations, why he happened to be there, who he was with. 

_'I guess I don’t really know much about him.'_

His gaze had been no where in particular until whatever he was staring at moved quickly, causing him to focus back on it. It so happened to be Quistis, who stood waving just her fingers near her face, one slender eyebrow raised and a questioning look on her lips. Squall looked away quick, running a tired hand through his hair, eyes following the tray full of alcohol traveling toward their small group.

_'Shit. She knows something is up.'_

Rinoa was already annoyed. This was supposed to be some big powerful political leader? He looked damn near like a little kid with the way he was nearly hopping around with Selphie, hand in hand, while they spoke back and forth about some old magazine articles. The pair looked like the best of friends, however, no one could even deny it even with that dark blush on Selphie's face. Her arms raised from her hips to cross in front of her, one leg out to the side as she continued to witness the spectacle; until she noticed Squall suddenly staring at her.

"..."

Squall had one hand on a hip, giving Rinoa his best ' _don’t be fucking rude'_  look although by the look of her body language something was up. She seemed rigid and uncomfortable, her lips in a thin line like it was difficult not to frown.

_'Shit, I’ve seen that look before.'_

Squall looked over to Quistis for support but she was busy whispering to Selphie. His gaze met Laguna’s, who seemed pleasantly unaware of what was happening or about to happen. There was no easy way for him to communicate with his eyes, so he just braced himself, waiting to see which one of them would begin the annoying onslaught of female opinions.

_'I’d tell you to run right now if I could.'_

All that Rinoa could do in response to Squall's silent, warning stare was squint her eyes and make a face then looked away until she heard a voice speak up nearby.

"Champagne?"

"I'll take a glass," she piped up with no hesitation.

The gentleman in a simple black suit - another student of the Garden - with a tray of sparkling glasses nodded as he wandered over, taking the tray into one hand to offer Rinoa a single glass. She accepted it and immediately brought it to her lips, taking a long sip as she looked away again. With Squall, Quistis, Selphie and Laguna right there, the server decided to just take a half a step to the side in order to offer champagne to the rest of them. As Quistis leaned in to whisper to Selphie, to calm her down and perhaps pull her away from Laguna, the girl nodded as her hands let go of the president's. Her face was familiar and the server couldn't help but sigh.

_There_ she was!

Between Quistis’s questioning stare, Rinoa’s rude faces, and Selphie’s loud, obnixious…everything, the mercenary felt like a prayer had been answered when one of the upperclassmen came around with drinks. Squall watched Rinoa snack the drink from the sever, downing almost half of the glass in one go. 

_'Oh, fuck. Here we go.'_

Squall grabbed his own glass right of the tray as the server was asking him, not waiting for the poor student to hand it to over. He nodded a thanks before taking a large sip of his own, wishing it was something much stronger to help block the tense, angry vibe coming from Rinoa. He knew Laguna was not familiar with her, there was no way he could feel it, but it was near suffocating to Squall. She could be intensely scary when she wanted to be, despite her sweet appearance. 

Laguna chuckled to himself as he swept his hair from out of his face, smiling as he glanced back up in Squall's direction. He blinked when he noticed the slightly tense look on the brunette's face and straightened his own posture. Was something wrong? His attention was diverted when the server held out a glass for him, which he took with a ' _Thanks, man!_ ' and lifted it to his lips for a small, curious sip. Once again, he looked over at Squall who was now sipping from his own drink, but whatever it was that the mercenary had been troubled by no longer seemed to exist on his expression.

"Hey, Selphie," the server spoke up after handing Quistis a glass of champagne. "Look, we're kinda short staffed right now. I know you're a guest and all but do you think you might could help out...? Even for just a little while?"

"O-Oh! Sure!" Of course she could, she got to meet Laguna! "Where do ya want me?"

"Great!" he sighed then motioned with his head. "Someone's already pouring drinks so just grab a tray. Thanks!"

As he turned away to continue drifting through the crowd, Selphie smiled before turning back to her current company; "I guess that's my cue! I hope we can chat again before you have to leave, Sir Laguna! I'm still so happy that I got to meet you!  _Ah!"_

"Of course!" Laguna grinned as he closed his eyes. "I'll be around!"

"Ok, see ya! Have fun, Squall!" Selphie laughed then winked at Quistis, whispering a ' _good luck_!' before running off through the crowd.

Squall watched Selphie leave, her and Quistis exchanging knowing looks and whispers. 

_'I should get him to sign something for her…if I ever get to talk to him alone, which is looking like a no right now…'_

"Wow, she sure has a lot of energy! I can't believe she even read those articles... Heh..."

Laughing again, the president turned to the side as he took another sip of his champagne. Well, it wasn't whiskey but it'd do, he supposed. And it wasn't wine, so that was good. Lifting his gaze up once more, he smiled at Quistis.

Quistis chuckled, her champagne glass held up and to the side as she rested her elbow near her hips. Her free hand came up to pat Laguna gentle on the arm.

“Ah, yes…I think she has enough energy for all of us actually. And...I’m sure she will be talking about this for the next three months, to us, even though we clearly already know what happened!”

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to get so excited, I've just never had anyone mention my writing to me like that. Especially in so long. I guess I looked pretty bad... Ha ha!"

She smiled, offering a gentle squeeze before letting go of his shoulder.

“Don’t be sorry, I’ve read them all too, and they really are inspiring. You are too modest for all of the things you’ve gone through. Stories inspire others. I’m sure your speech did the same.”

"Ah, I sure hope so!"

' _Laguna, get it together_!'

"So... I haven't really met you yet! Rinoa, right?" he finally asked, stepping up to the trap Squall had tried to silently warn him about.

_'Oh shit. I am not ready for this.'_

Squall took another long sip, emptying the glass before either of them could start talking. He and Quistis had moved a bit, the group now in a loose diamond shape, Rinoa facing Laguna and Squall and Quistis facing each other, no one too close.

Hearing her name, the girl turned to peer back over at Laguna as she took a moment to consider whether or not she actually wanted to approach him. It was hard to take the man seriously when he didn't speak half as well as he was dressed or when he was jumping up and down like a child holding hands with another equally immature adult. But Rinoa supposed it would be even more rude  _not_ to say anything, so she stepped forward and nodded as she held her glass of champagne in one hand while her other palm fell down to rest upon a hip once more.

"That's right," she nodded with a smile, "I'm Rinoa,  _Squall's girlfriend_. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. President."

The empty champagne glass nearly slipped out of his hand as Squall’s facial features froze, Quistis looking back at him in a similar fashion.

_'What….WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK?!'_

There was a split second in time where Laguna swore he could hear something shatter; was it a glass? A window? The ceiling? Did he even hear it at all? His expression was oddly calm, almost unnervingly blank, as he stared right back at Rinoa whose painted lips were still moving but he couldn't quite hear was she was saying. Why was she so far away?... But had he even heard her correctly? Did he hear her to begin with? Was she still speaking? What the Hell was she saying?

' _Squall's girlfriend... Really? Is that... Is that true?_ '

The commander looked to Rinoa first, but she refused to meet his eyes, still talking to the president in front of her, determined to get her opinions across. He turned to the left, eyes landing on Laguna but he seemed…blank. Was he paying attention? Maybe he didn’t hear her?

_'Holy shit.'_

"...and that's why I took an interest into politics myself, mostly because I wasn't impressed with what I saw from my father and his own colleagues. Now, please don't think me rude but..."

' _I wonder... Was he with her when he was in Esthar?... Was he being apologetic a few minutes ago? Is that was his look was about...?_ '

Squall closed his eyes, attempting to control his breath but failing horribly at it. His free hand was clenched into a fist, uncontrollable shaking coursing through in angry waves. It took more effort that he thought possible to not shatter the glass in his other hand, although at this point the pain probably wouldn’t even register.

_'Who does she think she is right now? How would that even matter to him? What the Hell is wrong with her?'_

"...I just find it kind of funny that the Garden has always done well with choosing speakers to attend the graduation ball each year, but this year they chose someone who hides himself and his city comfortably from the rest of the world while trying to tell these new graduates who have a high probability of dying that everything will be alright and to enjoy life."

Squall looked up, cold blue eyes staring back at Quistis. Her lips were in a firm line, free arm crossed over her waist with her elbow placed in her hand. She was stiff and uncomfortable, but underneath that appearance she was noticeably angry, at least to Squall. She didn’t look away from him or interrupt the current conversation, understanding in her eyes that this was Squall’s battle. She quietly stepped to the side slightly, just a tad closer to Laguna and further from Rinoa.

"...I'm sorry, did you say somethin'?" Laguna finally responded, blinking as his vision became clear again; looking at Rinoa once more with a little more clarity despite the fact that his gaze had never left her own. "I'll be honest, I wasn't payin' attention for a second. My bad!"

Rinoa's dark eyes widened as she looked taken aback by his response, absolutely bewildered that she'd just been blown off. Did he just...completely ignore everything she had just said?!

Was this...was this guy for real?! What an  _idiot_!

"Wh--  _Are you serious_?"

Calm green eyes remained locked with dark brown just as blue exchanged looks of ice and anger. Rinoa couldn't believe what she had just heard or get over the fact that Laguna seemed to be purposely ignoring her comments. Was he really...going to just disregard what she had to say? So  _typical_! Of course he would! Why would Laguna pay attention to any negative criticism?! Everyone here had practically been kissing his feet since the moment he stepped through that door and waltzed right up onto stage! Rinoa could understand how people acted with President Deling, as disgusting as that was to her too, or even military officials - but they were  _well known_. Quistis and Selphie had some childish crush on a guy who wrote as a journalist - how could they even take him seriously as a political leader?!

Some unknown and unfamiliar leader to a virtually concealed, remote city in an otherwise barren land. That's all Laguna was. Yet he had the  _nerve_ to avoid answering her accusations when she felt she was entirely in the right to even bring up such a very obvious fact.

Laguna sensed Quistis step closer to him which earned his attention for a fraction of a second. His expression was still a bit vacant, if not a little serious, but a smile no longer lingered upon his lips. There was no visible panic in his face or eyes, but that mask was dangerously close to breaking. The accusation Rinoa had just made was nothing new to him; Laguna had this very thought time and again and he was well aware of the situation and the consequences it had caused as well as what it would continue to cause. When he took the invitation to come to Balamb Garden he was completely aware that political discussion might come up. That wasn't what was causing sharp pin-pricks to start jabbing into his right thigh however - political debate he could handle; a heartbreaking disappointment he couldn't.

Not like this at least. Not when the only words he could remember from Squall other than ' _idiot_ ' was ' _be selfish_ '. Not when he chose to actually  _listen_ to that and remember how he use to be, how he chased after what he wanted by any means necessary; when he wanted or needed to accomplish something he went for it without thinking about it or any possible consequences. Selphie and Quistis had just reminded him of that with those short moments of reminiscing his life; his travels, his joys and as Quistis had insinuated, his struggles. But at some point, he had forgotten how to be that way; to throw caution to the wind and do whatever he wanted, however he needed to do it. Perhaps it was when he had become so weighed down by his responsibilities in Esthar that he could no longer chase after the world he wished to see or that as a public figure he could no longer openly present his opinion as easily as he could as a journalist.

Chasing after some guy he met at a bar, half-way across the world, wasn't exactly the most  _important_ or responsible decision he had ever made, considering how his journey to Esthar had actually been a bit noble, but  _damn_ , he was going do what he wanted to do.

And that was to walk through every single door he could find to try and see Squall again.

It had taken a lot of time and a lot of careful preparation but he had made it here.

And now, at the very last door Laguna had to walk through, to finally be rewarded with what he had desired, was now obstructed by a young woman.

' _I knew that he might say no...but.. I didn't... I didn't think someone else would speak for him..._ '

Squall had not heard anything the president had said in response to Rinoa’s rude words. He stepped forward, fingers lightly brushing against Laguna’s sleeve, making sure it was discreet and that Rinoa would not see. Shoulders rose as Laguna took a deep inhale, a little bit of light returning to his eyes as he tried to rebound as quickly as possible. His lips parted to speak and finally return Rinoa's comment, but he stopped almost immediately. His hand twitched when he felt a light touch gaze his own, but he didn't need to glance down to see what it was. Squall was moving into his line of vision, returning a hue of cobalt to his world as his fingertips swept down the edges of the mercenary's fingers in a silent response. His heart was beating so rapidly that Laguna felt the thump spread out through his torso as his chest tightened up. Squall placed his body between them both, turning slightly to face more in front of Rinoa. He glared down at her, collecting himself before speaking. 

“It’s a shame that I have to remind you of all people, that you are speaking to the President of Esthar, but more importantly, a guest of Balamb Garden. I suggest you remember your place; I have the authority to ban you from these events, forever.”

The mercenary’s tone was cold and commanding, the way he would reprimand students that were slacking off in training or talking back to him. Not a single aspect of his physical appearance was forgotten either, standing in front of her with everything in his power that sang to the fact that he was a commander, and he did have the ability to be exactly what he wanted to be.

Laguna was hanging on by a fraction of a single thread as Squall began speaking, addressing Rinoa not in a tone he was familiar with - if he was familiar at all - but it had definitely taken on an emphasis nearly comparable to that frigid, unsociable voice Laguna could remember from the bar when he first spoke to the brunette.

Rinoa, on the other hand, continued to look stunned although it was now mixed with a little bit of fear. Her doe-like eyes had widened as she stared back up at Squall, raising her free hand up close to her chest as she nervously wrapped her fingers around her necklace; a habit of hers when she felt apprehensive and concerned or if she was too lost in thought. It was easy to tell that it was the former as Laguna's gaze moved away from the back of Squall's head to her face. Squall's words were surprising to him for whatever reason. It wasn't the fact that Squall was defending Laguna's honor as both a guest of Balamb Garden and the President of Esthar, but more so that he was threatening Rinoa loosely with the knowledge that Squall could not only have her removed from the Garden but  _banned_ as well. 

' _Why is he talkin' to her like that if she's...?_ '

It didn't make sense. None of this made any sense to him. Squall was upset; Rinoa was upset. And just a few minutes ago, Squall had seemed pleasantly relaxed... Rinoa straightened her posture as her shoulders rose, her breath becoming short as she tried to get a grip on her own emotions.

She was furious and frustrated and wanted nothing more than to snap right back at Squall; they  _always_ went back and forth, usually with Squall becoming too exhausted to keep up the argument. But his tone of voice was neither friendly nor in the mood to put up with her games. He was  _angry_. Unable to look back into his eyes, Rinoa glanced away as she gripped her necklace more tightly. Laguna's gaze followed as Squall turned on his heel, walking a few steps past her before pausing and turning his head slightly to the side.

“I suggest you learn to stop lying as well. Most people find that trait disgusting.”

Dark chocolate eyes widened again as Rinoa lifted her face, turning to look back up at Squall as the edges of her long lashes began to gleam with tears. Even Laguna seemed surprise as he remained standing where he was, having clearly heard Squall speak although he had not seen the brunette's expression as he spoke. 

' _Lyin'? Then does that mean... Shit. Squall, no--_ '

With that, Squall left, using the rest of his composure to walk away in a normal pace, instead of angrily stopping away and throwing his glass across the pristine floor like he wanted to. It wasn’t that hard to get him angry, especially with how often people let you down or messed up things, leaving you to fix it all. But this…this was worse. She always had been annoying, but they were still friends. And to say that…in front of  _him_.

Laguna's eyebrows knit together in concern when Squall began to finally walk away from the group, making his way through the crowd as best he could. It was visible in his expression that he was worried for the mercenary - that much couldn't be hidden from Quistis, who had remained beside him during the whole ordeal between Squall and Rinoa. The brunette's body language spoke volumes; tense, irate, unapproachable. Emerald eyes lingered on the commander's form until Laguna could no longer see him then turned back to the girl who had been left behind.

Rinoa was shaking; was she embarrassed? She had to be upset. Laguna's expression softened as he made a motion to step forward and reach out for her - to try and comfort her, but Rinoa quickly turned away from his advances. He looked genuinely surprised as he stopped in his tracks. Rinoa could only shoot a tearful glare in his direction before hurrying away after Squall, pushing past whoever she needed to just to catch up with the brunette who was making his way as fast as he could toward the balcony doors.

"..."

_'It’s my own fault, for getting my hopes up. He probably won’t want to see me ever again, now that I have a fucking girlfriend, that I don’t want.'_

Squall grabbed a full glass of champagne from a passing server, swapping it out with his empty, glaring back as the upperclassman gave him a look. He wasn’t even sure where he was going, just walking in a straight line away from the mess that had just happened. He spotted the open area of the balcony, no one standing outside in the dimly lit area - it was pretty cold out tonight, and a lot of people were already dancing, or trying to with the add of alcohol.

He pushed gently at the enormous windowed doors, closing them tightly behind him, wandering over to the edge and dipping his head down to the cool surface, a loud groan escaping from his mouth. He left the full champagne glass on the surface next to his head, hands coming up to grasp at loose locks near his ears, tugging before lifting his head up and sliding his arms underneath to rest. He looked down, unable to see the ground due to the dim lighting. He wasn’t even sure how high up they all were…the top of the Garden couldn’t be that high, could it?

_'I guess I could still jump… It can’t really get much worse than this.'_


	18. Famous Last Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You never see me make  
> The same mistake twice  
> You never see a tear  
> Coming out of these eyes
> 
> You never see me beg  
> For another shot  
> And you never see me change  
> Into something I'm not 
> 
> Famous last words

"..."

Laguna remained standing where he was, feeling nothing short of confused. His eyebrows pulled together again as he glanced down at his hand, flexing it once before turning to look over his shoulder. Quistis was still there, not looking surprised in the least.

"Is that...normal? What just happened, I mean," he spoke, turning to face her. "Between those two. I..."

' _Her goin' after him is just gonna make him more upset. But I can't just..._ '

Turning to look back over his shoulder again, Laguna could see the balcony doors open and then close, open and close again. He frowned to himself, his brows still knitted together tightly as he slipped one hand into a front pocket of his pants while his other hand remained holding his glass of champagne.

_'Shit, why am I always on damage control?'_

Quistis had watched as Squall walked away, her gaze focused on his shoulders and short, purposeful strides. It was obvious he was close to breaking, attempting to keep it together until he could get out of the ballroom and somewhere alone. She shook her head to herself after watching him swap his glass for a full one before heading straight toward the balcony.

_'Well, I guess it could have been worse…nothing's broken, yet.'_

The blonde had also carefully anazlyzed Rinoa in passing before settling on Laguna, attempting to feel out the resulting situation. Rinoa was obviously upset, near her own breaking point. Quistis had been in both the middle and sidelines for many of their...conversations, and none of them had ever escalated so quickly or harshly as what had just unfolded. A questioning frown was left on her face, noticing the way Laguna lingered when watching the commander leave.

_'Squall would never care that much over a random guest. Never enough to start such a scene… Do they have some sort of connection?'_

The instructor glanced back up from the floor, being lost in her thoughts about Squall’s reaction, took one sip of her champagne, and stepped a little closer to the president, eyes locked to his face as he clearly struggled to comprehend what just happened. 

She sighed, bringing her free hand up to rest slender fingers at her forehead, rubbing in a small circle while closing her eyes for a moment.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. Unfortunately that is somewhat normal, at least for them.”

_'Seriously?...'_

Quistis looked up, tapping her glasses back in place before running her hand behind an ear, her long bangs refusing to stay put. Her stance was casual, weight leaning on her right hip and leg while the mostly empty champagne glass dangled from her fingers.

Laguna's eyes lifted back up to meet Quistis' own soft blue pair, observing the way she pushed her thin-framed glasses back up along the bridge of her nose. His own glass of champagne finally rose up to his lips for another smooth sip before he brought it away from his mouth, gaze slipping away to stare off at nothing in particular. The fact that Quistis was speaking so casually about the whole ordeal wasn't exactly reassuring; if anything, it just caused Laguna to release a slow sigh as his eyebrows knit together again.

“Rinoa…doesn’t easily back down once she wants something…even if that means years of trying. I don’t know how many times he has told her no, I’ve lost track.”

"But..."

Laguna stopped himself as he frowned, the rim of his champagne glass lingering close to his lips again. Wasn't that...exactly what  _he_ had done at the bar? Not backing down, pursuing until he got what he wanted; Squall had clearly not been interested in conversation. But Laguna had completely, selfishly ignored Squall's desire to sit at the bar alone by pushing himself right into the mercenary's personal bubble - forcing Squall to exchange small talk and even accept a drink Laguna bought him. But had Squall really told him  _no_? He had still spoken to him and eventually...ordered a round of shots.

But still... Was Laguna any different from Rinoa in that sense? Both of them had ignored someone else's wishes or comforts by selfishly pursuing whatever it was they wanted.

Emerald colors glanced down into his champagne glass once more before he took yet another sip. A heavier sigh seemed to fall past his nose this time as his shoulders fell, eventually turning his face to look back at the balcony doors once again.

Her eyes followed Laguna’s gaze. There was no doubt that Squall had escaped to the balcony, but she was positive he didn’t want any company at the moment. And Rinoa showing up so soon…

_'More damage control. Tonight’s shaping up to be a much bigger pain than normal.'_

Her free hand reached out, tapping Laguna’s shoulder to get his attention back. Her steps were calculated, slowly walking in front of him in a semi-circle.

Laguna blinked when he felt a gentle hand fall upon his shoulder, turning his face back toward Quistis who he found was circling back in front of him. Well-groomed eyebrows arched as he noticed how close she had gotten but he didn't reel back or take a step away from her. It was a bit intimate, but then again standing in the middle of the crowd as they were it was a bit loud and hard to hear - especially when Quistis dipped her tone a little more low, her soft rose-colored lips turning upward into a calm smirk as her inquisitive gaze dared to meet his own.

“Squall is…well, short tempered isn’t the right word for him by all means, but I can’t explain it further. I’m sure you know what I mean, right?” She smirked a little, eyes flashing to meet his before she focused back down on her drink, taking a slow sip as she stopped right in front of him, a questioning look plastered on her face. “It’s just that… I’ve known him for a long time, probably better than anyone else in his life. It’s historically inaccurate to say he would  _care_  so much, to do what he just did. I wonder why he would for you?”

Cool cerulean eyes sparkled behind her glasses, clear that she was waiting for some sort of answer from the president. 

_'No... He isn't short-tempered... He's just a little distant. For good reason it seems like, if he's got girls like that all over him... Heh.'_

Quistis was now standing right in front of him and Laguna continued to watch her closely. Somethin' was definitely up. It wasn't an accusatory look on her face, but it was definitely a look Laguna had seen in interrogations. That's right, she was Squall's superior, wasn't she? She barely looked older than him though! Maybe she was just really good at what she did? Laguna glanced away in silence, which probably didn't help matters as Quistis gently pressed on the subject of Squall. 

' _She's known him better than anyone else in his life?... What about his family? Does he not have any? Or maybe she is family? Jeez... Wait - does that mean he told her what happened? No... I think she'd be kinda direct with me if he did. But then again, why would she be askin'?_ '

It was obvious that Laguna was thinking as he brought his glass back up to his lips again for another sip, eyebrows rising as he glanced back to the balcony doors.

' _Shit... What do I tell her? She obviously caught onto somethin'! Was it anythin' I did? Probably... I didn't mean to make it so obvious but he looked really upset. And if that girl is outside with him..._ '

Turning his gaze back to meet Quistis's own, Laguna stood there tall and straight as he took another moment to carefully consider his response. If he lied, Quistis would know. If he told the truth, then there was the potential of betraying any trust Squall had in him. Could he really  _trust_ Quistis? If she knew Squall the best out of anyone in his life... Kiros and Ward knew Laguna in that sense as well; the ties of friendship were strong. There was nothing in his gut telling him that Quistis was coming from a bad place and that her curiosity was simple out of that - curiosity. If it was true that what Squall had just done was entirely out of the ordinary then she surely had several questions.

' _Why is this so hard? Man, I just wanted to come here and have a good time and instead I gotta..._ '

"...I don't know if I can really answer  _that_ ," Laguna began, referring to  _why_ Squall would go out of his way to defend a stranger's honor.

He paused again for a moment, looking back up to meet Quistis's eyes. Laguna could practically flinch under her expectant gaze; instead, he turned half-way away from her as he raised a hand to the back of his head while his other palm held his glass a little more tightly.

"All right, all right! You don't have to keep lookin' at me like that!"

Laguna's shoulders slumped.

' _Shit... Sorry, man.'_

_'Well then, that was easier than I thought. Looks like Mr. President has a soft spot.'_

Quistis kept her smile to herself, allowing Laguna only her firm gaze and expectant lips, posture casual but commanding at the same time. It was so easy to manipulate men sometimes, especially when they were just so open. Here she was, with one of her idols, toying with him, although innocently. She really did care about Squall’s well-being, and he seemed to be all over the place tonight. It was obvious to her that Laguna was connected somehow, but it was much more fun to drag the answers out of others. Besides, it wasn’t time yet to go defuse the bomb out on the balcony.

"When he came to Esthar City on some mission a few months ago, lookin' for some information, he just happened to be at the right place at the right time. But he had no idea who I was or anythin', which was actually  _pretty funny_."

One thin eyebrow arched above her glasses. The hand that had been casually swirling the alcoholic contents around in the glass stopped. 

_'The night he didn’t show up at the hotel then? Squall, you idiot, how can you not know who the President of Esthar is?'_

Turning to look back at Quistis, Laguna smiled a little weakly back at her as his eyebrows knit together.

"...You're his friend, right? You seem like a good person, just like him. That's why I gave him the information that I did. You and Ms. Selphie also seem to know who I am and what kind of person I am very well; so you know that I'm trustin' you as a friend of mine, too. I don't feel like I'm betrayin' him by tellin' you that he happened to bump into me when he was in Esthar City. But I could definitely tell that he doesn't like to talk about his business. Hell, he didn't even really wanna talk to me in general. Ha ha! Man, it really does make for a great story... The look on his face..."

She lifted her free hand, knuckles covering her lips as Quistis attempted to hide a small laugh, her form shaking just slightly as she looked away from Laguna.

_'Oh, I can’t. This is too good.'_

She straightened up again, rim of her glass coming up once more to her mouth before she placed the empty container on the tray of a passing by server. Shaking her head, Quistis reached out and gave Laguna’s shoulder a gentle pat, a genuine smile flashing across her face as she leaned closer to him.

Quistis was chuckling...? But why? Laguna's expression visibly changed to mild surprise when Quistis turned away from him, her shoulders trembling as she stifled a quiet laugh. He straightened his posture, mentally recalling what he had just said to try and find some joke in his words. Unable to find anything, he was just about to ask what was so funny when the SeeD instructor turned back to face him, calm emerald eyes watching as Quistis took one last sip of her champagne before swiftly setting the empty glass onto a tray when a server stepped by. Laguna turned his face away just for the moment, downing the rest of his own drink in one quick motion to be able to discard his glass upon the tray as well. He released a heavy sigh right after, staring off at the server who was continuing to make his way through the crowd.

' _I don't get it..._ '

Laguna's attention returned to Quistis the moment he felt her hand on his shoulder once more, offering her a small smile before his eyebrows lifted again. She had a friendly grin, small but true. It put him at ease despite being so confused moments ago - unfortunately, he would only become more curious at her words.

“Well, it seems he’s beat me to the finish line again, and I didn’t even know we were racing. I’m not even mad at him, just mildly impressed.” 

"Racing? But what were you racing to?"

' _He? Does she mean Squall? But what--_ '

It hit him hard; harder than it should have even though it took Laguna several moments to realize what Quistis was insinuating. Emerald eyes flew wide open, staring back at the woman in front of him as his cheeks suddenly lit up with a very vibrant tint of rose. Even his ears seemed to turn color as he stared right back at her, possibly giving away any answer she may have been fishing for.

"I-I--"

' _Really?!_ '

Laguna was flattered. Truly, he was. Quistis was a very beautiful woman and...well, had this been any time  _before..._ No, what was he thinking?! He had never been any good with women - all his life he had been awkward, overthought everything, complicated matters. His leg would cramp up. He'd have nothing to talk about. Hell, he could hardly approach them; beautiful women  _always_ made him nervous only because they were always so out of his league. But the way he was introduced to Quistis was professional and cordial however he had no wandering eye tonight. Thinking on it now, if this really, truly  _had_ been any other night - or even years ago - then he could see himself looking at her a little differently.

"M-Ms. Quistis, I--" Laguna still tried to communicate as he swept his bangs from out of his face, nervously tucking the strands behind a flushed, pierced ear as he glanced away.

' _What do I say?! Shit... Oh no. Not good. Focus, Laguna!_ '

"I-I'm really...  _Wow_. Um--I've never...had anyone tell me anythin' like that before?" Which was both a truth and his attempt at  _not_ directly mentioning the  _other_ part of Quistis's comment. "B-But I just--I'm really flattered! You and Ms. Selphie both really make me feel like I'm some sorta celebrity or somethin'! No beautiful woman would've ever told me anythin' like this before...!"

' _Help!_ '

Luckily, Laguna could breathe a sigh of relief when all he heard Quistis do was chuckle before watching her glance back at the balcony doors. The poor president still looked a little stunned, gaze still set wide as he took a moment or two to continue calming down as the ruby color left his face.

Well... He couldn't do anything but blame himself. He had fallen for a trap and opened his mouth and as usual, had not been graceful about it - or maybe Quistis was looking way too far into things and made up her own assumptions. Regardless of reason, she was definitely hinting at knowing  _something_. Again, the thought rose up that perhaps Squall had even said something to her and she only sought confirmation from Laguna. Who really knew at this point?

Only when he heard Quistis speak again did Laguna's eyes lift back up to  _finally_ meet her own, listening to what she had to say as she spoke again; this time a little differently, but still on the same track as before.

“Thank you, by the way, for the information you gave him. It helped me a lot, although we are still on the case, but that's not really important at the moment.”

"Oh, did it? I'm glad. I wasn't sure how helpful it could really be, but I figured it was better than nothin'," he sighed out, "I'm glad I could help out somehow!"

' _Oh yeah, that kid... Hmm..._ '

Quistis was right though - it wasn't important right now. She sighed, her shoulders relaxing as she looked down, hands running across the golden sash to straighten out any wrinkled spots. She kept her gaze low, opting to look her uniform over instead of meet his eyes.

“I’ve always had a hunch, about him, but I respect him too much to go digging into things that are on that personal level. He does the same for me.”

"A hunch?" Laguna's brows drew together again, peering right back over at the blonde as she busied herself with smoothing out the front of her uniform and sash. Why wasn't she looking directly at him now, when she had any time before? That changed almost immediately as Quistis lifted her face; both of them stood in a calm silence for only a moment, Laguna's expression becoming a little more reflective of the instructor's serious gaze.

She looked up, her hands stopping mid movement. Serious blue eyes met and locked with Laguna’s emerald.

“Rinoa on the other hand - she prefers to keep digging, hoping one day she’ll find treasure. The commander's reaction to that is, as you’ve probably guessed, to hide deeper and deeper away. Honestly, I’ve seen them fight so many times, I’m not sure how they haven’t killed each other. But tonight...she dug too far, and I feel like she hit lava or something." 

' _Scars can only heal so deep..._ '

A deep sigh fell past his nose as Laguna shifted his weight from one leg to the other, raising a hand up to hold his chin as his other palm crossed to cradle his elbow. His eyes fell closed as he remained standing there in front of Quistis; quiet as could be until she spoke up once more.

"Well, I’d say it's about time we go on a rescue mission if you are up for it, Mr. President. I’d be honored if you would let me, just this once - a girl can dream, right? At least for the two minutes it will take us to walk across the ballroom.”

Laguna visibly perked up at her words, emerald colors reappearing with a bit more vibrancy as his lips quirked up into a gentle smile.

"A rescue mission?" he chuckled to himself, uncrossing his arms. "Now if that doesn't sound like somethin' more up my alley!"

*******

The balcony doors opened again after a few minutes of Squall being alone. They closed as quietly as the massive structures could, but there was no denying the click of Rinoa's heels on the cold marble. She stood there with her arms behind her back, face almost bowed although she was looking straight at Squall. She could tell that he was done. It wasn't a good thing to argue with him all the time, but tonight she knew Squall had been particularly unhappy due to the graduation ball - which had never been one of his favorite things. Social gatherings always made him uncomfortable but somehow Squall always pulled through, mostly due to his image and rank as commander.

Squall heard the door creak open and close again, gentle clacks hitting the polished stone getting closer and closer to him. He remained bent over the thick railing, hands folded with brown locks spilling everywhere over the sleeves of his uniform. He knew it could only be one person, and he was not in the mood to see or speak to her.

_'Maybe if I don’t move she will go away.'_

"Squall..." Rinoa began, careful to keep her voice low and controlled.

_'Fucking, come on. Can’t you see I don’t want you here?'_

Rinoa paused, unsure if he'd snap back at her or if he'd just ignore her.

"...Look, I'm sorry. You're right, I shouldn't... I shouldn't have said what I did to him. But can you really blame me? Watching the three of you kiss up to him like that - I just... It  _bothered_ me. Since when did  _you_ of all people care about politics? Especially for some guy no one's ever heard of? The only reason I even know about him, other than listening to Selphie ramble on, is because my dad thinks he's the biggest joke."

Squall's fists tightened, locked under the weight of him pushing his head further down, trying to drown out the sound of her voice. He had walked out here, wanting to be alone, to have time to cool down. And now…now here she was, grinding dirt into an open wound, acting like any of what she was saying was an apology. It was too much. She had gone too far, and she felt the need to keep going, so why should he have to hold back? Was he any better for letting her get to him? Probably not, but Squall didn’t care anymore.

Rinoa knew nothing of Laguna, who he really was under the politics and responsibility. A big joke, huh?

She paused and looked away again, frowning. She drew in a deep breath before releasing a shaky exhale.

"B-But about the lying... I..."

_'Fuck this.'_

He lifted his head, pushing off the railing, fingers clenched around the cool stone. Squall didn’t look at her at all, his right hand pulling back and shoving forward, connecting with the full champagne glass and sending it sailing through the night sky. A soft shatter came up from below; it had probably hit the glass side of the Garden before reaching the actual ground. Squall barely heard it, the sound of his heavy breathing overtaking him. His hand had swept through the air and collided with the champagne glass faster than Rinoa's gaze could actually follow. Russet colors widened as she took a half a step back, her breath catching in her throat as she watched the glass go soaring through the air before vanishing from sight. From where she stood, she couldn't hear when the glass actually shattered, which was perhaps even more frightening as she was left to guess  _when_ it would make impact with anything on its way down - they were simply too high up.

Squall straightened up and marched towards her, stopping short just a few inches, looking down into her scared eyes with his cold, emotionless blue. Rinoa took another step or two back before the brunette stopped directly in front of her - barely putting any space between the two of them as her own shaky breaths met with his heavy, controlled breathing. She looked downright  _terrified_ for those few moments of silence that lingered between them before Squall began to speak.

“Stop it. Just fucking stop already. All of this.”

Fists clenched at his sides, eyes sliding close for a few breaths before letting an angry groan escape from his thin lips. The mercenary turned away from her, shaking his head.

Rinoa flinched when he seethed, watching as he whipped away from her. One hand lifted to her chest again, grasping her necklace as she shakily took a step forward. Squall looked...so frigid. Cold.  _Angry_.

"S-Squall--"

“A joke? He’s a joke to you? You don’t even fucking know him Rinoa.” He turned, hands coming up in the air, completely sick of the conversation that was still repeating itself. “Please, enlighten me! Tell me what’s so fucking funny!”

She stopped when he began to speak again, her eyes widening all over again. What was...he talking about? Laguna? He was making this...about Laguna?! She frowned as she watched him, listening to Squall speak about how she knew _nothing_ about him.

"Since when do  _you_ know so much about him?!" she quipped, her eyebrows drawing together. "What's gotten into you, Squall?! Listen to yourself! You want to argue with me over some poor leader of a continent hardly anyone can get to?! How  _you_ of all people with all your military training and connections can't understand why everyone thinks he's a joke is beyond me! Why you would even want to defend a man like that - did you even hear his  _speech_?! But you're going to stand here and tell me to stop, tell  _me_ to leave it alone and that I don't know him?!"

Squall left her standing there, returning to his spot near the railing, letting the bitter breeze hit him. She didn't get it. She didn't understand. Rinoa just watched as Squall made his way back to the edge of the balcony, remaining where she was for only a few moments before stepping forward again.

He suddenly turned back around to face her, eyes serious, no trace of a smile on his face.

“How many times do I have to tell you no before you’ll get it? Ten? Fifty? A hundred? Do you want me to send you a text every morning when I wake up that says ‘Nah, still no, I’ll let you know tomorrow’ - because its not fucking happening, and it never will, so just drop it already.”

He turned away, bending at the waist and letting his forehead hit the railing, hands grasping near each of his ears. He was tired. Tired of everyone and everything. Tired of this event. Tired of people in general. Tired of trivial conversations and memories that wouldn’t matter. Too tired to even care anymore, about anything that anyone said.

_'This is what I get, for trying to care.'_

“Just leave me alone. Please.”

"Why?!" Rinoa finally demanded, her voice rising. "Why?! Why do you always tell me no?! You deny me but you never explain yourself! You never give me a reason! What have I done?! I would have... I would have  _thought_ that after all this time, after everything we went through, you'd understand that I just want to  _be there_ for you. With you! I've never left and yet you keep treating me as if I ever would! You keep comparing me to people you knew or people you might still know! Was I not there for you when you needed someone? Or needed me? Or am I just not good enough?"

She inhaled sharply as she made fists at either side of herself, straightening her spine as her chin lifted up.

"...I use... I use to really feel sorry for you, when I first met you. You were such a jerk. You were rough and cold and distant. And then I got to know you. I use to think that you deserved happiness. I use to think that you deserved a world that was taken away from you - but...now I can see that you just bring that sadness upon yourself because you  _never_ let anyone in!" she spoke, her voice rising higher toward the end of her sentence. "You're so wrapped up in your own misery and you've gotten so use to it that I don't think you'll ever change! How many people have tried to help you?! You've done nothing but push them all away! Quistis! Selphie! Zell! Irvine! Friends that love you and care for you!"

Shaking her head, Rinoa finally raised a hand to wipe at her own eyes; tears finally breaking past her lashes, from frustration and from the slow heartbreak that was creeping up past the anger.

"Fine.  _Fine_! You want to be left alone, then  _be alone_. Because in the end, that's all that you want anyway. You don't want friends, you don't want love."

Squall remained still, letting her get it all out, everything on the table now.

_'That's right. Keep going. Maybe you’ll leave me alone if you hate me.'_

After taking a step back, Rinoa turned half away from Squall but not before looking back at him once more; raising one hand up to hold onto her other arm. She frowned, her expression finally shifting away from confused anger to absolute heartache.

"...You don't want anyone but _yourself._ "

He couldn’t hold it in any longer. The pain, the truth of what she had said - things he always knew but chose to not speak. She wasn’t wrong in the least, but that didn’t make her right to keep trying. He laughed at that last statement, malicious, fed up streams of laughter echoing into the cold night, surrounding them both. It felt so empty.

He didn’t move, still bent over the railing, other for his face which turned to her, cold eyes staring at nothing in particular, as if he were looking right through Rinoa. The laughter had ceased, all emotion gone from his lips. What he said next came out low, controlled - barely audible to only her.

“You think I even want myself? Do I come off as a person who loves themself and no one else? Do you really think I am even capable of that? To give two shits about my own life? Rinoa, I could die tomorrow on a mission. It wouldn’t matter to me if I did.”

Squall shifted, standing up straight, tilting his upper body over the railing to peer down into the darkness, wind causing brown locks to sway. He spoke louder now, facing away from her.

“How can I love anyone, when I can’t ever keep a promise to be there? You want things…so many things that you deserve, and I cannot give any of them to you. I tell you not because I care about you. I don’t know why you keep chasing me, you deserve better.”

He turned, eyes locked with hers now, able to see the sadness, her tears. How many times had they danced around this topic? Why did it have to be tonight? Why now, to rip even further into the issue? 

“Don’t blame yourself - I’ve told everyone I’ve ever met the same thing. This job is all I have Rinoa, it's all I live for. All I can hope is that I got through to that one asshole kid in training and he survived an extra year. That's it. You’re right - I’m distant, I want to be alone, but I have my reasons. It would only hurt more for it to be any other way.”

He looked away again, unable to deal with the overflow of emotions showing on her face. He felt cold, not just the air around him - everything felt the same. Apathy. Squall couldn’t even bring himself to console her - it was hard enough just remaining still; all he wanted to do was run away. The only thing left to feel was that empty ache - the wish to feel anything at all. He couldn’t even feel the anger anymore.

_'I’m sorry. I’ve been foolish. When I truly think about it, I’m not meant for anyone at all.'_

*******

Quistis started walking across the crowded floor, not waiting for Laguna to signal back that he was ready in any form. He yelped for a split second when she began walking, steps stumbling as he tried to catch his balance but laughed as his larger palm wrapped more firmly around her own. It wasn't too difficult for Laguna to keep up with her stride, the pair of them determined to make it to the other end of the ballroom. He hardly noticed any looks aimed in their direction, his focus set on one thing and one thing only. 

Students parted, even mid dance, some whispering to each other after they had both passed. Rumors would always happen, in every school, but this was a special occasion. No one had ever seen the instructor with any boyfriend - her only time shared was always with Squall and they ran closer to brother and sister as far as relationships went. Of course, nothing would get out - Balamb staff paid close attention that nothing harmful about any guest ever reach the ears of the general public. It wasn’t like her and the president were dancing together or something more...intimate. They were simply darting straight across the ballroom, balcony doors only a few feet away now.

_'I suppose this will do for a cover as well. If the president goes missing he would most likely be in my company now. Squall, you owe me big time.'_

She stopped abruptly, Laguna bumping gently into her back before stopping himself as well. Quistis could see Rinoa’s form clearly from the large window panel of the door, but wasn’t sure where Squall was from her view. 

A part of Laguna thought they were just going to waltz right on out onto the balcony, so he noticed a little too late when Quistis stopped just short of the door. He grunted as he bumped right into her, apologies falling from his mouth as he raised his hands up. At least they hadn't knocked right into the door; or worse, opened it. But he did stare down at her curiously when Quistis motioned for him to keep quiet, tugging on his hand again to pull him to one of the doors where a panel of glass made it easy to see outside. It was a bit diluted, but Rinoa's bright dress made it easy to spot where exactly she was. Laguna ducked down a little to be closer to Quistis, turning his head to press his ear closer to the door as his eyes cast down; trying to focus on listening to anything that he might could hear outside. It was a long shot, especially with so much going on around them.

Their hands fell away, but Laguna lifted his palm up to rest on Quistis's shoulder as they remained close to the glass. He stayed silent, his expression falling when he began to hear Rinoa's voice; decently clear despite the noise and music in the ballroom.

_"You're so wrapped up in your own misery that you've gotten so use to it and I don't think you'll ever change! How many people have tried to help you?! You've done nothing but push them all away! Quistis! Selphie! Zell! Irvine! Friends that love you and care for you!"_

_"Fine. Fine! You want to be left alone, then be alone. Because in the end, that's all that you want anyway. You don't want friends, you don't want love."_

_"...You don't want anyone but yourself."_

Quistis sighed to herself.

_'Shit. Worse than I thought…'_

The president was still. His form had tensed up as he heard every word leave Rinoa's mouth, venom spat out in the heat of the moment; his hand on Quistis's shoulder curling around it just a little more. Laguna's expression changed ever so slightly as his eyes stared down at their shoes and the marble floor. Were their fights always like this? Quistis had mentioned that they had fought time and again but never this badly; that it had never gotten this far. His heart jumped a few times, a sharp pounding sensation in his constricted chest as Laguna tried to listen for any semblance of Squall's voice to indicate that the mercenary was even reacting. Perhaps he wouldn't... If Squall's natural response was to hide, to stay silent, to turn away, then perhaps he wouldn't say anything at all and leave Rinoa with silence as her only answer. But...

There was laughter.

Emerald colors widened out as Laguna caught it; just a few sharp tones in the air, making it sound even more hysterical than it actually was. He held his breath, unsure if that was even  _Squall_ or if he was just imagining things in a slightly desperate attempt to hear  _anything_ from the commander. Finally, his face turned back toward Quistis. Laguna didn't bother to hide the concern in his expression, brows curling together as his eyes conveyed a message he couldn't possibly speak.

' _Why...? Why would she say somethin' like that to him? To anyone?_ '

Did Rinoa not see the selfishness in her own accusations of Squall?

_'Is that... Is he...?'_

Quistis heard the echo, although somewhat muffled, through the glass panels before them. She frowned, eyes locking with Laguna’s as he was clearly as concerned as she was over such a reaction. She shook her head once in an attempt to explain she had no idea what that could be about.

_'Did he finally snap? I’ve never heard him laugh like that…'_

Nothing about the current situation looked like it was going to resolve itself. It felt like the eye of a storm - quiet, calm, false security. She knew better than to let them continue like this; hurtful things had already been said by both. Quistis pushed further, her head somewhat visible now through the glass but it looked like Rinoa wasn’t facing their direction anyway. She could barely hear the sound of Squall’s voice through the air, unable to make out any words. 

_'How is he so calm now? I expected him to be yelling… What is he saying to her? Maybe I should...'_

Out on the balcony, Rinoa just continued to stand where she was; even as Squall began to laugh, anger and perhaps even resentment and bitterness giving life to such a shriek of provoked fury.

A tear finally fell down one cheek, then another, when Squall turned his face just enough to be able to stare through her with those cold, barren blue eyes. Void of emotion, void of care.

Raising one palm, she began to wipe at her eyes as Squall continued speaking. It wasn't true. She didn't care about what he  _thought_ she deserved. Rinoa came from a privileged, wealthy family. As the daughter of a decorated military general she certainly did belong with someone else who was more prestigious, who had more honor, but she didn't  _want_ that. The fact that Squall could never understand that, when he had been there at the height of her rebellion...

"Squall, no, y-you don't just get to s--"

A wave of tears came falling down her face as Rinoa's eyes flew open, her waist twisting at the sound of one of the heavy doors being thrown open. Quistis moved, not on her own accord, but in reaction to Laguna being steps above her in plans. She stumbled slightly, hands catching on the sturdy door frame as wide blue eyes watched the stream of ebony locks move forward out to the balcony. She could see Rinoa and Squall clearly now after a quick scan of the area - nothing looked broken or damaged, well, besides maybe Rinoa.

Laguna's steps were quick as he tried to catch his balance as he ran forward, eventually sliding to a halt on the marble as his arms flailed slightly at his sides. His breathing was a bit quick; adrenaline was coursing through his veins and he felt a little panicked, especially now that he had Rinoa staring back at him in shock. Quistis was behind him, still in the doorway, as Laguna stood between her and Rinoa while the brunette remained between the president and the commander. Wide emerald colors stared back at stunned russet in silence but Laguna was quick to shift his attention toward what mattered most and the whole reason he had even blown both his and Quistis's cover in the first place.

' _Shit.'_

Rinoa's body language spoke volumes as her breathing hitched, becoming more visibly upset at Laguna's presence before she whipped right back around to look back at Squall; as if half-expecting the mercenary to say something. She paid no mind to Quistis despite having seen her, too focused on this new reality that was falling down upon her. _  
_

What was  _he_ doing here?! Why had  _he_ even followed them out to the balcony?! Why did  _any_ of this concern _him?!_

Squall was standing at the edge of the balcony, staring over the railing in a fashion Laguna was not at all comfortable with. He had heard only the very end of Squall's words. They had been calm and there was a resignation in them that he couldn't bear to hear. Laguna swallowed hard as he looked between either brunette, straightening his posture as he stood up to his full height - his eyes turning to meet Squall's once more, concern deeply embedded within them. He wasn't angry; but he wasn't smiling either - only a smooth face lined with worry. If anything, he was surprised that he had even made it out here, but as per usual he never gave much thought to anything before actually doing it. 

All Laguna knew was that something in him sensed that familiar, silent call of distress in Squall that he could remember from their night in Esthar; and he once again acted on instinct to answer it.

_'Oh great. She looks like she’s had about three meltdowns already. I need to get her out of here.'_

The blonde sighed, fingers gripping tightly on the cool metal of the door frame, eyes darting back between the three on display in front of her. Squall had not moved an inch, not even turning to acknowledge them. Laguna, from the back of his head, seemed to not know what to do at all, although he was the one who decided to barge in with no invitation. Although, with what Squall had said at the very end - she had heard clearly, which meant the president probably did as well.

_'He… I wish he would talk to me about that… Maybe…he has with Laguna? Why else would he be so quick to react? I’m sure there is much more they are hiding…'_

Another sigh, fingers lacing into her bangs, shoving them behind an ear.

_'Clean up time.'_

Heels echoed along the balcony floor, hands at her side as she strode with a purpose right past Laguna and stopped in front of Rinoa who was currently facing back at Squall. Quistis placed a hand on her shoulder, her skin cold to the touch from being outside too long. She rubbed gently, getting Rinoa’s attention before dropping her hand to rest on top of fold fingers.

“Rinoa, would you please come with me? Selphie and I need you right now. It’s too cold out here for that dress - you’ll catch something.”

The click of heels caught Laguna's attention but only briefly; turning his head to the left, he watched as Quistis stepped out from the doorway to wander farther out onto the balcony. For a moment, Laguna wondered if perhaps she'd say something to try and ease the tension between the three of them but the blonde seemed focused on reaching Rinoa instead. The girl was still shaking, one bare hand clinging to her necklace tightly as her teary, dark eyes remained set upon Squall. Not even the sound of Quistis's shined heels could turn her focus away from the mercenary so it was only when the instructor actually touched Rinoa's shoulder did the brunette turn to look back at her. For a moment, Rinoa looked shocked; stunned to even see Quistis standing there in front of her, as if she couldn't remember where she was or how she even ended up on the balcony.

It was another tug back to a reality that Rinoa did not want.

Quistis's eyes were sincere and reassuring, pulling whatever motherly instincts out in order to calm the other down, or at the very least get her off the balcony and away from Squall. Warm fingers rubbed gently at Rinoa’s cold ones in soft circles; not demanding of her, just attempting to persuade her back inside.

And it was only when Quistis's warm hand wrapped around her shoulder that she noticed how cold she had become. The ocean was only a few miles away but the wind still brought chill into the small range of mountains surrounding Balamb Garden - not to mention being this high up only helped matters. Rinoa turned her face away, her palm lifting up from her necklace to press the back of her knuckles to her lips as fresh tears rose back up into her russet colored eyes. Quistis's attention was comforting, so she didn't exactly turn away when she felt the blonde's touch begin to rub soothingly at her shoulder. 

Laguna remained standing where he was, watching Quistis try to calm Rinoa down at least enough to be able to bring her back inside. His brows were still knit together, a small frown touching his lips as Quistis spoke - effectively earning Rinoa's attention while the blonde took the other female's palm into hers. It truly didn't take much persuading. Rinoa was ready to leave and Quistis gave her a safe way out of this mess she had caused for herself.

' _Poor girl..._ '

A little misguided and no doubt hurt - unrequited love was worse than death for some people. Laguna observed the way Rinoa slowly nodded her head in silent submission, the girl's petite form all but curling into Quistis as she swept her fingertips under an eye to brush away falling tears. 

None of what had happened registered to Squall. He remained still, eyes cast over the edge, lost in the seemingly endless darkness below.

_'I keep doing this. Why do I end up hurting everyone. They always want to get closer. Why. Why?'_

At the sound of Quistis’s calm voice he turned, icy eyes first falling on his instructor and Rinoa before drifting over further, locking with green. He frowned, not sure how to feel about Laguna being there. He came out here to get away - attempt to stop the fighting in front of him. Everyone seemed to follow him, ruining the solitude he had created.

_'Why. Why are you here now?'_

The night had gone much worse than Squall had planned. Normally it was boring, and annoying, and then it was over. This, all of this… He looked away, eyes falling closed, pain evident across his face.

_'Why does it have to be like this? We weren’t supposed to meet again.'_

A motion at the end of the balcony easily caught his attention and he was straightening his posture as his eyes rolled over - meeting with an icy blue that looked full of just as much pain as Rinoa's. Lips parted when Squall turned away; concern sweeping back across his features after seeing that same agony evident on Squall's face before the brunette could look away.

Quistis was still relatively young - never wanted children and didn’t particularly care for other people’s ever exhausting offspring that seemed to always ruin dinner out. However, to see sincere tears fall from a friend’s eyes, or even a student of hers - she could never turn away from something like that. She was firm in her teaching, ruthless in her grading, but would never reject anyone that needed help she knew she could give, unless of course she had strict mission goals or rules not to. There had been plenty of times where she and Squall ‘just happened’ to rescue bystanders during dangerous missions. They didn’t have to, but hazy rules didn’t dictate them to ignore people in need. 

Rinoa, even if she went too far at times, was still a close friend. She knew about her infatuation with the commander for years now but tried her best not to get in the middle of it, even if physically that was always where she landed to dissolve an argument. She never questioned Squall either; love life information was an unspoken rule they never crossed, even if the instructor teased him constantly about the topic.

_'He isn’t getting away this time. I’m getting the full story - I deserve it after tonight.'_

Warm fingers wrapped around frigid ones, tugging the girl close to give her warmth and reassurance. This wasn’t going to be easy to get over and Quistis doubted Rinoa would back down completely, but she would most likely take an extended break from communicating with Squall. Truly, it was for the best.

“Everything will be ok, let's get you inside and warm.” Quistis started walking back toward the large double doors, not once glance back to Squall. That would have to wait until after - maybe Laguna could muster up some of his own damage control. Squall was stronger than Rinoa as far as outward emotions but it was safe to say he was hurting just as much or more on the inside.

_'Love will tear them apart.'_

She frowned to herself, unsure if she meant Rinoa or Laguna. It was too early to say how Squall felt - maybe it was just infatuation, or the thrill of finding someone again when you weren’t supposed to. She had no idea - all of what he had shown her tonight was more than he ever had before.

She paused before Laguna, fingers tightening in Rinoa’s as he free hand reached to gain his attention, leaning in slightly to make sure the girl wouldn’t hear, although it was highly unlikely given her shaken state. Blonde locks fell away from behind her ear, blowing softly in the cool air around them and she made brief eye contact with the president.

“I’ll be back in a bit - I need to get her to Selphie. Try to…do something with  _that_  over there.”

She pulled away, not waiting for an answer, a little squeeze to Rinoa’s palm as they made it to the balcony doors. She guided Rinoa first, letting her hand go to open the pathway into the warmth of the ballroom, passing over herself after and closing the door again, one final look out to Laguna and Squall, each standing apart lost in their own thoughts.

_'Good luck.'_

The president stopped short when he felt a brush against his arm. Glancing down, he blinked as he saw Quistis pause beside him with Rinoa tucked up under her arm on the other side of her, away from Laguna. Emerald eyes blinked curiously, but Laguna leaned down just enough to be able listen to a gentle whisper before he nodded. He twisted around to be able to watch Quistis help ease a tearful Rinoa off of the balcony and back into the ballroom - just until he could see for himself that both doors had closed. 

There was nothing but silence immediately after.

Too many emotions too fast had left Squall tired and numb. Seeing Laguna on the stage had kick started that ache again - the excitement, even happiness…nervousness. And now, all of that was ruined so quickly with one comment from Rinoa. He couldn’t even hold the anger; the truth spilled out instead. Sadness, loneliness. Squall did it to himself and he accepted it all. He would live like that until he died - that way no one would get hurt, besides himself, but at least he could control that.

_'He’s ruining it, too. My thoughts aren’t clear anymore.'_

Whispers of promises Squall knew weren’t real - his own mind playing cruel tricks on him throughout the months they had been separated. Thoughts of life being somehow different, somehow better if someone were to fill that empty hole.

_'What do you want from me?  What I want can never happen, with anyone.'_

He turned away, back facing all three of them, head tilted up to the stars.

_'We aren’t much after all. Nothing I do could really matter that much, right?'_

Space was always frightening to think about - to be able to see tiny specs in the sky and realize that you were so small compared to things you couldn’t even comprehend. Your existence was so small, so insignificant to the bigger picture, whatever that was. Things could be so much bigger somewhere else, so much more important. What did any of that matter anyways. What was the point...of anything? Of everything?

_'It doesn’t matter. If none of this matters…then nothing has a point. Why do I even bother…'_

He hated this. This mood. This confusion. This exhaustion. It was useless to even dwell on any of that; he never had an answer anyways. He just woke the next morning, went through the motions; just another night of restless sleep caused by wandering thoughts. Everyone else always had an answer - they always had reasons to live or explanations for why they put up with things. Squall didn’t. He remained here because it was what he knew how to do, and he was good at it. He remained alone because that's what made sense; it was the right thing to do. 

_'So what am I doing now?'_

The breeze was no longer nice - it didn’t soothe his anger or flow through half sweaty locks. It was cold, biting, angry air sent from the ocean. Sent to remind him he deserved this; this is what you get for hurting other people, even if you try not to.

You have to pay.

Yet that same breeze felt nice against the president's face as Laguna raised a hand to tuck some loose hair behind his left ear after he turned back to face the balcony, where Squall still had his back to him. He could tell just from the mercenary's posture that he was tired. His lips quirked up into a half smile, though his eyebrows remained pinned together; when was the last time Squall had gotten any decent sleep? Had he even been sleeping well? The way Squall slept so heavily back in Esthar City, the way he was so mesmerized and appreciative of his bed, made Laguna assume that true rest wasn't something that came easily to the commander. Tilting his head to the side, he continued to observe the other in silence even as Squall lifted his head to be able to peer up at the stars above.

...What could he say? Was this even a time to talk? Laguna always talked. To himself, to anyone. Sometimes more than he should. It was a bad habit of his and one Kiros had always fussed at him for since he could remember - that he needed to learn to stop talking enough to be able to listen to what others had to say. In a case like this, with someone who didn't particularly care to speak, it was crucial that Laguna...not speak at all either. That wasn't how Squall wanted to communicate... At least not right now. Laguna could respect that. A lot had already been said - hurtful things - and he didn't need to add to it with whatever stupid jokes he might have had to try and lighten up the situation.

But damn...

' _This isn't usually my style_.'

Laguna had already ran out here, so why continue to linger in the middle of the balcony? There was no one here but the two of them and so...this would be fine, right? After a moment of hesitation, Laguna began to finally step forward to where Squall stood while stargazing. The doors were heavy enough that if anyone opened them they would be able to hear; right now, this was a safe haven secluded from the chaos and jubilation of the ballroom. Nothing but the sound of the wind and far off waves surrounded them; perhaps a cricket or two as well. But none of that mattered as Laguna finally reached Squall's side.

A hand rose up, gently coming to rest upon the back of the brunette's shoulder.

Squall felt it, the pressure of a palm on his shoulder, and instantly knew who had remained behind after the heated argument. Had he heard? All of it? Any? None? Squall couldn’t remember when the door had opened or when Rinoa had stopped talking or even when she left. He sensed Quistis and her were gone at least, and that was enough. He couldn’t handle another argument right now.

_'Why do you stay, even after all of that? I’m nothing. I’m not for you. I’m not for anyone.'_

Turning to rest his side against the banister, Laguna faced the other as his gaze relaxed; hand sweeping down the length of Squall's bicep as he switched hands. That palm lowered to rest upon Laguna's hip while his other arm propped itself up onto the banister, fingertips reaching out to faintly sweep over the backs of Squall's knuckles where the commander's palms rested together on the edge of the balcony. Tilting his head to the side, Laguna continued to peer up at him before his expression became more familiar; a warmhearted smile reaching his lips.

' _Please, look at me... C'mon, man. I know you're hurtin'...'_

Fingers against his clenched knuckles, warmth against his cold skin. It took a lot of effort to not pull away - his first reaction to anything openly intimate, even after being familiar to Laguna’s touch. Just how long had it been? He had lost track of the days once the ache became dull.

_'Why? Why are you even here? Is this some cruel joke?'_

Fingers gliding along his own, dipping down between and lacing together, no hesitation. Squall let out a shaky breath before curling his own fingers along, squeezing not so gently against Laguna’s warmth. He didn’t let go after, holding onto that warm hand as if he would fall over the edge of the balcony otherwise. He couldn’t bring himself to look over, to meet those green eyes he knew were staring right at him.

' _That's it... C'mon. I'm right here._ '

Squall's immediate hold on Laguna's fingers was such a deafening response, no matter how silent it seemed to the ears. Their knuckles turned white as their fingers intertwined with each other's; Laguna's grasp becoming even firmer around the brunette's. Not once did those emerald hues leave the mercenary's hurt expression, but he also didn't say anything either. Instead, he just squeezed around Squall's palm even more tightly; communicating that he wouldn't let go of Squall - that he wouldn't let him fall or spiral out of control from an onslaught of so many different emotions.

Yet even as Squall kept his vice-like hold on Laguna's fingers, the brunette still couldn't seem to be able to bring himself to look at the other. But Laguna was patient, the bottom of his thumb soon moving in small, comforting circles against the space of skin where the commander's index finger and thumb met with one another.

_'Why me, of all people? Why.'_

But it didn’t matter, did it? Along the same logic, what Laguna was doing here right now didn’t matter, what Squall did or didn’t do wouldn’t matter. Rinoa…she wanted to start a life, probably a family…settle down somewhere safe and close to her father. She deserved it, Squall wouldn’t lie to himself about that. He could never give her that; Rinoa came with expectations the mercenary couldn’t actually meet, let alone the fact that he didn’t want to….he didn’t love her in that way. Laguna however - no expectations were there. He already had a life started, had already done so many things, ones Squall just found out about tonight. He wasn’t looking for a life - he already had one. So would it truly matter then? No promises, no expectations? Whatever this was?

God, there it was again. That familiar fragrance of gunsmoke and steel... 

Laguna's mouth opened, but no words came forth. His lips quickly fell back closed and instead, he smoothed his palm across the back of Squall's before loosely lacing their fingers together as he gave his palm a reassuring squeeze. Emerald colors remained peering back at Squall, looking over him; noting his features, the look of his eyes right now, his mouth, how the wind swept his short hair out of place. Laguna's smile never left, however, keeping his aura warm and gentle.

Safe and calm.

' _I know you probably didn't ever wanna see me again. We didn't exactly talk about it, did we? Ha ha... Maybe I am an idiot. I sure did mess things up for you, didn't I? Man, I'm sorry... If I had known this was how things were gonna blow up, I never would've come here. No... That's a lie. I still got to see you. I still wanted to see you. I wouldn't have wished any of this to happen. There's no reason for anyone's heart to have gotten broken tonight. But...if it had been mine instead of hers, maybe all of this would have been a little easier on you. I wouldn't have minded. I already knew there was a chance that you wouldn't want to see me... But I couldn't help myself. I wanted to take that chance. I guess I still don't really think things through... Ha ha...'_

"...Squall," he finally whispered, fingers wrapping around the mercenary's once more. 


	19. Boys Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now I would do most anything  
> To get you back by my side  
> But I just  
> Keep on laughing  
> Hiding the tears in my eyes  
> 'cause boys don't cry  
> Boys don't cry  
> Boys don't cry

“I’m sorry."

 _'_... _What?_ '

"I’m sorry you had to see all that. I’m sorry for ruining your night," Squall spoke, eyes shifting from the stars above to gaze out to the black nothingness of the night, still unable to meet Laguna’ gaze.

Laguna paused in his motions, but he didn't let go of how tightly he held onto Squall's hand. He looked nothing short of stunned at such a sudden, sincere apology. Emerald eyes were wide by now, brows knitting together in confusion as he tried to mentally recall anything he may have said or done to even  _hint_ that his night had been ruined. Why would Squall...?

“I didn’t know you would be here, they never told us… I just. Why? Why did you come? I thought… I thought that I would never see you again. These past months…”

"W-What? I--"

Squall turned; tired, hurt eyes finally reaching Laguna’s emerald, with what seemed like a permanent frown stuck on his lips, hair disheveled from the wind. 

Laguna's breath caught in his throat the moment Squall finally turned to look back at him, those sharp cobalt eyes exhausted and distressed and everything in-between. That frown... That frown from before was there again, but now it seemed even more deeply cut into Squall's expression. Laguna inhaled as his thumb swept back up along the side of the commander's palm again, his other hand twitching as he held back the overwhelming desire to simply reach out for the brunette and pull him close. Instead, he only wrapped his hand further around Squall's and tightened his grip.

"When did I ever say that my night was ruined? Or that  _you_ had ruined it? Did I say that? Is that what  _she_ said?"

Squall let out a silent breath he had been holding, barely realizing how tense he was all over - shoulders, neck, his hand under Laguna’s. He looked down as well, eyes following Laguna’s gaze. He stretched his fingers out to release the tension, shoulders shifting back a little as he contemplated the moment.

When was the last time he was offered comfort like this and let it continue? Rinoa often tried and Squall always pushed her away - but she always wanted to smother him. This was different - this was ok. Laguna held the contact but it wasn’t annoying, it didn’t bother him. Squall didn’t pull away from the touch; his fingers curled back again after the stretch to remain in the warmth Laguna’s palm provided.

_'This is…'_

Laguna felt his own lips fall into an unfamiliar frown as he kept his gaze locked onto cool blue.

"My night isn't ruined. Not in the least."

Squall didn’t like that…that frown on Laguna’s face - it seemed wrong and unfamiliar. He was supposed to be happy and optimistic and  _an idiot_ , not sad. It wasn’t supposed to be like this…but neither of them could do anything about it other than awkwardly and blindly attempt to figure out where they stood now. 

_'Why is all of this so hard? Maybe because I never cared enough to ever pay attention to things like this…'_

Casting his eyes away, Laguna peered down at their interlocked fingers; at the way their palms fit together. Their knuckles were still white, fingers pulled tightly around one another's. What Squall had last said stuck with him - making his heart sink and rise right back up in only a matter of seconds.

"They didn't tell you that I would be here tonight? But I thought..." he began, "...I thought you knew and that was why you were at the front of the crowd."

The mercenary frowned at that, blue eyes still locked on their joined hands. He had to be at the front of the crowd; it was Garden tradition that higher-ups stay at the front, not only to honor the status but also in case of an emergency. Did Laguna think Squall was there, waiting for him?

_'Well…he doesn’t know about all of that…doesn’t matter much anyway.'_

Had Laguna been wrong? No... Squall had continued on with his own questions. Why had Laguna come tonight? Why was he here? He thought that he would never see the president again but then... Squall trailed off. Lifting his eyes back up, Laguna stared back at the brunette quietly; trying to judge what it was that Squall wasn't saying. His instinct told him that he was understanding that silence correctly... That even though the SeeD had been entirely blindsided by the president's diplomatic visit, he wasn't entirely unhappy about it. Squall hadn't turned him away or asked him to leave. But he was right to ask a very obvious question.

"...Heh..." Laguna looked away again, turning his face toward the darkness that Squall had previously been staring off into. Lifting his head, his emerald eyes took in the sight of stars he had missed for years, his arm laying across the banister in front of him so he could keep his hand on top of the other's. "...Do you wanna know the truth? Or just what President Laguna would say?"

A shooting star passed overhead. When was the last time he had ever saw one of those? Laguna's eyebrows rose as his expression smoothed out, a soft smile returning to his lips; fingers still laced tightly around Squall's own.

Squall's eyes fell once again back to Laguna’s face, skimming over his profile, admiring the free dark locks falling around and down below his neckline. He wasn’t sure what caused it, but Squall caught the smallest glimpse of a smile - perhaps he was remembering something pleasant.

_'Please stay like that. It doesn’t seem right when you stop smiling.'_

"...I wanted to see you again."

Squall felt himself tense up again, but this time not due to the stress of an argument or exhaustion from socializing. No, this was different - this was a confession, one that made him ache like he did months ago; that feeling of fighting what you wanted by knowing you can’t have it anyway. Sleepless nights, depressing mornings, dreams filled with want and lust; things he wished he could somehow turn off but they just wouldn’t. It took all of Squall’s effort not to look away when Laguna turned to him, those emerald eyes sincere and bold in his declaration; a tender smile still upon Laguna's expression, emerald eyes warm.

How was it that a simple string of words could make him feel so much? Even after tonight with Rinoa - after the hurt, the complications. How was this different? It was still complicated, but the difference was that Squall _wanted_ to hear it - he _wanted_ this from _Laguna_ and here he was, delivering it straight forward. 

"When your Headmaster sent out a request for a speaker to come to tonight's graduation ceremony, I saw that as my chance to be able to do just that. I didn't think of anythin' else. I knew that the chances of you even bein' here tonight were pretty slim, but I still wanted to try. And if you hadn't been... Well. That would have been fine, too. I really did speak from the heart to those kids back in there. I do care. But I would be lyin' if I said that was the only reason I responded back to your Headmaster so quickly or why I fought with my own aides about security risks to be able to come here. Man, I flew half-way across the world just to see you!"

Laguna paused before smiling again.

Squall couldn’t help it; he smirked, eyes moving away from the president to look out into the dark night sky, fingers shifting comfortably beneath Laguna’s own.

_'That’s because you’re an idiot.'_

"I found your card... It was the only way I knew you had a connection to Balamb Garden or why the name of the Garden was so familiar to me."

He laughed to himself. Had he said too much? Had he not said enough...?

"These past months though... Look, what happened between us - you probably wanted to just forget about it and move on. I understand that. I even thought that you would probably never want to see me again. I understand that, too. I mean... I'm the one who asked for only one night. Right? If anythin', I ruined  _your_ night by showin' up unannounced. Right? Heh heh..."

_'No. You’re wrong.'_

The more he spoke, the more foolish Laguna felt about all of this. Disregarding Squall's feelings, just to be selfish for once... Rinoa had done just that and here the commander stood, hurt and confused and perhaps still even a little angry. And if Rinoa hadn't done anything... Would it have been Laguna who had caused all of these feelings to crop up within Squall? Would  _he_ have been the one to have hurt him so badly tonight? Even if Squall had told him to be selfish more often... Should Laguna  _really_ have listened? Tonight had...turned into such a...

"But I couldn't forget. I didn't wanna forget how I felt; how I felt truly free for the first time in years; how  _you_ made me feel or helped me to feel. It stuck with me. I didn't wanna let go of it... I didn't wanna let go of  _you_ even though I knew I should have. These past few months, you were literally nothin' but a dream. Just someone I would never see again, but who I still thought of and worried for. But I didn't know how you would feel to see me again; that's why I didn't wanna just waltz right up and call you out by name or pretend that we've met before no matter how badly I wished to. To be honest, I was satisfied just to be able to see that you still looked well and that...and that you were still alive. But..."

Laguna inhaled before his smile turned a bit sad; emerald meeting cobalt again.

"I should be the one apologizin' to you. I didn't mean to ruin your night or upset you. I just... So badly, I wanted to see you again. Just once more, that's all I wished for."

Squall’s hand slipped out from beneath Laguna’s, fingers coming up to sink into those ebony locks he had been eyeing all night, running down all the way to the ends, eyes locked on the way his hair moved, how it felt again between his fingers - exactly the same as last time. He reached again, body shifting to the side so that he was facing the president more and the edge of the railing less, his hand coming to rest at the base of Laguna’s neck, fingers curling and resting.

He felt…nervous, but good. The night had been one terrible long back and forth of emotions he usually preferred to keep locked down, but right now, he felt it all, and for once in a long time, it didn’t hurt.

There was a quick moment of panic as soon as Laguna felt Squall's fingers pull away from his own. Emerald hues widened in alarm as his heart jumped to his throat, turning more toward the brunette as his mind reeled with all of the potentially offensive things he may have said. Perhaps he had said  _too_ much? What if he struck a nerve? What if every confession Laguna had just made was  _exactly the opposite_ of what Squall wanted or needed to hear right now?

Blue eyes met Laguna’s; Squall offered a small smile as he shook his head.

Laguna's expression quickly flashed from confused to apologetic to...stunned when Squall's hand didn't fall back at his side, but instead lifted to sweep bare fingers through long, silken onyx tresses. Laguna sighed, long and shakily, his shoulders falling as he relaxed again; a soft smile returning to his lips as he allowed the commander to touch his hair that Squall had so fondly enjoyed before.

His heart was still beating quickly, his nerves a bit rattled. Everything was so delicate right now... Squall wasn't saying anything just yet - not that he needed to. Laguna had spoken enough for the two of them and just by feeling the other's hand brush through his hair was enough of an answer for the president. He stood there, remaining where he was, as he watched Squall turn to face him more; goosebumps ran down his spine as he felt a warm hand settle at his neck, nails so barely grazing against his hairline.

“You still talk too much.”

"Heh... You got me there."

The commander leaned in as he tugged his hand buried in Laguna’s hair forward as well, forcing the president to move closer whether he wanted to or not. He paused, gaze falling to lips that haunted his dreams, further down to Laguna’s undershirt and tie.

A soft chuckle fell past Laguna's lips as the president's free palm lifted, rubbing nervously at the back of his head; but soon his hold on Squall's side tightened when he was quickly pulled forward without warning by the hand on the nape of his neck. His eyes softened, warming over again, as he stepped closer at the silent command to come nearer to the mercenary. Laguna's arm dropped back down to his side while lips closed together as a smile remained - familiar to Squall, just as inviting. 

With his hand on the banister now bare and becoming cold from the salty ocean air, Laguna dropped his palm down to rest at Squall's side that faced the balcony. His palm curved around a fit waist, thumb grazing over the black leather belt Squall wore, squeezing there gently as his gaze fell across the SeeD's face; watching, patient and calm once again. Squall could take all the time in the world to respond - however he wished to,  _if_ he wished to. But... Squall smiled. And that smile, no matter how slight it may have been, was still a smile. Laguna's eyebrows rose as his lips pulled a little higher, taking a moment to feel proud that he had at least managed  _that_ much out of Squall despite how hurt the brunette had appeared mere moments ago.

“I wouldn’t have left my card for any other reason. I don’t assume people want to associate with me after…after nights like that, and you aren’t just anyone."

So Squall  _had_ purposefully left the card for him to find? Laguna's lips broke out into a full grin at this point, peering back down at Squall with nothing but fondness in his gaze. Was the commander not making eye contact again because he was...embarrassed? He supposed for someone like Squall, this wasn't exactly an easy thing to talk about. Feelings. Emotions. Even before, any time conversation became a little too deep or too intimate, Squall disregarded it. It seemed like such simple things to talk about too - open and airy - but Laguna supposed that when one was hardwired from youth as many Garden mercenaries had been to learn how to control yourself, talking openly about things such as emotions or feelings would be difficult. 

It wasn't anything Laguna would hold against Squall - if anything, this was his true test of being able to shut up long enough to listen to someone else without actually hearing a word spoken.

"And you aren’t the one that tried to ruin my night, but if you have the time, perhaps you can be the one to fix it.”

"Ah--"

Squall leaned in at that moment, fingers tightening at Laguna’s neck as he offered a gentle kiss, not knowing if the other would even want that contact - perhaps Laguna really did just want to make sure he was alive. Squall didn’t care; he would take what he wanted and at the moment this was exactly what he craved. He tasted the same, he smelled just like before, even stronger this time, even out in the cold evening air. Closing his eyes,  he deepened the kiss but remained restrained - if Laguna rejected him now it would be ok; at least he got to do this once more. But it was so hard, everything within him screamed to pull him closer, drag him down into the same swirling abyss of emotions that he couldn’t even start to comprehend. It didn’t matter - it all felt too good.

_'Please. Please tell me if you don’t want this. Whatever this is.'_

*******

After returning to the ballroom with Rinoa, Quistis immediately spotted Selphie not far from them, placing an empty tray on top of an existing stack placed neatly at the edge of an empty table. She waved somewhat frantically, both hands in the air, Rinoa standing behind her. Quistis preferred to not drag the poor girl through the ballroom covered in tears; having Selphie with her to walk along the side to an empty alcove would be better for her.

 _Whoa!_  Quistis looked really frantic about something!

And it was no wonder as to  _why._ Selphie's expression fell the moment she laid eyes on Rinoa, instantly running over as she danced around guests to get to them as quick as possible before stepping closer to the other girl. Selphie raised her hands to gently take hold of the brunette's arm, pulling Rinoa close as concern flooded over her features. What happened?! Rinoa looked so, so,  _so_  upset! Quistis held up a hand, finger pointing up to hush anything she was about to start spouting out.

Just as her lips parted to speak, Selphie paused as Quistis motioned for her to stay quiet; so her mouth zipped right back up. A small pout formed in place of what had previously been a smile, but she stepped closer as her arms wrapped right back around Rinoa's. At this point, all that Rinoa could do was hide her own face with her other hand, keeping her face partially bowed to avoid eye contact with anyone who might have been looking in their direction.

“Selphie, I need you to focus now. Please help me get Rinoa somewhere that isn’t crowded and also if you could find something a bit…stronger than champagne that would be appreciated. It’s been a rough night.”

"O-Oh yeah! Totally!" Selphie answered with another bob of her head. "There's a little alcove near the front doors! No one will see us though since it's so far off to the side~..."

Relieved that Selphie understood the weight of the situation, Quistis nodded to her suggestion of where to send Rinoa. With a soft pat to her bare shoulder, the instructor wordlessly passed the broken girl to Selphie, offering a sympathetic look as she did. 

“Thank you, that location should be fine. Most everyone is occupied with their own happenings in the ballroom, I doubt anyone will even notice.”

Turning, Selphie slid her hand back down Rinoa's arm to gently grasp hold of the girl's hand. The chill hadn't quiet left Rinoa's skin quite yet, so she was still trembling as Selphie warmed her palm with her hold. The Trabian's expression faltered but only for a second; she was soon smiling again as she gave the other a soft tug with her hand.

"C'mon, Rinoa! Just hold my hand, 'kay? We'll go sit somewhere nice and warm~. You feel so cold!"

Cold?... That's right... Rinoa's heart sunk as she fought back another fresh wave of tears.

It was concerning: Rinoa’s lack of caring. On a normal day she would never rely on others to direct her anywhere - not even Squall. The girl was always sure footed and determined - perhaps that was her downfall this evening. The commander usually put up with it, especially in situation where he didn’t care and the topic wasn’t worth a fight, which happened to be most of them.

_'Not tonight. I doubt it was the drinks before the ceremony…'_

Quistis watched her, hand barely clasped in Selphie's while she attempted to hold back tears that refused. As the both started to walk towards their destination, Quistis realized she forgot to mention her intentions for the rest of the night.

“Selphie - I want both of you to meet me at the front gates in about forty five minutes. I’m not letting either of you attempt to get home tonight, I’m calling the hotel. I’ll drive you both after I make the reservation. I’ll send a text when I am on my way with the car.”

"You got it!"

Selphie gently tugged on Rinoa's hand again as they started off in the direction of the small alcove to hide the brunette away and out of sight. It was a shaky start, but Rinoa managed to take a few steps forward to begin following Selphie farther away from the open ballroom. Glancing over her shoulder, Selphie looked back for the instructor and offered Quistis a little wave to reassure her that she'd take care of Rinoa for the time being. She'd question the general's daughter once it looked like she had calmed down from...whatever had upset her. It was clear that Quistis didn't want to say anything or that she wanted Selphie to bring it up so... Maybe it wasn't a good idea to say anything. But damnit! Something  _had_ to have happened for Rinoa to be this upset!

Did it have something to do with Squall?

Maybe Quistis would just tell her later... For now, Selphie was on a mission! To get Rinoa outta there and away from the crowd! A mission Rinoa was actually quite thankful for as she tried her best not to stumble while she crossed her arm over her chest to hold her opposite shoulder. Her head remained bowed as she and Selphie wandered off along the perimeter of the ballroom and eventually, out of sight once they could slip into the dark alcove to the right of the massive double doors leading in from the outside; to hide away until Rinoa felt like they could return to the ball or if Quistis came back to get them.

As for a drink? Well, Rinoa could warm right back up with a shot of bourbon. Or two. Or three.

Quistis offered a small smile and short bow - something she only did for comrades that earned her sincere thanks, and of course others that held a higher rank than her. Turning on her heel, the instructor headed slowly back to the doors of the balcony, purposely stalling and grabbing a glass of champagne offered to her by a passing waiter. Shoulders slumped, she rested her tired back against one of the nearby columns, clear glass coming to her lips again as she closed her eyes for a moment of rest.

_'For how much I’ve drank tonight, I feel more sober than on a normal day. All of this is such a headache… Is this how Squall feels all the time?'_

She smiled to herself, free hand coming up to run through long locks, attempting again to tuck them behind one ear. She knew there wasn’t much time left to waste, especially for the president…

_'Alright. Most believable excuse: mission assistance consultation? No… What would the president actually want? Tour? A tour of the Garden? The place is relatively vast…it could technically take a lot of time depending on how in depth he ‘demanded’. Ok. I can escort them both…and then split off and take care of the girls. This might actually work.'_

Cold blue eyes opened, scanning the ballroom casually as she finished off the rest of the champagne; it must have been safely weak for the occasion - no need to waste money on expensive booze - most people only needed a little for social lubricant anyway. It wasn’t too late into the night yet; everyone was dancing or crowding together to talk in small groups, picking at the small selection of appetizers offered.

Her gaze shifted to the nearby balcony doors as she pushed off from the column, empty glass carelessly set on an abandoned table as the instructor made her way back to the battlefield. She walked slowly, arms crossed at her chest and chin up; a common body language tactic she often used to make sure everyone understood she wasn’t in the mood for meaningless talk.

The sound of her heels against the polished floor stopped, eyes peering through the glass section of one of the large doors, barely making out too forms near the railing. She hesitated, arms falling back to her hips, not wanting to intrude just yet but feeling awkward watching them both.

_'I hope it was enough time…perhaps they won’t care after I let them in on my plan.'_

Her hand reached out to the elaborate latch once more, pushing open the door as quietly as she could manage.

She paused however, fingers wrapped around the heavy handle as she watched both figures move closer through the clear glass section of the door. Her sight was never perfect, and the current prescription of her lenses certainly was due for an update, but she wasn’t unfamiliar to the dance of lovers, especially working with the age group at the Garden.

_'Well then. Never pinned Squall as a romantic. Tonight is just full of surprises.'_

Smiling, she waited a moment longer, not wanting to interrupt the exchange right in the middle.

_'Both of you are lucky I like you, otherwise this would be a disaster.'_

She watched, semi-blurry figures part finally; it seemed like Laguna was saying something the way Squall was focused on him. 

_'Sorry, boys, for the interruption - I’ll make it up to you.'_

*******

There was no time to answer verbally; Squall was already pulling Laguna closer, slanting their mouths together into a familiar kiss that nearly shattered the president to pieces. Laguna felt his eyes widen in that moment, his heart stop and his breathing cease, as he was overwhelmed by the single memory of their last kiss. He didn't want to pull away then and he didn't want to pull away now - even if they could be caught out here or seen by whomever may have gotten the same idea to get some fresh air out on the balcony. Nothing else existed right now, however. No justifications, no reasoning, nothing telling him maybe this was a bad idea or to reject Squall and ask to go somewhere a little more private. 

If this was what Squall wanted then Laguna would do it.

And so, after several long, drawn-out moments, Laguna finally began to respond. His hold on the brunette's waist tightened, but was soon smoothing around toward the center of his back as he dared to pull the commander closer to himself. His eyes fell closed, long lashes kissing the tops of his cheeks as he eased into the kiss Squall so willingly offered him. The tip of his tongue licked at the seams of Squall's lips, silently asking for permission which the mercenary was much too eager to respond to - taking full charge of deepening the gesture as he sealed his mouth with Laguna's once again. The hint of champagne still lingered between them, as well as that familiar taste as before. Gunsmoke and leather flooded Laguna's senses, his mind spinning with memories new and old, as he continued to hold the commander as close as possible and for as long as he was able to.

His knees were a little weak, but that was alright. Laguna could sense Squall was holding back, which he had to force himself to do as well, but he was not ashamed when a quiet moan fell between them. His free arm finally rose, allowing his hand to grasp hold of Squall's bicep.

Neither of them seemed to realize that Quistis was watching them from behind the door; and even if they did, would they have cared? Let her watch. Hell, let  _Rinoa_ watch. 

But that was a lie. They both knew perfectly well what they were doing was a huge risk, but the need, the desire, the shock and want and so much more was all entirely worth the risk. 

The mercenary noticeably relaxed once Laguna returned the kiss, shoulders dipping down as he leaned into the hand at his waist. Months. It had been months since he felt this - something so familiar, too familiar almost for them just having shared one night. But it felt right, and that was all Squall cared about in the moment. He didn’t care if anyone saw, or talked, or who knew, even logically knowing that something like that would cause a lot of trouble for both of them.

No. All that mattered was how he felt again, mouth opening at Laguna’s quiet request, letting him take the lead this time, happily devouring anything the president was willing to give. Fingers tightened involuntarily as if he couldn’t pull him close enough - it wasn’t enough, just this kiss. Squall wanted more, he needed it after so long. He hadn’t reached out to anyone in those months, to defeated and fixated on long ebony locks - the thought of anyone else was just not interesting. Instead he locked himself away, letting lingering memories and future what-ifs fill his imagination and night in his bed, or sometimes even during his morning shower.

None of that could compare to right now however; it was almost intoxicating getting what he wanted after finally concluding that he could never have it again. 

_'Addicting… It's never been this bad, never like this. Why with him?'_

Laguna exhaled when he forced himself to pull away, breaking their kiss but knocked their foreheads together gently - playfully - before lifting his face up. A low chuckle fell past his lips as he grinned to himself, running the tip of his tongue across his upper lip to capture any taste Squall may have left, as his hand pulled away from the brunette's back to return to his waist once more.

Squall felt Laguna gently pull away - he was about to protest but then he felt his forehead against the president's and that small laugh. How he had wished to hear that again, just for him, not in the ballroom, stuck with people who didn’t appreciate it like he did. Hazy blue eyes looked on, watching Laguna’s lips as he spoke.

"Time is irrelevant right now... Whatever you need me to do,  _I'll do it_ ," Laguna whispered, his voice low but velvety while vibrant emerald colors peered back at the commander; a particular gleam of devotion within them. "Whatever you  _want_ me to do,  _I'll do it_."

Squall smirked, the hand that had been buried deep within the president’s hair shifting down to trail along the neck line, fingers stopping at his chin as he held Laguna’s gaze.

“I’m not so sure you’ll be saying that for long, considering what I need right now.”

Squall was about to shift closer again, aiming to pull Laguna into a longer, more lust-filled kiss but froze at the sound of the doors moving.

The sound of heavy doors opening betrayed Quistis's smooth attempts of slipping out onto the balcony unnoticed. 

' _Oh shi--_ '

Laguna quickly glanced over the moment he heard the heavy door creak as his eyes widened, reality hitting him hard as he was pulled out of whatever world he had just been in; from where they stood, they looked intimate enough. No one would have been able to argue that. Squall noticed Laguna react as well, panic flashing across green eyes as they both remained frozen waiting to see who decided to interrupt them. 

_'Shit... How do I explain this…wardrobe malfunction?… Fuck…'_

Yet it was only Quistis and had it been anyone else, Laguna would have jerked away from the commander as quickly as possible; but by now he knew the blonde was smart enough to have read between the lines. After the way he had ran out onto the balcony... Well that had practically sealed their fate. But he did slowly withdraw his touch, just in case Rinoa or Selphie lingered with the instructor, moving naturally as he stood back up right with a questionable look falling upon his features. Squall's hand fell away from the other's chin and stood up straighter, ready to explain his position and just why the president and the commander happened to be standing so close.

Quistis stood half way through the door, her torso and part of her shirt peaking out, a sly wave of her hand in the air. She looked entirely too happy after everything that had happened earlier.

_'Oh no. Did she see. Fucking, I’m never going to hear the end of this…'_

Squall’s eyes closed in defeat as fingers pinched at his brow, an exaggerated sigh escaping loudly.

_'Well…it could have been a lot worse.'_

"Is everythin' alright?" Laguna decided to ask; his attempt of trying to deflect  _their_ situation in favor of bringing up something else to talk about and redirect Quistis's attention.

Quistis pushed her way through the small gap she had made in the door, closing it back as carefully as she could in order to not alert others in the ball of so much activity out on the balcony. Smiling, she walked carefully over to the pair, stopping a few feet from them but close enough for her voice to travel. Her hand clasped in front of her, she looked to Squall first and then Laguna, just a hint of a smirk touching her pink lips. Bowing quickly but politely, she considered the men in front of her, mostly amused by how awkward they stood next to each other after she had seen everything from the door.

“Ahem. Mr. President, we are ready now for your request to tour the Garden grounds. If you are prepared, please follow the commander and myself back to the ballroom and we will take the elevator down. I assume you might want to speak to your guards as well before we leave, and let them know that…they perhaps should remain here.”

The instructor threw a quick wink to Laguna before turning on her heel and heading back to the balcony doors. She stood there, sure fingers wrapped around the handle, waiting.

Squall stood in quiet shock, Quistis’s words slowly sinking in before he looked over at Laguna, wondering if the president had had enough time to read through the lines. 

 _'Probably not…shit, I’m going to owe her for this…forever probably. Ugh._ _Well…I…yeah it's worth it. Alright.'_

_' _...What?_ '_

Laguna's expression twisted into mild confusion as he tilted his head every so slightly to one side, turning a bit toward Squall but not pulling his gaze away from Quistis's retreating form. A tour of the Garden grounds?... What was she talking about? What was that wink for? Laguna never scheduled anything of the sort with Cid. It had just been a 'hey, show up, make a speech, hang out' sort of deal. So  _of course_ he was bewildered at the sudden notice in a change of plans. But Quistis seemed so sure of herself; like this had been scheduled all along. And the commander? Did Squall know about this, too?

The commander straightened his stance, striding easily past Laguna to Quistis, pausing quickly as she opened the door and slipped through. His hand remained on the handle to keep the door open. His head turned towards Laguna, brunette bangs swaying softly from the clash of ballroom hot air meeting the cool balcony counterpart, one eyebrow arched as he regarded him. 

“You heard the boss, time to go, Mr. President.”

The president was left to stand where he was, even when the brunette made strides forward until the mercenary stopped to look over his shoulder right at the doorway; that calm appearance in formerly troubled blue eyes, a relaxed posture, a single eyebrow raised in simple eagerness--

' _That look_... _!_ '

Oh shit - but - no, she totally, specifically said to  _talk to his guards_. That would be easy enough but to be able to leave the actual ballroom...  _Shit!_  That meant talking to Kiros and Ward! Asking them to stay behind and let him wander off?! In a school full of scary mercenaries capable of killing him more than fifty different ways, without so much as leaving a trace of what they'd do  _or_ his body?! There was absolutely no way they'd do that! But for whatever reason, Laguna was walking forward as quickly as he could manage to catch up to both Quistis and Squall waiting at the door; raising a hand to grasp the edge of the doorway to slip back inside the loud, busy ballroom where the warm air suddenly felt much too suffocating as opposed to the fresh, clean night air outside.

This had to be serious, whatever it was Quistis wanted with them both.


	20. Head Over Heels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to be with you alone  
> And talk about the weather  
> But traditions I can trace against the child in your face  
> Won't escape my attention  
> You keep your distance with a system of touch  
> And gentle persuasion  
> I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much?  
> Oh, you're just wasting my time  
> You're just wasting time
> 
> Something happens and I'm head over heels  
> I never find out till I'm head over heels  
> Something happens and I'm head over heels  
> Ah, don't take my heart, don't break my heart
> 
> Don't, don't throw it away

_'Money? No… Covering her classes? Mm… Paying for massages? Ughh, cleaning her quarters? Fuck. Cleaning the student van? Fuck me.'_

Squall stood to the side waiting for the president to hurry back in, eyes squinting in Quistis’s direction while attempting to guess at what he owed her for this. It wasn’t a sure bet, but whatever it would be had to be something that the commander specifically hated doing or providing. To be fair, she had helped a lot tonight and she didn’t have to keep doing that; it was endearing that the instructor would go so far to help with this…situation. 

Quistis looked over, feeling the stare from Squall and raised her hand, blowing an obvious fake kiss in his direction, a wicked smile on her lips. Rolling his eyes he looked away, boots tapping irritably against the polished floor. It was too hot in here, after the cool night air from outside. Too many bodies, too loud, everyone looked happy…

_'I need to get out of here.'_

"Hey--" Laguna started, pulling the door closed behind him. The president glanced across the room, through the crowd and back toward the stage; there they were, both Kiros and Ward standing right where they had been when Laguna had first been welcomed. "Those sons of... Really? Can't they just have a little fun too?"

Squall turned back, hearing Laguna’s voice and the balcony door click shut, unsure of how to act around him now that Quistis was in the mix. It was obvious that she knew something was between them, especially after the little show on the balcony, but Squall still wasn’t comfortable being familiar with Laguna around others, even trusted friends.

Grinning to himself, the president finally turned back to Quistis and Squall both as he raised a hand.

"Look, I'm gonna go talk to 'em real quick. It might take me a hot minute, so if you two wanna go on ahead, I can just meet you at the elevator. Right? Wait--" Laguna's hand reached out across Squall to gently grasp Quistis's wrist, before the blonde could turn away entirely. His eyes met her own curious gaze, his eyebrows lifting as he smiled again. "Do me a favor though before you two vanish? Hang back for a second... Just in line of sight."

Well - if 'I wanna go on this tour' wasn't going to be a good enough excuse, Laguna needed a back-up plan.

Sharp blue eyes watched as Laguna reached out to Quistis, her expression turning from playful to surprised at the contact. Her features shifted, caught off guard from his touch but not at all aggravated; Quistis was very careful about who touched her and when - it was rare she would allow it but again, this was the President of Esthar. She offered a simple nod and small smile at the request, feeling Laguna’s thanks through the soft squeeze before he removed his hand.

Squall mentally braced himself for jealousy, waiting for that ugly feeling to kick in, that want to snatch Laguna’s hand away from her, but it never came. Even though he knew about her little crush over him, nothing about either of their body language gave him any reason or indication to feel that way. The contact between them broke before he could sort out his thoughts, simply nodding to Laguna before he set off, not entirely sure what he had said beforehand.

Laguna offered Quistis's thin wrist another gentle squeeze before he let go, nodded at Squall, then finally took a step or two back to twist on the ball of his foot and begin making his way through the crowd. This was where they would part ways, at least for now. While he wasn't too sure about this 'tour' business, he had to assume something was up. Maybe it had something to do with Rinoa? As much as he didn't want to really see that poor girl again, he supposed he was as involved in all of this as the rest of them. He carefully slipped through the crowd of people who were aimlessly standing around chatting, apologizing if he bumped into anyone, and slipped right on across the dance floor past any dancing couples, as if he owned the entire place; he didn't care. He was headed straight for the stage and walking through the dance floor was the easiest way to get there! Going  _around_ like a normal, sane person would have taken way too long.

The mercenary's eyes followed him, long black hair cascading around a suit slowly drifting out of his sight through the ballroom crowd, eyebrows knitting together as he cracked his knuckles one by one.

“He’s very direct after you get to know him. I suppose he might be that way with everything - not everyone would choose the straightforward through the crowd method,” Quistis chuckled, watching the president dash off on his own mission.

“No comment. I know you’re trying to get me to talk about him.” 

Quistis rolled her eyes, elbow jabbing into Squall’s side before she began walking the perimeter of the ballroom, careful to avoid the area she had seen Selphie and Rinoa head to. Squall frowned, hand coming up to rub at the spot she had assaulted, eyes glaring at the perfectly placed hair clip tucked into the back of her straight locks. He hurried to catch up to her, placing himself between the walls and columns to his left, the instructor to his right.

“You know I’ll get what I want, right? I always do.”

“I’m not entirely sure I know what that is, with all the flirting happening tonight.”

Quistis halted, heels scuffing the polished marble below as she peered over at the commander, eyes threatening as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. A faint blush covered her cheeks, betraying her attempts to be taken seriously. Squall leaned to the wall closest to them, back hitting it with a thump as he crossed his own arms in front of him, his body partially hidden in the shadow of a nearby column. They had stopped a few feet from the elevator closest to Laguna’s guards, neither backing down from the intense glaring contest. 

“I know  _you know_  that you are going to owe me big time for this,” she stated, chin lifting slightly in triumph.

Squall hesitated, eyes locked with his higher up’s before looking away, shoulders slumping down in defeat.

“I’m not even going to ask you how you know. Just tell me what the damage is.”

Quistis grinned, arms unfolding as she bounced in place just once in a more controlled manner compared to Selphie, heels lifting off the floor before they snapped back down, her hands clasping together in front of her chest. She settled, one hand coming up to adjust the frames that had slid down her nose, before clearing her throat.

“Ten minutes. You answer every question I ask, no matter what it is.”

Squall turned to face her, eyes serious and piercing as the fingers around his bicep tightened at the request.

“Five.”

“Seven, and you can’t deny a single question. No lying, you know I can tell…and no purposefully taking too long with one answer.”

“Ughhhh.”

Squall’s hands dropped to his sides, head tilted down as he cursed the existence of the women in front of him as well as the man at the stage.

“Fine.”

“That's what I like to hear.”

***

Glancing over his shoulder once he had reached the stage, Laguna took a moment to try and spot Quistis and Squall in the crowd. As soon as he saw them, his eyes followed their movements in the direction of the elevator before his attention was interrupted. As he turned to look behind him, all he found was a young server who looked entirely too frightened to have just accidentally bumped into Laguna.

"O-Oh, my apologies, Mr. President! I didn't see you there--" a server stuttered, trying his best to balance his tray of champagne glasses while bowing his head respectfully.

"Oh, hey!" Laguna turned and laughed as he raised a hand, touching the server's shoulder first before giving him a pat on the back. "No problem! I was just standin' here in the way--say, would you mind...?"

' _Great timin'!_ '

"N-Not at all, sir!"

"Great, thanks!"

Not thinking twice, Laguna grabbed two glasses from off the tray and nodded his gratitude before turning away to climb up the short set of stairs that led to the stage. He was grinning ear to ear which immediately caught Kiros's attention; _something was up_. Ward leaned forward, arms rising to cross in front of himself as he looked down at Laguna's offering of champagne. He lifted his chin as if to question what was going on while Kiros took one of the glasses, bringing the alcohol to his lips for a small sip.

"Heyyyy, guys~" Laguna started, but was quickly cut off.

"What is it that you want?" Kiros murmured, arching a neatly groomed eyebrow. "And don't bother lying, I can see it all over your face."

"What?! That isn't even fair! You have  _no idea_ what it was I was even gonna ask!" Laguna rolled his eyes as he held out the second glass of champagne; which Ward ultimately denied. "Why do you always suspect me of somethin'?"

"Usually because you're always  _up_ to something," Kiros sighed in reply, crossing one arm in front of himself to cradle his elbow - free hand clasping his glass of champagne close to his face. "So what is it? Are you already bored with speaking to everyone?"

" _No,_ " Laguna huffed, turning slightly more toward them as he decided to help himself to Ward's neglected drink, "Actually, I wanna go have a little _more_ fun. The head of instructors and the commander of Balamb Garden wanna take me on a tour of the Garden an--"

"No."

"Oh, _c'mon_! Don't treat me like some little kid!"

"..."

"Don't agree with him, Ward!"

"Laguna," Kiros frowned, his voice calm and low yet his tone became more stern. Deep chocolate eyes met with emerald as Laguna focused his attention back onto his best friend. "We all know that this was a diplomatic visit to Balamb Garden per the request of the Headmaster for the graduation ceremony tonight. But  _in case you forgot_ this is not just a trip to any  _normal_   _school -_ everyone was up in arms at the mere thought of you even coming here. Do you not remember how much persuading it took, just to calm everyone's nerves? Now you're saying you want to go wander off with two of the highest ranked officers here, for a  _'tour'_. Honestly, I would have thought you'd have more sense by now than to just go walking into potential danger--"

" _What_ danger?" Laguna insisted, shaking his head once as he dropped his voice to a whisper. "Listen. I get it. I know everyone's worried but you  _just_ said it yourself. I'd be with two of the highest ranked officers here. Balamb Garden gave us no reason to think ill of 'em and you even heard the Headmaster when he was speakin' with me before comin' out here; there's nothin' fishy goin' on with these guys. They don't care. They aren't goin' to do anythin' to me, I swear. It's just a tour. And if somethin'  _did_ happen to me there'd be no way the Garden would be able to talk their way out of it. The only people here are the Garden faculty and students, their guards, our guards, me, and you two. If they tried to cover it up, you two know how to get into contact with Esthar to call in for back-up. Besides, what would they gain by doin' anythin' to me? They don't take political sides and I really doubt anyone would've hired 'em to take me out, especially since no one else was probably even aware that I was gonna be here."

Ward grunted skeptically from where he stood and Laguna shot a look in his direction.

"Not even anyone  _here_ knew I was gonna show up tonight. Headmaster Cid kept it under wraps until tonight when he announced me to come out to speak,  _so just think about that_ if you wanna talk to me about safety."

Kiros's lips had dropped into an even further frown, eyes narrowing as he lifted his glass of champagne for an other small sip. He eyed Laguna a bit critically, watching the way the president and Ward locked eyes in some silent manner of arguing; had Ward the ability to speak, Kiros was sure Laguna would be in for an earful but it was up to him to be the one to converse for the two of them.

"Why is it that you're so adamant about going with the two of them? This isn't like you," he noted.

Turning back to Kiros, Laguna knew he couldn't lie. But was he even lying? He honestly had no idea what Quistis was up to but... 

' _Oh!_ '

Quickly, Laguna glanced over his shoulder to look in the direction of the elevator. It was easy to see the blonde instructor and his lips pulled into another smile. Damn, he really owed her, didn't he? Honestly, he didn't think she'd wait that long... Kiros's eyes lifted to follow Laguna's line of sight, observing the way the president held up his hand and gave Quistis a shy little wave and how she simply returned the gesture with one of her own before she turned to slip out of sight behind a column. His eyebrows pinned together, tilting his head to the side.

" _A woman_?" he asked, nearly shocked. "Laguna--"

"Look," Laguna began again, turning back to Kiros; raising his free hand to scratch at his cheek, "She's just...  _She's read my magazine articles, man_. She knew about me before I was even president or anythin'. She like... I can't just... _Y'know_. I _gotta_ do this."

"And who is she?"

"The head of the instructors."

Ward grunted again, disapprovingly. Laguna only gave him another look, raising his shoulders and an arm up.

"What do you want me to do, man?! Just tell her no?! C'mon! She's totally gorgeous, just let me go do this! Why can't you two just hop down and go talk to people, too?! Both of you are being way too anti-social."

"Laguna..." Kiros let out a long sigh, finally raising a hand up to his face to rub at his temple.

"Please."

"Laguna."

"Really,  _pretty_  please." 

"Laguna, I swear--"

" _Pretty, pretty_  please, if I promise to finish  _all_ the paperwork on my desk when we get back  _and_  not space out during any meetin's for like a week?"

"A month."

"Two weeks."

" _Fine._ "

' _Thank God_.'

Laguna made a fist and shook it next to his head in victory, biting down onto his lower lip as he looked away.  _Jeez_ , why was that so hard?! Why did they have to make this  _so hard_?! Kiros simply rolled his eyes as he took another sip from his glass and then turned to partially face Ward, waving his free palm for Laguna to go. Nothing but gratitude fell from the president's lips, as well as the promise to check in with both of them during his 'tour' just to prove he was alive. It was all he could do just to keep them both from coming after him and from worrying. Hopefully they'd actually go wander through the crowd and speak with some of the students - Kiros and Ward both had stories to share, too.

"Thanks, guys, really, honestly, I mean it--I promise, you won't have anythin' to worry about!"

Laguna took two steps back to hurry away from the stage but paused when he heard Kiros call out to him once more.

"Laguna," Kiros began, glancing over his shoulder as dark brown eyes fell half-closed. "...She looks like a very beautiful, classy lady. Don't make a fool of yourself."

A hue of scarlet fell across the president's face.

"I-I promise! C'mon, man,  _you know me_!"

"I do. And that's why I feel so sorry for her."

' _Jeez! Way to rub salt into a wound!_ '

Laguna only laughed in a mocking tone before finally stepping down from the stage, finishing up his glass of champagne as he made his way back through the crowd. He discarded the glass on a tray at some point, eagerly headed toward the elevator in long strides. A part of him actually couldn't believe Kiros and Ward let him go; he wasn't exactly sure he had sold himself all too well but if Quistis hadn't been there, he was sure they wouldn't have believed him. The one thing he was certain in was that he wasn't about to get lured out and massacred. Squall had that opportunity  _months_ ago when it would have been a million times easier to pull off a murder than here inside the school. His features brightened when he finally made it past the crowd lingering along the perimeter of the ballroom, taking in the sight of both Quistis and Squall who had remained behind to wait for him.

***

The mercenary looked back up, catching the instructor's mischievous grin as Squall raised an eyebrow in question. Quistis turned then, her head facing away as a small motion in the air caught her attention. 

Smiling coyly, Quistis raised her hand in the air, waving twice back at Laguna, syncing perfectly in time with whatever plan he had managed to piece together. Turning back to Squall, she stepped forward to the wall, back resting against it right next to the mercenary, now totally out of sight.

“I’m not entirely sure what that was about, but if I had to guess, he’s having difficulty securing time away from them.”

Squall shook his head, brown locks sliding down into his own vision. This didn’t make any sense.

“Why are you all doing this? I mean…tonight's been a mess. And what about Selphie and…”

Skilled fingers came up, a soft pat to Squall’s left shoulder before she dropped her arm back, palms resting against the wall behind them. Quistis remained looking forward, watching her students dance across the ballroom floor, laughter and chatter filling the space in front of them. Some of them danced close, lovers embracing each other but in a socially acceptable way.

“I’m still a little jealous, but I don’t want that to get to your head. As far as the girls, I’ll take care of them when we split off - they aren’t going home, I’ll put them up at the hotel.”

She paused, eyes falling from the dancing forms in front of her down to the polished floor, the night sky reflecting off of it in small patches.

“We’ve known each other for a long time, Squall. I don’t claim to know everything about you and I don’t want to out of respect. Even so, I can tell when something is…different. I don’t know what the future holds, or how the past reflects on you in your life, but I do know everyone deserves a little happiness, and you have that opportunity right now, in the present. So why not take it?”

Squall turned, eyes searching to meet Quistis’s own but she kept her gaze low. A soft smile came through, his elbow bending to jab at her side lightly, looking up to watch the blurry form of the president begin to leave the company of his guards.

“I… Thank you.”

The instructor smiled back, although unseen to Squall with her long bangs hiding her face from him. She looked up, watching Laguna’s form steadily coming closer to their resting spot next to the elevator. Pushing off the wall, Quistis brushed down the front of her skirt before straightening up to present herself to the president.

“You’re welcome. You and I both know I wouldn’t do it for anyone else.”

Squall pushed off the wall as well, running now nervous fingers through the bangs at his forehead blocking half his sight.

_'Here goes nothing.'_

"...Alright! Now it's a party!" Laguna chimed with a wide grin as he came within direct earshot, pumping one fist into the air. "Mom and dad let me out of the house, so let's go! No curfew for me tonight!"

_'Idiot.'_

Quistis offered a small chuckle, turning away from them both to hit the call button to the right of the elevator.

“Well, I’m sure they expect you to return at some point, but congratulations on your achievement.”

"At some point, sure. But that's still a ways off, y'know?!"

The elevator arrived swiftly with a soft chime, doors sliding open to reveal a grey and navy color motif, nothing fancy or elaborate like the ones from Esthar. Squall walked past both of them, boots shuffling against the hard surface within the space. He settled in the far right corner against the wall, arms crossed again at his chest for lack of anywhere else to put them.

_'Well, this is going to be sufficiently awkward.'_

“After you, Mr. President.”

Grinning to himself, Laguna slipped both of his hands into his front pockets as he stepped into the elevator behind Squall. While the brunette was satisfied to huddle in the corner, Laguna opted to stand near the middle of the entire elevator while Quistis slipped inside the elevator last to stand closest to the control panel. His eyes flickered around the lift, noting the more muted colors. Grey and blue - kind of boring, but welcoming. His grin had relaxed by now, no longer cheeky. Slim shoulders had fallen to show he was calm, his neck craning a little as he continued to look around the small space they were currently enclosed within.

Quistis had patiently waited for Laguna to enter before walking calmly in herself, fingers gliding over the touch panel to the right near Squall’s hiding place. She pushed the old fashioned ‘close door’ button before entering a short series of numbers. The elevator chimed again and she pushed the correct floor number, her body carefully positioned so that Laguna had no sight to anything that she was doing, just in case.  

Smiling to herself as she remained looking forward, her fingers tapped down on the railing surrounding the walls, waiting patiently for the next chime indicating they had arrived on the correct floor.

_'Chaperon_ _to the President of Esthar and the Commander of Balamb Garden. Wonderful.'_

"So," Laguna murmured, deciding to keep his voice low now that there was nothing but silence and the hum of the elevator surrounding the three of them. Emerald eyes finally fell upon the back of Quistis's head since Squall was standing behind him. Truly, the instructor was a very beautiful woman - but blondes did nothing for him. Laguna had a true affinity for brunettes, if his short streak of lovers was any testament to that. "What are we tourin'?"

There was a tour, right? Of the school? Laguna had only caught a glimpse of the entire Garden from the outside when they flew overhead, but to actually see it from the inside had to be an entirely different experience. A part of him was a little excited at the prospect of it as he rocked on his heels a little, his gaze rising to the carefully lit numbers above the door as the elevator descended. It would be a small glimpse into a daily life he had only thought of for Squall - what it was the mercenary did every day, if he wasn't on some mission, even if it was as mundane as his own life back in Esthar.

Squall’s eyes slid shut, shaking his head to himself as neither of his company would be able to see his pained expression.

_'Really? He still has no idea? Quistis must think I’m an idiot for this. That or…her hero complex of him is completely shattered now. Probably both.'_

Blue eyes searched again, sliding over the now relaxed form of Laguna before flickering over to the instructor, wondering if she would answer for him. But how could she? Quistis was never very fond of lying and had a sharp mind for catching other people’s lies as well. She must have realized by now that the president was completely clueless to their elaborate plan. An eyebrow raised in question when Squall caught the feminine chuckle escape, her shoulders coming together just a bit as her finger on the railing stopped for a moment.

"Your school looks really blue, by the way - is that its official color?"

It was actually kind of funny, if that was true. Esthar City was almost obnoxiously blue - or maybe it really was but Laguna had grown use to its various array of neon colors over the years. Balamb Garden, however, was warm and nothing like the artificial tone that the technologically advanced city had. Smaller walls, more muted colors - it was all rather soothing. Or perhaps Laguna truly had missed such fresh air and open skies so much that he was now simply romanticizing it all.

This time an audible sigh slipped from tired lips, blue eyes shifting to Laguna but Squall left remained face forward.

_'What does that even matter?'_

“I don’t know. The uniforms are navy. I never really noticed before,” he offered, silently praying that the elevator would hurry up to their destination.

The instructor turned, her glasses glinting in the harsh florescent light cascading from the top, offering a short smile before answering.

“I think perhaps it was just a design choice - there's lots of yellow and orange as well. As for school colors - well we don’t exactly have sports teams or anything of that nature, as I’m sure you can guess why. Actually…”

The elevator chimed again, signaling they had finally reached the destination floor. She turned back, stepping closer to the middle with Laguna as Squall pushed off from his position against the back wall. The doors slid open, revealing more of the same motif - muted grey walls with calm blue accents, materials all simple and smooth to the touch. Everything was clean too, no scuff marks on the floor or fingerprints on the walls. A slim matching blue carpet ran along the entire floor, sectioning off to each door within the walls. From Laguna’s perspective behind Quistis, the most he could see was a single door opposite of them, the hallway continuing down both sides and out of sight.  

The instructor moved first, heels muted against the decorative carpet. She didn’t wait for either of them swiftly walking forward to get to the main hallway. Squall moved as well, brushing past Laguna, purposefully grazing his shoulder against the president's.

Emerald eyes blinked several times before Laguna chuckled to himself, raising his hand up to touch at his own shoulder while watching Squall exit the elevator. He was quickly moving, however, stepping out right behind them before glancing over his shoulder as he heard the elevator doors close.

' _That almost seemed too playful for him._ '

This floor was quiet - that was the first thing Laguna noticed once they stood out in the open. Quistis's modest heels no longer clicked against marble flooring, but he could still hear both the instructor's and commander's steps upon the navy blue carpet. Was no one else here? He supposed everyone in Balamb Garden would be at the ceremony, now that he thought about it. What floor were they even on? While Squall and Quistis were busy murmuring to one another, he had taken the opportunity to steal a glance around at the area they stood in while smoothing down the front of his suit absent-mindedly. He assumed they would have gone all the way down if they were going on a tour - best to start from the beginning, right? But to be in a place as open as this, where it was so quiet, was a bit unnerving. Even inside the Presidential Palace, you still could hear the low hum of electricity. To some extent, Laguna could hear that here in the hallway as well but the sound of the Garden's fountains seemed to overwhelm the electric ambiance he was so use to.

Squall's right hand came up to his forehead again, brushing his bangs aside as he followed Quistis, assuming Laguna would stop looking around and catch up to them.

She stood there in the middle of the hallway, body turned to face the elevator and watch as the two men slowly approached her and paused as well. No guards watched over this floor as it was mostly teachers and higher ups; all of them technically being able to protect themselves in case of a security breach. 

With a wicked grin on her lips, Quistis patted Squall’s shoulder to get his attention, fingers tracing along and down his sleeve before dropping completely.

“I changed my mind. Ten minutes or the deal's off.”

The mercenary met her icy eyes with his own, no hint of playfulness evident on any of his facial features.

_'You are the worst.'_

“I don’t know why everyone says you are so nice once they get to meet you.”

“I’ll take that as a yes!”

Quistis clapped her hands together, her focus now on the bewildered president standing in front of them. She offered a sympathetic smile to him before bowing once more, deeply this time.

Laguna was instantly brought back to reality. Swiveling his head to look at both Quistis and Squall, his eyebrows rose up in curiosity. Maybe if he stayed quiet he'd get a few more answers...

_Oh._

' _Uhh..._ '

Quistis suddenly began to bow forward toward him in absolute respect, her gesture deep and precise. Laguna paused at first - still very confused - then stood up a little more straight as his eyes widened a fraction.

“Mr. President - it’s been an honor to be able to share time with you tonight. I do hope that we get to meet again; you are always welcome back to the Garden, any time. I’ll have Cid’s assistant forward my contact information - I would love to discuss your writing, whenever you have a free moment that is - I’m sure you are a busy man.”

"Ahh--M-Ms. Quistis--"

She was already stepping forward. Was this a good-bye? But why...? Laguna's eyebrows pulled together as his expression shifted into concern. Why was she leaving? Had something come up? No, wait... 

' _Oh. Now I..._ '

The instructor reached her hand out to accept Laguna’s - not to shake but a simple clasp and soft squeeze. Laguna met her half-way without really thinking. Unlike his own, Quistis's palm was much smaller; which made it easy for him when he decided to wrap his hand right around her own. They didn't shake hands. Rather, he held hers within his own, feeling the way she offered him a gentle squeeze. His lips upturned into a smile as his expression eased away from confusion and back into something more familiar and amicable. She went to pull her arm back gently but was met with resistance, her hand still held tightly within the president's.

Her gaze went to meet Laguna’s, but to her surprise his eyes were closing, his form coming closer to meet her own.

"Ms. Quistis. It's been even more of an honor for me to have met you tonight. I enjoyed our time together, too, it was a lot of fun! And you can bet we'll meet again another time! Likewise, in Esthar! If you ever find yourself in the city, don't be afraid to call me up! I'll make sure you're taken care of. And definitely do that, I'd love to chat sometime!"

A soft laugh fell past his lips as he smiled a little more brightly - but before Quistis could withdraw her hand, Laguna was gently easing her closer toward him. He needed to bend down just a few inches to reach her face, as his eyes fell closed and his lips met her warm cheek for an innocent kiss. It was quick and feather light; his hand squeezing back around the blonde's palm as he did so.

Blue eyes opened that much more behind golden glasses, the quick kiss to her cheek not at all what she would have expected, especially after only knowing the man for such a short time. 

"...Thank you," he whispered, just low enough for the two of them to hear as his words became more sharp - losing his accent for the moment, "For so much... For everything tonight."

Quistis didn’t blush. She didn’t move away quickly or act in a manner that would suggest she might have been a bit starstruck, just for those short moments that the president’s lips were on her skin.

She just smiled genuinely, her hand dropping only when Laguna let it go, hoping that he would understand that she accepted his thanks. If not…perhaps she would make it clear another time.

Before she turned away to her destination, her eyes met Squall’s with a devilish grin. 

Squall’s gaze followed her form, after sneaking a quick glance to Laguna, as she retreated down the left hallway, her palm coming up to offer a quick wave before she brought it back down to fish out her cellphone from a hidden side pocket.

“Hello, Balamb Hotel? Yes, I…”

_'Well, that was...something. I’d be more mad at her if I could, but she did do this all for me…'_

Slowly, Laguna returned to his full height as he smiled again. Their hands finally pulled away from one another's when Quistis turned away to begin striding right down the left hallway. With a wide grin, the president offered her a cheery wave in return before she could completely vanish around the corner. Once she was out of sight completely, Laguna turned to look back at Squall with another curious expression - so where were they off to now? His right hand slipped into a front pocket, tilting his head to one side as his left palm rose to scratch as his cheek.

"So about that tour... Guess it's just you and me!"

' _A tour... Right. I get it now..._ '

The commander looked over at Laguna, curious if he had pieced any of what was happening together yet. By the look of his face and posture, Squall decided that was definitely a no. 

_'He really is hopeless…'_

“Come on.”

Squall’s right hand reached out to grasp Laguna’s left wrist, tugging the president’s attention away from Quistis’s far off form. Without explanation, he began walking down the right wing of the hallway, fingers still latched strong against the suit jacket’s sleeve, forcing Laguna to follow him. 

"...! H-Hey!"

Laguna stumbled at first before catching his balance, steps hurrying after Squall's. The brunette was moving at a somewhat brisk pace, tugging his company right down the right hallway - as his grip wasn't letting up  _at all_. Laguna mused to himself that if he just stopped walking and fell to the floor, Squall would be satisfied in dragging him by his arm to wherever it was he was going. He chuckled to himself at the thought, keeping close to the commander without making a fuss.

None of the doors were labeled other than the small blue etching above each which simply stated a number. In fact, most of the quarters on this floor were similar to hotel suites. The larger, more elaborate ones were all on the left wing - where Quistis was undoubtedly heading to her own place. Squall didn’t care for any of that and opted for the smaller version that the right wing was composed of, even though normally someone with the title of ‘commander’ should have something on par with what Quistis did. 

There were a lot of doors here... Confident in his stride, Laguna took the opportunity to once again look at his surroundings. Were these classrooms? No... These doors were way too close together for that. None of the doors were really labeled either. So where exactly  _were_ that? He had some sneaking suspicion but decided not to say anything. Quistis had used 'tour' for some sort of code word. Maybe the Garden was listening in? Or maybe they both knew Laguna would have freaked out and not have handled the situation with Kiros and Ward half as well as he did if they had been up front with him about what was about to go down? It didn't matter in the end as they were here now, but that didn't mean Laguna had to go and break whatever game they were playing by ruining it and talking about the  _truth_ behind the word 'tour'. He could continue to play dumb.

He was actually really good at that.

_'I guess there's no turning back now.'_

There it was again - nervousness cropping back up in his mind, fingers tightening just a little against Laguna’s sleeve. Was this still ok? Laguna still seemed to think some sort of tour was happening, even if at this point it would be clear to any normal person that the plans had changed. But now….it was real. They were alone, actually alone. For all the emotions that had slammed into him tonight, all Squall could feel at the very moment was an unpleasant mixture of anxiety, nervousness, and anxiousness.

_'You want this, even so. He could just walk away now if he wanted.'_

Feeling a tug on his sleeve, emerald eyes drifted down to find Squall's fingers curling even more securely around the fabric. Laguna's lips were still holding a smile, although it gradually fell into something much softer. Was Squall feeling nervous again? Their steps soon came to a halt outside one particular door. Laguna didn't urge Squall to do anything as the commander seemed to need to take a quick second for himself. 

He stopped, left hand reaching to the small panel to the right side of simple door - one that looked exactly like every other set in the hallway. The blue panel lit up as Squall typed the passcode in, too fast for Laguna to catch more than a few numbers. The metal door slid open, the soft click as it disappeared into the wall seeming much louder than it ever had been.

Laguna leaned forward slightly through the open doorway, eyes squinting as he peeked in to the dark abyss that he assumed to be Squall's 'home'.

' _He really could still kill me if he wanted to. But, I guess I'm alright with that. I've lived long enough. Ha!_ '

Squall released his hold on Laguna, feeling his heart race within his chest. As Laguna straightened his back, a wider smile reaching his face, he turned to look back at Squall. He felt the mercenary's touch fall from his sleeve, their arms hanging down loosely to either side of them almost awkwardly.

_'I can’t just…'_

His eyes met Laguna’s, searching for some sort of confirmation that this was ok, or that he understood why they were here, or even just…something else that wasn’t the confusion clearly plastered all over the president’s face.

Laguna tilted his head ever so slightly to the side as his eyes lifted, catching Squall's gaze as the brunette bore right back into emerald colors - peering,  _searching_ for something. Laguna just looked calm, his 'idiot' facade dropping just long enough for the other to realize that he understood where they were. Or where he  _thought_ they were. 

' _He really does look so nervous. It's ok, man... C'mon... I'm not gonna leave you._ '

_'Fuck it.'_

Squall's left palm lifted, gesturing to the open door before them, no light from the inner rooms reaching through as the mercenary always left the blinds closed and nothing ever turned on until the sensors caught movement within.

“After you.”


End file.
